confused...

[Lifelong_sinner]

hello all. i am confused about something, lust. so, here is the problem, we are told that God created sex to be what sex is. if you're married, then its ok. but if you arent married, you cant have sex, which God designed for us. so how are we to deal with this?? how are we to hate something like sex?? how are we supposed to be able to go a lifetime without sex, despite our raging hormones?? i cannot understand how we are to hate something that every single person loves. please explain as if you're talking to a 16 yr old so i can understand this.

 

[Reluctant Theologian]

For a young man with raging hormones abstinence is hard, that's true. In the meantime, my advise would be the following:

- minimise your exposure to anything that may increase sexual desire or the need for gratification (don't browse a bathing suit catelogue)
- periodically let off steam using responsible masturbation
- do NOT view inappropriate content
- bring your needs to God in prayer
- work or study hard; distraction with something useful and satisfying is the key

 

[HTacianas]

hello all. i am confused about something, lust. so, here is the problem, we are told that God created sex to be what sex is. if you're married, then its ok. but if you arent married, you cant have sex, which God designed for us. so how are we to deal with this?? how are we to hate something like sex?? how are we supposed to be able to go a lifetime without sex, despite our raging hormones?? i cannot understand how we are to hate something that every single person loves. please explain as if you're talking to a 16 yr old so i can understand this.

we are told that God created sex to be what sex is.

if you're married, then its ok.

but if you arent married, you cant have sex, which God designed for us.

so how are we to deal with this?

Get married.

 

[Lawrence87]

You're not supposed to hate it, you're supposed to appreciate it within its right context.

When you have sex with someone you bond with them, psychologically and spiritually. It is psychologically and spiritually damaging to form these bonds and then break them off like it is nothing. Not to mention that casual sex brings the risk of disease, unwanted pregnancy and so forth. Thus in His great wisdom and care for mankind God instituted marriage as a context for us to form these bonds without the risk of harm to ourselves and others and ultimately society. Within that context sex is fine, we can see all around us the consequences of degrading that institution.

 

[Basil the Great]

Very, very few single Christians can go a lifetime without sex of any kind. I guess that the late Cardinal Bernardin was one a few years back or at least he implied such when he was wrongly charged with sexual abuse and then the confused man later retracted his charge. As to how to deal with the sex drive when you are unable to have a married partner, well..... that is something that every Christian has to work out between himself/herself and God. Personally, any advice that you get from most folks here on said subject is probably not worth much, as this topic is a very personal one and must be dealt with by every single Christian, as best they can give their human weaknesses.

 

[Mark Quayle]

hello all. i am confused about something, lust. so, here is the problem, we are told that God created sex to be what sex is. if you're married, then its ok. but if you arent married, you cant have sex, which God designed for us. so how are we to deal with this?? how are we to hate something like sex?? how are we supposed to be able to go a lifetime without sex, despite our raging hormones?? i cannot understand how we are to hate something that every single person loves. please explain as if you're talking to a 16 yr old so i can understand this.

Who said we are to hate sex?

 

[zippy2006]

It sounds like you should get married.


"If they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to be aflame with passion." (1 Cor 7:9)

"If any one thinks that he is not behaving properly toward his betrothed, if his passions are strong, and it has to be, let him do as he wishes: let them marry—it is no sin." (1 Cor 7:36)

 

[Rescued One]

hello all. i am confused about something, lust. so, here is the problem, we are told that God created sex to be what sex is. if you're married, then its ok. but if you arent married, you cant have sex, which God designed for us. so how are we to deal with this?? how are we to hate something like sex??

We are not told to hate sex. Sex isn't the sin. Extra-marital sex is a sin. It's called fornication or adultery. Sin is anything in your life that is more important than God.

how are we supposed to be able to go a lifetime without sex, despite our raging hormones??

How does an alcoholic stop drinking? Some of them do. They get professional help.

A Christian can have the fruit of the Spirit known as self-control.

i cannot understand how we are to hate something that every single person loves. please explain as if you're talking to a 16 yr old so i can understand this.

Not every person loves it! And Christians ought to love God more that anything or anyone on earth.

Married people are supposed to have sex:

NKJV 1 Corinthians 7:5
Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

 

[Carl Emerson]

No it is not OK when you are married...

Lust is lust whether you are married or not.

Our motivation in every aspect of life is to be love.

Lust is self centred.

Love is God centred.

Carrying lust into marriage can be devastating.

Read the love chapter (1 Cor 13) - especially the definition of love starting in verse 4 - and apply it to the matter of relationships on all levels and you will be fine.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

hello all. i am confused about something, lust. so, here is the problem, we are told that God created sex to be what sex is. if you're married, then its ok. but if you arent married, you cant have sex, which God designed for us. so how are we to deal with this?? how are we to hate something like sex?? how are we supposed to be able to go a lifetime without sex, despite our raging hormones?? i cannot understand how we are to hate something that every single person loves. please explain as if you're talking to a 16 yr old so i can understand this.

At 28 I was struggling with my inability to do anything about how I felt, so I just started praying in faith that Jesus would help me find my wife, and within a couple months I met someone at work and started hanging out as friends. I admitted I had a crush on her and after a while we started dating and now we are happily married.
All I can say is pray for God to help you find someone. It took me a relationship prior that things didnt work out but eventually they did with my now wife. Keep praying and dont give up God will answer. I know you know what Paul says about "it is better to marry than to burn with lust"

 

[AK1982]

we are told that God created sex

Yes and we are also told that it was created and designed to be between the Husband and the wife, ie., within marriage.

but if you arent married, you cant have sex, which God designed for us.

Sex is a gift, but only in the confines of marriage.

how are we to deal

how are we to hate

how are we supposed to be able to go

By relying on the strength of the Holy Spirit residing in us and by doing all that is in our power to "flee from" and "resist" sin each day, every moment.

We just need the willingness to take up the cross and follow Jesus with zeal, meaning & purpose and to glorify him in every walk of our life. His grace, forgiveness and power of resurrection takes care of the rest.

 

[chevyontheriver]

hello all. i am confused about something, lust. so, here is the problem, we are told that God created sex to be what sex is. if you're married, then its ok. but if you arent married, you cant have sex, which God designed for us. so how are we to deal with this?? how are we to hate something like sex?? how are we supposed to be able to go a lifetime without sex, despite our raging hormones?? i cannot understand how we are to hate something that every single person loves. please explain as if you're talking to a 16 yr old so i can understand this.

Find a girl, get married, have lots of sex, make some babies, enjoy it all. Sex is good.

We delay marriage far too long in our society. And we expect that will work out fine when our bodies are oriented towards sex. Why do we delay marriage? To go to college, get a master's degree, get rich, whatever. So we are told we shouldn't have sex, with a follow-up that sex is evil. But it's not evil in and of itself. So then we have sex even though not married and that creates surprise bad consequences. Like little human beings growing up fatherless or sexually transmitted diseases.

Sex is for marriage. So most of the problems of sex disappear if we allow and support people in younger marriages. It should be a no-brainer. But our society thinks it's so sensible to delay and delay marriage.

 

[com7fy8]

There is sex which God created, and lust which God did not create. There is no reason to hate the good thing that God created. If the lust is driving you crazy, and not bringing you into intimacy with God and enjoying God, it is a trick; that lust is what is not loving you, then.

And with a really Christian lady, your love is more enjoyable than just physical sensation and her outward beauty. So, it is good to grow in love and not fall in lust. Learning how God has us love is so much better and more enjoyable.

In case you have gotten hung up about sex, it is possible you have not been feeding on things God's word gives us about how to love in a close relationship. Can you tell me scriptures which help us to find out how to love the way God wants? Or, has your attention been getting tricked??

Lust is a trick; it can not be satisfied; yet, it promises how you will be satisfied if you do some thing. But that is a lie.

But God deeply satisfies us in His love while we are doing what He shares with us. There is intimacy better than sex, and personal and deeper because this is found in God's love. So, discover people who help you to this And you can get ready for a real marriage, by praying and feeding on God's word, instead of feeding on other stuff.

Any part of the Bible can be used by God to help us with this.

Here is one example >

"be content with such things as you have" > in Hebrews 13:5.

For me, this does mean to be unconditionally satisfied with God, so I can be content with whatsoever I have. I can share with God in His peace, and this peace is better satisfying than any physical nice thing I have ever enjoyed. God is better and kinder and more satisfying than the good things He has made. Plus, they can't love me!

So, if I am love-satisfied, lust can't get the better of me.

And so, I do well to be first satisfied with whatever I have with each person . . . not demanding and feeling entitled and trying to use people. Be thankful to God, instead, and trust Him to decide and guide what I enjoy in each relationship . . . quality, if not quantity.

And I understand this works well in marriage or any close relationship > even if I have a special person . . . or special people . . . do not suddenly feel like they owe me something and have to give me the time and attention I expect, but be appreciative of how ones really are ready to share with me. Appreciate the time and attention they do trust to me.

Because any for-real Christian lady has various people she loves and cares for deeply. So, you are wise to be in touch with her loving, and not where lust would take your attention.

 

[PeterJames0510]

Learning how to have wholesome relationships of members of the opposite sex is so necessary. Women are to be treated respectfully as Jesus treated women. They are the flowers of the garden of life in my opinion; I believe it's a perfect analogy because they create beauty in life when we are healed of our OCD over sexuality. We need to keep it in God's rules; I've personally not done so well in this area but am currently in recovery.

 

[Lifelong_sinner]

My apologies to all, i left out some important details about why this is such an issue.
I am going on 49 in a couple of weeks, never been married, and i never will be married. I have NO desire for marriage. I have no kids. Its just me.
When i said that we are to hate sex, i should have worded it better. If we are single, then we are not to participate in any sexual activity. Now, as a person who has, the question then becomes how can i give it up after already experiencing it?? That is what i meant to originally say.
I have no desire to get married nor even date. My ex and I broke up about 15 yrs ago. Not once have i dated since then. My reason is because i am living the best life i could imagine right now, and if i did get married, it would have to change. Sorry, but no woman is worth me giving up my current lifestyle.

I hope this helps as to the nature of my problem.

 

[chevyontheriver]

My apologies to all, i left out some important details about why this is such an issue.
I am going on 49 in a couple of weeks, never been married, and i never will be married. I have NO desire for marriage. I have no kids. Its just me.
When i said that we are to hate sex, i should have worded it better. If we are single, then we are not to participate in any sexual activity. Now, as a person who has, the question then becomes how can i give it up after already experiencing it?? That is what i meant to originally say.
I have no desire to get married nor even date. My ex and I broke up about 15 yrs ago. Not once have i dated since then. My reason is because i am living the best life i could imagine right now, and if i did get married, it would have to change. Sorry, but no woman is worth me giving up my current lifestyle.

I hope this helps as to the nature of my problem.

Sounds like you have chosen a life of chaste celibacy then. But it's a challenge and a bit confusing.

You don't have to hate sex, just live out your choice with it's consequence to not have sex. Sex is a good thing. Forgoing sex can also be a good thing, as long as you can sublimate those normal desires to allow you to live a life of chastity. If you can't actually do that then you aren't doing yourself or anybody else any favors. The choice is chaste sexual activity (not a contradiction) in marriage, chaste total lack of sexual activity while not being married, or sin.

 

[SeventhFisherofMen]

Sorry, but no woman is worth me giving up my current lifestyle.

You answered your own question right there.

Since God created sex for marriage and you don't value getting married then sex is something that isn't worth giving up your current lifestyle for.

I'm not going to point out that Jesus and Paul were single and did just fine as I'm sure you've heard it all before.

 

[Lifelong_sinner]

Sounds like you have chosen a life of chaste celibacy then. The choice is chaste sexual activity (not a contradiction) in marriage, chaste total lack of sexual activity while not being married, or sin.

sin it is.

 

[Lifelong_sinner]

You answered your own question right there.

Since God created sex for marriage and you don't value getting married then sex is something that isn't worth giving up your current lifestyle for.

I'm not going to point out that Jesus and Paul were single and did just fine as I'm sure you've heard it all before.

i give you 10 points for how you phrased the middle part, i’ve never looked at it like that. But as the post above yours pointed out, i have 3 choices. And sin is the winner.

i also want to point out, that i’m an example of a person who cant be saved. I would wager there are plenty of others in my same predicament.

 

[chevyontheriver]

sin it is.

Is sin then a choice you wish to endure in? Or would you rather leave sin behind if you could?