Confused

[Brambleclaw5]

Hello everyone! I'm a bit confused on whether or not my emotional sensitivity is causing me problems. I feel manipulated by my mom, but I'm not sure whether or not it's all in my head. It would really help if someone could give me some advice regarding this issue. So, here are a few things my mom says and does:
-I'm your mom. It's my right to say what I want. I can hit you too.
- My kids don't work hard. I wish I didn't raise them in America.
I work hard for a 3.7 GPA. Organize and keep my room clean. I help around the house. Occasionally giving my parents a massage. Helping with errands and being there when they need me. Organizing and cleaning the house. My brothers always play video games while I work hard. When I tell her what she says hurts me, she says I'm too sensitive and later grudgingly adds except for my daughter in a mocking way, attempting to humiliate me. She tells she won't include me when she says my children anymore if that's what I want.
- when I cry, she opens my room door and bothers me for the reason in an angry manner. Then, she cries herself and makes it all about her own feelings. I feel guilty for feeling sad about her insulting me. Usually, I try to not make any noise when I cry to prevent this.
- tells me I won't appreciate her until she dies (says this often)
- tells me I'm too sensitive and asks me if we can see a psychiatrist.
-tells me if I'm truly a Christian, I would accept everything she says because she's my mom.
-insults Christians that aren't orthodox or Catholic, makes general negative statements about them , I'm neither an orthodox or Catholic Christian. Parents from oriental Orthodox Church.
-sometimes my older brother and cousin join along saying I'm too sensitive or shouldn't cry.
- guilt trips me when I go out or to church. Makes me feel bad when I leave the house alone for any other reason than school or family outing. Tells me it's in my head at confrontation.
-kept making fun of my job with my older brother and dad when I had one bcs they make more than me (started off 1st job at minimum wage). Eventually, convinced me to quit bcs they said they cared about me and didn't want me to waste my time.
-as a result, I spend most of my time locked in my room. Don't want to hear or feel anything negative but I feel lonely and caged by my emotions.
-can't expect dad to help. He always watches TV after work. Mom has to convince him to go out. He ignores me when I talk to him when he watches TV.
-mom works night shifts and is financially generous to me. Dad fixes my car and helps me with car work when I need it. They always tell me that they love me. They tell me not to trust anyone outside of family. That I don't know the reality of how cruel the world is. That no one will care about me like they do.
(Been told this since I was very young)
-I am confused. Is everything really all in my head? Am I being too sensitive?

 

[Poppyseed78]

In my opinion, you are not being too sensitive. You are responding to a home environment that is not supportive and at times downright hostile. It sounds to me like your mom has some issues, and she expresses them through manipulation and other means. I have no idea what these issues are, but no matter what, they don't excuse the way she makes you feel. A parent should build up a child's confidence, not tear it down. I do believe your parents love you, but perhaps their own upbringing and life experiences have led them to behave in ways that are not very loving.

I'm sorry you're feeling caged by your emotions. It sounds like a hard situation to be in. Do you have anyone to talk to, on your own, so that you feel listened to or understood? That might help. In the future, I would try to talk to your mom using "I" statements, such as "I feel ____ when you say ___," and see if that helps. I truly hope the situation improves. But there are times where parents are very rigid and refuse to listen. I think it's important for you to understand that no, you are NOT too sensitive. And, actually, being sensitive can be a very good thing: it means that you can have compassion for others.

 

[fat wee robin]

Can I ask ,how old you are ?

 

[Jane_Doe]

It is NOT okay for anyone to humiliate, tell at, or hit you (or anyone else). This doesn't sound like it's in your head. It sounds like your mom might have some issues with her self esteem and/or mental health. This happens-- moms a flawed people too.

But as to do for you- it seems that boundaries would be appraise and putting up some emotional shields against her. Are you of age/position to move out and be finically independent? (Boundaries can be put up either way, but need to figure things out).

 

[sheamiao]

thanks for sharing this out ,I completely understand U .sometimes the devil just try to attack us through our families.it seems our family knows exactly which Button to push us crazy. U really need to make a boundary between U and other people , so U wont crush .figure out what people do really bothers U and make it known to people.

Jesus died so we could have a life . we have the right to live well and heathily , the amplified bible says Jesus came so we could have and enjoy life ,in abundance ,to the full until it overflows. if something makes U feel painful ,guilty ,threatened , that is the devil, God love U he want U to feel joyful peaceful and loved .U need to call the devil out right when U start to feel down , and praying God to deliver U from the evil one is a good way .

anyway Jesus told us to love eachother , when U are making those boundaries let ur mom feel U love her.

 

[look4hope]

You are completely entitled to express your concerns with others, especially your parents.
Before I continue, may I ask your age?

 

[Brambleclaw5]

Why do you want to know my age?

 

[Jane_Doe]

Why do you want to know my age?

Age matters in regards to how this can best handle this because people are in different life stages. For an extreme example, 25 year old college student will receive different advise than a 9 year old in elementary.

 

[Brambleclaw5]

Anyways, thank you for those who assisted me in clearing my mind at that time. I really felt that I needed to ask someone if something was wrong with me. I understand that boundaries are needed in relationships. No one is perfect, myself included.

 

[Brambleclaw5]

I'm a young adult, fresh off teen years.

 

[Jane_Doe]

I'm a young adult, fresh off teen years.

(I'm assuming this is >18, graduate HS, and attending university)

Have you considered moving out to put some space and boundaries between you and your mom? The way she is treating you as described in your OP is not how you treat and adult, but a 14 year old.

 

[Brambleclaw5]

I lived in dorm the first year, but it's too expensive. I will just wait until I graduate and move out then. Until then, I need to work on setting boundaries and restoring familial relationships. Also, I will keep myself busy, so I won't have to deal with too much drama.