Confused

[cjba]

What is a persosn to do with the following and are we expected to live in a non loving marriage?

1. One spouse told the other they are not in love anymore. This was some
time ago.
2. The spouse no longer in love does not want to move out.
3. The spouse states they will work on improving the marriage but don't.
4. Time has past and the spouse states they love the other in a different
way than before, yet never tells the spouse the words "I love you".

We have gone to marriage counseling in the past. I have given our marriage to God so that we may find peace in our home. Yet, I find myself wondering is this what is really expected of me.....to stay in marriage with constant hurt and feeling alone.

We get along with every day things and in making decisions on raising our children. However, if I start to feel alone and express my feelings to him. He states that we are having an arguement and that we have gone through this already. To me I see that something that is broken is still not fixed. I don't know how to get on the same page.

Any suggestions?


God Bless

 

[oldrooster]

It really only can be fixed if both are working on it, if not, you are wasting your time.

 

[cjba]

This is exactly what I'm afraid of. Sometimes, this is exactly how I feel as I am wasting my time.

My hubby is a good man and I don't want to speak ill of him. I just know this does not feel like the man I fell in love with.

Thanks for replying.

God Bless

 

[RJ1]

Have you ever read, 'The Power of a Praying Wife', by Stormie Omartian?
It really helped me out through a very rough patch in my marriage.

I will say this though, my husband was willing to work at it too.

I'm sorry you're going through this. I'll be praying for you.

 

[oldrooster]

This is exactly what I'm afrain of. Sometimes, this is exactly how I feel as I am wasting my time.

My hubby is a good man and I don't want to speak ill of him. I just know this does not feel like the man I fell in love with.

Thanks for replying.

God Bless

I was the only one working on my first marriage the last 6 years we were married, it was a very lonley, frustrating time....learned much while going through it......

 

[cjba]

Yes, I have read "The Power of a Praying Wife". I have also read her book "A Gentle and Quiet Spirit" I really enjoy her books.

This is what has me confused. Hubby states he will work at it. Yet, most of the time he does not. I feel lost right now as if being torn to two separate parts of me. One part of me wants out and yet the other part has hope.

Thank you for the prayer and suggestion.

God Bless

 

[oldrooster]

Yes, I have read "The Power of a Praying Wife". I have also read her book "A Gentle and Quiet Spirit" I really enjoy her books.

This is what has me confused. Hubby states he will work at it. Yet, most of the time he does not. I feel lost right now as if being torn to two separate parts of me. One part of me wants out and yet the other part has hope.

Thank you for the prayer and suggestion.

God Bless

I will be the first one to say that if there is hope there, then by all means fix it. Having been through divorce, it is no fun.......

 

[cjba]

Oh, yes I have learned so much going through this season in our life. We have been going through this for a little over 2 years. I do admit it is not as bad as it was in the beginning. At least he is not telling me he does not love me anymore. However, as the saying goes "Actions are louder than words".

I truly don't want a divorce to happen. I don't want this for my children. But am I teaching them to stay put even when you are not happy? I hope they don't feel too much of what is going on. We try our best to keep this from our children.

Sometimes it feels as if I am hanging on this marriage by a thread. My walk with God is now a personal relationship and this is what keeps me in this marriage. However, I wonder if I am getting the right signal.

 

[oldrooster]

Oh, yes I have learned so much going through this season in our life. We have been going through this for a little over 2 years. I do admit it is not as bad as it was in the beginning. At least he is not telling me he does not love me anymore. However, as the saying goes "Actions are louder than words".

I truly don't want a divorce to happen. I don't want this for my children. But am I teaching them to stay put even when you are not happy? I hope they don't feel too much of what is going on. We try our best to keep this from our children.

Sometimes it feels as if I am hanging on this marriage by a thread. My walk with God is now a personal relationship and this is what keeps me in this marriage. However, I wonder if I am getting the right signal.

The hardest thing is waiting sometimes, I lack patience, I pray for it every day. I pray that your husband wakes up and comes to realize what he might be losing, I really had no choice, my wife had numerous affairs. Divorce is still the absolute last option, I have great respect for you not giving up. Pray, but realize that God does not restore all marrages.

 

[Sketcher]

What God wants is clear. Please stay the course. I am praying for God to bless your faithfulness.

 

[cjba]

I'm sorry that you went through so much with your first marriage. We have no control over what our spouse decides to do. We have no control over what direction they take. The only thing we can do is pray for wisdom to get us through our trials.

As I can tell you have been blessed to have another marriage. Only God knows why we go through our trials. Lessons to be learned and to share with others as they go through thier own trials.

I know God does not restore all marriages. I know it is His will and His alone to decide what is best for each of us. I also pray for patience and for God to keep my heart soft towards my hubby. I don't want to grow a hardend heart. For this will certainly kill all hope in restoration.

In the early part of this season of our marriage I felt as if I could not go on without my hubby. Now, I don't feel this way. I feel as if the marriage does end; yes, I will be hurt and feel a broken heart like I have never felt before.

I know God will be with me. I know I will not be alone. I know I will survive because I have faith that God will never leave me. I am no longer scared to be without my hubby. I'm not saying I won't miss him. I know I will feel a tremendous loss in my life.

I don't know what signal am suppose to get. I'm getting both stay and don't stay.

Thank you so much for sharing your experience.

God Bless

 

[RJ1]

Has he said why he wants to stay in the marriage if he is no longer in love with you?

I'm not suggesting divorce. I believe it should be the last option. However, after all is said and done, this is your life, God gave it to you, for you and Him. Marriage should be about mutual love, respect, trust and companionship. Both have to want it.

I'll continue praying for you. We're here if you need to talk.

Hugs,
Rebecca

 

[bkg]

This is exactly what I'm afraid of. Sometimes, this is exactly how I feel as I am wasting my time.

CJBA,

I have to say that I do NOT at all think it's a waste of time. Time is often all that we can give back to God when we need His love and guidence. There are so many stories in the Bible of perseverence, of praising God even when things look like they'll never get better. And despite what it seems, God will bring you THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death - He won't drop you off in the middle.

It's easy to put a human spin on your situation and say "get out" or "it's hopeless" or "unfair". But what does God say about it? ALL things are possible with God. Don't let Satan tell you otherwise. Continue to treat your husband in love, continue to seek God's will, and continue to pray!

Still praying for you,
bkg

 

[Leanna]

I know God does not restore all marriages. I know it is His will and His alone to decide what is best for each of us. I also pray for patience and for God to keep my heart soft towards my hubby. I don't want to grow a hardend heart. For this will certainly kill all hope in restoration.

Why not? Why would God not restore a marriage? Why would it be best for us otherwise?

 

[JanuaryLove]

CJBA,

I have to say that I do NOT at all think it's a waste of time. Time is often all that we can give back to God when we need His love and guidence. There are so many stories in the Bible of perseverence, of praising God even when things look like they'll never get better. And despite what it seems, God will bring you THROUGH the valley of the shadow of death - He won't drop you off in the middle.

It's easy to put a human spin on your situation and say "get out" or "it's hopeless" or "unfair". But what does God say about it? ALL things are possible with God. Don't let Satan tell you otherwise. Continue to treat your husband in love, continue to seek God's will, and continue to pray!

Still praying for you,
bkg

I think bkg said it all. God wants you to stay in this marriage. He does not want divorce for anyone! Yes, it is lonely and yes, it is difficult and my heart goes out to you, but hang in there! When you said your vows, I am certain you did not say "till it gets difficult" or "unless I start to feel alone". These are very difficult things, but you said you would stay married "till death do us part" and so you must.

Continue to pray that the Lord will keep your heart soft. Pray too for the strength to continue working on yourself and your side of your relationship with your husband. Ask the Lord to bless you with rich friendships to keep the lonely feeling at bay.

I will say a prayer for you now, too.

I wish you well.

 

[oldrooster]

Why not? Why would God not restore a marriage? Why would it be best for us otherwise?

Because he does not always do that.....

 

[cjba]

Hubby stays in the marriage due to kids and does not want to move back home. Yet, in the same breath he tells me things will get better.

He is not a Christian and is not giving our marriage to God. To my hubby he thinks its going to fix itself it seems.

God does not restore all marriages. I'm not saying that he wants divorce for any of us. God gave us a mind to make decisions and the decisions are our own. When a person is not a follower of His Word a person will make the decision that will lead to divorce. Even for us that are believers we tend to fail in this department. Unfortunetly, we are finding that people that have faith actually have the same or higher rate of divorce. This is very sad.

We should not chose scripture that is convienent for us. We should simply follow.

I'm trying to stay positive. However, it is very difficult when you see your spouse taking a different path. Right now I don't want to go on the path that he is on. He seems to want to be out their in the world with his siblings which some are not a good influence. This only adds tension to an already rocky situation.

I continue to pray for my hubby to be lead in a direction that will honor God.

May God Bless each of you.

 

[oldrooster]

You can't, you just have to stay on your path and pray for the best....

 

[cjba]

Oldrooster,

Thanks for the encouragement. I know I need to stay on the path I'm on. Praying for the best for all concerned is what I have been praying for these past couple of years.

Sometimes it becomes more than I can handle. I don't get like this too often anymore. I simply pray and eventually get myself out of the "mood". I guess this time I needed someone to hold me accountable. Again, thank you for your responses.

God Bless

 

[karla]

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It seems as though you have a great relationship with the Lord and that is where you need to draw your strength from. I can't say that I have been in your shoes or that I have some great advice to offer. I will be praying for you and for your family. It's important to try to get some Christian counseling. If your husband isn't prepared to take that step and go with you, then you need it for yourself and for your children.

May God Bless you in this time of uncertainty