Confused???

[Moonshade]

OK, first thanks to all who have responded to me during the past month and for your support. Here is a little background. My husband left me recently for one of my best friends. They have been seeing and sleeping with each other for a little over a month. He told me he wants a divorce and I said ok. He has moved out most of his stuff and is living with a friends mom right now who lets his girlfriend come over (he would be staying with his own family but he knows they would not except his new relationship). We cannot get a divorce until our house sale is final which will be another month and a half. He says his biggest fear is that he will not find someone as faithfull as me (sigh.... then why did he cheat, right?). Anyway, I know he expects me to just wait around for him to fall out of love with my friend and then he can come back to me, he actually said, "I wish you would wait for me." He cheated before we were married (which I did't know about till after marriage), and he kissed a family friend in the beggining of our marriage. Now this. I have two questions. One: I read the verse about divorce is bad except in fornification... So my husband cheated on me and wants a divorce. At the moment, me marring again makes me sick but just to set the record straight will I be commiting adultry if I ever marry again? The scripture confuses me on that... Also, what if my huband wants me back, am I right in setting a few boundries? And if he says no but still wants me can I tell him no , I will not take you unless you follow these rules? Ohhhh, this is eating me up! Please help me clarify!

 

[Svt4Him]

We cannot get a divorce until our house sale is final

Why is that exactly? And if you marry someone else when you haven't divorced your husband yet, you are commiting adultery. Once divorced, even if your ex wants you back, you have no obligation to him whatsoever.

[font=Helvetica, Arial, sans-serif] (ASV) but I say unto you, that every one that putteth away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, maketh her an adulteress: and whosoever shall marry her when she is PUT AWAY committeth adultery. [/font]

 

[Ron_the_Nazarene]

Jesus continually dressed down the religious hypocrites of the day because they stopped living for the intent of the Law, and instead, lived FOR the Law.

My wife had an affair and deserted me, so I can relate to your concerns. Go into your prayer closet and earnestly seek God's will. He will either lead you to reconciliation or (as in my case) give you the peace of releasing you from the marriage. You are in your right to divorce him. The question is .... what is it God will have for you to do? Best of luck ... this is a tough situation.

 

[Mechwar]

There is no reconciliation for an adulterer...none. If it happens once there is nothing stopping it from happening again and again and again. The responsibility for the adultery is on his shoulders and soul.

Even though people won't like me for this, you're better off taking the time for a divorce and leaving before he has a chance to do it again. If he thinks that you'll stay around, he'll take that as a que to have another extramarital relationship....and that is unacceptable. Please remember that infidelity is like a incurable disease....it just keeps running rampant until it's consumed the very person it has inflicted.

 

[Moonshade]

We cannot get a divorce in Montana if you have any assets in both names. I would never consider getting married while still married?? I cannot even barely stomach the thought of ever getting married again if my husband divorces me

 

[Svt4Him]

There is no reconciliation for an adulterer...none. If it happens once there is nothing stopping it from happening again and again and again. The responsibility for the adultery is on his shoulders and soul.

Even though people won't like me for this, you're better off taking the time for a divorce and leaving before he has a chance to do it again. If he thinks that you'll stay around, he'll take that as a que to have another extramarital relationship....and that is unacceptable. Please remember that infidelity is like a incurable disease....it just keeps running rampant until it's consumed the very person it has inflicted.

Ya, who on earth would want a ministry of reconciliation anyway? And I hate to break it to you, but all sin is an incurable disease in any one person's strength. To say it's happened once so it will happen again is just as foolish as saying it's never happened so it will never happen. Submit to God, then resist the devil.

In this case, get a divorce. No man should treat a woman like that, and if his heart acts that way, he's not repentant. You can not change someone who is not repenting.

 

[~Nikki~]

There is no reconciliation for an adulterer...none. If it happens once there is nothing stopping it from happening again and again and again. The responsibility for the adultery is on his shoulders and soul.

Even though people won't like me for this, you're better off taking the time for a divorce and leaving before he has a chance to do it again. If he thinks that you'll stay around, he'll take that as a que to have another extramarital relationship....and that is unacceptable. Please remember that infidelity is like a incurable disease....it just keeps running rampant until it's consumed the very person it has inflicted.

My in-laws have survived adultery and their marriage is fantastic now. It can be worked out...

 

[car501]

There is no reconciliation for an adulterer...none. If it happens once there is nothing stopping it from happening again and again and again. The responsibility for the adultery is on his shoulders and soul.

Unfortunately, I have seen this to be true. Many cases where I have seen adultery, it doesn't happen just one time. I'm sure, and I've read when that has happened, just once. But, I see that to be the exception rather than the rule.

 

[hope4today]

Moonshade, I pray for you right now and the pain and confusion you are feeling. I too am going through a similar situation. I do believe as a christian you are free to divorce your husband under these circumstances. The covenant has been broken and scripture is quite clear about this. I am also believe that you will be free after the divorce to remarry should God have that as part of his plan for your life (Also after working through the issues you must face so that you go into any future relationship as healthy as possible). To do a biblical exegesis of that is more than this post allows but pray and ask God to give you peace.
I would like to highly recommend a book that I read (I have read many and this was most definitely the best) It was written by a women who went through this and she writes so well, honestly and with godly truth and wisdom. It is small, easy to read and very cheap to buy. She has a well written chapter on remarriage.
It is called Missing being Mrs by Jennifer Croly Published by Monarch Books.

Remember God is faithful and his plans for a good future full of life and hope for you are not thwarted by your husband's sin. As for fearing God asking you to take him back I do not believe that God will ask you to take back the same man ( that is an unrepentant adulterer). And repentance is not the same as remorse. Remorse is about thinking oops made a mistake I was better off before. Repentance is about recognising the sin, seeking forgiveness and turning to live a holy and godly life in the will of the Spirit. A truly repentant person would never EXPECT any one to take them back, because they are aware of the consequences and damage of their sin. I hope that makes sense to you. I am writing fairly quickly here.

Anyway I highly recommend the book and think you will find the answers to many of your questions in there. Please feel free to PM if you would like to talk about anything off the board. I understand the many confused and conflicting emotions and fears that you have at this time.

God is faithful, he is with you and he will never leave you nor forsake you. Go to him in the dark hours and in the moments of sunshine. Be honest with God. He knows what you think and feel anyway and is well able to cope with what you have to say (or scream!!).
You are the daughter of the Most High God, valuable and precious to him always.

With love, peace and blessings.

Hope

 

[jenelis]

Moonshade--

You've been given lotsa GREAT advice. I think you need to look into your soul to see if you could stomach him cheating on you again. God loves you and he wants you to be happy... and sometimes that road to happy has a bit of pain that you have to walk through to get there. Luckily, God walks with you if you let him.

This *man* does not treat you with the respect you deserve. he has broken your trust repeatedly-- and seem, from what you've said, remorseless.

Seek within your soul to find what's best for you. Pray, pray and pray. God will lead you to resolve.

 

[Svt4Him]

Unfortunately, I have seen this to be true. Many cases where I have seen adultery, it doesn't happen just one time. I'm sure, and I've read when that has happened, just once. But, I see that to be the exception rather than the rule.

Yet I see the exception more than I see the rule. That's probably why anecdotal evidence is a fallacy. Having lived through it, I'd be willing to bet my anecdotal evidence is a bit stronger than yours though.

 

[Evie]

I too am going through a very similar situation. But I just wanted to say that I do feel your hurt and pain as I type this,I am hurting also. Been going through it for months,biggest trial ever set before me. Very stressful and depressing time,no one understands unless they have gone through this exspecially with children. People can say what they want,sometimes a man and a woman have tried everything under the sun to get their marriage to work and can not resolve their differences. It's frustrating.
I do however know from my dad and my hubby that once an affair they will not stop. My dad had at least 9 on my mom and my hubby had one with my best friend whom lived across the street from me and we raised our children together. Praying for you

 

[Moonshade]

Thank you all for the wonderfull advice. I still do not feel much peace but I do see a ray of light I think. I hope that when school starts up again (my last year!) It will help take my mind of things. *Sigh*...... Thanks again everyone, I will pray for all of you!

 

[hope4today]

Some one said to me once when I was in the same situation - The light you see is Christ. Move toward him, trust him, abide in him. They were so right, any old light would not give true hope but Jesus does.

This will not 'go away' as such and there are things in your heart and mind that will need to be faced for wholeness but Jesus is right there with you, and will walk you through this, transforming you by his Spirit into his image and you will have life in all its fullness in him.

God Bless you moonshade

Hope

 

[Johnnz]

I don't hold out much hope for him. He has broken the marriage relationship, not you. You are free to remarry, but you will need time to work through things befor eyou even begin to consider that.

If the remarraige issue continues to bother you give me a PM and I can give you some information in this.

John
NZ

 

[Moonshade]

Thanks all for your words of wisdom. What doesn't kill us makes us stronger, right? My husband has been with my friend every weekend since the end of June. I was sad to find out on our anniversay (July 24) he was with my friend in a hotel in another town (this was before I found out he was with my friend, and I was at home waiting for him all night, he didnt show up until a few days later)... These little tid-bits of disturbing information keep popping up everyday. It is like pouring salt on a raw wound each time. I took his cell phone away because I got the bill and saw all their romantic text messages they wrote back and forth. He also got on my e-mail account and erased all my emails from my friend so I would not have her address and what not. She has come up to my town the last couple weekends and has stayed with him at his friends Mom's house and they go out all over town... Ack! They just keep coming! Then there is the continual usual questions from the people I work with and go to school with " how are you and your hubby doing?" AHHHHHHHH! Does it ever end?