Confused dishonesty

[ruthanne095]

Ok so I am so stuck here! Not sure this is the right section but as Its about sexual abuse it seamed the best place to put it. I find it really hard to let people help me or even get close. Im not proud of what I am about to share but if I don't tell someon I don't think I can live with the guilt any longer.

I have been sexualy abused at different points in my life, Ive had counselling, tried possibly everything under the sun to try to deal with how much it messed up my mind. None of it worked though. Unfortunatly because of this fear formed because its happend so many times now through diffrent people. Im very very carefull and if im honest, full of fear.

Recently another guy took unhealthy intreast in me, Im not intrested though, and this guy kind of became abit of stalker. I did try to tell him I wasnt in to him and to ask him to leave me alone, but he didnt get it, this caused my fear to reallly kick in, I know its stupid but everytime I look at this guy i feel uneasy.

After months of dealing with this I got to the point where I couldnt deal with it anymore and went to a friend for help, he said well then if he isnt getting it why dont you show him how not intrested you are, and suggested I and another friend of ours pretend to be a couple...thats how it started, if we had any idea how messy this whole thing would get I dont think we would have gone through with it..3 months later, it wasnt even supose to last this long, our friends and my family think we are really together, we have tried telling the truth but that did not work, they just wouldnt believe us

We could just end it but then that leaves me opan to that stalker guy again, and its more complicated now because my friend and I do actually have feelings for each other now, but we do not want to change from lie to truth because theres still lies, it would be a lie how long we had been together. This whole thing is very unusual for us, we are both very honest people...untill this, does anyone have any advice? I hate that this is affecting my relationship with God more then anything.

Thanks for reading this long post!

 

[joey_downunder]

The two of you both know the real situation. It sounds like your relationship is in its early stages so does it really matter what people think about how long you have been a couple? Talk to God about it; He knows full well what you're going through so don't hold anything back!

I've known a few abuse victims who have said they have been victims by more than one person. One said she felt like she was wearing a sign on her head "abuse me".

 

[Johnnz]

Let the police deal with the stalker.

Feelings will have developed with your friend - I am assuming its a guy. Where that leads will depend on many factors including your age.

Abuse does mess you up. That's a tragic consequence. It takes a lot of unravelling. Often, a really good supportive and wise person who will stay the time with you (sometimes a year or two!) can be helpful. Abuse breaks your ability to trust people and relationships. You need some special person(s) to help rebuild that ability in your life.

John
NZ

 

[ruthanne095]

Thank you for your advice, and yes my friend is a guy lol

 

[myanchor]

Ruthanne, did you ever think that this guy you've been pretending with does actually like you? And that you do him?

Cluein: Guys do like to be needed.

Take it slow.

Are you going through counseling with anyone? If not, it is very useful.

I had PTSD from my abuse when I was ten and the psychologist used EMDR and it helped. She was an idiot in other ways but she did help me with that.

Trust is a thorny issue. For me I had to be re-fathered by God in order to really trust even Him. It was a long and painful process with many ups and down on my part.

I'll pray for you as I remember this issue.

And finally, my family came from Wales, we could be distant cousins.