Good Morning Everyone,
I do apologize if this is long.
Things started to go downhill for me a couple of weeks ago. I live in an apartment and the new leasing manager was harassing us and picking on us. I became worried she would want to start trouble and kick us out. We had just resigned our lease in July. After that, it all went downhill. I saw negativity in everything and thought the worst was going to happen. I stop eating and a simple cold would not leave. I was getting dizzy and barley functioning at work. I was determine to try and find a house to buy, something I was waiting a few months to start doing, but that only made me more depressed. I realize what I want and what I can afford are two very different things. I knew I had to get help and struggled for a couple of weeks and finally called a counseling center and had my first appointment last week. My therapist suggested I get tested for depression and anxiety and after calling a bunch of places I have an appointment for Saturday. I started taking an herbal remedy called Valerian root and drinking a calming tea sometime last week. Suggestions I found on a different site. When I see the shrink I will make sure he knows.
I realize I have issues that maybe I have ignored, especially concerning where I am at life and where I wish I was. I hate where I work. I love their vision and their mission, but it is not where I want to be. I know I will probably never find another CEO like the one we have and I am so appreciative of all the opportunities they gave me, but this is not where I want to be. I had big plans, but life has a way of getting into those plans. My dad became sick and we lost him November of 2011. I am the youngest of 4, but I was left in charge of my mother. No one else was responsible enough to not steal her money, not that it is a lot. I graduated in May with a Masters and I took off work Thursday to go to a job fair at my school to see if I have a chance elsewhere. I sometimes wonder if I am smart enough to advance and get into a different job field. I am currently in HR and I just do not like it anymore. I want something different, some place I can use my mind and be more active.
I hate where I live and I want to move out of this state, but it’s not like you can just pack up and move to another area without a job. I want to be able to buy a place with land around it, so I don’t have a lot of neighbors and that I can garden and so forth.
After doing a lot of reading I realize that I wanted to try and start eating differently. I was already dieting, since I am on a plan to lose weight and was doing well. I am trying to go mostly organic. I know I won’t ever be able to do fully organic due to different things, but I am trying to cut so much of the preservatives and so forth that is in all of our food. I know it can mess with the chemistry in our bodies and so forth. I was going to the gym 3 to 5 times a week, but as I became week I just stop caring and did not want to go. My therapist suggested I try to make myself walk, even if only a few minutes a day. So I have been trying to walk for like 10 minutes during lunch and then 10 to 20 minutes right after I get home. Walking does help me, but the feeling does not always last.
]I also decided to go back to church. I was active in college, but I graduated in 2008 and came home and never really went to a church and I can clearly see how that has declined my spiritual life. I went to a church yesterday near me and plan to visit a couple more times and then try another one. While I did not go to church, I still considered myself a Christian. I would pray and talk to God, but I can clearly see I was not as strong as I needed to be. I am trying though.
I feel confused and Lost. I don’t know what the next step should be or how to be sure it is the right step. I want to be able to achieve different goals, but some seem almost impossible at times. Even today, I woke up but just wanted to go back to bed. For the last few weeks whenever I was home, I just lay on the couch and did not do a lot. I made it to work and sat in my car in the parking lot and I just did not want to go in. I did not want to be here and I did not want to even think of getting out of the car.
I’m hoping the combination of the diet change, therapist, possible medication, church, and so forth will start to help. I don’t want to get worst, because I know it can end badly if it does.
Thank you for reading. Hopefully this site will be of some help.
I do apologize if this is long.
Things started to go downhill for me a couple of weeks ago. I live in an apartment and the new leasing manager was harassing us and picking on us. I became worried she would want to start trouble and kick us out. We had just resigned our lease in July. After that, it all went downhill. I saw negativity in everything and thought the worst was going to happen. I stop eating and a simple cold would not leave. I was getting dizzy and barley functioning at work. I was determine to try and find a house to buy, something I was waiting a few months to start doing, but that only made me more depressed. I realize what I want and what I can afford are two very different things. I knew I had to get help and struggled for a couple of weeks and finally called a counseling center and had my first appointment last week. My therapist suggested I get tested for depression and anxiety and after calling a bunch of places I have an appointment for Saturday. I started taking an herbal remedy called Valerian root and drinking a calming tea sometime last week. Suggestions I found on a different site. When I see the shrink I will make sure he knows.
I realize I have issues that maybe I have ignored, especially concerning where I am at life and where I wish I was. I hate where I work. I love their vision and their mission, but it is not where I want to be. I know I will probably never find another CEO like the one we have and I am so appreciative of all the opportunities they gave me, but this is not where I want to be. I had big plans, but life has a way of getting into those plans. My dad became sick and we lost him November of 2011. I am the youngest of 4, but I was left in charge of my mother. No one else was responsible enough to not steal her money, not that it is a lot. I graduated in May with a Masters and I took off work Thursday to go to a job fair at my school to see if I have a chance elsewhere. I sometimes wonder if I am smart enough to advance and get into a different job field. I am currently in HR and I just do not like it anymore. I want something different, some place I can use my mind and be more active.
I hate where I live and I want to move out of this state, but it’s not like you can just pack up and move to another area without a job. I want to be able to buy a place with land around it, so I don’t have a lot of neighbors and that I can garden and so forth.
After doing a lot of reading I realize that I wanted to try and start eating differently. I was already dieting, since I am on a plan to lose weight and was doing well. I am trying to go mostly organic. I know I won’t ever be able to do fully organic due to different things, but I am trying to cut so much of the preservatives and so forth that is in all of our food. I know it can mess with the chemistry in our bodies and so forth. I was going to the gym 3 to 5 times a week, but as I became week I just stop caring and did not want to go. My therapist suggested I try to make myself walk, even if only a few minutes a day. So I have been trying to walk for like 10 minutes during lunch and then 10 to 20 minutes right after I get home. Walking does help me, but the feeling does not always last.
]I also decided to go back to church. I was active in college, but I graduated in 2008 and came home and never really went to a church and I can clearly see how that has declined my spiritual life. I went to a church yesterday near me and plan to visit a couple more times and then try another one. While I did not go to church, I still considered myself a Christian. I would pray and talk to God, but I can clearly see I was not as strong as I needed to be. I am trying though.
I feel confused and Lost. I don’t know what the next step should be or how to be sure it is the right step. I want to be able to achieve different goals, but some seem almost impossible at times. Even today, I woke up but just wanted to go back to bed. For the last few weeks whenever I was home, I just lay on the couch and did not do a lot. I made it to work and sat in my car in the parking lot and I just did not want to go in. I did not want to be here and I did not want to even think of getting out of the car.
I’m hoping the combination of the diet change, therapist, possible medication, church, and so forth will start to help. I don’t want to get worst, because I know it can end badly if it does.
Thank you for reading. Hopefully this site will be of some help.
Sometimes I wish we could snap our fingers and everything would be ok.
