Confused and Concerned

[BrokenSpirit88]

Very recently I had my first romantic experience. Now he's liked me for a while (or at least he says so) and I believe him because I remember in the past he's done some sweet things, given me compliments and asked me out before, but I hadn't heard him correctly (I didn't believe he meant it) so he'd just chicken out and say 'next time'. Well this time I finally said yes and we agreed to meet up the day we exchanged numbers later on that evening.

We met up and spent about forty minutes together, now I know that sounds bad, but he had to get up for work in about eight hours, so he had to go. And the first outting was just for us to see each other and talk a bit, get to know one another.

After that he called everyday and we had good conversation (mind you this lasted about...4 days before things hit the fan).

We were supposed to go out last Friday, he called me and told me he would pick me up at a certain time. Now when he called the day of and told me he was outside, I wasn't ready and asked him to wait a few mins (15 mins)

I finally am ready, go outside and he's not there. I call and ask him where is he and he tells me, one of my neighbors threatened to calls the cops if he sat there too long, so he left. So I tell him I'm out here now and he says he'll turn around and come back.

I wait for him, forty minutes pass, so I call him and he doesn't answer. So I send him text that says 'you're not coming are you' and he replies 'no, it's too far, sorry'. So I text him and ask if we can talk, he never responds, so I call and he doesn't answer. This all happened the Friday we were supposed to go out. And we haven't spoken since then.

Now I'm confused because I'm not angry with him and I REALLY want to be. I think I should be, it makes sense, but I'm just not. In fact, I can't give up on him. I want to give up, but for some reason I just can't. And I'm like that with everything, I just can't give up, I may step back a little while, but eventually I get back up and try again.

I'm concerned because I've prayed and I may have received an answer through a sermon I watched after praying about my situation and stumbling upon the topic of 'relational scars' but I'm not sure to be honest. In the sermon the pastor spoke of reaching out to someone that has scarred you or vice versa, but I don't feel like this situation scarred me? I feel...nothing, no anger or sadness when I think about what he did, not even annoyance, irritation or frustration. I might be in denial, but truth is I probably won't admit it till later down the line.

To add to this, I've heard him speak to people about having feelings for me in past and they've all told him 'you can get a better woman than that', one woman even offered to hook him up with one of her friends.

I used to hear him say 'I don't want to date your friend, I like who I like'. But that hasn't stopped the others from trying to discourage him. I've heard at least once since I heard last several months ago tell him such things. This time, he seemed to agree a bit 'you think so' and this other male responds 'yeah, just lose some weight, hit th gym'. Now this all happened before he asked me out and keep in mind he didn't seem as enthusiastic as before about asking me out.

Now I can just be making excuses for me, lying to myself, in denial. I don't know, that's why I wanted a Christian opinion.

Please any light for someone just getting their feet wet would be helpful.

Thanks in advance.

 

[truefiction1]

Did your neighbor really threaten to call the cops on him for waiting for you in his car? What kind of guy would leave rather than just stay there and wait for the cops to come, in order to explain to them that he's merely waiting for his date to be ready to go? Was his car in a "no standing" zone? Something sounds fishy to me. Sounds like he's lost interest for some reason, and he may have even gotten irritated (mad) over having to wait and possibly getting needlessly harassed by your neighbor for no good reason, and so just said the heck with you, left, and then ultimately decided that he's done, even after having said that he was turning around to come back and get you.

Sorry, but that's my take on things as you've described them. However, this does not necessarily mean that the relationship is altogether finished. He may at some point figure out that he messed up. Either way, this is only your first romantic experience and there are plenty of fish in the sea, as they say, so don't let it get you down.

Another thing it may help you to know, is that some young men are so socially immature as to not have a clue what they're doing, or what they ought and ought not to do. I was like that as a young adult, unfortunately, and I now cringe at the remembrance of many of my own mistakes of my social ineptitude. It could just be the simple case that this guy you like has a lot of learning and growing up to do.

 

[Tolworth John]

Text, email or leave a message asking what is wrong.
If he doesn't get back to you forget him.

Only a jerk won't explain or say that he is no longer interested.

 

[Petros2015]

We were supposed to go out last Friday, he called me and told me he would pick me up at a certain time. Now when he called the day of and told me he was outside, I wasn't ready and asked him to wait a few mins (15 mins)

I finally am ready, go outside and he's not there. I call and ask him where is he and he tells me, one of my neighbors threatened to calls the cops if he sat there too long, so he left. So I tell him I'm out here now and he says he'll turn around and come back.

I wait for him, forty minutes pass, so I call him and he doesn't answer. So I send him text that says 'you're not coming are you' and he replies 'no, it's too far, sorry'. So I text him and ask if we can talk, he never responds, so I call and he doesn't answer.

Sounds like he got tired of waiting. Was it really 15 minutes? Or was it longer? In my experience women completely lose track of time, and it is a little inconsiderate to keep someone waiting indefinitely outside. It takes me considerable effort to be patient in this area, but it also takes me all of 5 seconds to be ready to go somewhere.

But, leaving without telling you he is leaving shows a lack of respect, and especially telling you he is coming back and then not coming back and leaving you hanging shows a complete lack of regard for you as a person. You don't do that to someone you are interested in dating or whose feelings you care about. So for whatever reason (whether there was a neighbor or not), while he was waiting he changed his mind and wrote you off. I think you should do the same, I wouldn't contact him anymore.

 

[dayhiker]

This all sounds like 18 years olds ... I think its all part of growing up. Its nerves, insecurity stuff.
Time will cure a lot of these types of things.

 

[BrokenSpirit88]

This all sounds like 18 years olds ... I think its all part of growing up. Its nerves, insecurity stuff.
Time will cure a lot of these types of things.

He is 38 lol I'm younger than him by a fifteen years (this does not bother me), but he hasn't had that many relationships he said. He was married once in his late twenties and I assume he was with her in his earlier twenties, but it ended in divorce.

 

[dayhiker]

Thanks BrokenSpirit .... those ages almost feel like 20 to me! Keep us inform as to how it goes.