confused about my priorities

[1confusedmama]

Ok, so I guess for you to fully understand my confusion, I should tell you a little about my self and my story. I am 23 years old, married just shy of 3 years, have a 2 year old boy and we're currently TTC one more. I work full time 2nd shift as a CNA on an alzheimer's unit. I enjoy my job, I enjoy my family.

Lately, I've been struggling balancing everything. My job is stressful, even though I enjoy it very much and have a calling for my field. My son is healthy, fed, loved, smart and very happy. He goes to a daycare where he can play with other children, which is something he wouldn't necessarily be able to do otherwise considering I relocated 2 hours away from my family to be with my husband, I don't really have many friends, since most ladies my age aren't in the same life stage as myself.

How do you balance all of your responsibilties? I worry that I am not spending enough time at home, I struggle to keep the house clean, and cooking is something that rarely gets done. the microwave and toaster are my best friends rightnow. I feel like my son, my job, and my husband require so much of my time right now that i just don't time for the housework. my husband use to help with these things a lot more, but he is currently working full time and going to school part time. I would like to be able to go down to part time work to be able to have more time at home, but i would lose my insurance and i have my son and myself on that. *sigh* i just pray that something happens soon....

 

[bobbyking]

Hi...

The bible in Psalms 37:5 says, 'Commit everything you do to the Lord, Trust him, and he will help you.' I think that's the first step you may want to do. Surrender all your work & responsibility to Him. In return, he will open your eyes to see the priorities in your life and tell you which one to focus on.

All of us have our unique way of managing our household, so I can't dictate yours with my approach. However, I like to suggest that you emphasis the following two things among others.

# Your relationship with God. Read 1-2 chapters a day. It reminds you everyday who you trust and who you believe. It also retains your sanity in times of hardship!

# Your relationship with your hubby. On my side, I am married for more than 18 years. My wife and I commit to each other, will to love each other and always find time to fulfill each other's needs. Some of my friends who are married as long as I am, subtly allow jobs & family commitment to take away the pleasure of their marriage. And needless to say, some marriage took a very bad turn. I learn from them. I spoke to my wife about it. We acknowledge that everything we invest as a family depends on how we love each other. We have lots of challenges, problems and difficulties too. But we kinda overcome them together (so far, it is ok for us).

I believe focusing on drawing strength from God and the marriage keep us going. Hope this helps.

 

[DeepSouth]

Great Advice bobbyking. Amen brother.

 

[katautumn]

At the risk of opening myself up for massive flaming, I don't believe women with small children should work outside the home, in a full-time capacity, unless absolutely necessary. Titus 2 admonishes older women to encourage the young women to be keepers at home, to love their husbands and children. That does not mean a woman with young children cannot have a fulfilled life or that she cannot contribute to the household income. With that said, most people today have two incomes not out of necessity, but want. People become accustomed to a certain standard of living. Things that our parents and grandparents would have considered a tremendous luxury, we feel we are entitled to as a matter of course.

In most cases, when a mother works, most of her income goes back into what it costs for her to work outside of the home. Her food, her commuting costs, professional attire or uniforms, daycare, and other miscellaneous expenses like vending machine snacks or coffee or office parties where you're asked to bring the cake or sodas.

I personally don't believe God can contradict Himself. The Bible says women are to be at home for their husbands and children in a supportive role, not watching everything go on autopilot from the sidelines. I believe God doesn't want us junking up our bodies with unhealthy convenience foods or fast food, because we don't have time or inclination to prepare healthy meals for ourselves and our family. I don't believe God wants someone else (especially a non-relative) raising our children for us, spending the majority of time with them, shaping their young minds. That's our job. We, the parents, are the ones God commands to train them up in the way they should go, so that when they are old they will not depart from it. How can we do that when the majority of the waking hours we spend with our children is when they're being shuffled to and from daycare or activities or when they're getting ready to go to sleep? I don't believe God wants us as financial co-equals with our husbands. Husbands want a clean, orderly, serene home. Not chaos.

You feel something is being neglected. That's because something likely is, whether it's your child's spiritual or emotional wellbeing or your husband's or the housework or feeding your family or your job performance. Despite the feminist lies, women can't have it all. No woman can juggle career, marriage, children, home, church, and friends without something or someone being put on the back burner. Your husband your child deserve all of you, not what's left after you're worn out from a grueling nursing assistant shift. That's hard work, and I commend you for your compassion and caring for Alzheimer's patients. Believe me, I know all too well that it's not easy, because my mother-in-law had the disease.

You feel the calling, though. That sinking feeling that something is lacking is the Holy Spirit trying to nudge you in the right direction. It's the conviction, the chastening of the Lord. Please read this blog entry - "Do What God Says and Let Him Take Care of the Rest". The first thing is trusting God to make provisions. I know from firsthand experience it is terrifying going from two incomes to one income. I left the workforce in 2006. Not long after, our house burned down and three months later my husband lost his job. That was a very scary time in our life, and we were not believers then. We faced financial obstacles, and even without following Christ, God's hand of protection and provision were still there all along.

It takes sacrifice, but you must take comfort in knowing that God blesses faith and He blesses obedience. What I have written here is not opinion. Nowhere does the Bible command women to be financial providers. The Proverbs 31 woman is mentioned as being what we may call a "work from home wife". Nowhere else does the Bible even vaguely mention that anyone but men are to be financial providers for their families. There should be no confusion here. You God-ordained priorities are, as follows:

1. God
2. Your Husband
3. Your Children
4. Your Home
5. Your Loved Ones (parents, grandparents, siblings, etc.)
6. Your Pets/Friends/General Hospitality

And while there would, obviously, be times if, say, a loved one were not well you may need to neglect some housework making your home a priority isn't necessarily about housekeeping. I once read a poem that said something like, if I neglect my family, but can keep everything polished, dusted and pristine then I am a great housekeeper, but not a homemaker.

Keep this in prayer and consult with your husband. God can, and does, open doors of opportunity for us that we never expect.

 

[JoeyArnold]

Balance ultimately (can only) start early each day in prayer.