About 3 1/2 years ago, i had a drink after work with my sister, my cousin and two of my sister's friends. I ended up kicking on and having a few more drinks. My sister had to go home, but told two of her friends (a guy and girl) to look after me.
Later on in the night, the girl was pressuring me to "get with" the guy's friend who we had met up with. I made it clear i wasn't interested, that i was just having a drink and a good time just being out. Later, i saw her chatting with my sister's guy friend in the corner. She went to the bathroom, came back, called me over. She also wanted me to drink this drink. There is so much that i saw, i so reckon it was God that was pointing this out to me. I don't know why i didn't catch on, but i guess you don't even think of these things if you're with people you trust. I know for a fact my sister's guy friend was a party drug dealer.
Anyway, so the conversation went something like this:
Her: "Hey, this drink is yours"
Me: "No, it's not."
Her: "Yes it is, i know it is."
Me: "No, it's not. When i drink, i always stick to the same drink. I don't like mixing drinks. I'm drinking vodka tonight, that's rum."
Her: "Well just have a sip to see what it's like"
Me: "I don't want to sip a drink that's not mine. It could be anyone's"
Her: "It's my drink"
Me: "Well i still don't want a sip, i have my own drink"
Her: "Have a sip anyway, see if you like it"
Me: "okay"
So i had a sip, and another one when she insisted again.
Shortly after that, i became very out of character. I hooked up with the guy's friend that i really was not interested in. My memory became very vague, there are whole chunks of my memory missing from that night. I know what i am like when i am drunk, and that was not me. I did things that were very out of character. I remember leaving the club and ending up back at her place with the rest of them. I don't know what happened. I know something happened, i don't know what we did.
I talked to my psychotherapist at my next session, and she was very sure that my drink had been spiked with GBH (stands for grievous bodily harm), the new date rape drug. When i went over the events of the night in my head, and remember what i had seen up until that point, it strongly suggested to me that both my sister's friends were responsible for this.
I asked my sister if she thought her friend would do something like this. She said "i don't know, why don't you ring her and find out?" So i did. She said "no, i wouldn't do that". Her lack of concern or surprise for the fact my drink had been spiked made me more suspicious. When i told my mum, she went into flat out denial. She kept telling me "what does Dr Sophia say?". She always said this when she didn't like what i was saying, thinking that her opinion would line up with hers and override anything i said. So i told her what Dr Sophia said. Then she said "how can you think she would do something like that? How do you think your sister would feel if you thought that of her friend?"
I felt victimised, so so so angry and hurt and invalidated and unprotected, knowing that if it came to the crunch, my mum would not believe me and would even victimise me.
Around that time also, and even for awhile after i stopped discussing it with my mum, she would say "<sister's friend> is a good girl" whenever she was mentioned or vaguelly came into the subject of discussion. It cut into my heart like a knife to hear my own mother say that.
I have since done a few layers of forgiveness. I had to forgive my mum and my sister, they were both really horrible around that time. I had to forgive my sister's friends. I had to give up my wanting validation about this from them.
For some reason, i think it's God, i feel led to write this girl a letter. Very occassionally, i see them around because my sister is still friends with them. She was maid of honour at my sisters wedding, and i was one of the other maids. She was there when both my nieces were born. She is going to pop into my life every now and then, this is inevitable. And recently, she told my sister that she wanted to send me a wedding gift. That was a bit of a clincher for me. I cannot accept a gift from her. It took me a long time just to be in the same room as her let alone have a polite conversation, which i can handle now. But if i am to accept a gift or any hospitality, i feel i need to tell her how her choice affected me that night.
So i want to get some prayer, write a letter, have it combed through by mature Christians who know the journey i am on.
As it stands, alot of anger is stirring up in me again. Anger at my sister and my mum for their lack of support. I am doing my best to keep this at bay.
Has anyone here confronted their abuser/perpetrator/drink spiker accomplice? Whether or not you have, i would like to hear anything you want to say. Any wisdom, edification...i need to draw strength right now. Btw, i don't drink at all anymore. I used to struggle with lifestyle issues, i addressed those with Jesus and good people around me.
oneofthem
