Conflicts about Dating

[JohnnyV]

I would love to start dating again, but honestly I am nervous about it. I was with my ex for 13 years and never went outside the relationship. Only been single since Jan. of this year. I'm not sure if I can handle all the stuff that goes along with dating. The dating games are so tedious at times. Admittedly, I never dated much before I met my ex. Basically It was , meet, have sex and repeat if you both enjoyed it. Not really 'dating' in my opinion.
But now that I am a Christian,What is expected on a real date? Does anyone else feel torn between wanting to date and not being sure How to go about the whole process??

 

[BeautyForAshes]

Hola JohnnyV I can understand how you feel. I've been single since Jan too and dating since then has most certainly been frustrating. Mostly because on the first date, the convo turns to having sex. And even after letting him know that sex is not an option, they still persist (I guess it becomes a challenge to him to see if I will give in or something ).

I would love to have a date where we actually simply spend time just getting to know each other - no pressure for anything, just talking about basics things (such as upbringing, hobbies, etc.) to see if we're even compatible.

 

[JohnnyV]

Me too !

My problem is, IF I dont try to make a sexual move, the woman does not want to go out again, or they think I am Gay (Had both scenarios happen to me recently)! & yes these women are Christian girls. The date will go along fine, but they act disappointed if no sexual advance is offered. I dont understand it.
Anyways, thanks for your reply. and Good luck in your dating pursuits!

 

[carmi]

Me too !

My problem is, IF I dont try to make a sexual move, the woman does not want to go out again, or they think I am Gay (Had both scenarios happen to me recently)! & yes these women are Christian girls. The date will go along fine, but they act disappointed if no sexual advance is offered. I dont understand it.
Anyways, thanks for your reply. and Good luck in your dating pursuits!

They must have been very insecure and might have interpreted the fact that you did not make any advances wrongly, as in: I am not sexually attractive. And, ahem, for many people that is very important.

I stopped dating because these advances (especially during the first meetings) would enervate me and I was seriously doubting the intentions of the guy. I always connected these advances with "he is not interested in me as a person, and he is not interested in a serious / longterm relationship" - somehow I thought they have other priorities.

 

[KeilCoppes]

Johnny, don't worry about the 'sexual moves'. Real, long-lasting chemistry isn't about overt moves, and if it's there, it'll be there regardless. If they're disappointed that you don't put the moves on them, the operative term is - next. Many people who are in the church are still in the world's culture.

Best thing? "simply spend time just getting to know each other - no pressure for anything, just talking about basics things (such as upbringing, hobbies, etc.)", and your relationship with the Lord. Beauty had it right. You want to build on something other than sex signals, because the infuatuation quite simply doesn't last. You don't want to build a situation in which you are living an advertisement. It makes you a fake. Who you are daily before God is what you should be, because that's what you'll be if you hit it off.

Just go and learn about who people are, enjoy the blessing of the company, and praise God for it. If she's someone who would want you, relax, let her see the real you without playing games. Enjoy the time God has given you for fellowship.

 

[LauraC]

A date! whats that? I have been single for 5 years now and its hard to meet someone who has the same values as you do. Someday if its meant to be I pray to meet a christian fella who puts God first. Dates I had lately makes me want to just say I am content being single and forget about a relationship. No one seems to want to take the time to get to know each other.