confession

[javan]

my boyfriend and i have been having sex the entire three years of our relationship. we were being careful (responsible, birth control and all that) about the baby aspect of it. i am 28 and he is 29 so we are adults. the thing is, the spiritual aspect of it never hit me until now. we are going through turmoil right now (instigated in an ungentlemenly way by him) over whether to take a break from the relationhsip. he says he knows he needs to be thinking about proposing to me at this point but needs time away from the relationship to figure that out. the fact that he says this hurts me, but everyone is different so i am trying to be patient. i feel like we are discussing the possibility of going through a divorce soon, emotionally, because i want to marry him and we have had sex all this time. i have a real problem in the area of sex. it's hard if nearly impossible for me not to do it. for this reason i am confused about why God has not yet joined me and hubby in our lives with actual vows. please pray for me. and the guy i am with. thank you. and please don't be mean to me about this. it took a lot for me to say this.

 

[Rin4Christ]

I think sex before marriage adds a lot of emotional burden to times of turmoil like this, though anytime you have issues of taking a break or anything like that it is hard on everyone.

Where do you two stand spiritually with each other? can you talk about your faith together? I think this is important with dealing with an issue like sex, because in our society and technology it often feels like no one is abstaining and it takes a lot of strength from God to do so.

how well do you understand why he wants to take a break? Do you think your relationship can survive through something like that, and also do you think it can survive without the level of intimacy you are used to? If your relationship is based on physical intimacy rather than emotional and spiritual intimacy then you could be on shaky ground.

My only real advise is to take it to God and ask him for the strength necessary to get through it. Also, try to talk with your boyfriend so that both of you can reach an understanding of the others thoughts and feelings. I often find with my fiance if I am having trouble with something and have a hard time bringing it up, that once I do bring it up, he is much more understanding than I would expect. And in the end we have both learned something new about how the other thinks.

My prayers are with you. Its a difficult situation especially when sex is there to complicate the issue. God Bless.

 

[javan]

thank you rin. this is very helpful. i will try to talk with him about his thoughts.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

That took guts. Praying that the both of you will be open for God's will to be made clear whatever that may be for the lives of you both.

 

[javan]

thank you

 

[Beautiful Fireball]

my boyfriend and i have been having sex the entire three years of our relationship. we were being careful (responsible, birth control and all that) about the baby aspect of it. i am 28 and he is 29 so we are adults. the thing is, the spiritual aspect of it never hit me until now. we are going through turmoil right now (instigated in an ungentlemenly way by him) over whether to take a break from the relationhsip. he says he knows he needs to be thinking about proposing to me at this point but needs time away from the relationship to figure that out. the fact that he says this hurts me, but everyone is different so i am trying to be patient. i feel like we are discussing the possibility of going through a divorce soon, emotionally, because i want to marry him and we have had sex all this time. i have a real problem in the area of sex. it's hard if nearly impossible for me not to do it. for this reason i am confused about why God has not yet joined me and hubby in our lives with actual vows. please pray for me. and the guy i am with. thank you. and please don't be mean to me about this. it took a lot for me to say this.

Good job for saying what you did, that definetely took a lot of courage!!! Anyway, I don't have much in the way of advice but I will keep you in my prayers, because I know sex before marriage adds a lot of stuff that isn't necessary. I will be praying that it all works out the way that is needed

 

[bliz]

He needs to be away from you to think about proposing to you????? Does not compute.

 

[javan]

thank you. bliz, you're funny. he said his head is spinning and he can't see straight....like when your life is hectic and after a vacation you can better know what to do with your life & bring your new idea home to impliment when you get back, that kind of thing. but i agree, it sounds a little wierd. i'm just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt and be patient. i will say that whatever he and i want to do while taking this break is his business separate from my business. he acts like he has a right to know what i am doing (dating other guys to move on with my life, i can't depend that it will be a break, he may never get back with me) during the break. i said if you feel this way than why are you breaking up with me!? i don't even want to know what he'll be doing. i don't think it would be healthy for me and our relationship to ask if we get back together. i don't need to know about all his flings with girls before he met me, so why would i need to know about his interactions with girls during a break? i don't. either he is with me or not. i don't think he realizes what he is doing. i am his first serious girlfriend and i think he has a tainted view of dating land. it is rigorous and deadly sometimes. it doesn't play fair and can twist you in all different directions. i hope he is careful as he is messing with his life.

 

[Sketcher]

Well, now you know that sex outside of marraige is out of place - it got in the way of the rest of the relationship, and now it's all falling out. If this is going to work, you guys are going to have to do things a lot differently.

 

[lovesbrightpink]

Its hard I am going through it too. We have been together for 2 years and had sex the entire time and now that we know we are getting married its even harder. I know how hard this is because it was fun and okay and now it isnt....but its still fun. Its hard. I will pray for you. If you need to talk pm me.

 

[charligirl]

So, let me get this roght... you are not on a break so he can get some space and see how he feels but you can see other people?? I'm sorry but that is all wrong to me, if he doesn't know how he feels about you after 3 years and has suggested this break then I would be seeing BIG red flags.

You don't want to know if he sees other people or has flings? your admission that you find it impossible not to have sex shows you really need revelation and healing in that area. you say you don't understand why God hasn't joined you together with vows because of this fact? You do not truely understand sex as God intended it if that is the case, sex seals the covenant you make on your wedding day, not the other way around.

Sex is holy and passionate and binding and is worship to God... if done within marriage. It is like taking communion as you remember and seal your covenant vows, outside of marriage it is ultimately empty and counterfeit. Sex outside marriage does not equal intimacy and love despite all the emotions. If you do get married after all this, Anyone else he is with in this break will come into your marriage bed too.

I suggest you use this break to stay away from men and dedicate the time to getting close to God and understanding your worth as His daughter.

 

[javan]

thank you guys. i like your cat charligirl.