Concerned agnostic

[Jim_87]

Hello all,

I have a problem which I've been struggling with for some time, but particularly over the last few weeks. Any advice would be appreciated.

I've had OCD for about 11 years, and one of the main worries I've had is that I'm about to do something sinful and/or that I may go to hell. I was raised as an atheist so this was an unusual thought for me at first - I researched Christianity a bit at the time (I was around 14 year old), came to believe for a while, but ultimately rejected my belief when I got over my OCD symptoms. Looking back, I'm not sure whether I truly believed in Christianity, or if it just seemed easier to convince myself I believed (so that I wasn't as worried about going to Hell).

I'm now at a time of my life when OCD symptoms are very strong again, and I'm again worried about going to Hell. However, my OCD has gotten so bad that I'm virtually incapable of caring for myself (e.g., eating, showering etc), and it seems more and more that I should just 'give up' on ever believing in God - it causes me so much pain to have the fear of Hell, and I'd like to be able to live my life without this pain. I've lived with this fear for many years now, and it's caused me massive problems in my life (e.g., not finishing school, depression, hospitalisation on multiple occasions). I currently believe that there's little chance of God existing, so my motivation to not 'give up' on someday believing (or at least considering the possibility of God existing) is very low.

Does anyone have any advice about my situation? And before you respond, while I appreciate the intention, any responses suggesting I become a Christian or anything like that will be ignored. I find it hard to believe in Christianity so I can't just 'become a Christian', but that doesn't stop me from knowing that it -could- be true.

Cheers,
Jim

 

[kaykay9.0]

Jim, not everybody, but most that post here are Christians, and there's nothing we could really say except what you said you didn't want to hear~ become a Christian. I do understand the struggle with OCD however and appreciate what you're going through.

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Jim first of all, you need a good therapist that will help guide you through ERP (exposure response therapy) and you could discuss with a therapist what kind of meds would help with the ruminations and anxiety.

Then you can decide for yourself what you will believe in. When the time comes and you get better, the one place I would suggest researching christianity again (and one most atheists will never dare to touch or debate) are the messianic prophecies.

These prophesies were written and given many hundreds of years before Jesus was physically born. Granted there are some prophesies that Jesus could have self fullfilled himself (but our lord is not a liar or deciever) but there are so many others that he couldnt have done himself.

1. How did the old testament fortell about Jesus being crucified when crucifixion was not even known or used in those days.
2. How could the old testament know that not a bone on Jesus's body would be broken (when in fact most people being crucified by the romans had their legs broken to hasten their death.
3. How could the old testament know that Jesus would be betrayed for 30 silver pieces and those silver pieces would be used by the sanhedran (pharasees) to build a burial ground upon a potters field with that money!!!!!

Just these few prophesies alone would have required the implicit cooperation of not only the jewish high council but the whole roman empire which is rediculous because the roman empire and the jewish high council were persecuting anyone who even uttered the name of Jesus at that time.

Jim when you do recieve treatment I would suggest a restart on your research of christianity my friend. My ocd is centered around unbelief thoughts but the difference is my research was very thorough and normally without the ocd thoughts (especially with my lengthy research) I know that Jesus Christ is our lord and savior and he is God.

Good luck my friend, you are on my prayer list from now on, keep us posted on your progress bro.

 

[Philothei]

I think that dealing with the problem is half the battle here. Also about the doublts some of us who do not deal with OCD still have them. Christ came to free us from sin. Anytime we fall short we do have to get up and continue. Instead of thinking of Hell and getting discouraged we should think of Christ and his abudant love and forgiveness. Spiritual life is indeed one of struggle failure and victory. I will keep you in my prayers.

 

[kaykay9.0]

Jim first of all, you need a good therapist that will help guide you through ERP (exposure response therapy) and you could discuss with a therapist what kind of meds would help with the ruminations and anxiety.

Then you can decide for yourself what you will believe in. When the time comes and you get better, the one place I would suggest researching christianity again (and one most atheists will never dare to touch or debate) are the messianic prophecies.

These prophesies were written and given many hundreds of years before Jesus was physically born. Granted there are some prophesies that Jesus could have self fullfilled himself (but our lord is not a liar or deciever) but there are so many others that he couldnt have done himself.

1. How did the old testament fortell about Jesus being crucified when crucifixion was not even known or used in those days.
2. How could the old testament know that not a bone on Jesus's body would be broken (when in fact most people being crucified by the romans had their legs broken to hasten their death.
3. How could the old testament know that Jesus would be betrayed for 30 silver pieces and those silver pieces would be used by the sanhedran (pharasees) to build a burial ground upon a potters field with that money!!!!!

Just these few prophesies alone would have required the implicit cooperation of not only the jewish high council but the whole roman empire which is rediculous because the roman empire and the jewish high council were persecuting anyone who even uttered the name of Jesus at that time.

Jim when you do recieve treatment I would suggest a restart on your research of christianity my friend. My ocd is centered around unbelief thoughts but the difference is my research was very thorough and normally without the ocd thoughts (especially with my lengthy research) I know that Jesus Christ is our lord and savior and he is God.

Good luck my friend, you are on my prayer list from now on, keep us posted on your progress bro.

Good answer. Much better than my "non-answer."

 

[winterbluebells]

Hey - I am going through almost exactly the same thing, and I'm sorry you're in this pain. I'm currently agnostic too...I think an idea would be to try and get help again for your OCD. Are you being treated?

 

[Christian-Catholic]

Good answer. Much better than my "non-answer."

Thanks KayKay, but I must say that overall I like your answers better .
I guess the Lord helped to bring some good afterall from my ocd

 

[Jim_87]

Thanks to all for your replies - after reading yours and others' comments on this forum I'm feeling more confident about my decision to 'battle' my OCD (which is what I feared doing as my anxious thoughts tell me that doing so will lead to Hell). This is/was my problem - that fighting the OCD itself was going to lead me to Hell.

Winterbluebells - Yep, getting treated by a psychologist on a weekly basis. I'm not on medication (just got off some short term anxiolytics) and don't intend to go back to using any, as I've not had the best experience with the long-term meds (SSRIs etc.).

Thanks,
Jim

 

[shelovesChrist]

Through Jesus we have life eternal . sometimes with intrusive thoughts its hard not to worry about your salvation initially because we blame ourselves for them -- but nothing can close the door He opened for us . He know where are hearts lie, because if we didn't care, we wouldn't fear . He is with us . Praying for you

 

[Jim_87]

Hi again,

Well, the OCD has gotten worse again... I'll explain my situation in a little more detail, and any advice is again appreciated. Over the last two months or so, my main OCD fear is that if I get rid of my OCD, then I'm likely to go to hell. As I said earlier, I'm currently not a believer in the Christian God (although I certainly acknowledge Christianity may be true). My OCD is telling me that if I read about Christianity and explore my questions about the faith etc then this can/will improve my belief in God and increase the likelihood that I'll end up becoming a Christian. However, I'm not particularly keen on this idea, largely because I know it's an OCD compulsion and I don't want to 'give in' to the OCD. Conversely, if I fight my OCD, then I'll go back to my normal life where I don't really have a particularly positive view of Christianity (or any religion, for that matter). This would lead to a higher chance of going to hell.

To sum up the situation in one sentence - OCD says I should read about Christianity and increase my belief in God, and my fear is that if I don't do this (so, if i fight my OCD) I have more chance of going to hell.

Now, over the last two months, I haven't actually spent much time looking at religious material - it's really only been the last week or two that I have done so. After looking at some of this material, I got the impression that some if it was actually souring my impression of Christianity (i.e., it wasn't convincing me that Christianity is true and may have been doing the opposite). I used this impression as part of my argument as to why I should battle the OCD (as I posted about a few days ago) i.e., following what the OCD said to do wasn't helping my belief in Christianity anyways so I may as well try and get rid of it.

Now, after making the decision to battle my OCD and getting past a lot of my OCD thoughts, I had relatively weak OCD symptoms. It occurred to me that I now have a better opinion of aspects of Christianity since reading the religious material. This contradicts my earlier assertion that the religious material was lessening my belief - and now I think it has probably actually helped my belief.

Now, my problem is that if the religious material actually helped my belief, then I don't have a logical reason as to why I shouldn't do more religious material reading. I know I don't want to do this reading, as I don't want to 'give in' to the OCD and I'm still relatively atheist. I'm struggling between the two options again (reading religious material vs fighting the OCD) - only this time it seems like reading the religious material is a better option (if God exists) whereas before I didn't think it was.

Cheers,
Jim

 

[shelovesChrist]

hey jim , if you do decide to read more i suggest you read the four gospels . there you will find out more about who Jesus was and what He did for us . He's compassionate and hears the cries of His people . and if you do decide to accept it as truth and Him as your personal Savior , don't feel as if its because you don't won't to go to hell . Jesus came so we could have life eternal and all who believe in Him do . sometimes my mind tries to accuse me of using Him as a get out of hell free card but He knows my heart . I love my Lord and He loves you too because He didn't exempt your sins from the cross . He told us to come to Him . Praying for you .