Complications

[Mercytalking]

So my boyfriend has presented the idea that it is possible for us to be married while I'm still in school. I've said no, I wanna wait until I'm out of college for 6 months, but that's 3 and a half years away and we have serious sexual urges that we are trying very hard to fight. That's a long time to wait, but I think that we should, even though we are feel as though we are ready to start that life together.


Anyway, can anybody give me some pros and cons of being a married college student? I already have some in mind myself.

 

[peanutbutter12]

First off, sexual temptation is not a smart reason to get married. If you want to wait, then wait. Don't jump in so that you can be sexually active. That is one of the wrong reasons to get married and shows a lack of maturity that you need to be in a marriage.

Well, here is a question, one of the most important you can ask... does you both make enough money that you would be comfortable living on what you both make? One of the key mistakes people make is jumping into a marriage when they are financially unable to deal with it.

Second, are you both spiritually ready for that kind of commitment? I highly recommend to everyone that they go through marriage counseling with their pastors before going through with it. They will hit a lot of subjects that can come out that we sometimes forget about when considering making this decision.

Third, are you both mentally ready for that? Most younger people, while they think they are ready, find out quickly enough that they weren't mentally ready to handle the responsibility of being married, which can add to marital problems early on.

These days, people just jump into these things without thinking about all of the issues that come with it. I highly suggest you seek counsel from your pastor or spiritual leaders about this before you go further with it.

 

[Mercytalking]

I know exactly what you mean. We don't want to get married just to have sex. We just don't want to have to wait so long - it is a factor. And the financial part is something I have definitely mentioned to him. He'll be a college graduate by then, but he is working on a project that will continue to drain money, I'm sure, and I think it would be smarter to wait until I graduate. Of course, I'm shooting for youth ministry, and I'm sure it will be years before I even begin drawing significant income. We'd already agreed to marriage counseling, whenever we do get married, and just last night I told him I questioned how ready I would be, because even though I feel ready, I tried to put myself into that situation, say, two years from now, and it was a little overwhelming.

The whole point of this thread is not really to convince me, but more I suppose to be able to convince my boyfriend that we're just going to have to be patient. He said he's just waiting on me and he's willing to wait, but I want him to WANT to wait too.

 

[Weasel7711]

Go to premarital counseling

 

[unkalledfor]

Love is patient.

I think that says it all.

 

[HisLittleHazelnut]

I will probably be getting married while we are in school. Actually, I am paying on student loans right now, but I heard that if we get married and he's still a student I don't have to pay on my loans.

So we'll get married.
So once he's out and has a good job then it's my turn to go back to school, and meanwhile he won't have to pay on his loans. Once we're both done then we can afford to pay back more than the minimum payments because we'll have two incomes, shared living space, and all that.

 

[Teufelhund]

You both will still have to pay your student loans, even if you marry as students, it doesn't matter who is still in school, once you have to repay, then you have to repay. Also, his student loan or your student loan while not in repayment will possibly be assesed as income if applying for relief:

If you ever intended on applying for interest relief (where you don't make your full monthly payments for a certain time because you feel your income isn't enough to pay them), they will judge your eligibility based on your household income, not your personal income. So they will combine both of your income, and you have to report all sources of income, including current student loans not in repayment, and they will say "Yep., you guys make plenty of money to pay your student loans back" and will expect payment in full for your monthly payments.

The best thing you could hope for though is that they may not require him to report his student loans as income (depends on where the loans came from if they will or won't require you to report it as income), and then they'll consider you a famliy of two living off of his income alone (or whoever is the non-student), and they may allow you to apply for relief.

But relief only lasts temporary intervals (for instance, 6 months at a time), and you will have to re-apply. There is also a limit for how many times you can re-apply for relief.

Also, if you -don't- pay your loans, they will take your joint tax returns from you to put towards them when married. When you get married, you incur the debts of each other. Your personal debts because joint responsibility, that's about it.

My ex husband was a student for a time during our marriage. And I've also been dealing with student loans for 8 years now. They only care about two things: Your income (which, when married, means "household income" from all sources) and When are you going to pay them (since they'll assess you to be making enough money to repay without a problem). Student loans has little to no loopholes.

~ Lynn

Actually while you're in school in the US, as a full time student, your loans accrue very little interest and you are not required to pay them until you are no longer a full time student, I can't remember how many credit hours a full time student is, I think its 9 or 12 per semester but I cannot remember. I apologize for the slight derailment, but it's something I have dealt with as well.

 

[Teufelhund]

So my boyfriend has presented the idea that it is possible for us to be married while I'm still in school. I've said no, I wanna wait until I'm out of college for 6 months, but that's 3 and a half years away and we have serious sexual urges that we are trying very hard to fight. That's a long time to wait, but I think that we should, even though we are feel as though we are ready to start that life together.


Anyway, can anybody give me some pros and cons of being a married college student? I already have some in mind myself.

If you think you should wait then you should wait. Unless you are absolutely certain I think that it is not a decision that should be made.

 

[Mercytalking]

Thank you guys for all the advice. I DO think we should wait, and he understands that, though he says he'd propose this summer if I gave him the go ahead. I was trying to find a way to explain myself to him I guess, because that is not something that I am particularly good at. I want him to be willing to wait because he thinks its a good idea, as opposed to waiting because I think its a good idea. Anyway, thanks!