- Jun 13, 2012
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I am not sure whether I should do anything in this situation. I'm not a very outgoing person, but I do make the effort when I have to, or when it benefits my kids, even if it's outside my comfort zone.
My husband has a buddy. He goes to our church, but rarely attends. I have met his wife, briefly. When I am out and about and see her, she always makes a point to talk to me. She even comes over occasionally and drops off goody bags for the kids, but always has a reason to dart out quickly rather than stay to chat. We have invited them over as a couple many times, but things come up and we always end up having to reschedule (but never do). Most recently, she declined an invitation through our husbands (I told my husband to tell hers that they are invited, as they are always talking to each other anyway). The reason for declining this time was that she was very busy.
Now personally, if I am very busy, I would still make time for a dinner invitation. It's not like it takes all day to eat. Nonetheless, if I were truly swamped with obligations, I would say that I am too busy on that day but would love to do it some other time, and then I would make an effort then and there to get a tentative date set. That is me. So I made the assumption that she, for whatever reason, didn't want to come over. That's fine. But later, her husband told my husband that if I wanted them to come over, then I should go over to her house and make an effort to invite her in person, as she is very shy. Well personally I don't think that shy people would appreciate someone barging in on them unexpectedly and putting them on the spot. I also don't think I should have to go through big hoops to make a friend. So if they want to come over, then they can come over. I'm not going to keep extending unwanted invitations, but if they said so much as "We should grab dinner sometime" then that would be a hint to me that they are open to an invitation. But so far I get the impression that is unwanted, so I'm not going to bug them. Now my husband thinks I should take his buddy's advice and go hassle her to come over. I told him that they are adults and perfectly capable of making their own decisions about accepting an invitation, so I wasn't going to go through that charade, and that his buddy was probably just saving face. What do you think? Should I bother with this bizarre scheme, or just let it be? That's definitely outside my comfort zone, and probably outside hers, so I'm thinking maybe our husbands are just going to have to be buddies alone.
My husband has a buddy. He goes to our church, but rarely attends. I have met his wife, briefly. When I am out and about and see her, she always makes a point to talk to me. She even comes over occasionally and drops off goody bags for the kids, but always has a reason to dart out quickly rather than stay to chat. We have invited them over as a couple many times, but things come up and we always end up having to reschedule (but never do). Most recently, she declined an invitation through our husbands (I told my husband to tell hers that they are invited, as they are always talking to each other anyway). The reason for declining this time was that she was very busy.
Now personally, if I am very busy, I would still make time for a dinner invitation. It's not like it takes all day to eat. Nonetheless, if I were truly swamped with obligations, I would say that I am too busy on that day but would love to do it some other time, and then I would make an effort then and there to get a tentative date set. That is me. So I made the assumption that she, for whatever reason, didn't want to come over. That's fine. But later, her husband told my husband that if I wanted them to come over, then I should go over to her house and make an effort to invite her in person, as she is very shy. Well personally I don't think that shy people would appreciate someone barging in on them unexpectedly and putting them on the spot. I also don't think I should have to go through big hoops to make a friend. So if they want to come over, then they can come over. I'm not going to keep extending unwanted invitations, but if they said so much as "We should grab dinner sometime" then that would be a hint to me that they are open to an invitation. But so far I get the impression that is unwanted, so I'm not going to bug them. Now my husband thinks I should take his buddy's advice and go hassle her to come over. I told him that they are adults and perfectly capable of making their own decisions about accepting an invitation, so I wasn't going to go through that charade, and that his buddy was probably just saving face. What do you think? Should I bother with this bizarre scheme, or just let it be? That's definitely outside my comfort zone, and probably outside hers, so I'm thinking maybe our husbands are just going to have to be buddies alone.
