"Community"

[Living4Him03]

Yesterday I went to visit a local Baptist church I visited several times in undergrad and though of joining. I thought maybe I'd give it another try, since I now fit into the grad/career group instead of the college group. I figured maybe some things have changed. I didn't wake up in time to attend the grad/career sunday school class, so I went to the worship service.

As I sat there before the service I thought about why I had chosen not to attend the church before. It was mainly because I did not feel I fit in there and could not attend the small group meetings which they place great importance on. The pastor's sermon was about discipleship and included the importance of Christian community. I thought it was a good sermon and I learned several things to apply to my life, but at the same time I was a little weary of something. Near the end of the service he asked everyone to fill out this card in order to be placed into a small group to "do life together". I thought this was a good idea in theory, but what if you are placed in a group you don't really fit in or what if you don't fit in any of the groups? It's also difficult to "do life" with people you don't know very well or are uncomfortable getting close to. I don't totally disagree with small groups, don't get me wrong, but I also see how it could leave some people out or make them feel forced to befriend people they just don't click with.

Coincidentally, I came home and read an article written about Christian community and the recent trend of small groups, bible fellowships, etc. I think the idea behind such groups is great. However, the article pointed out that sometimes we long so much for a sense of community that it is almost forced. We build small groups or place people in bible fellowships or what have you in order to build community, but often do little to allow such community to develop naturally. Then I realized that the forced community was one of the reasons I had decided not to attend before, although I didn't realize it at the time. I didn't feel I fit in with the college group...I was about to have my degree and was about to be in grad school...I was not originally from the town the church is in, and I didn't have a lot of interests in common with the college group there. The times I visited I felt like I was sort of being forced to find things in common with these people I didn't really click with. The article is on http://www.boundless.org. I'm not sure of the title but it's easy to find on the first page.

Having said all this, I want to know what you all think about this. Do you think churches today are trying to force community instead of letting it develop naturally? I've found it's difficult to find a church because of this. I know fellowship with others is important, but should we be so desperate for community that we end up forcing community instead of finding ways for it to develop natural?

 

[KeilCoppes]

I think the difficulty is that many are trying for megachurches because they are big. The challenge is that with megachurches you do lose the sense of community. Having always been in small churches, with the largest being a church of 180, the advantage is that you can actually .know. everyone in your church and they can know you. You can actually know who you're praying for. I'd much rather see many smaller churches working together than churches with hordes who don't know anyone. At one point in my life I had a family of 180, and I'll trade a small group for that in a heartbeat.

 

[caitlincares]

I am anxious to get involved in the monthly women's group in the new church I am attending.
They do not do it over the summer.

I think in this crazy, busy world we live we do not take the time to get to know each other outside of regular church services.
So these groups are a way to start to build valuable Christian relationships.

Especially as a single women other Church folks do not invite me over.
I have invited others to my house but it would seem easier for a family to invite one person rather than a single inviting a family over.

I am all for small groups. If you do not feel like doing it there is nothing saying you must.
I see it as an opportunity to get to know others. You do not get to know others just chatting before and after services.
That is my opinion.

 

[EmSchmem]

Well my church is the opposite of most others. It began as a Bible study some guys had in their house in college. Just five or so of them. That was in 70 and now we are 4000 strong but the basis of our church is our small groups. Called home churches. We say we aren't a big church that just happens to have small groups but we are a network of small churches that just happens to have a large meeting. Most people don't start out at a big meetnig, they come to our church through a friend who invites them to a home church meeting. Home churches are anywhere from 15-50 people usually. They work great. When they get too big they plant a new one.
It works, even in a church of 180 people you can't get close to everyone so thius is good. Also each group has leadership and those are the people responsible for preforming weddings and funerals (many are ordained) and visiting sick friends. And such things. That way 2 or 3 pastors don't have to do it all.

 

[Princess Pea]

Great discussion topic! We have small groups in my church, so I guess you could say my church kind of "forces" community instead of letting it develop naturally. However, community is really supposed to be what it's all about, so I think that's OK, especially in a culture where people have such busy lives. Sometimes we Christians get so individualized, so focused on "ME and MY personal relationship with Jesus", that we forget we are the BODY of Christ.

Before Jesus died He prayed for all believers (John 17:20-26.) This means us - you and me and everyone reading this thread. I get goosebumps when I think about that! And His prayer was that we would be unified. This means we ARE a community, and if you look around, we certainly aren't all alike! Just look at the diversity among posters on CF - and we represent only a small collection of Christ's followers who are living at this time in history, able to communicate in English, and computer literate - yet, because all these incredibly diverse believers throughout history and throughout the world have one important thing in common, which is faith in Jesus, we will all be together in Heaven some day! (oooh ... more goosebumps!)

Anyway, when Jesus prayed for unity among His followers, He must have known what a diverse bunch we'd be - yet the desire of His heart right before He died was that we would be unified. Our faith is the important commonality that can make this work. My church uses small groups, and mine is pretty diverse - older divorced woman, young familes, empty nesters, and a a single or two. Yet we've found things in common, even besides our common faith, and several months ago several of us were all convicted at the same time that we needed to be praying together during our monthly meetings. (By the way, if you're looking for a common interest, just throw a potluck - brings people together every time! Then add group prayer.) Now we know each other - we share joys and sorrows, bring meals to people who have had surgery or new babies, connect after church services, and basically do what friends do - because we now are friends. This diverse, "forced" group has become a community, and it's a good thing.

Sorry - I'm rambling here and don't have the time to edit the way I'd like to. But I've just started reading "Being the Body" by Charles Colson, so this topic has been on my mind too. I don't know if I even really addressed your question - but I'd say that being "desperate for community" is exactly what Jesus wanted us to be, and if churches have to "force" communities to start at first, maybe that's OK - if the people involved in the groups are truly committed to developing a community, it CAN work, no matter how diverse the life stages and interests.

Just out of curiosity - how would you see a community in a church "developing naturally?" I ask because I'm one of those introverted types, and I find it helpful when churches set up the initial ways for people to get together.

 

[Sketcher]

My church is a pretty big church - a few thousand people - and for that reason small groups are encouraged very much. I am not in one of those small groups, as my campus ministry is not run through that church. By contrast, it is a lot smaller, you get to know people and build great friendships. In fact, I beleive this is not unlike the early church, where people knew each other and were devoted.

I have found it very rewarding, as I have met a few people who are good friends. Now, I can see the awkwardness in jumping in a group where they have a lot of deep fellowship already. You might feel you need to share your deepest, darkest secrets and feel wierd hearing the other people's. These things need to be handled right. Maybe by not sharing your deepest, darkest secrets in front of everybody, but with a trusted partner.

When the group you are in is small, I believe it is much easier for relationships to develop "naturally". When you go to a big church, they need to break people down by common interest so you have something to work with. Get someone in a group of 100 people instead of 1000 and that's a good start. People can meet each other, talk, and build relationships there because they have a common interest, whether it's basketball or parenting or a common interest in a certain spiritual topic. From there, the new person meets someone who is in an even smaller group, and is eventually plugged in to that small group.

 

[Living4Him03]

I guess my concern with this church is that i think they break it up by age group and not also common interests as well. I think small groups can be great, but you're right twisted it is awkward. When I visited the church before I felt sort of left out and they never really seemed to want me to get involved with their small group.

 

[klewlis]

My church has 5 elders, and so we've broken up the whole group into five "friendship groups". They are not based on age or who has what in common, but span all age groups and types of people. Each elder couple makes a point of getting to know everyone in their group, as well as facilitating potlucks and other activities so that we can all get to know each other. There are around 100 people in each group.

The reason churches seem to push this so hard is because otherwise we lose people through the cracks. It is a constant battle to meet all the new people, connect with them, and get them into a place where they feel comfortable and begin to get to know people. We don't want anyone showing up for three sundays and then leaving because no one came and talked to them. So we do our best to connect with as many as possible, and then get them hooked up into a friendship group as soon as possible. From there we break down into smaller bible studies and such.

I don't think it's necessary to have things in common with your group--we need hands, feet, heads, etc in each one. And of course there is nothing saying that you can't *change* groups if yours becomes counterproductive and/or harmful to your spiritual walk. But if that's happening then there are likely other problems at hand as well.

Sometimes it's good for us to be "forced" into a community, so that we can be stretched out of our comfort zones.

 

[mina]

I think small groups are great and should not be forced or thrown together by a person in charge unless it's a children's or youth's small group. As Christian adults, we should be able to chose which groups we wish to take part in. I would be wary of any church that told me I could only be part of the small group they had selected for me. My old church really encouraged small cell groups during the week. And yo u could visit each one and then decide which you would like to be a part of. And it was no way set in stone. It was a really good program. Churches should encourage a feeling of community. the Church is the body of Christ.

 

[Tenorvoice]

I attend a small town country Southern Baptist Church that has been blessed by the Grace of God. He has blessed us soo much in the past few years. In the past 4 years we have seen the Chruch grow from having an average of 90-110 members on a Sunday morning service to 300+ as of last Sunday and the sunday night crowd has done just as well. We just opened our new education/worship building this past weekend. It had been a dream of ours for 3+ years now.

With all that said, back to the OP.

The one thing that we here from the community around the Church in our area is how family oreinted and how freindly we are, not only to our Brothers and Sisters but to the lost community as well.

All of the "small groups" that we have are volintary. Other than Sunday School which is divided up by age, men, women, or mixed. We have lady's Bible study twice a year. Life (kind of like F.A.I.T.H.) training and evangalizm twice a year, a group that we call "The Fishermen" which is a growth program for the men of the church, and many others that would be too many to list here.

I do not see how small groups that are forced on anyone would work, IMOP.

Peace and Joy in the Lord Always.

 

[fieldmouse3]

I felt like I should join a small group because I was supposed to, not because I genuinely wanted to do it to further my relationship with God and other Christians. That's one of the reasons I decided not to join one at the present time!

 

[invisiblebabe]

Yes, I think some churches do force community to an extent... and then when someone feels left out or excluded, they tell that person, "Awwww you poor thing... depend on a friendship with Christ first!!!" and go back to chatting in their own little cliques. Well, that was one of my ex-university's fellowships, anyway.

I also am of the opinion that one must have a very strong individual relationship with Christ, AND be accepted by a community.... both of those are supposed to grow in tandem

 

[Princess Pea]

I also am of the opinion that one must have a very strong individual relationship with Christ, AND be accepted by a community.... both of those are supposed to grow in tandem

Agreed 100%!

Clarification: I took "forced community" to mean that the church organizes the groups instead of having them arise spontaneously. People aren't forced to participate against their will - at least not at my church!