Communication

[Pope Gonzo]

This is totally random, but one thing I realized very early on in my relationship with Steph was that our communication is incredible. In the other relationships I've had, I haven't had very good communication, but Steph and I can talk about anything and everything, and it's just incredible!

So what's the difference maker in your present relationship? (I guess this is more directed at the "Married, engaged, or pretty darn close" group of people ) What's the big thing(s) that you haven't had before?

I'd say another for us is we're really trying to keep God at the center of the relationship. We're not great with it yet, but we try to remember to pray together.

 

[mathias1979]

Pretty much the same things. Good communication, better trust, and focus on God.

-Matt

 

[Sascha Fitzpatrick]

I think, for the first time in my life, I'm secure enough to not be afraid to bring up things that have hurt me - in the past, I used to run from issues that could cause me and my ex to fight, as I was so scared he would realise what a dunce I was and dump me as quickly as he could...

Now, having learnt how my man works, and how I operate, I am able to respond and communicate in such a way that doesn't make him feel like an idiot and doesn't make me feel like I'm making light of something that did cause hurt in myself.

This comes with patience, practice and learning each others 'triggers' - ie, what words cause you to flare up, what words make you cry, and what words help you open up =- the same thing goes for actions too...

For us, communication works best sometime after dinner, when we're both relaxed and removed from the initial situation. Giving yourselves some space to work out what caused you to feel the way you did is great - as you aren't flaring up at the point when you're most upset and volatile.

Great books to help in this were 'Personality Plus', 'Understanding the Male Temperament', 'Boundaries Before Marriage' and 'Understanding the woman's heart'...

All VERY good!

 

[caitlincares]

Great books to help in this were 'Personality Plus', 'Understanding the Male Temperament', 'Boundaries Before Marriage' and 'Understanding the woman's heart'...
All VERY good!

I have Understanding the Male Temperament. Good book.

 

[hanaya]

My guy is 8 years older than me and when we started dating, I wasn't even 18 yet. So, because of this we were both praying a lot about the relationship and our feelings for each other. We discussed getting together and what that would mean and what we felt God was telling us.
I think the fact that before anything happened, we really just put everything in God's very capable hands is what made the real difference. I mean we were praying long and hard about our feelings before we even knew the other was doing the same.
Two years later we're incredibly happy and planning our life together

 

[invisiblebabe]

Pope Gonzo, I'm glad your relationship is going so well!

I've had two relationships head toward marriage and eventually end up breaking off. Both times (and yes, with boys before and after that, too) I'd thought, "This guy is different from the others because __________."

So, I really don't know what to tell you Communication is a HUGE part of a relationship, but that alone may not be an indicator that "this is it." All I can say is keep taking it one day at a time, enjoy what you have, and trust that God will lead you.