My marriage has been far from easy, with lots of trust issues related to both of us lying about things. Even though I feel like I have repented, and I believe he has to an extent, there are things that aren't getting handled correctly. I keep seeing "love and respect". Every day of my marriage, I do so much to show love and respect for my husband. The one thing I try my hardest to avoid is nagging and bringing up the past issues that have led to the MOST of our problems today, but when I come to him about an issue I cannot get anything out anymore.
Let's back up: In the beginning of our marriage, I was afraid to come to him because I did not know "how". After numerous issues with lies about girl friends and how he talked to them, and I finally got the courage to confront him, he chose me and this marriage. So we took every possible step to rebuild the marriage. Now 2 1/2 years later, I am back to feeling like I was in the beginning: afraid to come to him about an issue because I do not know "how". There is no compromise, and if there is, it is me settling just to avoid the fighting, knowing eventually it will be something I bring up again.
The issue: I cannot come to terms with it being natural that the fact my husband comments random strangers or friends on their appearance and has so much desire to want to look at naked women daily. This is done on Facebook. A place I once could see, but now that I can't (he changed his password and won't let me have it for his own privacy), he is commenting "lusting" words for women who basically exploit themselves. But I get nothing. I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I will never be fitted for his desires. He will download photos of women like this, and say they are old, when I know it is a lie. He is not giving me any kind of vibe I should feel when it comes to "love and respect". But I cannot get these words out to him and for him to see that his "addiction" and "desire" to speak to other women this way really does effect me. I can't get it out of my head when he goes to touch me if it is because he's aroused at what he looked at earlier. I don't feel like it is only ME anymore. He even states if I did this he "would not care." But I am beyond that idea of "two wrongs don't make a right". I believe in respecting my husband and making him the ONLY one worth looking at.
Next: I said I have lied to him, and the big thing I did was I hid the fact I was smoking cigarettes. I FINALLY accepted that he did not want me to do it, and I fought with myself and I have made it 42 days to this date without anything because I knew I had to stop out of respect to him and to avoid lying to him. I did that. I busted my tail to do that.
I am giving and giving and giving for this marriage. He is giving some, but I don't feel like it is 100/100. There is no respect or there is no desire to be fully open and honest with me. I understand men do not like to "talk about feelings." But what really happened to the ability to RESPECT your partner and your marriage? I do not know how to come out and say: "You are not respecting me. You are not giving me 100/100. You are still keeping secrets from me. You still do not make me feel like I am the only one you desire."
Let's back up: In the beginning of our marriage, I was afraid to come to him because I did not know "how". After numerous issues with lies about girl friends and how he talked to them, and I finally got the courage to confront him, he chose me and this marriage. So we took every possible step to rebuild the marriage. Now 2 1/2 years later, I am back to feeling like I was in the beginning: afraid to come to him about an issue because I do not know "how". There is no compromise, and if there is, it is me settling just to avoid the fighting, knowing eventually it will be something I bring up again.
The issue: I cannot come to terms with it being natural that the fact my husband comments random strangers or friends on their appearance and has so much desire to want to look at naked women daily. This is done on Facebook. A place I once could see, but now that I can't (he changed his password and won't let me have it for his own privacy), he is commenting "lusting" words for women who basically exploit themselves. But I get nothing. I feel like I am not good enough. I feel like I will never be fitted for his desires. He will download photos of women like this, and say they are old, when I know it is a lie. He is not giving me any kind of vibe I should feel when it comes to "love and respect". But I cannot get these words out to him and for him to see that his "addiction" and "desire" to speak to other women this way really does effect me. I can't get it out of my head when he goes to touch me if it is because he's aroused at what he looked at earlier. I don't feel like it is only ME anymore. He even states if I did this he "would not care." But I am beyond that idea of "two wrongs don't make a right". I believe in respecting my husband and making him the ONLY one worth looking at.
Next: I said I have lied to him, and the big thing I did was I hid the fact I was smoking cigarettes. I FINALLY accepted that he did not want me to do it, and I fought with myself and I have made it 42 days to this date without anything because I knew I had to stop out of respect to him and to avoid lying to him. I did that. I busted my tail to do that.
I am giving and giving and giving for this marriage. He is giving some, but I don't feel like it is 100/100. There is no respect or there is no desire to be fully open and honest with me. I understand men do not like to "talk about feelings." But what really happened to the ability to RESPECT your partner and your marriage? I do not know how to come out and say: "You are not respecting me. You are not giving me 100/100. You are still keeping secrets from me. You still do not make me feel like I am the only one you desire."
