Common fear

[memoriesbymichelle]

Run to Jesus,
Ya, I can do some of the knight in shining armor thing I guess. But I just don't like me in that image. But it is a powerful image in our society for girls because Disney etc. I can certainly see why girls like that image.

Kinda hard to move around in those shining armor suits, know what I mean?
But IMO after reading Wild at heart by John Eldredge, it became more clear to ME that man was made in God's image (and women too). So in that context GOD wants to be our knight in shining armor (Picture the Parting of the Red Sea, Manna in the desert etc.) So IOW, God loves to be counted on to save the day so to speak, hence our knight in shining armor. Women OTOH, are the "other" side of God. The nurturing, caring, sensitive side you might say. So in BOTH sexes we have ALL the attributes of God and the TWO becoming ONE compliment each other perfectly and perfectly (if we were perfect) reflect the whole persona of God and who He is. JMO of course.

So if a women says lets just be friends, is she willing to become my wingman ... err wing woman to find my next GF?

Well I cannot speak for other women, but if I said that I just wanted to be friends, then YES I would be your wingperson to help you find your next GF.

 

[razeontherock]

man was made in God's image (and women too). So in that context GOD wants to be our knight in shining armor (Picture the Parting of the Red Sea, Manna in the desert etc.) So IOW, God loves to be counted on to save the day so to speak, hence our knight in shining armor. Women OTOH, are the "other" side of God. The nurturing, caring, sensitive side you might say. So in BOTH sexes we have ALL the attributes of God and the TWO becoming ONE compliment each other perfectly and perfectly (if we were perfect) reflect the whole persona of God and who He is. JMO of course.

Not just YOUR opinion, Sister! This is a very liberating thing to understand, for anyone who does not. Dayhiker referred to the Disney phenomena, and of course Disney isn't teaching children that God is our Savior. satan's great sin is pride, and surely there can be no easier path for him to feed that to a man other than positioning himself as a special woman's hero. Likewise, it is an unrealistic expectation for a female of any age to view a male as capable of providing what only G-d can. Frustrating, too!

Very valuable contribution there

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Not just YOUR opinion, Sister! This is a very liberating thing to understand, for anyone who does not. Dayhiker referred to the Disney phenomena, and of course Disney isn't teaching children that God is our Savior. satan's great sin is pride, and surely there can be no easier path for him to feed that to a man other than positioning himself as a special woman's hero. Likewise, it is an unrealistic expectation for a female of any age to view a male as capable of providing what only G-d can. Frustrating, too!

Very valuable contribution there

Why thank you brother!

Jesus is definitely MY only Hero. Makes me think of that song "Hero" by Mariah Carey... "when a hero comes along".... but I don't want to be my own "hero" and a hero DID come along and His name is JESUS!

But in context of a mate, I would like a strong (not just physically) man that will help me stand when I cannot and help calm my fears just by having someone to walk beside me. With Jesus of course as our guide!

 

[razeontherock]

It's ... "interesting" to me to note how drastically different the culture on this issue is, here in the Mid-West vs the East Coast where I grew up. It took me quite some time to even recognize it! Here, a woman that is strong, or smart, is afraid she will not be attractive to men, but will be perceived as somehow unfeminine. It is not rare at all for a woman to actually act dumb, at least with a man she's interested in.

The Bible upholds rather different ideals, that I much more prefer ... that walking beside each other in true friendship thing you allude to, is to be a 2-way street as I see it:

Amos 3:3 Can two walk together, except they be agreed?"

Women should be taught about their inherent strength, and intellect, more.

 

[dayhiker]

Its interesting how threads take on a life of their own in a message board!

Not the direction I expected this thread to go IIRC, somebody already said she would? (Different thread, but this sub-forum, I'm thinking)

 

[blackribbon]

I've had two relationships with men since my husband died...one was just friendship and the other was a bit more. I think being "strong" has counted against me in both cases...the "friend" just quit talking to me when I quit agreeing with him on everything (stupid irrelevant stuff) ...and the "relationship" picked a woman who fawned all over him for everything such as doing basic house repairs and stuff (over time, it seems, that doesn't seem to be as satisfying as he thought it would be orginally, though). I don't cry so they assume I don't hurt. (okay, maybe the "friend" is self-centered enough that he really didn't care).

My dad walked out on us right after my 13th birthday and didn't really look back...my husband suffered with cancer and I had to be the one to decided to discontinue treatment and allow his body to die....it is hard to think of most anything else as being "too hard" to do or live through. I live life very matter of factly on the surface. I am admired by many...but that doesn't seem to be an attractive factor as a unmarried woman. The men I've met want a woman who can't do it all. Honestly, I don't want to have to do it all, but in a pinch, I will find a way because I have no other options. Being weak hasn't been a luxury life has offered me. Fear isn't even in the mix.

 

[exitstageright]

I forgot to include the poll function, if "let's just be friends" are really the most horrible words for any man to hear

When I hear those three horrible words,"Let's Be Friends",with my imagination,I actually hear the background music that goes,"DUM......DUM....DUMMMMMMMMMMMMM!"

 

[blackribbon]

"Lets be friends". How awful those words are depends how long you have been in a relationship. If it is early, then I think it can be a positive statement because it is mostly saying "Ok, there is something I like about you so lets just get to know each other in a safe atmosphere."...on the down side, it also means, I'm not terribly attracted to you (however, it took time for me to realize that my husband was the best looking guy out there.) Anyway, before you heart is involved..."friends" should be okay.

However, if you have had a relationship and then comes "lets be friends", it means, I'm not interested in you as partner anymore...it might also mean that I do enjoy your company or it might be a brush off. It is possible to be friends after a relationship but only to the extend the most wounded person can handle. The more that someone's heart was invested, the harder "lets be friends" can be. Quite often it isn't friendship but rather one person clinging to a secret hope that things will change.

 

[razeontherock]

Pulling a snip out for its value:

The men I've met want a woman who can't do it all.

This is the sort of thing it may be good for many to reflect on. Can we spell "co-dependency?" I knew we could [/Mr Rogers]

As a musician, a parallel I see is when the star of the show fires people in his band for being "too good." Hopefully it's obvious that better musicians do nothing other than make him (her) sound / look better?

Another factor that can enter in here is deservance issues, or as Paul Simon wrote it and Phoebe Snow sang it, I Can't Believe In Something So Right (That's a clip I wish was on youtube)

 

[blackribbon]

This goes hand in hand with the "knight in the shining armour"...I think (many) guys want the women to see them that way...but only want to be heros if it is easy, not in areas that push their comfort zone. But a realistic definition of a hero is an "ordinary person doing something extraordinary".

I want a "knight in shining armour" too, but to me that means recognizing that the dragons I fight each day for my family are just as difficult and the ones he fights. And that knight doesn't need to save me but rather support me on the days when my battles don't go so well just like I meet him at the door with salve for his wounds

I once accidently ended up in conference session intended for men only (this was said when I was in the bathroom and my hubby didn't "enlighten" me until after the talk...I went to the session so that he would go). Anyway, the speaker was talking about the husband's role in a family...and how men want to be the "KING of their castle"...they come home from work and believe that they should get to sit back and be waited on at home...and he said that this is just fine. HOWEVER, how many Kings are married to the servant?....he reminded men that IF they want to be the "King", they should make sure that their wives are be treated and honored as the "Queen"...and that means the king may need to get off the couch and also do some "serving".

 

[blackribbon]

Marriage is teamwork...and a team that is unbalanced is not a good match. Capable men need capable women.

I believe strongly in the Biblical marriage where the man is the head and the woman is the helpmeet. However, I wish more men would realize that this is not accomplished by choosing women who are subservient and weak, but rather women who are dedicated to God. There is a lot more respect in a relationship when a woman chooses to submit to someone who is her equal. It also means that the man can trust his mate to be intelligent and capable enough to handle the stuff he can't and know that his family is still in good hands.

 

[dayhiker]

Black ... really loved the illustration about the king/servant/Queen thing. That was good.

 

[razeontherock]

Indeed! It seems some here are sorely needed as mentors ...

 

[Run to Jesus]

Black ... really loved the illustration about the king/servant/Queen thing. That was good.

Me too!

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

This goes hand in hand with the "knight in the shining armour"...I think (many) guys want the women to see them that way...but only want to be heros if it is easy, not in areas that push their comfort zone. But a realistic definition of a hero is an "ordinary person doing something extraordinary".

I want a "knight in shining armour" too, but to me that means recognizing that the dragons I fight each day for my family are just as difficult and the ones he fights. And that knight doesn't need to save me but rather support me on the days when my battles don't go so well just like I meet him at the door with salve for his wounds

I once accidently ended up in conference session intended for men only (this was said when I was in the bathroom and my hubby didn't "enlighten" me until after the talk...I went to the session so that he would go). Anyway, the speaker was talking about the husband's role in a family...and how men want to be the "KING of their castle"...they come home from work and believe that they should get to sit back and be waited on at home...and he said that this is just fine. HOWEVER, how many Kings are married to the servant?....he reminded men that IF they want to be the "King", they should make sure that their wives are be treated and honored as the "Queen"...and that means the king may need to get off the couch and also do some "serving".

Preach it sista! I find that too!!! When you are single, especially not by choice as a woman, you do what you have to do. I find that "some" men feel intimidated by that. It's their inferiority that's the problem and all men are not like that, it's just that when we get older it's harder to find the ones that aren't.

 

[razeontherock]

I find that "some" men feel intimidated by that. It's their inferiority that's the problem

Just pointing out, this is an over-generalization. The problem is far more complex. I have seen men intimidated like that for all sorts of other reasons. (I point this out because some of them may be easy to resolve or grow past) My least favorite to date: "it's the smart women that get you in trouble."

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Just pointing out, this is an over-generalization. The problem is far more complex. I have seen men intimidated like that for all sorts of other reasons. (I point this out because some of them may be easy to resolve or grow past) My least favorite to date: "it's the smart women that get you in trouble."

well I certainly am not into generalizing (generally ). But even with my husband, before he died of course, he would get mad if I "questioned him" because in HIS mind that meant that I didn't believe him or I didn't think he was smart, and neither of that was true. It's just that I have an analytical mind and I need to be able to wrap my brain around why something can't be done a certain way or why something won't work, if I think it should be able to be done. Does that make sense?

 

[razeontherock]

Yup! Makes perfect sense. The only time I can see valid reason for not doing that, is in an emergency. I have been in situations where it is truly better to have any Captain at all, rather than no leadership; the confusion would've brought quick death.

Such things are usually really obvious though, not your normal daily events. Somebody that holds themselves to be above scrutiny is beyond "red flag" IMHO. G-d has certainly never presented Himself to me that way ...

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Oh yeah definitely won't be questioning skills at the moment of a crisis!

My husband seemed to be of the opinion that because he was older than me that he was automatically smarter than me. So one day my FIL (who only finished the 8th grade and couldn't spell for beans) told me to go and tell him that if he was smarter than me, then that must mean that his dad was smarter than him because his dad was older than him and his dad said "he KNOWS that's not true" as he chuckled.
On another occasion my husband was trying to fix something on our computer and my nephew who was a wiz at a mere 7 yrs old said "I know what to do uncle mike" to which my husband squashed him like a bug saying "Max! I'm alot older than YOU and I know alot more than you do!" I can remember sitting there thinking "seriously? you are intimidated by a 7 year old that much?" funny now, but not at the time.