Commitment

[Koop]

What does your bf/gf/courtship partner/best freind/etc.... (goodness this is getting complicated) mean to you? Where does the commitment end? What will you work through and what would you leave them for? Backgound of the relationship is kind of necisary for clarity so please give at least a breif description as to how long you've been together and how close you are. Big ones I am wondering about weather you would work through are: (FBP means from both perspectives meaning your so going threw or doing it and you)

Your so cheating on you.
Your so Lieing to you.
Your so hiding things from you.
Getting peer presure to leave from parents and or freinds. (FBP)
A temporary loss of feelings. (FBP)
A possible conviction of the Lord that you should not be together. (FBP)
Feelings like maybe there is someone better out there. (FBP)
Having feelings for another person, but still being commited to the one your with. (FBP)
Your so having their "best friend" (as in best not one of the best) of the oposite sex when you consider them your best friend and are of course in a commited relationship.
You have a best friend of the oposite sex other than your so and don't want them to take a back seat to your so.

There are many more situations obviously so if you have anything you'd like to add awesome. I don't expect huge answers to all of these, I just want to know where people stand and what the biggest issues are to people.

 

[msjones21]

Well, I don't have a SO, but I know from prior experiences what I would and would not tolerate in a relationship so all of my answers are somewhat hypothetical.

Your so cheating on you.

Bye bye SO. Sorry but I can't forgive and forget that. I mean, why else would that be the only Biblical grounds for divorce? It's a serious transgression against the person you love and there is no excuse for it. I don't care if you've lost "that loving feeling", your SO gains weight, or you were drunk. I don't think cheating is the worst thing that can happen in a relationship or that someone else couldn't work through it, but as for me a SO cheating would be the end of the relationship. I was cheated on before, I refuse to put up with it again.

Your so Lieing to you.

It would depend about what the lie was. If it was something very serious like they used to be another gender and had a sex change operation or if they go by a different name and are really a fugitive from the law then I would probably bolt. If they lied about going to the grocery store but went bowling with their friends yeah, I'd be miffed and I'd say something about it but I wouldn't end the relationship because of it.

Getting peer presure to leave from parents and or freinds. (FBP)

I may be 23 years old, but my parents' opinion has always been very important to me. They are both Christians and I know that their input on relationships is lead by the Holy Spirit. If they expressed concerns to me I would really put it into perspective. If it were the other way around and my SO was getting pressured to leave me I would want to confront his parents directly and address their concerns just as I would allow my SO to do with my parents. Sometimes it's a matter of miscommunication or a misunderstanding; however, if the reasons are founded then I would have to step aside and respect my SO's parents. I've been in this situation before and I was the one who stepped away to honor his parents.

A temporary loss of feelings. (FBP)

It depends on the feelings. Warm fuzzies come and go. If by feelings you mean respect and trust well then that's the end of the relationship. With no trust or respect there is no relationship.

A possible conviction of the Lord that you should not be together. (FBP)

If the Lord convicted me to get out of a relationship, as hard as it would be, I would obey. If my SO came to me and said they felt it was God's will for the relationship to end, as hard as it would be, I would let them go. Who am I to question God's will for someone else's life?

Feelings like maybe there is someone better out there. (FBP)

Everyone wonders that. That's just something you have to prayerfully take into consideration. I am of the opinion that it occurs more with people who have very limited dating and relationship experience.

Having feelings for another person, but still being commited to the one your with. (FBP)

Here again, what type of feelings? Is it God moving you on to someone else? Is God using these feelings to help pull you away from someone you're not meant to be with? Or are we talking about when you go through that inevitable period in the relationship where you feel you don't mean as much to your SO as you used to and then someone else comes along and makes you feel special? If it's the latter then I'd have to say that this is where I exercise great caution. I don't allow myself to be put in a situation where I would be tempted to stray. If there was a lack of attention in the relationship I would try and openly communicate with my SO and see where we could work on that.

Your so having their "best friend" (as in best not one of the best) of the oposite sex when you consider them your best friend and are of course in a commited relationship.

I wouldn't start a relationship with someone whose best friend was a girl. If this occured during the relationship I would begin to question my SO's level of commitment to me. One of us (me or the friend) would have to go.

You have a best friend of the oposite sex other than your so and don't want them to take a back seat to your so.

This isn't even an option for me.

Here is another scenario that I'm not sure how I feel about it so I'll let others share their experiences and opinions: What about when your friend has friends of the same sex and you don't like them? Say they are a bad influence...

 

[LadyBird]

Your so cheating on you--Neither of us would tolerate being cheated on. We could probably forgive one an other but could never be together because that circle of trust was severely damaged.

Your so Lieing to you--Depends on what the lie was...if was something that was really big...I wouldn't want to be with a liar. However, if he always told little lies to me or vise versa, something is wrong...

Your so hiding things from you--Again, it depends what it is...like if he was always leaving out huge important details, I would be suspicious but if it was just something like he left out that he played video games one day and didnt' tell me...little, unimportant things wouldnt really matter to me...but big things would and I would not want to be with someone who was hiding things from me and same goes for him.

Getting peer presure to leave from parents and or freinds(FBP)--I love my parents and my friends and usually they can sense weird things about someone...so I don't really know...it would just depend. If my parents totally objected to me dating him, I probably wouldn't be with him and vise versa. It would just depend on what they didnt' like or something...

A temporary loss of feelings. (FBP)--No, I wouldnt break up over a temporary loss of feelings...and neither would he...it would depend on what type of feelings were lost too.

A possible conviction of the Lord that you should not be together. (FBP)--Not reallysure. I think that we would probablylet eachother go if that were to happen

Feelings like maybe there is someone better out there. (FBP)--I think that everyone feels like that at one time or another. If you feel that the person you are with is the one, you should trust in the relationship and God that this is who you are meant to be with.

Having feelings for another person, but still being commited to the one your with. (FBP)--Uhhhhh...if my boyfriend had feelings for someone else, we would not be together and vise versa.

Your so having their "best friend" (as in best not one of the best) of the oposite sex when you consider them your best friend and are of course in a commited relationship.--Uhhh...if your S.O. isn't your best friend then they aren't your S.O. either. Yah, that would be a weird situation...

You have a best friend of the oposite sex other than your so and don't want them to take a back seat to your so.--Ummm like someone stated below...this wouldnt be an option for me either.

 

[Warrior Poet]

Your so cheating on you.

Later

Your so Lieing to you

As said depends on the lie..and more so why they felt they needed to.

Your so hiding things from you.

Again it depends on what they are hiding...and gain why.

Getting peer presure to leave from parents and or freinds. (FBP)

I would have to say if i hold each to, parents and friends (real friends), high in regard to just let the words bounce off. If my mom and dad were againist it then i would have alot of thinking to do. If i listened to my best friend (male and alot of female friends) I would have been in better shape...but not a wise

A temporary loss of feelings. (FBP)

This is to common of an occurance......i wouldnt leave unless the admiration and respect and loyaly was no longer present.......you never temporairly lose those. I would let her go so she could find someone that could treat her right....I would expect the same.

A possible conviction of the Lord that you should not be together. (FBP)

Later

Feelings like maybe there is someone better out there. (FBP)

There is always gonna be someone better then me out there....if she finds him I hope shes happy.....she has my blessings.....I would hope she feels the same

Having feelings for another person, but still being commited to the one your with. (FBP)

I unfortunitly have found myself in this spot too many times...its not fair and its not cool...I would/have walk(ed). I would want her to walk too.

Your so having their "best friend" (as in best not one of the best) of the oposite sex when you consider them your best friend and are of course in a commited relationship.

If their "bestfriend" was arond before I showed then I cant complain...she got into our friendship and helped develop it for a reason.....that borders me trusting her around him...if I cant....I walk. Same rule applies to myself.

You have a best friend of the oposite sex other than your so and don't want them to take a back seat to your so.

I have been put in the spot where I was forced to choose...you make me choose you loose....again same rule applies.

Warrior Poet

 

[John the Engineer]

Your so cheating on you.

Pray for guidance. Really this depends on if they feel convicted and the seriousness of it. If they just went out with another person and it was innocent, then if they feel convicted about it then just pray that the Lord would heal the pain you feel. If they meant to cheat on you or simply don't care, bye. If they don't tell you and you find out and THEN they feel guilty, bye.

Your so Lieing to you.

Like above, it depends on what they are covering up and how they respond. If they come forward because they feel convicted it's a lot easier to deal with.

Your so hiding things from you.

Dealt with this one personally, if you are commited to the person and the Lord's will is with you, then you work through it and pray for healing. If they just consider it part of life then it's time to leave.

Getting peer presure to leave from parents and or freinds. (FBP)

Tough one, God calls us to leave our parents and be joined to the person we're with. If you feel that it's something you absolutely don't want to do to the level they're asking, then you need to let them go. If you feel that they're asking you to leave friends because the friends are harming your life, then you need to look at your friends. And what reason are they asking you to leave your parents? Is it because they're pushing and controlling the relationship? Or is it just they don't like them being involved at all?

A temporary loss of feelings. (FBP)

You'll have this no matter what, you need to decide if you lost feelings because you just know them better or what.

A possible conviction of the Lord that you should not be together. (FBP)

Time to break it off, period. If the Lord says walk you walk. If you're not sure if it's the Lord, pray about it and maybe take a break to seek the Lord's will. If he has for you to be with them he'll bring you two back together.

Feelings like maybe there is someone better out there. (FBP)

It's called regret about making a commitment. You ever bought something and the next day wondered if you made the right decision? Buyer's remorse is what it's called. You need to really think if this is the person you feel you can live the rest of your life with.

Having feelings for another person, but still being commited to the one your with. (FBP)

You need to pray and seek the Lord's will. Are you having feelings for them or just lusting? If you are having feelings for someone because you've become good friends and are attracted then you are bordering on cheating on your SO and you need to break it off in one or the other relationship.

Your so having their "best friend" (as in best not one of the best) of the oposite sex when you consider them your best friend and are of course in a commited relationship.

You should be eachother's best friends. That's what a relationship comes down to. I dealt with this as well, and was even told "But I've known them so much longer!" And she didn't get that he would always have known her longer, even though she swore up and down she never and would never have feelings for him. But anyway, you gotta deal with that and if she's unwilling to be completely commited to being your best friend, and you hers, then that's a serious problem.

You have a best friend of the oposite sex other than your so and don't want them to take a back seat to your so.

Time to break off the relationship, they're obviously not important enough. Let me put it simply, would you put your SO in the back seat to God? God is the most important, and we put aside others.

A relationship where you're looking toward marriage is where you have to look to plans to be the only ones for eachother, and the only one you trust above all else. If you have someone else, especially of the opposite sex, who you trust more, knows you so well, etc, then that person is who you are desiring to be with. "It's different with them" or whatever is not an excuse. You, and your SO, need to decide who you want to be. If the person you are with your SO is not who you want to be, then it's time to let them go. If everyone fell by the wayside, and indeed they should, is the person you're standing with the most important person in your life? PERIOD. DO YOU DIE TO YOURSELF FOR THAT PERSON!? That's what it comes down to. If you're not ready to do that, then it's time to let go of the relationship.

 

[William Nunn]

My fiancee and I have agreed that cheating won't be tolerated. I could not reconcile a marriage if I was cheated on. I could forgive as a Christian, but that trust I had would be totally destroyed.

Besides that, I could work through anything. Some of those situations would be hard to accept, but could be worked through.

 

[Mrs K 2004]

Your so cheating on you. He'd be gone! I wouldn't think twice, because there is no excuse!
Your so Lieing to you Depends on the lie... but more than likely it would be over
Your so hiding things from you. We have a very open relationship, and if he were hiding things from me I would be worried that he was either cheating on me or lieing to me about something!
Getting peer presure to leave from parents and or freinds. If my family and friends did not approve of my S/O they probably would have very good reason! My families opinions mean a lot to me so I would probably go with them!
A temporary loss of feelings.Definatly putting the relationship on hold, because if there are no feelings, something needs to be done!
A possible conviction of the Lord that you should not be together. I would pray a lot; and then follow my heart adn intuition.
Feelings like maybe there is someone better out there. If this was just after/during a rocky place in my life then I would possible consider sticking it out and trying it again; but if this was a constent intuition I would need to leave for my own sake.
Having feelings for another person, but still being commited to the one your with. I would be honest and open with my S/O and decide what to do together.
Your so having their "best friend" (as in best not one of the best) of the oposite sex when you consider them your best friend and are of course in a commited relationship. I'm not sure if I understand this... but my S/O's best friend has become my best friend and we have a wonderful relationship! He is great for advice, and a ton of fun to hang out with! And my S/O has a sense of security knowing that his best friend is my main guy friend, he doesn't have anything to worry about!
You have a best friend of the oposite sex other than your so and don't want them to take a back seat to your so. Friends and S/O are two VERY different things, and it's difficult to draw the line... but in even the best relationships you need to make time for yourself!

 

[DaveKerwin]

any untruthfulness is a big problem. I stress honesty in my relationship as a top priority.