Come on in, the coffee's hot

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Hey Soulwings, I'm doing really well now that I got some program code to work after getting error messages and not knowing where the problem was .

The depression forum has been quiet generally. I guess people get discouraged when they don't get better and leave. I should start interesting conversation topics but I just can't think of that much to say.

The easiest thing to say is don't worry about your wedding, it will all sort itself out but that's alot easier said then done. The organizing might be stressful but also really fun, its something to enjoy, don't let the stress take away from the joy you should experience.

 

[Soulwings]

Yes, I am looking forward to the actual organising. Although so much of it is still up in the air! since my fiance is currently living 1200 miles away. So there's no guarantee even on whether or not it'll be held at the church I want (depends on what my fiance thinks of it when he gets here). Much less the other stuff; I have not even considered a dress or bridesmaids or the reception or anything yet. Craziness!! And especially since we don't know when we'll be getting married ... all we know is May or June. But anywhere from 2008 (radical) to 2010 (planned). I guess we'll see, and that's part of the adventure!

Btw, you can call me April.

Glad to hear that things are going better. Wheeee

How things going this afternoon? Can I get you anything to drink while I'm around?

I think I'm going to finish up lunch then head out on a walk ... I have *counts* five and a half hours to burn. Wheeeee once more!

/me settles in the corner for few minutes with a laptop and a cup of iced coffee.

 

[Mask]

everyone! I just joined. I was hoping to find a place where people (especially Christians) understand how I feel. I know it's really hard for a lot of people to understand that you just feel bad/sad inside. They always want a reason why you feel that way. I have no reason, really! I wish I had something that I could point to, and say, if this was changed I would feel good, but I know that's not going to happen! They would only bring temporary happiness. I hate this yucky, lonely feeling inside. I have a wonderful husband and great kids! My life is not bad...it is pretty good compared to a lot of people! Why am I not happy then!!!! I am a child of God...should I not be content, happy, whole??? One would think so but I am not!!! Sometimes the everyday things of life are just to hard to handle. That's so pathetic!!! Doing laundry, cleaning up, cooking, being there for your children and husband isn't any big overload or stress but sometimes it sure feels like it.BLAHHHHHHHH!! How's that for a second post ? I just want to feel happy...good inside, not just ocassionally but all the time. I know bad times happen and you might not feel so good in them but that's not what I'm taking about. I just feel bad inside all the time. I function quite well and most people wouldn't know at all. Ya, WHATEVER!!!

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Welcome Mask,
We do understand how you feel so anytime you need to vent there's usually somebody here to talk to.
Don't feel like you have to feel a certain way, it would be great to have the joy that we're supposed to have but honestly, I think very few people really do have it.
T.

 

[Mask]

My husband is a VERY upbeat, happy, content, bubbly guy, I am very thankful for that but sometimes it's hard. You look at that person and wonder why....why can't I feel good about who I am, like you do? Why can't I feel all happy, like you do? What the heck is wrong with me. We are two total opposites! I do think that is good though. What a mess we would be if we were both gloomy !! I really don't know for sure if I am what the medical field would call depressed or not? About six months ago I was a real mess. I couldn't get control of my emotions, I felt so overwhelmed, I was crying all the time. I felt totally helpless. I did see my doctor. She asked me questions about how I felt and such and said it did sound like I was depressed. SURPRISE!! She did check out hormones and stuff but they were all fine. She wanted me to see how I would be in a week or so, but if things got worst to come back. Things did seem to get a bit better. Anyway she didn't bother to give me anything at the time. I really don't know if it is something wrong in the brain or just so much junk from childhood that has placed this sadness, loneliness,fear, and rejection in me? I've had some christian councelling, broke this vow, forgave this person, done all the so called steps. That gave a bit of temporary relief but nothing lasting. What are the answers????? I'd like to know!!

 

[Mask]

Is it o.k to be posting this stuff here? Maybe I'm supposed to be in the depression forum?

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

You're free to say whatever you want here.
I can't really give any solid advice, but I think it does sound like you are depressed. If you think it might be caused by stuff in your childhood then maybe you should carry on with counseling. I'm no expert though.

 

[Soulwings]

I agree with TLB. Continuing with counseling is always a good thing to do. Even if you feel like things from your past are "cleared up," it often takes more than a few sessions to really start you on your way to getting rid of junk like that. I'm no professional either, but I am an expert in counseling (haha, just because I've been in it for going on 2 years ), and I've benefitted a lot from it, even when I've felt like it was pointless.

By the way, welcome to CF! and welcome to this thread, and to the depression forum.

And I can empathise with the difference in significant others - my fiance was depressed and suicidal, like me, and can still be somewhat depressed, but for the most part he is a joyful man. I know that he's found that joy through Christ, and I am seeking the same ... and sometimes I find it... there's a flash in my heart, and for a moment, or a few moments, I feel like I'm going to explode with the joy of being alive and being one of God's children, and being loved by the most wonderful man on earth. And then it goes back to the simple contentedness... or the depression that always seems to linger.

Ugh. I'm not in a good place this morning.

And I've loads of coursework to do, and I don't really want to focus. Bleh...

How are you [all?] doing this morning?

 

[Mask]

Hi Soulwings! I'm doing o.k this morning. I had a rotten sleep though. I find it hard to get to sleep on the weekends...don't know why? Usually it's only on saturday nights, but being march break for the kids I guess last night seemed like saturday to me...so I had a hard time sleeping. Hubby was snoring too so that certainly didn't help matters . What do you have planned for today...studying? I gotta get off soon because couple who are friends of ours called and said they are popping in this morning. I really hate that! I don't like not being in control of things...makes me a bit uptight!

I understand what you mean about the flashes of joy you have. That happens to me too. Not very much lately though. It just kinda well up like a big bubble inside of you and kinda feels like a big shiver with a little laugh! Cool! I wish it was like that all the time. When I first got saved, things were like that all the time. I was so happy and it felt like so many burdens were lifted off of me. I don't understand why they feel like they are back again. That heavy, yuck!

About the councelling thing.... I've gone to secular and to christian and both times they thought I was great and that I didn't need any more councelling. Like I was fixed or something. I certainly am not!! I find it to expensive to pay for too. If I did go then I would have guilt because I was using money that my family needed to live on. My life is pretty much guilt & shame. I just get so tired of going around this mountain with no espace route in site!! I want off this path!

 

[Soulwings]

Mask. Obviously both the secular and Christian counselors didn't get to the root of the problem(s) ... I'm surprised, though - usually counselors are pretty sharp and notice when things aren't all okay with their clients. Does your church offer free counseling? because that might be an option (I know that some churches do that, and some don't). I still do think that counseling would be a good idea - there are also self-help formats that are around, so maybe you could try that out?? Or yoga. People around here know that I'm a yoga freak ... it's really helped me relax and focus when things aren't going well. So maybe give that a shot first off - you can teach yourself - there are several good books out there. If you want, I can recommend some.

I rededicated my life to Christ a little over a year ago, and I didn't really feel the flashes of joy until I was more recovered - probably late last summer - and I can still dig around inside me and find the "spring of joy." It's more like a trickle right now, but maybe someday it'll become a true river, and I can help other people tap into that river to start springs of joy in their own hearts. Yes, it feels incredible when it does well up inside ... I feel like I'm about to burst! and then it subsides and I'm left feeling content and pleasantly peaceful for awhile. And then all the bad stuff comes crashing down again. Cycles. They're crazy!!

This weekend... studying. I really need to get off here and go do some coursework - memorising some psych chapters. I have a quiz on Thursday and then an exam the following Thursday, so I really better get cracking on studying. And I also have some essays to write for another class. So ... I hope that things are going well, and that the company yesterday went okay! Take care and I will be back later.

/me puts the coffee on to brew, turns the teakettle on, and, grabbing her hot chai, she scurries off to the corner to sit at one of the tables and study the chapters on cognitive behavioral and reality therapies.

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Hi everybody, its really nice to see that this thread is more active again.
I hope everybody's doing okay.
I've had such a nice relaxing day, just went to church this morning then tidied my room a bit, watched a vouple of episodes of Jericho and read quite a lot. Now I'm going to do some work on my church magazine.

 

[Mask]

Hi everyone! Hope everyone had a good day!

I made out o.k with the unexpected company yesterday. They even ended up staying for lunch! I do get a bit anxious when we have people over though. I feel pressured, when I'm trying to prepare a meal! I get frustrated because I'm trying to do six things at one time!! I don't handle that stress very well. Luckily she was someone who kinda knows how I can get so she didn't mind helping me out in the kitchen. I still don't like that though, I feel like I should be able to handle situations by myself like other people do. Performance anxiety I guess.

I'm glad you had a nice relaxing day TLB! What is your church magazine?

We went to church this morning and then went out to lunch. When we got home, things just fell into place, and hubby and I ended up having an awesome talk with out 15 yr old daughter about her life, friends, boyfriend (possibly ex-boyfriend), stress, pressures, helping her friends deal with depression, you name it and she talked about it!! It was wonderful!! She doesn't share a lot, just on occassions so this was great.

I didn't feel like going to our evening church service tonight so I just decided to stay home! That's kinda big for me! I always feel obligated to attend every service, even if I don't want to but I'm starting to break out of that. Man that's hard for me! I never want to let anyone down. Then I end up doing things with a wrong attitude. Boundries are a hard thing for me especially with people in authority or father figures. My Pastor is both of those to me so it's hard saying no to him. I'm really trying though, to sometimes put myself desires first. Work in progress

 

[Soulwings]

I'll respond more in depth to your post later, Mask, but I am glad to hear that things are going okay!!

It's nighttime... so I am doing badly again. Per usual (you all are going to get so sick of me...). Time is frustrating me. It's 20+ weeks until I see my fiance again. It's 6 weeks until classes are over, and I have no idea how I'm going to force myself to care about my work that long. Plus, this time of the semester is historically bad for me (last schoolyear, I ended up in the psych ward right before finals both semesters, ended up getting a medical withdrawal for the spring semester. If that happens again, I'm withdrawing from college for awhile, because it hurts too much to keep failing at life).

So I don't know. A lot of thoughts are in my head right now.

 

[Soulwings]

/me pops in quickly to put the coffee to brew, turns the teakettle on, and makes a chai javalanche for herself and for whoever wants one!
(Chai javalanche = chai smoothie)

/me then scurries out to do things to get ready for the day.

 

[Mask]

Good morning everyone ! How's everybody doing today? Monday can be a hard day for some, I'm sure.

I'm so glad the sun is shining today! I hate the winter soooooo bad! I hate being cold and I just find the winter depressing! I always feel like hibernating. I should have been born in some tropical place ! I can't wait for summer weather. The beach is my peaceful, refreshing, happy place! I always feel closer to God there too. Just looking at all the beauty He created for me to enjoy, makes me feel good ! I don't do it as much as I'd like to though. I don't like to do things alone. The kids come sometimes but they usually stay for an hour and are bored and bugging to go home and hubby has to work alot .

Soulwings, why is nighttime so hard for you? Are you alone? You certainly aren't failing at life! Just because things can get to stressful for you, causing you to need a rest, doesn't mean you are a failure! If it does, then welcome to the group, with the rest of us failures ! Hope today is a better day for you! I'll check in later.

 

[jon1]

Hello people.
Sounds like a nice place to rest my weary feet and have a bit of a chill out with a cup of tea. ( a brit, how did you guess).
It seems this thread has been here a while but when you are new here there is so much to see and do. I think we should have a tour guide as I never know where to go next.
I also have a depression problem but I'm having a good period at the moment.
Well, brew's over, thanks for the company.
See you again soon
John

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Hey everybody, I'm just dropping in quickly. I should be working but I'm giving my brain a rest for a few minutes.
Mask, my church magazine is just a A5 brochure type effort, not anything fancy.

April, I was doing 6 subjects last year and failed four of them in the final exam, wrote 3 supps and failed those too so you can't get much worse then that. I'm really hoping this year will be better. I haven't really done enough work, its really hard to get/stay motivated to study and its easy to fall behind.
I'll never get sick of hearing from you! You always have something interesting to say!

 

[Mask]

Good morning everyone!

So glad to hear that your depression is in a good stage jon1 , that's great!

You guys (TLB/Soulwings)do so well to be dealing with depression and still be able to focus on your studies at all!! I couldn't imagine doing that when things are at their low points. It must be a big challenge for you! Hang in there and just do your best, that's all you can expect of yourselves.

Well I have a dentist appointment this morning ! I don't like going to the dentist! Pray that I don't have any cavities!!!

Have a great day!!

 

[Silver-winged Flyer]

Welcome, Jon. Pop in any time you like.

Hey Mask, I hope your dentist appointment went okay, I don't like the dentist much either.

My studies didn't go well last year mainly because of depression but this year I'm on an anti-depressant and don't really battle with depression at all. I study through correspondence so its still not that easy to find the time.

 

[BigToe]

Hey everyone. I figured I should pop in and share some *snuggles*

Is there any pumpkin bread around because it sounds delicious right now.