Come Into The Deep End... with ImHisServant (2)

Sennaria said:

Hello Everyone and God Bless!

I am at the library, I still do not have internet at home, but hope to get here a couple of times a week!

See you soon1

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It's nice to have internet at home! I hope you do get it soon

ImHisServant said:

Wednesday 1/31/07

Loving Discipline​

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he
who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Proverbs 13:24​

Children don't seem to understand the truth of the sentence, "This hurts me more than it does you." In fact, this idea has become a gag for comedians to use. But in reality it's true, isn't it? It's no fun for parents to discipline their children. Parents don't look forward to discipline with a "Yahoo, I get to ground the kid!" attitude.​

But discipline is necessary. It sets guidelines for children so they know where the boundraries are. Children like to know where the lines are for what is acceptable and what isn't. Of course, discipline should be firm, consistent, and given in love. That's how God disciplines His children. Ther couldn't be a better example to follow!​

How do you feel about discipline?? What kind of discipline do you use?? What has happened as a result of not disciplining when needed... or what happened as a result after you did??

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My boys are 17 and 18...at the point where they will make choices on their own. Yes, I can still 'point' them in the right direction...but as 'young men' they must make their own choices and accept the consequences.

We stayed up till about 3:30 a.m. a couple of months ago speaking of just this.

Discipline is necessary! It does set boundaries and it does hurt me more than it ever hurt them. I always (after the 'fact') cried more than they did. I actually was so relieved when the boys were 'bigger' than me.
I was a stay at home Mom for 10 years...

Children need and want (if they were to be honest) guidance which sometimes includes discipline.

My sons now thank me for caring and loving them enough to show them that there are consequences to making the wrong choice. Many teens I speak with today wish their parents cared enough to 'correct' them. It truly is sad to see these children that can do and do anything they want without any guidance and or discipline for wrongs.

I work in a Hospital...and believe me...I have seen the consequences of not disciplining a child.

PrairieGurl said:

My boys are 17 and 18...at the point where they will make choices on their own. Yes, I can still 'point' them in the right direction...but as 'young men' they must make their own choices and accept the consequences.

We stayed up till about 3:30 a.m. a couple of months ago speaking of just this.

Discipline is necessary! It does set boundaries and it does hurt me more than it ever hurt them. I always (after the 'fact') cried more than they did. I actually was so relieved when the boys were 'bigger' than me.
I was a stay at home Mom for 10 years...

Children need and want (if they were to be honest) guidance which sometimes includes discipline.

My sons now thank me for caring and loving them enough to show them that there are consequences to making the wrong choice. Many teens I speak with today wish their parents cared enough to 'correct' them. It truly is sad to see these children that can do and do anything they want without any guidance and or discipline for wrongs.

I work in a Hospital...and believe me...I have seen the consequences of not disciplining a child.

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AMEN! That's exactly what I want for my boys Wendy. I want them to one day look at me and say, You know mom, you weren't perfect, but you taught me well. Of course, they think I'm the meanest person right now, but one day.... I've said that to my mom. My dad handled the punishment of course, but after my parents got divorced, (they're married again now) my mom did spank us a few times, but we were pretty much too old for spanking or smacking by that time. She punished with love. But my mom, after their divorse, raised us up right. I was blessed with such a wonderful mom. Hopefully my kids will say the same.

Couldn't we all write books about discipline and the lack of it along with the consequences? I think we should get together to create a New York Times Best Seller and offer it to each and every parent who leaves the labor and delivery room. Now that's an idea!

Like others here, I was horrendously abused and rarely if ever have I physically punished a child. Don't get me wrong, I have spanked and swatted, but serious lines has to be crossed in order for them to receive that style of punishment. And like others, I too fear it would become habitual and worse with each spanking which is why I chose alternative methods.

I think as our children continue to grow older we really learn and can adapt to meet their needs of "discipline", and really begin to utilize what is effective for them as an individual. My youngest, 8, has probably been spanked less than five times. She is the type all I have to say is "I'm really disappointed" and she's a hysterical, balling mess. Of course she's been sent to her room, had favorites and novelties taken away, etc. But it really eats at her when I just state how disappointed I am in her decisions or actions.

Now, my oldest--11, well, she's a completely different story. She requires hardcore routine punishments-- meaning I cannot under any circumstances falter on any repercussions I express. And it's amazing how she reacts each and every time. Our most recent battle is her closet and dressers. On N-U-M-E-R-S-O-U-S (did I stress that enough) occasions I have spent hours getting her clothing organized for her to unravel what I've done in one night between selecting pajamas and clothes for the following day. I'd get angry at her lack of respect for my time, and dh and I would discuss it with her.

The last three times I've vowed to never do it again. But I always ended up with too much compassion and faltered. The most recent time I spent entirely too much money buying 80 hangers so everything except undergarments, socks and pjs are hanging in her closet. I spent an entire day getting it organized thinking she'd have an easier time maintaining. Keep in mind this was immediately following another round of getting her organized once again.

Guess what happened? It was destroyed within days after I did a load of laundry for her. <--- that does not describe the fury I contained. In my attempt to not lose it on her, I told her she was now responsible for ALL aspects of her clothing. I wanted her to see this was not a five minute ordeal I complete, in which she could/should demolish in seconds. She is now responsible for her own laundry-- washing, folding/hanging-- all of it. And the little bugger LOVES it! She amazes me. We haven't had any closet or dresser issues since. She reminds me of the type who needs severe consequences (such as that) in order to succeed.

Now, my nieces and nephews are a completely different story. My one niece greets me, and everyone else, with a full blown karate kick. They all find it cute, charming and funny. The last time she did it to me I grabbed her foot, held it midair and told her to never do it to me again. They constantly are screaming at their parents when they don't get their way until the parent simply gives up. Out of all of them, the oldest is 9 and the youngest is a toddler.

Everyone in dh's family calls me "drill sergeant". I guess I should take it as a compliment. I do not tolerate rudeness, lack of manners, interrupting, yelling/screaming (within reason-- if one of them is extremely excited of course we naturally squeal), talking back is acceptable until it's rude-- basically stand your ground respectfully and I will honesty consider your appeal-- be rude and the conversation is over before you can blink, etc. Yet his family are the first ones to compliment how kind, caring, generous and well-mannered my children are when theirs, which lack all forms of discipline, are wild and out of control. I'm waiting for their light bulbs to turn on. Despite their moniker for me, they all talk about how I'm the favorite Aunt. Hmm... I wonder why?

ImHisServant said:

Wednesday 1/31/07​

Loving Discipline​

He who spares the rod hates his son, but he
who loves him is careful to discipline him.
Proverbs 13:24​

Children don't seem to understand the truth of the sentence, "This hurts me more than it does you." In fact, this idea has become a gag for comedians to use. But in reality it's true, isn't it? It's no fun for parents to discipline their children. Parents don't look forward to discipline with a "Yahoo, I get to ground the kid!" attitude.​

But discipline is necessary. It sets guidelines for children so they know where the boundraries are. Children like to know where the lines are for what is acceptable and what isn't. Of course, discipline should be firm, consistent, and given in love. That's how God disciplines His children. Ther couldn't be a better example to follow!​

How do you feel about discipline?? What kind of discipline do you use?? What has happened as a result of not disciplining when needed... or what happened as a result after you did??​

Click to expand...

I feel that discipline is really needed. Without discipline there is no order. Without order, comes destruction and/or disaster.
The kind of discipline Im in favor of is spanking, punishment, time-out, and grounding. I think the punishment varies, depending on the age of the child. From obsersiving children that dont have discipline, they get away with more things, have no manners, they disrespect all adults, end in prison, out of control, and have no sense of direction.
Now for those who are disciplined, they know their boundries, right from wrong, respect their elders, and make better decisions.
Discipline changes everything.

Well, I have always been pretty lenient with my boys. I have never been really strict with them. I think the last time I spanked my oldest son was when he was in kindergarten. I'm not sure about my youngest-probably around the same time.
I always hated spanking and just quit doing it, as I said, when my oldest was in kindergarten. I just felt horrible doing it. I'm not against spanking really, I just didn't like doing it. And other things have worked better. My boys both HATED having to sit in time out, so that was actually better than spanking.
The verse posted with this one (he who spares the rod, hates his child), reminded me of what a girl who used to go to church here said. She used to state that if you didn't spank your children it meant you hated them. Well, sorry I don't hate my children. I guess I don't look at that verse as a command that we HAVE to spank our children.
Anyway.....I really couldn't ask for two better kids! My oldest is now 16, does very well in school, and all of his teachers, since kindergarten, have loved him. He's never given them any problems.
My younger one, who will be 13 next month, has been a little more of a challenge. Thing is, he is sooooo much like me....doesn't do as well in school, is a procrastinator, doesn't like to keep his room clean. I always had a messy room when I was a teen!!! I try not to get on them too much about their rooms. I like them to keep them up and do tell them to. But I guess I remember how mine was always like when I was that age, so I don't get on them too much.
So, being a little more lenient doesn't always result in kids who act horribly.

Drill Sergaent?
That's what we need over here....
My three year old is going through his phase, and my seven year old is going though his. Today, Corban came home with a red note from school, for being disrespectful to the teacher This child, was doing so well, he wasn't bring home any notes, wasn't getting into trouble, then when he went back after Christmas break.... it's notes here, calls there... . Today though Praise God for this topic, I truely have taken a deeper looked at my inconsistancy at punishing them.
Another, thing, that I truely do believe helps is the power of a praying mother. When we pray for our children, it takes what we cannot control, and gives it to God, who can.

Discipline is SO hard! All 3 of my girls are so different & each one has to be disciplined differently. Amanda is very sensitive but also very hard on herself (always has been). She will usually punish herself before I even get the chance! Time-out was devastating to her as a child & was all the discipline she needed. Kristin (MIDDLE CHILD SYNDROME...enough said!!) No, seriously...she is very stubborn, always has to get in the last word & refuses to accept any kind of punishment. Time-out or taking things away was a joke to her. She HAD to be spanked. Then there's Shannon...time-out isn't enough but spanking her is SO traumatic to her. However, she values her "stuff" so taking things away from her is torture. Sometimes I think that you just have to customize the discipline to each child individually...the least amount of effective discipline is absolutely the best!! And my girls (now 18, 15, & 12) are great, well-behaved kids! And I can't say enough about consistancy - IT IS A MUST!

P.S. My favorite songs: Praise You In This Storm & Great Light of the World
Both amazing songs!

I don't have experience with my own children yet, but I have plenty of experience as a school teacher. One of the things I find very difficult is to cope when childen are constantly asking and asking. It's very hard not to give in, but I have to stand my ground. With regard to consistency, it is difficult sometimes to be consistent when there are so many children to manage. Not because I don't want to be consistent, but because I lose track of who I given warnings to and for what, even if I write it down.

The general principle of spare the rod, spoil the child does seem to hold, although I don't think it needs to be physical punishment - and it certainly isn't at school. When I have had to discipline some children it has helped, after the inital distress or anger on the part of the child, to build up a positive relationship. Children do fee safer once boundaries are set.

Adam and Eve were set boundaries in the garden of Eden and they broke them, meaning that God had to set another boundary around the garden of Eden to keep them out. This was a natural consequence of their choice, and it was also discipline I guess. So I think we can see the principle of discipline right through scripture from the very beginning - in God's relationship with us. If we model our relationship with our children on God's relationship with us, I don't think we can go too far wrong.

maharg

burn97 said:

Drill Sergaent?
That's what we need over here....
My three year old is going through his phase, and my seven year old is going though his. Today, Corban came home with a red note from school, for being disrespectful to the teacher This child, was doing so well, he wasn't bring home any notes, wasn't getting into trouble, then when he went back after Christmas break.... it's notes here, calls there... . .

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The funniest part of Drill Sergeant is they always talk about sending their children home with me for boot camp. In all reality sometimes my feelings are hurt because I think I'm very fair. When individually viewed some may say I'm too lenient while others may say I'm too harsh. Regardless I feel I fall in line in the middle, and I need to keep in mind this is coming from family members who enforce absolutely no discipline. When looked at it like that, then yes I probably am a drill sergeant in their eyes.

Which child is Corban-- older or younger? I think there's a lot to be said if this has only started happening since Christmas break. Did he come back to school with a whole new routine or seating assignment?

powerofprayer said:

Discipline is SO hard! All 3 of my girls are so different & each one has to be disciplined differently.

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This is soooo true! I really believe when parents understand this it makes it so much easier on everyone.

rosiecotton said:

Well, I have always been pretty lenient with my boys. I have never been really strict with them. ...So, being a little more lenient doesn't always result in kids who act horribly.

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And you are absolutely correct too! People are shocked to hear my children cannot make a bed. It's just something I've always done along with spending a daily five minutes in their room straightening it up. The oldest also is a procrastinator, has never been organized her entire life, let's not even talk under the bed.

Knowing her personality, strengths and weakenesses causes me to fall short on my punishments when it revolves around her room and other areas where I feel they just doesn't quite have the tools yet to be fully successful.

Hello...

Good Morning Everyone...


God Bless You !​

Well I have the topic for today! I received this in my email recently and really liked it, so thought I'd share it.

I"ll post my own reply later. I'm getting ready to go to a computer class.

Very apt point for me to reflect on. I am drained emotionally, physically and spiritually at the moment. My house is falling to neglect because I am leaving my husband to do most of the work while I sit upstairs in my study preparing lessons for the next day at school.

I know I have to cut back on how much I am doing. I had a poor experience this christmas - could not stop thinking about work and ended up not getyting round to posting the cards I had written. My husband and I were supposed to go out for a meal somewhere special to celebrate Christmas and we haven't got round to it yet.

I'm not convinced God is asking me to give up my job, but I do think He wants me to somehow manage my time better so that I am not spending so long working at it. In myself, I want to give it up because I find it so hard, but I very much feel this is my 'sinful nature' speaking, wanting to back away from a challenge that I feel intimidated by. Really, I must find a way of not working so many hours. I asked God to help me not to work past 8.30 one night and He really helped me to do that. I am going to continue to pray such prayers. I know that as a trainee teacher I can expect to do 12 hour days, but I mustn't do much more than that - well I can't do that physically, anyway. I've been off work sick three days this week, partly because I am over-doing it.

My prayer is that God will help me to find ways of working much more quickly and effectively and non-anxiously, as I'm sure that anxiety makes tasks take longer.

Anyway, a very good topic. Thanks for sharing.

Maharg
x

Yes, this topic has been great. I'm still thinking and digesting the questions.

rosiecotton said:

Application:​

Consider if your schedule is overcrowded. Ask God to reveal one responsibility that can be delegated or released. Then act upon His answer.​

What does having margin in our schedules really mean?
Why would God want us to have more flexible time?
What relationships/commitments take the most time in your life? Are these at the top of your priority list?
What is one thing you know God is asking you to do, but you haven't done yet?
Why haven't you done this?​

Verses:
John 10:10 "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I came that they may have life, and have it abundantly." (NAS)
Isaiah 26:3 "You, Lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you." (TEV)
Ephesians 5:17 "Don't live carelessly, unthinkingly. Make sure you understand what the Master wants." (MSG)​

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I know that sometimes I do not spend my time wisely.
The biggest job I have, and will ever have is to raise my boys up in His Will, in His Ways. ( I have tried getting a job, yet nothing has worked out, so I know that this right now, is where He wants me.) Yet, being a full time, stay at home mom, is exausting. It's constant, never a free moment, never a break. My husband works, alot, so basically, I'm on my own raising the kids. He usually is around on the weekend, though sometimes not even that, and the weekdays, the kids can go days without even seeing him, since he doesn't get home till after their in bed, and then back to work in the morning. So, the weight of their upbring is upon me. I've got to be loving yet firm. I am the consoler, yet punisher. Everything in one. And the biggest thing is I am the primary, if not only one that speaks to them about God.
God has commanded us :
"Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
Yet, there are days when I am so busy between this and that, arguements, and homework, housework and errands, ect, that by the time for example, bedtime comes around, and the opportunity to read them a biblestory arises, I opt for just putting them to bed.
So then I ask myself, am I being deligent?
When I go before the Almighty and He asks me, did I follow His Command, did I raise my children the way I should of, what will I say?
Will the I didn't have time to do this wash? No, it will not.
I need to do as you've said, I need to stop spending the time that the good Lord has blessed me with on wasteful things, and use it correctly. I need to put aside time, to do His Will first, not only on the days I have a spare moment, but each and every day. True reorganization does need to happen in my life.

Well, for the first time in my adult life, I do not have an overcrowded schedule. However, that is because I did my "pruning" back in April '06. It was not easy at all. It required a job change, dropping certain activities, a number of things. But I have been SO much happier, less stressed, & closer to God since I did this.

Praying for burn97 - that you would know what it is that God is asking you to prune and that He would give you the strength to do it.



maharg

I currently have too much time available. I find myself wasting much of it. For me, a lack of activity causes problems.

Oh and regarding the previous topic, I echo those who stated that consistency matters most, not consistently no discipline, of course.

n/m