Cold feet or something more serious?

[christianterp23]

I'm going to do my best to keep this short and sweet, and I will greatly appreciate any feedback.

I'm 25 and have been dating the same girl off-and-on for 8 years. This is only one of two serious relationships I've ever had. I graduated from college last year and now the pressure is on to decide what to do with the rest of my life. My first big challenge: deciding if it's time for me to get married or not.

I've always struggled with the thought of committing to someone forever. As crazy as it sounds, even though we've been dating for almost 8 years, it's only until recently that I've seriously considered marrying her. I'm not exactly a decisive guy - I prefer to "go with the flow" and when I do have to make a decision, I analyze every little part of it until I feel safe making up my mind. So these past 8 years have really flown by as I focused more on school, my career, and trying to figure out who I am as a man. Now, I need to make a decision on us.

A little about her: she's perfect. I know this. If I were to list out all of the qualities I would want to find in someone - she hits the mark on every one. Yet, when I think about a future with her - you know, spending the REST OF MY LIFE WITH HER UNTIL I DIE kind of future - I get a huge knot in my stomach. I'm not excited for marriage or the married life and if I had to be honest, I'm really curious about what else is out there. After only dating two women, I really feel like I have no frame of reference. These feelings are impacting my personality and how I treat her. I'm not the loving, supportive boyfriend that she needs. I've tried to just commit in my heart, but nothing changes. I always thought I would be thrilled to get engaged and married and all that. I just don't feel that way now. Is it something I need to just get over because I'm just being a stupid guy, or would jumping into this harboring this doubt be a terrible mistake?

Okay, so that was a little longer than I thought it would be. If you took the time to read my rambling, I'd really appreciate it if you just left a few words for me. I've gone through counseling and talked to family members that I respect, but I'm still feeling confused.

At the end of it all I'm just thinking: Should deciding really be this hard?

 

[JojotheBeloved]

I don't know you, therefore I don't really know how to help you distinguish between cold feet and a serious problem. However, I will tell you this - I wouldn't want to be married to a man who didn't want to be married to me. So think very carefully before you decide to marry her against your better judgment. You have to be able to know yourself and trust your judgment on this matter. If it is just a fear of commitment though, pray about it. God can help with that. My fiance had a fear of commitment for a while, due to his past failed relationships (so don't make the mistake of thinking that dating around first is going to make you feel more secure - because it doesn't necessarily), but we both prayed about it for months and when the time was right God made it clear to him what he wanted and needed to do. My brother-in-law says he had a similar experience with my sister too. My dad has told a similar story about when he decided to propose marriage to my mom too. It may be normal, but pray about it and think about it before making a decision one way or the other. But also keep in mind that marriage forces you to be unselfish (from what I understand from advice given by married people), so before you decide to get married evaluate how unselfish you're willing to be and what your future spouse needs too. But definitely pray about it and take whatever anybody else says with a grain of salt.