Cohabitation

[msjones21]

There was a thread about this on the Youth board. I tried to respond, but I'm above the age limit for posting there so I figured I would start a new thread here.

Someone asked if people thought it was acceptable or not to live together before marriage. I was shocked at my many Christians think it's not against God's commands to live together before marriage. The typical excuses are:

~"The Bible doesn't say living together before marriage is a sin"
~"It isn't a sin if we know we're going to get married enventually"
~"But we really love each other"
~"What if we don't have sex? I know I can resist the temptation"
~"If people judge us so what? Only God can judge"

I just feel those are poor excuses to go against God's obvious commands to flee sexual immorality. I know that I wouldn't live with a significant other even if we did commit not to have sex. It would be far too tempting.

What are your thoughts?

 

[RadG]

My thoughts is that even as a roommate situation with different rooms and no initial romantic interest in each other is wrong. The only time I consider living in the same house or apartment as the opposite sex who I am not married to is if they are directly related to me. This would be my mother or sister. I don't really like living with my sister since we are both adults and usually go to Church together I think others probably don't realize we are brother and sister. One time in a K-Mart a lady came up to us asking for some change for bus fare and thought we were husband and wife, which is kind of funny since my sister is almost 6 years older than I am.


RadG

 

[shania]

Perhaps the only time I'd consider living with a boyfriend was if it was a big house with maybe four other roommates, and we'd definately have seperate rooms and respect the fact that we wouldn't sleep in each others' rooms and always be dressed when coming out of the shower, etc...
Living alone a boyfriend in a two-bedroom apartment - I don't agree with this idea. Even with the house situation there would probably be some times when we'd be alone, and it could be tempting.
Why make life harder by putting yourself in situations where you'll be more tempted than you already are?
When some Christians live with their boy/girlfriend they might not be strong believers, or think that we are all sinners and not make an effort to avoid sinning, or maybe they think that a marriage ceremony isn't biblical or necessary if they plan on being together forever. These are my thoughts!

 

[SAPguy]

In terms of just living with someone of the opposite sex, I don't really see any problem with it assuming we have our own rooms. This wouldn't be my first choice in a roommate (I don't even like roomies), but in a pinch I could deal with it.

In terms of living with someone that I am in a relationship with, it wouldn't happen. The temptations would be too great and it would also give the wrong message to other people.

 

[ummidrinkcherrycoke]

I don't think that living with a significant other before marrige is against Gods Commands. I think that he advises against it because it can lead to things that are. I know that I personally couldnt resist the temptation to push physical boundries so I'd never enter into this situation. But I don't see the act in itself as being sin.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

I don't think that living with a significant other before marrage is against Gods Commands. I think that he advises against it because it can lead to things that are. I know that I personally couldnt resist the temptation to push physical boundries so I'd never enter into this situation. But I don't see the act in itself as being sin.

True, True. I agree that the act itself isn't a sin, but common sense says it can lead to sin.

My friend might find herself homeless soon. She's a girl, I'm a guy. There's no romantic interest, but I wouldn't let her live in her car, so if she needs a place I'll let her stay with me.

 

[RadG]

My friend might find herself homeless soon. She's a girl, I'm a guy. There's no romantic interest, but I wouldn't let her live in her car, so if she needs a place I'll let her stay with me.

As far as that goes I would be carefull. I mean if you look at what we call those who we are in a romantic relationship with before marriage there is one common word see if you notice it GirlFRIEND and BoyFRIEND if you still don't see it the secret word is FRIEND meaning that hopefully before you started to get serious romantically you were friends at first. I have also heard that when you get married you want to basically marry your best friend (which should be of the opposite sex which is for another topic). I am not stating this to step on toes or get on anyone's nerves but just stating that Satan will use any excuse to bring the temptation into your life and just cover it up. As a friend once taught me Satan does not use the bad to get us to sin but the ugly by disguising the sin in what would seem to be a good thing, like helping a friend of the opposite sex out by providing housing even for a short little time.

RadG

 

[wvmtnkid]

My opinion is that living together before marriage is not a good idea. I think in a way it tends to degrade the marriage relationship. It is easy to walk out of a cohabitation arrangement and that attitude carries over to marriage-"If things don't work out I can just leave." I have seen it happen time and time again.

I worked with a guy one time that told me he would never consider marrying someone unless they lived together first. He wanted to make sure they were a right fit for each other and he didn't see any other way to tell that than by living together. So he found a girlfriend and they lived together for a couple of years before they were married. A month after they married, he was already wanting a divorce. He would not get one because it would have made his second and he didn't want to go through a divorce again. So now he is in a loveless marriage and miserable. Seems as though living together did not provide him with the information he was looking for.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

My opinion is that living together before marriage is not a good idea. I think in a way it tends to degrade the marriage relationship. It is easy to walk out of a cohabitation arrangement and that attitude carries over to marriage-"If things don't work out I can just leave." I have seen it happen time and time again.

Awesome point. I had never even considered this.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

As far as that goes I would be carefull. I mean if you look at what we call those who we are in a romantic relationship with before marriage there is one common word see if you notice it GirlFRIEND and BoyFRIEND if you still don't see it the secret word is FRIEND meaning that hopefully before you started to get serious romantically you were friends at first. I have also heard that when you get married you want to basically marry your best friend (which should be of the opposite sex which is for another topic). I am not stating this to step on toes or get on anyone's nerves but just stating that Satan will use any excuse to bring the temptation into your life and just cover it up. As a friend once taught me Satan does not use the bad to get us to sin but the ugly by disguising the sin in what would seem to be a good thing, like helping a friend of the opposite sex out by providing housing even for a short little time.

RadG

OH YEAH?!? well Toes stepped on, nerves gotten on !!!

Just kidding.

You've made a very valid point. I mean, the girl's really pretty, so I could see that being a possible problem, seeing as I'm attracted to pretty girls and all...

Then again, I haven't been attracted to her in a "boyfriend/girlfriend" way for the last six years, so if it's the difference between a roof over her head and living in a car, I don't think I have a choice and I'd be willing to take the chance if it helps her out.

Of course, we haven't been living under the same roof for the last six years either, so who knows how I'd feel.

Way to make me think man, now my brain hurts...

eN

 

[Echoes Peak]

My opinion is that living together before marriage is not a good idea. I think in a way it tends to degrade the marriage relationship. It is easy to walk out of a cohabitation arrangement and that attitude carries over to marriage-"If things don't work out I can just leave." I have seen it happen time and time again.

I worked with a guy one time that told me he would never consider marrying someone unless they lived together first. He wanted to make sure they were a right fit for each other and he didn't see any other way to tell that than by living together. So he found a girlfriend and they lived together for a couple of years before they were married. A month after they married, he was already wanting a divorce. He would not get one because it would have made his second and he didn't want to go through a divorce again. So now he is in a loveless marriage and miserable. Seems as though living together did not provide him with the information he was looking for.

I've heard and seen that as well.

Even though, it may not inherently be a sin to live with someone, like someone else mentioned, it seems to be placing yourself into a rather a hairy predicament. What is the exact purposes of living with someone you are dating, anyways? Is it to "play house"? It seems like that would be a very poor example compared to the real thing (Since one could subconsciouly have the idea of "Well, if it doesn't work, then I can just leave?" Of course, some married people have those thoughts...but anyways.) I don't know, I guess I kinda feel that either you're biting the bullet and you're willing to be with this person, or you're not ready and let things be, if that makes any sense.

 

[msjones21]

One other thing to take into consideration is what it looks like to other people. Most Christians I know of who lived together before marriage kept it very hush hush mainly because they were ashamed of doing it. Plus, we have to keep our Christian witness in mind. What does it look like to a lost person when they always hear Christians preach against pre-marital sex and then two Christians live together before marriage? Now I know some Christians say "well if they want to think we're bad then who cares? It's their problem" but really it's your problem. If your actions are sinful, and you know they are no matter how much you try and misinterpret the Scriptures, then you could be causing others to stumble. Even if you're not having sex (which unless you were living in separate rooms with your family it would be almost impossible to abstain) then you could still be causing someone to stumble because most people would automatically assume you were sleeping together.

The Bible also says to flee sexual immorality. How is putting yourself in a compromising situation fleeing it? You're inviting it in! Anyway....*steps down from her soapbox*

 

[danielb]

I would say living with a member of the oppsite sex (siblings, family not included) in a two bedroom house/flat is just asking for trouble/temptation, well it would be for me anyway.

DanielB

 

[msjones21]

I think it would be for most any couple, danielb.