Cohabitation Before Marriage

[K9_Trainer]

From my vague and sleep deprived recollection if you live as man and wife it is a sin. I don't consider seperate rooms living as man and wife, but then again I think i'm viewing cohabiting as living in the same house as opposed to the definitions i've just googled. A lot of them seem to imply cohabitation involves premarital sex, I just assumed it also covered living with someone you're emotionally tied to as opposed to simply sharing a house with roommates. Because i'm not wired 'that way' I fail to understand how anyone who could control themselves outside of cohabiting will suddenly drop all their ideals and suddenly be this lustful beast who cares little for the word of God.

I guess I just fail to understand how living in the same house suddenly compels individuals who say they have a relationship with the Lord to act like dogs in heat. Is it really that hard to abstain for some people?

I agree a lot with this.

Yeah, you need will power to not do anything. But you don't suddenly "lose control", like, once you get to a certain point or get in a certain situation, there's nothing you can do to stop yourselves from going all the way. Thats ridiculous. If you have premarital sex, its because you consciously chose to. To me, when people say they "lost control" or they blame it on the situation (like, we shouldn't have been together alone at her house) its just a cop out excuse because it would look bad if they simply said "yes, we decided to have sex".

Or at least thats been my experience.

 

[Obzocky]

Unfortunately I seem to be of the opinion that living in close proximity and being able to restrain yourselves from violating your beliefs shows greater strength than putting things in the way of temptation. It only takes one person to be strong, if the other cannot respect this then perhaps the pairing is not compatible.

I can honestly say having lived in mixed gender shared housing for far too long that those who do hold a strong relationship with the Lord who have started dating within the same house have not broken slipped in their beliefs as they would be devastated to of been so animalistic. Everything i'm reading is pointing towards the issue being with the sexual relationship everyone assumes develops, which everyone seems to presume is there and therefore pass judgment upon a couple before finding out.

Obviously if you recognise you cannot resist temptation then living together may not be a good idea, but if you both know how you wish to live, and you are both strong enough to do this, why is it sinful to show that your faith is stronger than the supposed temptation?

I think i'd appreciate the against stance a little better if someone could provide verses that support the belief that cohabiting without engaging in a physical relationship is incorrect? Or is the presumption always that living together will end up in a physical relationship?

 

[Obzocky]

I agree a lot with this.

Yeah, you need will power to not do anything. But you don't suddenly "lose control", like, once you get to a certain point or get in a certain situation, there's nothing you can do to stop yourselves from going all the way. Thats ridiculous. If you have premarital sex, its because you consciously chose to. To me, when people say they "lost control" or they blame it on the situation (like, we shouldn't have been together alone at her house) its just a cop out excuse because it would look bad if they simply said "yes, we decided to have sex".

Or at least thats been my experience.

I fully agree with this.

 

[Italianguy]

No living together before marriage! We are not suppossed to "Try it out". I guess western culture is a little different. My grandparents were arranged in marriage at 16, they met each other at the alter, similar to myself in my first marriage. They were married all their life and LEARNED to love each other. My Nonno passed at 90 and Nonna passed at 101. They were the happiest couple you would have ever met. I think this new generation (myself included....yeah, i'm still young ) has gotten the roles of a man and woman all messed up! Now, people test drive each other like cars and trade them in....it has made a mockery of marriage!

God be with you!

 

[Quoth]

I am personally against cohabitation outside of marriage, except in the case of family. Why?

I have personally lived with two women, though not by myself. The stress of those situations and the results have so embittered me toward pre-marital cohabitation that I would not so much as spend a weekend with a woman in the same living arrangement unless she was my wife.

There is no bias there against women, and yes, my opinion is completely emotionally-based. However, it would take a great deal of influence to change my mind.

 

[Im_A]

I am personally against cohabitation outside of marriage, except in the case of family. Why?

I have personally lived with two women, though not by myself. The stress of those situations and the results have so embittered me toward pre-marital cohabitation that I would not so much as spend a weekend with a woman in the same living arrangement unless she was my wife.

There is no bias there against women, and yes, my opinion is completely emotionally-based. However, it would take a great deal of influence to change my mind.

My experiences are mixed.

One I lived with for a month. Yet she was going through a divorce so that negates any type of problem with the idea of living together for marriage idea because...I should have never been in the relationship to begin with.

Then an old friend of mine and I have stayed the night together 4x if I remember right, and the one time was for 3 days. I loved it. We did nothing physical and I'll tell you what...that girl is BEAUTIFUL in my eyes...I'm talking only physical things simply because it works best for this type of discussion to prove a point. What point is made by saying, "I can spend the night with a female whom I only like her personality?" Anyways...we never did anything. We were so close to for quite awhile. Everything was 'pure' if there is such a thing.

So if I would use my own experiences, I'd just say, there's a 50/50 shot that it'll be good or bad...like most things.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

Why or why not?

For or against?

I oppose. It's not inherently sinful in any way, but it's not helpful if one wishes to avoid fornication. Too easy to fall into temptation.

 

[Stravinsk]

This is a prime example of the world's wisdom...

Divorce is not great by any standards...but a real divorce is better than what you are proposing. There are so many calamities that can befall a person just by "shacking up" that the success rate of marriages of those who choose to shack up actually shrinks of any of those marriages actually working.

That's entirely a matter of opinion. Jesus had a good deal of things to say about divorce, most of which Christians by and large ignore.

A divorce doesn't say whether you are a Christian or not...many fine Christian men and women are divorced or married to those that have been.

So in other words, making a solemn vow before God and others and then breaking that vow, ripping it to shreds and the relationship along with it, hurting children - scarring them and both husband and wife, most of the time leaving alot of pain and resentment behind - is more Christian than living together prior to marriage. Give me a break.

Shacking up though says that you don't give a fig about what God has said or what his son Jesus has said.

How about this one?

Matthew 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

How many fine Christians think of this passage when they divorce and remarry? Answer: None - or they have a real big justification/rationalisation that goes along with it.

You were saying something about not giving a fig about God or Jesus?

It is adultery at least...and a commitment-less marriage at best. With none of the legal benefits that come with being married. It speaks all about you looking out for yourself and not for your partner. (which is what a marriage is)

And so is divorce and remarriage, according to Jesus.

Fornication is not adultery, btw.

I don't think I need to say a whole lot more. In an earlier post I already said that living together was generally a bad idea...for most people. I did it, and I married her. Are you seriously telling me I'm a worse sinner in this respect than someone who has made vows before God and man and who breaks those vows and causes havoc to the relationship and to any children involved?

Living together prior to marriage is dangerous. If it involves sex it's also sinful. Marrying the wrong woman or man and finding out they are a physical/mental/emotional abuser, compulsive gambler, liar, cheater or whatever, is - IMO, *much harder* than finding out earlier and getting out earlier, before any serious mistakes are made and damage (to yourself, to her/him and to children) is done.

 

[IreneAdler]

I appreciate that if you know you're weak and struggle with sexuality NOT living together that maybe staying away from temptation is good, but really, we're not all rabid sex crazed human beings who can't resist simply because it's there... and that caution is not necessary for everyone. (no, I'm not implying those who are struggling are sex crazed... the idea everyone is tempted to go there just reminds me of the idea that women dressing provocatively will drive a man to rape her or something... like men are mindless sex crazed things in that case... it's just... a bit much)

 

[JohnDB]

That's entirely a matter of opinion. Jesus had a good deal of things to say about divorce, most of which Christians by and large ignore.

Only someone with a cursory knowledge of scriptures would think this way.

So in other words, making a solemn vow before God and others and then breaking that vow, ripping it to shreds and the relationship along with it, hurting children - scarring them and both husband and wife, most of the time leaving alot of pain and resentment behind - is more Christian than living together prior to marriage. Give me a break.

and you are proving my point right here. If one person in the marriage (usually the woman according to statistics) decides that even though her husband hasn't been abusive, hasn't cheated on her, has provided for her, and she still wants a divorce...there is nothing he can do. He can fight it...but in America she still will get one.

How about this one?

Matthew 5:32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

How many fine Christians think of this passage when they divorce and remarry? Answer: None - or they have a real big justification/rationalisation that goes along with it.

You were saying something about not giving a fig about God or Jesus?

Actually those of us who really love God have heard about the many controversies and wars that have been fought over these passages of scripture and have taken the time to actually research them and look at them in the Greek and Hebrew and Aramaic languages...then also look at the Anthropology of that day and time and realize that these sections concerning marriage and divorce are some of the most politicized scriptures in all of the Bible and not actually translated accurately. BUT...since you have accused all of the Christians who have been divorced by a spouse as not believing...I will leave enough done here...you already have plenty to answer to God for your judgment of these people.

And so is divorce and remarriage, according to Jesus.

Fornication is not adultery, btw.

I don't think I need to say a whole lot more. In an earlier post I already said that living together was generally a bad idea...for most people. I did it, and I married her. Are you seriously telling me I'm a worse sinner in this respect than someone who has made vows before God and man and who breaks those vows and causes havoc to the relationship and to any children involved?

Living together prior to marriage is dangerous. If it involves sex it's also sinful. Marrying the wrong woman or man and finding out they are a physical/mental/emotional abuser, compulsive gambler, liar, cheater or whatever, is - IMO, *much harder* than finding out earlier and getting out earlier, before any serious mistakes are made and damage (to yourself, to her/him and to children) is done.

Yeah...I would agree that you don't need to say a whole lot more. Your knowledge and understanding of exactly what Jesus was speaking about and why is based upon things that have nothing to do with Jesus.
God forgives sin...Jesus was/is/will be the means by which we are forgiven.
Since I am partly responsible for his humiliating murder and am forgiven for that...I seriously doubt that God will still have a check mark by my name in the book of life as being divorced.

 

[SonicBOOM]

one thing I do gotta say is the bible itself doesn't say anything on this so we really have no ground to call it right or wrong. Personally I would never do it.... I'm ashamed to admit this but I know I couldn't keep control of my pants..... :o

cohabitation isn't a sin.... it IS unwise in the sense that it gives the opportunity for temptation.... but if you live together and don't cross boundaries [and don't have sex] than how are you sinning? I guess for me though.... I don't trust myself enough

 

[gzt]

one thing I do gotta say is the bible itself doesn't say anything on this so we really have no ground to call it right or wrong. Personally I would never do it.... I'm ashamed to admit this but I know I couldn't keep control of my pants..... :o

cohabitation isn't a sin.... it IS unwise in the sense that it gives the opportunity for temptation.... but if you live together and don't cross boundaries [and don't have sex] than how are you sinning? I guess for me though.... I don't trust myself enough

The Bible doesn't say anything about it because such a concept was so completely foreign to that time period - and any time period before the late 20th century - that it couldn't be mentioned.

Okay, there were people who lived together without being married in modernity, but they weren't doing so with the intention of being married eventually, they were "living in sin". Before modernity, taking a woman into your house was marriage in many times and places.

 

[EazyMack]

Based on experience, I am firmly against cohabitation before marriage.

 

[SonicBOOM]

The Bible doesn't say anything about it because such a concept was so completely foreign to that time period - and any time period before the late 20th century - that it couldn't be mentioned.

Okay, there were people who lived together without being married in modernity, but they weren't doing so with the intention of being married eventually, they were "living in sin". Before modernity, taking a woman into your house was marriage in many times and places.

and I am by no means disagreeing with you but regardless of the reasons present, you can't call something sin when the bible doesn't say it is sin, otherwise you are adding to scripture are you not? If the bible doesn't have much to say on it than we need to go on common sense and wisdom. Personally I think wisdom clearly is in favor of not living together before marriage, if you really think about it anyone would agree with me.

when people ask "is it sin to do so and so" they are usually looking for a way to justify something that they probably know is wrong in their hearts.... so the best thing a person can do is say "it may not be sin, but it is not wise and is best avoided".

like the example I gave earlier.... the bible doesn't call it sin to smack yourself up-side the head with a 2 by 4.... but honestly? Why would you? It's clearly foolish

 

[elephunky]

I am for, based on the fact - me as a person. I am full on, some people find me hard to deal with. Based on my personality. Most people cant even handle me part time, I would want to know that my special someone would be able to handle me full time.

 

[rdonovan1]

I don't have a problem with it at all. I however want to make sure that if I do then it is going to be with a woman that I am likely to share the rest of my life with.

 

[rdonovan1]

I am for, based on the fact - me as a person. I am full on, some people find me hard to deal with. Based on my personality. Most people cant even handle me part time, I would want to know that my special someone would be able to handle me full time.

You must be a perfectionist like I am because I tend to see a lot of myelf in some of the statements that you have made about yourself.

 

[elephunky]

You must be a perfectionist like I am because I tend to see a lot of myelf in some of the statements that you have made about yourself.

Im a perfectionist in some areas but not others. Im weird like that.

 

[rdonovan1]

I don't think sex is digusting either. I agree for the most part with dgirl. Sex is a part of any relationship and it is human nature. Male/Female relationships that do not include sex don't tend to last very long because sex between the two was part of Gods plan for us all.

 

[rdonovan1]

Im a perfectionist in some areas but not others. Im weird like that.

So far you haven't said anything to make me think that you are weird at all.