Co-Sleeping

[Kazamataz]

So in an other thread a few people mention Co-sleeping and how when they talk about it.They get funny looks like they just grew a second head or something crazy like that.

I'm one of those people who think co-sleeping is very strange and i would never do it because:

1> My friend killed their baby while co-sleeping.
(rolled on the baby and suffocated it)

2> Not enough is known about the phycological affects on the child.
(talking about children who are still co-sleeping at 4,7,10,etc not in reference to babies!)

3> Lastly my bed is a place for my husband and I.
(children take over your lives I belive my husband and I need to have a special place thats child free.)



However I am curious as to why some people do it?



So my question is to those who do co-sleep why do you do it?


(PLEASE NOTE: this is not an attack on those who do co-sleep and I'm not looking for an argument.
If you want to be negitive please take your comments elsewhere I really want to gain understanding as to why people co-sleep.
I feel if i understood people's reasons behind it I wouldn't find them so strange.)

 

[Primrose]

We co slept so we could actually get some sleep. My kids were high needs infants there was no such things as a little fussing and falling asleep. They would cry uncontrollably, we did not feel this was good for their development and avoided it. My ds was a bit easier and would sleep part of the night in a crib. Turns out my dd has Asberger's disorder, and OCD and I'm certain that was the cause of her high needs issues. At 11 years old she still has a strong need for physical contact, hugs and cuddles. My ds suffered a bracial plexus injury during delivery and oxygen deprevation leading to him having bracial pleaxus plasy, sensory disorders and other physical issues. Call it luck of the draw or whatever, but dealing with 2 special needs infants I don't know if our parenting technique evolved as a result or if we'd have found our way to co sleeping either way. Also as a breastfeeding mother it just seemed natural to have them close at hand and not have to rouse fully to nurse. I remember though when Gracie was an infant one morning I woke up with a hickey on my boob because she couldn't find the nipple. I never realised during the night what was going on, haha.

As for risks and development issue I suggest you use the net and do some research. Cribs are a quite modern western tool. Throughout history babs have coslept and still today a large part of the world's population does not have the luxury of being able to have more than pallets on the floor let alone cots and bassinets. The risk of SIDS to crib sleeping infants is higher than the risk of roll over in co sleeping infants. However if cosleeping you have to be careful, just as you have to be cautious while using cribs, no pillow or stuffed animals, slats not too far apart. if you are obese, using drugs, medication that makes you drowsey or alcohol you should not sleep with your baby. We took our bed off the rails, so no risk of injury if someone falls out of bed, we also all used seperate blankets instead of sharing one blanket. It's just what came natural to our family and worked for us. And FTR both of my kids sleep fine in there own beds now and we've never had bedtime hassles.

 

[RoseofLima]

The science shows that co-sleeping (and at very least having baby in the same room as momma) actually decreases SIDS risks. Baby's breathing and heart rate is regulated by mommas. The same brain activity that keeps one from rolling out of bed, usually keeps one from rolling on baby. This brain function can of course be impeded through medications and alcohol--as well as exhaustion. One needs to create a safe sleep environment for baby in a grown up bed.

It is also something that is, and has been practiced throughout the world. We are not meant to be separated from our infants- but rather in nearly constant physical contact. Babies need that nearly constant physical touch. Nighttime needs are no different from daytime needs.

Science points to co-sleeping as the optimal. However, as with all things, real life swirls around in there...and we need to listen to our mommy hearts and do what is best for us as a family.

With Andrew- after the first few weeks I have put him to sleep in his crib next to our bed and pulled him into bed with me when he has awaken at night. I sleep better that way, because I am hyper aware of his every movement when he is in bed with me. Now (when he is not practicing his new rolling over skills) he sleeps 7-10 hours on average- and I pull him into bed with me in the morning. Itls what works for us.

We became co-sleeping parents by default with our first--I would never have slept if he wasn't in bed with me. It's just how he came wired.

 

[bliz]

My babies are all in their 20s now, and when we look back, we see our co-sleeping or family bedding as one of the best things we ever did for our kids.

1. we all slept better and got more sleep - not an unimportant thing

2. eveyone was physically and emotionally closer to each other. My kids are affectionate and very secure and able to do things on their own that many of their peers are not able to do.

3. my husband really became comfortable with babies when we started co-sleeping

4. One of the sweetest sounds I have ever heard was when I'd wake up in the middle of the night and listen to all four of the most important people in my life breathing peacefully around me. (We briefly shared a family bed for the 5 of us by putting a queen and full together on the floor.

Parents can be great parents without sharing a bed. It was, for us, one of the most rewarding, effective and easiest ways to help our babies become secure, loving adults.

3.

 

[katelyn]

We started doing it because it was easier with breastfeeding - not having to get out of bed to feed the baby is nice. Plus I don't have enough finesse to reach over the rail of the crib and lay down a sleeping baby without waking her up...and on the rare occasions that I would make it that far, the silly sliding rail would make a popping noise when I slid it back up and wake her up.

Most people I know who cosleep don't do it much past 2 years old... Our 2 year old sleeps in her own bed, although I lay down with her as she falls asleep. I'm hoping to see if once our baby turns 18 mos. or so if they will be interested in doing a sibling bed.

 

[Linnis]

Seriously how deeply does one have to sleep to not feel rolling over on to something?

Anyways...we co-slept for 5 months. Then DS wanted more space and we only had a double bed. We moved him to his crib which is still in our room. He was emotionally ready to sleep alone.

It did make nursing easier when I was doing it every 40-60 minutes. I can now nurse asleep.

I love sleeping with my baby and when he's real upset or we take a nap, we do so together in the big bed.

 

[CelticRose]

We've co~slept with 5 & they all survived.

All were high physical needs children & one of the easiest ways to meet their needs for physical contact was co~sleeping.

It was the only way to get enough sleep to function ~ especially with twins.

Several of mine were highly sensitive with overactive imaginations & needed the reassurance that someone bigger & stronger was nearby at night.

I don't believe infants are meant to be separated from their mothers; it is a western invention & there is some arguement ~ depending who you read ~ that separation is actually damaging to a child.

It's a dull parent who can't find a child free zone other than the marital bed & that makes for change & variety.

 

[jgonz]

I did not co-sleep with my first 2 (and I formula fed them), but I did co-sleep with my next 6. There was a HUGE difference in how close/attached DH & I were/are to our kids vs the first two. Breastfeeding was so much easier when I was co-sleeping. The first 3 I co-slept with went to the crib at around 6 months old, and the last 3 never would sleep in the crib, but went to sleeping bags in the den at around 1.5- 2yrs (and slept with some of their siblings.)

 

[Neenie1]

I don't think co-sleeping is strange. We didn't do it all the time. Just when the kids are sick, or need a little extra help at night.

Both of my children slept in our room in their bassinetts until they were a bit older. Like around 6 months, then went in to their own rooms.

 

[AutumnDreamer]

1> My friend killed their baby while co-sleeping.
(rolled on the baby and suffocated it)

This is actually quite uncommon, and 9 times out of 10 there are extenuating circumstances.

2> Not enough is known about the phycological affects on the child.
(talking about children who are still co-sleeping at 4,7,10,etc not in reference to babies!)

Actually quite a lot is known. Cribs were not introduced until about 200 years ago, before that children always slept with their parents, and the US is one of the few countries where having baby in his own bed in his own room is the norm.

3> Lastly my bed is a place for my husband and I. (children take over your lives I belive my husband and I need to have a special place thats child free.)

This is where we see things differently, and I am not trying to sound holier then thou, just expressing the way I see it, I don't think of my children as taking over my life. My passion has always been to be a wife and mother, I have never had much desire to further my education or to work outside the home. I homeschooled my children until these last two school years, and next year they will be homeschooled again. My husband and I find plenty of places to be together, the bedroom for us is just another room.

However I am curious as to why some people do it?

So my question is to those who do co-sleep why do you do it?

We started out of necessity. I did not co sleep with my older two, my youngest however was very high needs, and would not sleep if I was not touching her. She slept with us until she was almost 5. It would have been longer but she was ready. Contrary to what most people think children will not stay in their parents bed forever. My older two children both suffered from night terrors, my third did not. I did find once we started co sleeping that I loved having my babies there with me when I woke up. I didn't miss any of those first morning smiles with my youngest.

 

[DonnaB]

Well, DD slept with us for almost a year until we realized she was not able to sleep due to DH's snoring. With a little work she was able to sleep in her own bed and we still have pretty good bedtimes. The only answer I have is that it felt natural to have her with us, and we only moved her when it started to not work any more.

I'm not really pro or anti on this one, I think it is important to do whatever works for your family. (Oh, we have some special circumstances too in that I need to have time after DD goes to bed so I can study. Group bedtimes wouldn't work for us. And we have to wake DD in the middle of the night to eat because she can't go very long without food because of her disorder. If we were all in the same bed, we'd all be up every night instead of DH and I taking turns.)

I also think more families co-sleep than would ever admit it in public because it has quite a stigma.

 

[Assisi]

I don't think I could sleep in the same bed as baby because I would be deathly afraid of harming the baby in the night. I wouldn't get any sleep!

BUT we will all sleep in the same room until there are too many of us to fit. We are moving to Sydney soon and all we can afford at the moment in a one bedroom flat...so we will all be sleeping in that one bedroom and we plan to stay there until we have about three kids. I shared with my parents as a young child and I loved it. As an only (and older) child I always felt lonely at night time on my own and I don't want any of my kids to have sleep alone.

 

[sparassidae]

I feel like I'm echoing everyone else We co sleep until the child is at least 18 months-2 years, at which point we start them in their own bed or a siblings bed. They are then free to come in during the night. 7yo is no longer allowed in our bed, he has a small bed on the floor of our room (this is just 'cause he takes up too much space)

Breastfeeding is ridiculously easy when you co sleep. Body heat is shared (we don't leave heaters on at night time for safety)
Emotional comfort
Physical comfort (see below)

Something really funny- as a child it took me forever to fall asleep. I mean I would lie awake for at least 1-2 hours before I could fall asleep. I warned DH about this, obviously. When we got married I started falling asleep straight away. All I needed was someone to cuddle. After that experience it was not a hard thing to decide to co sleep.

 

[Kazamataz]

It's a dull parent who can't find a child free zone other than the marital bed & that makes for change & variety.

Point three is not in reference to sex, I actually happen to belive that it's important for my husband and I to have a space that it just for us to spend time together and also a place we can spend time apart.
Our room is just that Our's, it was in reference to personal space. a place where either of us can go to get away from all the stress's of life.

I'm constantly amazed by the amount of parents i meet who don't set time aside for each other or set aside time for themselves.

It's people like that who end up divorcing once their kids leave home simply because they haven't invested into there marriage.

 

[Kazamataz]

Well thanks for shedding some light on the subject for me.

We still won't be doing it for various reasons but it's good to gain some understanding.

My best friend does it with all her kids and she has a 12yr old that's still sleeping with them.

This always really weired me out and we always clashed on the issue.

But hearing your stories I think i understand a little better why she choose to do it.

Thanks for sharing :0)

 

[seamonster]

I too have to wonder how you can roll onto a baby and not know it. Most new mothers don't sleep NEARLY hard enough to be able to suffocate a baby. I didn't sleep for more than 2 hours in a row for at LEAST the first month after I gave birth.

We coslept/cosleep because it's easier with the nursing issue and we all get more sleep. My son is a lot quieter (no "baby sleep noises") when we sleep together and he sleeps for longer stretches when he's in bed with me, rather than by himself. Since he still has night feedings sometimes, it's just easier to have him by me so I can sleep while he nurses, rather than having to go into his room, put him back to sleep, then come back to my room.

 

[Assisi]

Something really funny- as a child it took me forever to fall asleep. I mean I would lie awake for at least 1-2 hours before I could fall asleep. I warned DH about this, obviously. When we got married I started falling asleep straight away. All I needed was someone to cuddle. After that experience it was not a hard thing to decide to co sleep.

Me too!

 

[sparassidae]

In regards to the 'time together' thing- we definitely need time together as a couple, but for us it's the '"time" rather than the "place" that is important. We snuggle on the lounge after they are in bed, curl up in the hammock together (and banish the children to their own) or sit at the table and have tea of an afternoon. That's apart from date nights/ weekends away when they are at Nana's house!

Even though we co sleep everyone has their own age appropriate bed time. 7mo is the only one who starts in our bed at the moment, but she goes to bed at about 6:30 pm. We don't think at this age she needs to sleep 'on' us all the time.

 

[bliz]

For a really interesting read on the safety of sleeping with your baby: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/10/t102200.asp

A look at the overall statistics, and the lower SIDS rate for babies who co-sleep make it clear that babies who sleep with mom are less likely to die in bed than babies who sleep in cribs.

 

[Athene]

With my babies they generally started off the night in their own cots but they usually woke up when I went to bed and then they came in with me, this is still what we do with Grace, she gets tired between 8 and 9 which is far too early for me and DH to go to bed so she gets put in her cot and she falls asleep straight away but then when DH and I go to bed she rouses slightly and if I don't pick her up she'll cry. Once she's put into my bed beside me she goes straight back to sleep.

DH and I get a 3 or so hours at night together to talk and snuggle on the sofa, we're not missing out on time alone together which I agree is very important.

I co-sleep because it's easier to breastfeed. Grace still wakes up at night and she can latch herself on the breast and I barely even stir, plus she sleeps better near me.