closure

[tergail]

Almost 1 year ago. On November 13, 2005. My mother passed away suddenly from a heart attack. She died peacefully in her sleep. No pain. It hit her so fast she didn't feel a thing. I was very close to my mom. She was everything to me. My mom, friend, supporter, comforter,and even my child. I say that, because of a lot of family problems that I won't go into cus we'd be here all day and night!! but I kind of took on the role of mom to her. I protected her, stood up for her, cared for her as a mother would. So, she was part of my everyday life. Even though we lived 3 hours a part, we talked every day.
Her death hit me so hard and was such a shock that I thought I would never get over it. But I got through it. And started to go on with life, because you have to. I started getting used to not talking to her. I still missed her more than anything. And I would have good days and bad. I thought I was doing ok.
Then I realized that the anniversary of her death was coming up and all of sudden I am so depressed and I can't stop thinking of her. I realized that I have not been back to her gravsite, or her house, or the town she was living in, since she died. I've had opportunities but always had an excuse not to go. My dad wants us kids to come up and sort through her things. But we all have to go together and do it. They are waiting on me because I've always had an excuse not to go. I feel like I should go back on the anniversary of her death but the more I think about it the worse I feel. I almost feel like I'm going to have a panic attack at the thought of it.
My pastor said I haven't found closure with her death yet. But how do you find that? Do you ever really find closure when someone so close to you is suddenly gone? I mean is there truly such a thing as closure?
I've prayed for peace with her death and truly felt that God had given it to me. But again, now that the date is near, I feel like it is happening all over again!
Maybe if I make myself go to her grave and say goodbye, maybe that would help. I just don't know if I can go and face it!

 

[smiledaily]

Hello tergail, I will keep you in my prayers. Hugs. God bless you.

 

[jsimms615]

Almost 1 year ago. On November 13, 2005. My mother passed away suddenly from a heart attack. She died peacefully in her sleep. No pain. It hit her so fast she didn't feel a thing. I was very close to my mom. She was everything to me. My mom, friend, supporter, comforter,and even my child. I say that, because of a lot of family problems that I won't go into cus we'd be here all day and night!! but I kind of took on the role of mom to her. I protected her, stood up for her, cared for her as a mother would. So, she was part of my everyday life. Even though we lived 3 hours a part, we talked every day.
Her death hit me so hard and was such a shock that I thought I would never get over it. But I got through it. And started to go on with life, because you have to. I started getting used to not talking to her. I still missed her more than anything. And I would have good days and bad. I thought I was doing ok.
Then I realized that the anniversary of her death was coming up and all of sudden I am so depressed and I can't stop thinking of her. I realized that I have not been back to her gravsite, or her house, or the town she was living in, since she died. I've had opportunities but always had an excuse not to go. My dad wants us kids to come up and sort through her things. But we all have to go together and do it. They are waiting on me because I've always had an excuse not to go. I feel like I should go back on the anniversary of her death but the more I think about it the worse I feel. I almost feel like I'm going to have a panic attack at the thought of it.
My pastor said I haven't found closure with her death yet. But how do you find that? Do you ever really find closure when someone so close to you is suddenly gone? I mean is there truly such a thing as closure?
I've prayed for peace with her death and truly felt that God had given it to me. But again, now that the date is near, I feel like it is happening all over again!
Maybe if I make myself go to her grave and say goodbye, maybe that would help. I just don't know if I can go and face it!

Why do you have to say good-bye? I still feel like my grandfather is near me and he has been gone for 7 years now. As far as closure, maybe the better word for it is "peace". Your not at peace about this at all. Maybe going to that grave and talking to her there would help you? I don't think we ever really "get over" some deaths when people are close to us. I think it changes us forever. There is plenty of research to back that up.
Don't let other people tell you how to grieve. There is no best way to do it. If you don't go back yet then your not ready and they can wait.
J

 

[xxxSammixxx]

I agree with sjimms. I don't want to say goodbye. I need to keep my son with me always. There is a star that I have named after him and i sit on the patio every night and talk to him. As far as closure, I have finally accepted the fact that I am not going to wake up and find that this is only a bad dream. I think that's as far as it will ever go. Wyatt will be with me always. I know that God will guide me through this.

 

[Amin]

Hi,
I think it's only natural when an
anniversery of someones death comes around, especially when they were as close as you and your mother were, that you would think of them and the relationship you had together.
I've lost both my mother and father and was there when they both passed away.
Mom just passed away, but when dads date comes around, I think of him in a lot of different ways.
We love them, what are we supposed to do? I can't let that date pass without thinking of him.
Chuck.

 

[angelkiss]

One thing that I have learned to do: Think of the best times. Think of all the times you laughed together, etc. Some people may light a candle, pick a vase full of flowers, read a certain bible verse that their loved ones favored, etc.
After losing my brother in Jan of this year, his 32 birthday came up in May. He was a poet, as myself, and I wrote a poem and posted a pic in my blog in his memory. It was a relief knowing that I could keep his memory alive by doing something he liked.
Praying for you,
's and es!!