Closure

[Living4Him03]

Does anyone have an ex b/f or g/f that despises them? Have you ever broken up with someone then never talked to them again?

I am trying to get closure over my ex, but it has been really difficult. I wish I hadn't acted the way I did when I broke up with him and I wish he knew that it wasn't because I stopped caring about him. It seems now that he completely hates me! He won't answer my calls. I think I'm still on his yahoo buddy list, but he doesn't sign on and normally signs in as invisible even if he does want to talk to me. I will likely never talk to him again. I could go visit him, but I doubt that would make him very happy and I don't want to go that far in trying to get in touch with him.

What can be done in a situation like this to get closure? Of course, I have prayed about it. But, I wish there was something else I could do so that I could just let go. I just want one more chance to talk to him to apologize and to let him know I want all the best for him.

 

[chickenfeet]

hmm.. i have a ex-friend that hates me. actually.. hate isn't a strong enuff word..

i really got no idea how to obtain closure..

i would suggest writing an email of how you feel? but then if he never reads it.. or even responds.. in the back of ur mind u'll always have that hope that, the email will fix things.. which in turn will only prolong ur agony.. and not give you the desired closure..

theres a web site i know of, where u can write a letter.. he'll never recieve.. but it'll give u a sense of closure.. it may help?

http://www.sothere.com/

but it sounds like you need to forgive yourself more then anything..

its in the process of forgiving oneself, you'll find it is time to move on.

 

[Beauty4Ashes]

blah

 

[Living4Him03]

I NEVER indicated that you MUST reply to or read this thread. If you don't wish to read something here, don't read it. If you think it's dumb, don't reply simple as that. But, please quit being a self-righteous snob. Thank you.

 

[rwl]

Breakups suck - Hands down.

Closure is one of those things that make the times easier but not something that happens every time. The only real thing I can say is be confident in the fact you tried contacting them. Regardless if it was well received or not. Just be secure in yourself and what happened was for the best and you did make attempts. His not taking your calls is his problem, not yours.

 

[Princess Pea]

Writing a letter is a good idea. Tell him everything you want him to know.

BUT - be completely honest. I found, ironically, that the farther I got from my breakup the more I had a tendency to look back with rose-colored glasses. In my moments of missing him most I tended to forget about the particular reasons we didn't stay together. Be careful not to write yourself as the callous, heartless villain and him as the wronged, innocent victim - know what I mean?

And I agree with Chickenfeet about how sending it will prolong the agony - how will you feel if he ignores it the way he's been ignoring your phone calls? Write it to make yourself feel better, but you don't have to open up another opportunity for him to hurt your feelings!

Hang in there. Breaking up is just a bummer. I don't think there's any real way to speed along the process of getting over someone. It just takes time.

 

[Living4Him03]

Thanks...I figure writing to him will only make things worse because he will likely not respond. I guess you are right. It will just take time. Right after the break up I didn't really give myself time to process everything and to "get over" what had happened. I am still processing it.

 

[Sinless_angels]

Yup I despise him... I dunno how he feels about me but I dont really care because I wish to never see or hear from him again. I changed my cell phone number 3 times to try to loose all contact.

I'll tell ya what pure anger and hate make it alot easier to get closure, But I wasn't a christain then so... I guess the best thing to do is just leave it in the past and move on with your life. Stop worrying about it just surrender it to god.

Does anyone have an ex b/f or g/f that despises them? Have you ever broken up with someone then never talked to them again?

I am trying to get closure over my ex, but it has been really difficult. I wish I hadn't acted the way I did when I broke up with him and I wish he knew that it wasn't because I stopped caring about him. It seems now that he completely hates me! He won't answer my calls. I think I'm still on his yahoo buddy list, but he doesn't sign on and normally signs in as invisible even if he does want to talk to me. I will likely never talk to him again. I could go visit him, but I doubt that would make him very happy and I don't want to go that far in trying to get in touch with him.

What can be done in a situation like this to get closure? Of course, I have prayed about it. But, I wish there was something else I could do so that I could just let go. I just want one more chance to talk to him to apologize and to let him know I want all the best for him.

 

[jennifer7733]

I recently got back together with my ex and now he won't even answer my phone calls, I can only assume that it means he wishes nothing to do with me anymore. Closure isn't an option now, we've broken up so many times. I will pray for you that the Lord will lead you into the right decision to make and help to give you peace with this.

~ Jennifer

 

[throwingbones]

Being in a similiar situation, I would say just to let it go. Contacting him isn't going to do him any good, it would probably just be salt in the wound. I also don't know the situation, but it sounds like he probably doesn't trust you and wouldn't believe anything you had to tell him anyways. It seems to me like the subject is already "closed." I'd just let it be.

On the other hand, if you can't get closure; maybe it's because you still have feelings for him. If that's true, you need to figure out how you truly feel about him. If you don't want him in your life; let him be. If you do, then visit him and make him hear you out. And ALWAYS seek God's counsel.

 

[the_man]

Does anyone have an ex b/f or g/f that despises them? Have you ever broken up with someone then never talked to them again?

I am trying to get closure over my ex, but it has been really difficult. I wish I hadn't acted the way I did when I broke up with him and I wish he knew that it wasn't because I stopped caring about him. It seems now that he completely hates me! He won't answer my calls. I think I'm still on his yahoo buddy list, but he doesn't sign on and normally signs in as invisible even if he does want to talk to me. I will likely never talk to him again. I could go visit him, but I doubt that would make him very happy and I don't want to go that far in trying to get in touch with him.

What can be done in a situation like this to get closure? Of course, I have prayed about it. But, I wish there was something else I could do so that I could just let go. I just want one more chance to talk to him to apologize and to let him know I want all the best for him.

How recent/long ago was the break up? It's obvious that he will still be hurting from the break up and the best thing would be to let time heal his wounds. (from your post, i'm under the assumption he was more hurt than you are/were). It would be selfish to seek closure from him (to quench your ache) in his current state.

I've been on both sides of the coin. Both suck. But God has a way of bringing both parties thru it...it just doesn't happen over night.

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

I agree with the writing the letter. You don't even have to send it. I did that with one ex, and actually sent the letter. If I heard back from him, then fine. If I didn't, fine, too. I just knew what I had to say was off my chest. I actually heard from him, how great his life is. For whatever reason, it gave me closure and now I hardly ever think about him--usually when threads like this come along.

However, there is one ex that left me emotionally a mess and was mean and nasty at the end and wouldn't come clean to me. I left the situation, but I never had answers on why he did what he did. I never will. It took awhile for me to deal with it, but sometimes you will never have the answers. Sometimes you must make peace with yourself about it all and put it past you and move on.

I wouldn't beat yourself up about it. If you feel you must tell him what you feel, then I suggest the letter method. After that, put it behind you and move on. You're not responsible for his feelings.

 

[Tuffguy]

Does anyone have an ex b/f or g/f that despises them? Have you ever broken up with someone then never talked to them again?

I am trying to get closure over my ex, but it has been really difficult. I wish I hadn't acted the way I did when I broke up with him and I wish he knew that it wasn't because I stopped caring about him. It seems now that he completely hates me! He won't answer my calls. I think I'm still on his yahoo buddy list, but he doesn't sign on and normally signs in as invisible even if he does want to talk to me. I will likely never talk to him again. I could go visit him, but I doubt that would make him very happy and I don't want to go that far in trying to get in touch with him.

What can be done in a situation like this to get closure? Of course, I have prayed about it. But, I wish there was something else I could do so that I could just let go. I just want one more chance to talk to him to apologize and to let him know I want all the best for him.

Yup.

Heres the thing. You rejected him. No matter what you say from here on out its still the same. Every time he sees you he see something he cannot have and bitterness.
I dated my ex for 3 yrs. I broke up w/her. She doesn't talk to me even though we never had a fight or anything. It just wasn't going the way i wanted. Thats just the way it is when you reject someone.

 

[Wild_Fan4Christ]

Living4Him03...When I read your OP it freaked me out because I thought it was my ex g/f for a second. Just the way everything you wrote sounded just like what I have been going through with my ex-g/f now almost 3 years later after she broke up with me. Who knows, maybe you are my ex

But my take on this situation is this. My ex, when she broke up with me wanted to remain friends and told me she talks to all her ex b/f's...whatever that means. There were some things I found out that really made me mad and she would not even talk to me about them. So I thought, if she doesn't even care to acknowledge she did wrong and doesn't even try to talk to me to see why I was hurt then why be her friend. And after trying to be her friend I let her go. That lasted a year and she tried to contact me a few times over that period.

About two months ago (a few days before my birthday) she said hi to me on AOL but I didn't respond. Over the next few weeks I had these feelings of guilt and hate of not talking to her for a year when she has tried to contact me. But everytime I said I would email her I backed down because I still had hurt emotions. I said a prayer to God to allow me to forgiver her for what she had done to hurt me. And I don't know if that is why I contacted her, but I emailed her and told her I did not even know why I was contacting her and by doing this would more than likely not fix anything.

We have emailed back and forth a few times since then. And to be honest, I don't know where it is going from here. We are in different states.

If anything, it should have been her emailing me to tell me she was sorry. But like I said, she failed to see this of what she did to me. She apologized in one of these recent emails. But I told her there was no need to apologize, what happened has happened.

So, it sounds like you are on the right track. From your OP, it sounds like you did some things to hurt him...much like what my ex did which in turn made me not want anything to do with her. And if you write him a letter, that is good. If he doesn't respond, oh well. At least you tried.

One more thing, I feel sometimes it is better just to let the other person go. I did for a year LOL, but had these feelings of hate and guilt...and hate is a strong word. So who knows...

 

[Living4Him03]

The thing is that I don't really understand what I did to hurt him, which I guess is part of the problem. At the time we broke up, he had a lot of things going on in his life...he'd been in a wreck and his dad was divorcing his step mom, etc. It was crazy. He sort of pushed me away during that time. We also didn't agree on physical boundaries, which created a lot of friction. So, one day I called him and asked him where we stood...I wanted to know what was going on with us. He just said he'd get back to me and after several other conversations about it, I decided to just tell him it would be best if we remained friends and stopped dating. I know that hurt him, but I couldn't stay in a relationship that was not good for me or for either of us. It just wasn't working. But, I still cared about him. It seems like he thought I was saying I didn't care about him anymore and wanted to be with another guy or something. At times I did wish I were with someone else. I know that also hurt him.

I know that I can't do anything more about how he feels though. If he hates me, he hates me. Although I wish we could be friends, I know that's tough to do when you are the one that has been dumped. I think I just need to give him his space...he knows how to get in touch with me if he wishes to do so.

 

[hazeleyes80]

I know that I can't do anything more about how he feels though. If he hates me, he hates me. Although I wish we could be friends, I know that's tough to do when you are the one that has been dumped. I think I just need to give him his space...he knows how to get in touch with me if he wishes to do so.

From what you've said about the relationship (especially the part about him not respecting the physical boundary thing), IMHO you did the right thing in breaking up with him. You're completely right though, you cannot control how he feels. If you know in your heart that you did the right thing, then don't allow him to cause you to feel guilty.

 

[cbudc]

Closure is for bank accounts, not love accounts.

In cases where they are holding a grudge and not wanting to hear anything from you that is showing that they are first of all still hurt and second of all too immature to be an adult. I've been so hurt before in the past but have never been so ****ed or angry that I just stopped talking to them.

Send him a letter and tell him what's on your mind. Don't tell him that you have to know he's alright so you can move on though, that will just **** him off. Kinda like you want to know that you didn't ruin his life and as long as you didn't then you're fine. You have to truely mean everything. Good luck.

 

[throwingbones]

From your description of what happened, I wouldn't be suprised if he feels like you abandoned him when things were tough for him; or, as they say, "kicked him when he was down."

 

[MrsGnomeCrusher]

From your description of what happened, I wouldn't be suprised if he feels like you abandoned him when things were tough for him; or, as they say, "kicked him when he was down."

I disagree. I see it as he wanted a relationship on his terms when and what he wanted. When she didn't agree and ended it, he had his ego wounded and therefore is bitter towards her. She stated she left the ball in his court, and when he didn't respond, she left the relationship. I do not see that as kicking him when he's down.

 

[Spicy McHaggis]

blah

True that.

my $0.02:

I think, if you break up with someone, they don't owe you anything.

It's a risk you take, you can't have your cake and eat it too. If somebody needs to get hurt, so be it. If it's you, well, sorry.

Just get over it and move on with your life.

What you're doing sounds very similar to what my Ex did. And what your ExBF is doing sounds very similar to what I did. My reasons (not that they're the same as his) were because "I had already moved on and my ExGF's actions were interfering with that."

My advice. Leave the guy alone. If he's over you, you're not going to get anything productive from him anyways. If he NOT over you, you're messing with his attempts to get on with his life, and that's pretty selfish.

My ExGF wrote "the letter" too. I read it, decided it would just spur more attempts on her part to stay in touch so i threw it away.