Closed doors

[Entrench]

i really don't know where else to put this. i haven't been diagnosed with anything, but that doesn't stop violent mood swings. But that isn't the worst...everybody has those, right? i have something else.

satan wants me to be the beast that wields fire.

There, i said it. It's gotten easier to say, but it doesn't hurt any less. All day and all night all i hear is satan putting doubts in my head; even whether or not this is real. But if this vivid pain is just my imagination, my own work of will for attention, what is real? i don't know anymore. i just know that it seems frighteningly real to me, and i have nowhere else to go. i have to face it, but that nagging thought keeps coming..."you are going to fall jacob, and then you are MINE"

Well, i am sure that helps everyone... i needed to tell someone.

solo,
jacob

 

[Alive again]

If you have asked Jesus to be your Saviour, it is done!!! On the cross It was finished. Satan can do nothing to seperate you from God. Period. If you are hearing voices, then you do need to see a doctor. That can really happen and is usually a symptoms of illness. If this is the case sekk medical help and prayer. I am so thamkful that you have told your secret. Secrets have power, now we know and can pray with you and support you and help you. Keep talking to us!!!!

 

[Jeshu]

i really don't know where else to put this. i haven't been diagnosed with anything, but that doesn't stop violent mood swings. But that isn't the worst...everybody has those, right? i have something else.

satan wants me to be the beast that wields fire.

There, i said it. It's gotten easier to say, but it doesn't hurt any less. All day and all night all i hear is satan putting doubts in my head; even whether or not this is real. But if this vivid pain is just my imagination, my own work of will for attention, what is real? i don't know anymore. i just know that it seems frighteningly real to me, and i have nowhere else to go. i have to face it, but that nagging thought keeps coming..."you are going to fall jacob, and then you are MINE"

Well, i am sure that helps everyone... i needed to tell someone.

solo,
jacob

Hi Jacob
I think it is because you are frightened by Satan's bluff that this thought is constantly pestering you. (You believe Satan and therefore fall into his trap, causing fear and insecurity) Please remember that Jesus is victorious and that you can lay hold of that victory in FAITH - not in self effort. Christ won, Satan lost, there is inner peace for those who believe that.

However if you believe whole heartedly that Christ won and such thoughts keep on pestering you day and night then it would be wise to go and see a doctor for that is what happened to me and I ended up being mentally ill.

I'll be praying for you.

 

[Entrench]

But why does it hurt?

 

[Jeshu]

But why does it hurt?

What hurt are you here refering to? The hurt that you have to go through this? To that I don't know the answer but I do know that hard times can make us stronger in our faith, bring us closer to Christ and renew us from the inside out.

It could also be that it hurts so much because your feeling world is too highly strung because of illness. Then everything you experience is much worse than it would otherwise be and in particular modern medication can take a lot of that emotional (and mental) burden away. I would have that possiblity checked out if I was you.

God Bless.

 

[Entrench]

i will NOT take medication to tell me who i am. The hurt i am referring to is lying awake at night writhing in mental agony worried whether i will wake up the next day or not. Or walking through the halls feeling like i am being beaten in the soul with a sledgehammer...but it gives me something spiritual to do.

 

[CoolWater]

Entangle,

I'm so sorry you are in so much pain. It sounds like you are in constant agony. But either way you want to look at it, you do have the potential to get better. If you look at this medically, the voices you hear are a product of a chemical imbalance. I know you are opposed to meds, but once you find the right cocktail, the odds are in your favor that the voices will disappear. You have to choose, though. If you want to regain a balance, you will most likely have to take meds.

If you think your voices have a genuine, spiritual source, then you must talk to someone about this. Be it your pastor or a priest or someone else who you trust spiritual. Or investigate both possibilities just to cover all your bases.

I know it can be difficult enough just to post here about your problem-- and garnering up enough nerve to talk to someone in person (whether that be a doctor or a spiritual adviser) seems much scarier. But if you take that first step, God will see you through. God wants you peaceful. Surely you have experienced enough pain so far. It doesn't necessarily have to always be like this.

 

[gremlinsluvr]

i think i agree with entrench... the world has become overdependent on medication... i myself have a serious mental disorder, but i don't think that God gave ot to me, intending for me to end up addicted to some medication...

i have friends who take meds for being bipolar, and it has changed them into totally different people, people i don't even know anymore.