Church Weddings?

[soulwanderer13]

This isn't a deep or doctrinal discussion, but I don't know where to ask this question (hope it can go here) and I don't know who to ask either.

Let's say that you are engaged, and you are thinking about places to get married. You and your partner both consider yourselfs to be non-denominational Christians. Are there churches that would allow you to get married in their church building? Example: can you have a nondenominational Christian wedding in a Catholic church building? (I assume the answer would be a big no). If you really wanted to get married in a church building, how would that work for nondenominational Christians?

 

[WolfGate]

I take it you mean you don't have a church home? Or you don't want to marry in the Mormon church for some reason?

There are churches that will allow Christians who are not part of their congregation to get married in their building. I'm not sure if a Catholic church would allow that, but in our area some of the Protestant churches, particularly those which are either non-denominational churches or are congregational in polity, do allow it. Among that group requirements will vary, so you'd need to call and ask.

 

[soulwanderer13]

I take it you mean you don't have a church home? Or you don't want to marry in the Mormon church for some reason?

There are churches that will allow Christians who are not part of their congregation to get married in their building. I'm not sure if a Catholic church would allow that, but in our area some of the Protestant churches, particularly those which are either non-denominational churches or are congregational in polity, do allow it. Among that group requirements will vary, so you'd need to call and ask.

Okay. I see. Yeah, I'm engaged to a Catholic, and the only really pretty church in town is the Catholic one (I live in a very small town). We kind of just want a general Christian wedding, but we want it in a church too. I'd have to look around more and see if there are other churches around that I don't know about.

 

[Poppyseed78]

I agree that you need to call the church and ask. There are definitely Christian churches that hold wedding ceremonies even if you aren't a regular attender or member. Sometimes they do charge for the service or ask for a donation. Some churches require pre-marital counseling with a pastor at the church before they will agree to marry you.

 

[soulwanderer13]

I agree that you need to call the church and ask. There are definitely Christian churches that hold wedding ceremonies even if you aren't a regular attender or member. Sometimes they do charge for the service or ask for a donation. Some churches require pre-marital counseling with a pastor at the church before they will agree to marry you.

Okay, that's interesting. I will definitely try to call and ask Thank you!

 

[-V-]

Yeah, I'm engaged to a Catholic

Is your Catholic fiance a regular member of a church? If so, make sure you talk to them ahead of time and that they approve of whatever marriage service you're planning on. My father (a Lutheran) married a Roman Catholic woman, and they had the service at a Lutheran church. My stepmother's Catholic church refused to recognize the marriage until they had it redone by the Roman Catholic church.

 

[soulwanderer13]

Is your Catholic fiance a regular member of a church? If so, make sure you talk to them ahead of time and that they approve of whatever marriage service you're planning on. My father (a Lutheran) married a Roman Catholic woman, and they had the service at a Lutheran church. My stepmother's Catholic church refused to recognize the marriage until they had it redone by the Roman Catholic church.

He was brought up in his family as a Catholic. His family are strict Catholics, but he disagrees with a lot of things and doesn't really want to be apart of it anymore. We have discussed wedding plans before, and we have agreed that a nondenominational Christian wedding would just be the most fair to both of us. Because it wouldn't be fair if I HAD to have a Catholic wedding since we both don't agree with a lot of that church, but it wouldn't be fair to him and his family if we had a Mormon wedding (if he converted) because his family wouldn't be able to go into the temple to see the wedding. Trust me, we've really talked about it ;w;
But uhm, forgive my ignorance, but what does that mean, the church doesn't recognize the marriage? If lawfully you are married, does it matter if the church recognizes it?

 

[-V-]

But uhm, forgive my ignorance, but what does that mean, the church doesn't recognize the marriage?

If the church doesn't recognize it, then the church would consider you living in sin, having marital relations but not being married. One possible consequence of that would be that the Catholic church wouldn't allow you to partake in the Eucharist. And if you refused to correct it (get married in a way they approve) it could eventually lead to excommunication (getting kicked out of the church, not recognized as a member anymore).

If lawfully you are married, does it matter if the church recognizes it?

That depends on how seriously one takes their faith. If your Catholic fiance doesn't care to be a part of the Catholic church anymore, then it wouldn't matter at all. But for a devout Catholic, being disallowed the Eucharist or being excommunicated is a big deal.

 

[soulwanderer13]

If the church doesn't recognize it, then the church would consider you living in sin, having marital relations but not being married. One possible consequence of that would be that the Catholic church wouldn't allow you to partake in the Eucharist. And if you refused to correct it (get married in a way they approve) it could eventually lead to excommunication (getting kicked out of the church, not recognized as a member anymore).


That depends on how seriously one takes their faith. If your Catholic fiance doesn't care to be a part of the Catholic church anymore, then it wouldn't matter at all. But for a devout Catholic, being disallowed the Eucharist or being excommunicated is a big deal.

Okay, that makes sense.
I know that his parents and a lot of his other family wouldn't like that we wouldn't have a traditional Catholic wedding... but I don't see why we should be forced into having a wedding that we don't want. Especially if, again, he's not wanting to do the Catholic thing anymore. It would be different if his family was actually good to him and were good people, but that's a whole different subject.

 

[Big Drew]

This isn't a deep or doctrinal discussion, but I don't know where to ask this question (hope it can go here) and I don't know who to ask either.

Let's say that you are engaged, and you are thinking about places to get married. You and your partner both consider yourselfs to be non-denominational Christians. Are there churches that would allow you to get married in their church building? Example: can you have a nondenominational Christian wedding in a Catholic church building? (I assume the answer would be a big no). If you really wanted to get married in a church building, how would that work for nondenominational Christians?

Some of the more historic churches in my town will rent out their sanctuary to other Christians...I even know of one church that will rent their facilities to anyone...there was Hindu wedding there not too long ago. If there's a church you're interested in I'd just call and ask, worst thing that happens is they say no...but I imagine you can find one in your area that is glad to let you use their building.

 

[soulwanderer13]

Some of the more historic churches in my town will rent out their sanctuary to other Christians...I even know of one church that will rent their facilities to anyone...there was Hindu wedding there not too long ago. If there's a church you're interested in I'd just call and ask, worst thing that happens is they say no...but I imagine you can find one in your area that is glad to let you use their building.

I hope we can find something! I'll have to do some calling around. Even if we have to travel outside of town to go somewhere, I think we can make it work thank you!

 

[Jesus' Follower]

Catholic's are by nature very strict on their beliefs and will not permit a marriage in their Church for Non-Denominational Christians.
There are some Churches that will allow Non-Denominational Christians to be married in there Church; in the UK one can be married in a lot of Churches that you may not call home.
A fiend of mine was married in an Anglican Church and they are not committed Christians. I suppose this comes down to where you reside and how each Minister conducts marriages.

 

[Greyy]

This isn't a deep or doctrinal discussion, but I don't know where to ask this question (hope it can go here) and I don't know who to ask either.

Let's say that you are engaged, and you are thinking about places to get married. You and your partner both consider yourselfs to be non-denominational Christians. Are there churches that would allow you to get married in their church building? Example: can you have a nondenominational Christian wedding in a Catholic church building? (I assume the answer would be a big no). If you really wanted to get married in a church building, how would that work for nondenominational Christians?

Churches are gathering places for members of a community to worship God, obviously. As members of that community, it makes sense of them to celebrate personal events in their life that relate to their faith community.

Getting baptized makes sense in a church - you are having an individual event that is shared by your community. When you have kids, they too are baptized in the community that raised or will raise them in the faith and they are part of. When you die, the community mourns and celebrates that life of faith of that person.

It makes no sense for people who aren't part of that community to celebrate parts of their lives in a church that has nothing to do with them. People getting married in churches they have nothing to do is all about appearances and is a mockery of faith as far as I can tell.

 

[Greyy]

But uhm, forgive my ignorance, but what does that mean, the church doesn't recognize the marriage? If lawfully you are married, does it matter if the church recognizes it?

In very simple terms, Catholics recognize marriage as two separate things in society. This is something most Christians are now beginning to also have to accept given homosexual marriage. There is a religious marriage, and then there is a secular, legal marriage. This is because marriage was originally a religious institution only. Then governments got in involved and redefined marriage. Goverments said a man and a woman could legally register as a couple and then break that bond whenever they wanted. Governments now redefine marriage to include this for same sex couples. Just because two men are legally married does not mean churches recognize that union.

As I mentioned in my previous post, the reason you get married in a church, historically, is to have that community recongize your marriage and its relationship to your faith. Thus, for a Catholic to marry outside of their church, without any clergy present to recognize that marriage, is saying they are no longer part of that church and their marriage has nothing to do with it. They have chosen NOT to have their marriage recognized by their faith community.

Catholics do lapse, and in time, some do request to have that marriage recognized and it can be done in a small ceremony in which they are making their faith part of their marriage and seek recognition of that fact. It is for these reasons that Catholics can also seek a legal "secular divorce. While the couple is still recognized by the Church as married, the spouse no longer has the legal rights and responsibilities governments grant to couples. That is, the Catholic Church maintains that a couple is married, but the wife is no longer burdened by her husbands gambling addiction.

 

[Paidiske]

A fiend of mine was married in an Anglican Church and they are not committed Christians. I suppose this comes down to where you reside and how each Minister conducts marriages.

The baseline requirement for Anglicans (in most places; I assume where the OP is too, although I may be incorrect about that) is that at least one of the couple must have been baptised as a Christian.

So (assuming there were no other problems) I would marry a couple where one had been baptised in the Catholic church and one was LDS, because we recognise the Catholic baptism (we don't recognise LDS baptism as valid).

However, it would have to be according to Anglican rites; an Anglican priest can't use another church's rites or let you write your own vows (for example).

 

[Jesus' Follower]

The baseline requirement for Anglicans (in most places; I assume where the OP is too, although I may be incorrect about that) is that at least one of the couple must have been baptised as a Christian.

So (assuming there were no other problems) I would marry a couple where one had been baptised in the Catholic church and one was LDS, because we recognise the Catholic baptism (we don't recognise LDS baptism as valid).

However, it would have to be according to Anglican rites; an Anglican priest can't use another church's rites or let you write your own vows (for example).

Correct, if people were to be married in a UK Church which is not their home Church, they have to write their own vows.

 

[SistrNChrist]

Churches are gathering places for members of a community to worship God, obviously. As members of that community, it makes sense of them to celebrate personal events in their life that relate to their faith community.

Getting baptized makes sense in a church - you are having an individual event that is shared by your community. When you have kids, they too are baptized in the community that raised or will raise them in the faith and they are part of. When you die, the community mourns and celebrates that life of faith of that person.

It makes no sense for people who aren't part of that community to celebrate parts of their lives in a church that has nothing to do with them. People getting married in churches they have nothing to do is all about appearances and is a mockery of faith as far as I can tell.

I don't think that the OP and her fiancé choosing to marry in a non denominational church is necessarily all about keeping up appearances, as she mentioned that there were certain legalistic issues to having either a Mormon or a Catholic wedding, because if they were to get married in an LDS church, his family wouldn't be allowed to attend, and not only does her fiancé not agree with a lot of the Catholic traditions, but that the church wouldn't recognize the marriage as valid, since she isn't Catholic.

 

[soulwanderer13]

I don't think that the OP and her fiancé choosing to marry in a non denominational church is necessarily all about keeping up appearances, as she mentioned that there were certain legalistic issues to having either a Mormon or a Catholic wedding, because if they were to get married in an LDS church, his family wouldn't be allowed to attend, and not only does her fiancé not agree with a lot of the Catholic traditions, but that the church wouldn't recognize the marriage as valid, since she isn't Catholic.

I used to get email notifications when people would reply to my posts, but apparently that's not working right now. Sorry guys, haven't been ignoring you!

And yes, thank you. The whole reason we want to do the nondenominational thing is so that it is fair to both sides of the family. No matter what we do, if we were to have a LDS wedding or a Catholic wedding, it would be invalid in whichever church we decide not to have our wedding in. And again, I don't see the point in having a Catholic wedding if it's just to make his family happy. We want to do what makes us happy, since it is our wedding. I want both families to be there.

And we want to get married in a church building, because churches are pretty. It would be just the same as people wanting to get married by a lake, or in the mountains, or on a beach. It's just a location. It's not like we want to go get married in a Methodist church just because. There is no reason for that, neither of us are Methodist and no one in our families are either. But we are all Christian, so I don't see how wanting to have a nondenominational Christian wedding in a Christian church is offensive to other faiths. But if we can't get married in a church, we can't get married in a church, and that's that I guess.

 

[soulwanderer13]

The baseline requirement for Anglicans (in most places; I assume where the OP is too, although I may be incorrect about that) is that at least one of the couple must have been baptised as a Christian.

So (assuming there were no other problems) I would marry a couple where one had been baptised in the Catholic church and one was LDS, because we recognise the Catholic baptism (we don't recognise LDS baptism as valid).

However, it would have to be according to Anglican rites; an Anglican priest can't use another church's rites or let you write your own vows (for example).

I'm not sure how that all works. But considering that both Catholics and Mormons are both Christian, aren't we both baptized Christians? I don't know why the Catholic baptism would be valid and the LDS one wouldn't be.

 

[soulwanderer13]

Churches are gathering places for members of a community to worship God, obviously. As members of that community, it makes sense of them to celebrate personal events in their life that relate to their faith community.

Getting baptized makes sense in a church - you are having an individual event that is shared by your community. When you have kids, they too are baptized in the community that raised or will raise them in the faith and they are part of. When you die, the community mourns and celebrates that life of faith of that person.

It makes no sense for people who aren't part of that community to celebrate parts of their lives in a church that has nothing to do with them. People getting married in churches they have nothing to do is all about appearances and is a mockery of faith as far as I can tell.

I don't understand why wanting to be inclusive to both families and have an overall Christian wedding (because believe it or not Catholics and Mormons are both Christians) is a mockery of faith.