Church Suggestions?

[dldeskins]

100 blessings for ya!

 

[Serapha]

A little background:

I was brought up Presbyterian. In my young adulthood I turned away from Christ. I married, divorced then moved in with my current fiance'. We have a daughter together and she has 6 children from a previous marriage.

My fiance' was raised in a Calvary Chapel church. She also attended a Christian Faith Fellowship church for a good part of her life.

Earlier this year we re-committed our lives to Christ and are eager to get our lives back on track and live in obedience to God's word.

We went to a local Calvary Chapel church and after a few weeks we felt that this church met both of our needs and we both felt very comfortable there both for ourselves and for the children.

We set up a meeting with the pastor and after talking with him about our situation he told us that since we were unmarried that we could not attend his church unless I moved out of the home.

We explained to him that we have a daughter together and all of the other children are as my own. Their father was abusive and is not involved in their lives. In fact two of her children know me as the only father they have ever had (they call me daddy as they know no other father).

We also explained to him that we are going to be married March 1st (we can not get married before then) and until then we are abstaining in order to be obedient to God's Word.

We told him that considering we are committing no sin, and considering how emotionally distressful it would be for the children, that I am not willing to move out of the house just to make our family situation "look good" to his congregation.

He then told us that we could not come to his church until we married.

This leaves us looking for a church. My fiance' has a problem with how structured the worship services are at the Presbyterian churches she has been to. She prefers a very contemporary service and I prefer a bit more traditional.

I was just wondering if anyone here might be able to recommend a demonination that would meet both of our needs, sort of a middle ground.

Thanks for the help!

Hi there!



Obviously THAT church is not a hospital for sick souls, but a preservation area for sad saints.



Trust me.... you don't want to be a part of that church membership. Other chuches of the same denomination may not respond in the same manner. Ask God to lead, guide, and direct you to where He wants you to be.


~malaka~

 

[Reformationist]

Actually I was just looking for ideas about different churches to look at. You decided to turn this into a debate, not that I mind. Honest and intelligent debate keeps the mind sharp.

Debate was not my intention. I am sorry you felt that way.

Your second statement is correct. Adultery is a sin. Intercourse is a nessicary element of adultery.

www.dictionary.com -
Voluntary sexual intercourse between a married person and a partner other than the lawful spouse.

Easton's 1897 Bible Dictionary-
Adultery - conjugal infidelity. An adulterer was a man who had illicit intercourse with a married or a betrothed woman, and such a woman was an adulteress. Intercourse between a married man and an unmarried woman was fornication. Adultery was regarded as a great social wrong, as well as a great sin.


http://www.m-w.com/cgi-bin/dictionary (Websters Dictionary)
: voluntary sexual intercourse between a married man and someone other than his wife or between a married woman and someone other than her husband; also : an act of adultery

Bible
Matthew 5:28
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

As helpful as a dictionary is, the Word of God Itself must be your primary source of understanding when seeking proper biblical interpretation. So, according to the BIBLE, "intercourse is NOT a necessary element of adultery."

I beleive this is the heart of the matter. While you may not feel it is APPROPRIATE, that does not make it sinful. I agree that it is not proper nor appropriate. I also feel moving out of the the house for 2 months and confusing my 5,4, and 2 year old children is not "appropriate". I have the great joy of choosing between these two "inappropriate" options.

Once again you're defensiveness is misplaced. I never told you that you should move out of the house for 2 months. You have been graced with children by God and with that comes the responsibility of providing for them. All I encouraged you to do was to not give up on a church that you felt was meeting your needs just because you didn't agree with a ruling of the church leadership.

The truth is my living situation gives the appearance of something "wrong" and that is enough for you and this pastor to begin throwing stones.

What stones did I throw? That is totally uncalled for. I was trying to help you so that you didn't fall into sinful judgment of the Pastor, which you have, and you attack me? You don't know me. You make the presumption that I'm looking down on you? That's fine. Good luck with your next church. I'm sure it will be great for you, at least until they tell you something you don't like then I guess you'll be church hunting again.

As my rugby friend used to say "No worries mate!". I have a thicker skin than that and I see that your thoughts are related in a respectful and intelligent manner. I am always open to intelligent debate.

Really???!! Here's a tip...if you saw that my thoughts were "related in a respectful and intelligent manner" you should have gone back and deleted the disparaging remarks you made about me.

Either way, good luck to you and your fiance in your church hunt and your marriage.

 

[Greeter]

Obviously THAT church is not a hospital for sick souls, but a preservation area for sad saints.

Isn't it possible that the pastor simply made a mistake? Many are judging this church and its pastor on a snapshot. Imagine a day when you make a lapse in judgement and having people judge everything about you based on that one moment.

 

[Greeter]

The truth is my living situation gives the appearance of something "wrong" and that is enough for you and this pastor to begin throwing stones.

I can't remember where this comes from, but I have heard many teachings on how Christians should refrain even from the appearance of sin. While I disagree with what the pastor has done in your story, I do understand where he is coming from. Imagine if word got out that the pastor openly accepted a couple, living in what appears to be an adulterous relationship, who haven't repented. That would give the wrong message to the congregation.

 

[eldermike]

You can relate this to other situations in life.
Let's say you want to join a covenant community. You have found the perfect place to build your home and raise your family. The covenant looks good to you in all but one area, and in this area you strongly disagree. But; you decide to go ahead because you see this one area of disagreement as a failure on their part and not yours. You proceed to an interview where you state agreement and support with the covenant but not failing to add your disagreement with the one area. You claim that you know best in this area and it should not be an issue.

Should you join that community? No. Should the committee approve you to join? No. While you might be happy there you will create division and disharmony.

Think about this: If you win the argument and they accept you, they no longer have a covenant they believe in. They have created a covenant that has no basis to exist, it has no foundation because it can be reshaped to fit any situation. And, it will be reshaped over and over.

Eldermike

 

[j3r3m3y]

I can't remember where this comes from, but I have heard many teachings on how Christians should refrain even from the appearance of sin. While I disagree with what the pastor has done in your story, I do understand where he is coming from. Imagine if word got out that the pastor openly accepted a couple, living in what appears to be an adulterous relationship, who haven't repented. That would give the wrong message to the congregation.

I have heard that teaching as well, then I read an article that changed my view on the "appearance of evil" scripture:

http://www.experiencegrace.com/Appearance_of_Evil.html

Its a pretty good read.

ElderMike- Excellent analogy.

 

[dldeskins]

j3r3m3y,

That was a good article.

 

[P3nguin1]

Matthew 5:28
But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

As helpful as a dictionary is, the Word of God Itself must be your primary source of understanding when seeking proper biblical interpretation. So, according to the BIBLE, "intercourse is NOT a necessary element of adultery."

Adultery in "his heart" and adultery in the flesh are two different things.

They are both sins but one is considered martial unfaithfulness the other isnt. Perhaps thats why Jesus said that the only justified divorce was for maritial unfaithfulness rather than adultery.....

 

[Éclairé]

A little background:

I was brought up Presbyterian. In my young adulthood I turned away from Christ. I married, divorced then moved in with my current fiance'. We have a daughter together and she has 6 children from a previous marriage.

My fiance' was raised in a Calvary Chapel church. She also attended a Christian Faith Fellowship church for a good part of her life.

Earlier this year we re-committed our lives to Christ and are eager to get our lives back on track and live in obedience to God's word.

We went to a local Calvary Chapel church and after a few weeks we felt that this church met both of our needs and we both felt very comfortable there both for ourselves and for the children.

We set up a meeting with the pastor and after talking with him about our situation he told us that since we were unmarried that we could not attend his church unless I moved out of the home.

We explained to him that we have a daughter together and all of the other children are as my own. Their father was abusive and is not involved in their lives. In fact two of her children know me as the only father they have ever had (they call me daddy as they know no other father).

We also explained to him that we are going to be married March 1st (we can not get married before then) and until then we are abstaining in order to be obedient to God's Word.

We told him that considering we are committing no sin, and considering how emotionally distressful it would be for the children, that I am not willing to move out of the house just to make our family situation "look good" to his congregation.

He then told us that we could not come to his church until we married.

This leaves us looking for a church. My fiance' has a problem with how structured the worship services are at the Presbyterian churches she has been to. She prefers a very contemporary service and I prefer a bit more traditional.

I was just wondering if anyone here might be able to recommend a demonination that would meet both of our needs, sort of a middle ground.

Thanks for the help!

Usually the only thing I find disenchanting about christianity are christians. Perfect example.

Blessings in finding a church that can view you as God does and not as they do.

 

[Gamecock]

A little background:

I was brought up Presbyterian. In my young adulthood I turned away from Christ. I married, divorced then moved in with my current fiance'. We have a daughter together and she has 6 children from a previous marriage.

My fiance' was raised in a Calvary Chapel church. She also attended a Christian Faith Fellowship church for a good part of her life.

Earlier this year we re-committed our lives to Christ and are eager to get our lives back on track and live in obedience to God's word.

We went to a local Calvary Chapel church and after a few weeks we felt that this church met both of our needs and we both felt very comfortable there both for ourselves and for the children.

We set up a meeting with the pastor and after talking with him about our situation he told us that since we were unmarried that we could not attend his church unless I moved out of the home.

We explained to him that we have a daughter together and all of the other children are as my own. Their father was abusive and is not involved in their lives. In fact two of her children know me as the only father they have ever had (they call me daddy as they know no other father).

We also explained to him that we are going to be married March 1st (we can not get married before then) and until then we are abstaining in order to be obedient to God's Word.

We told him that considering we are committing no sin, and considering how emotionally distressful it would be for the children, that I am not willing to move out of the house just to make our family situation "look good" to his congregation.

He then told us that we could not come to his church until we married.

This leaves us looking for a church. My fiance' has a problem with how structured the worship services are at the Presbyterian churches she has been to. She prefers a very contemporary service and I prefer a bit more traditional.

I was just wondering if anyone here might be able to recommend a demonination that would meet both of our needs, sort of a middle ground.

Thanks for the help!

I am sorry to hear about the legalism you have just encountered. I will tell you that a lot of Presbyterian Church in America congregations offer a contemporay service. The PCA is conservative, but we realize we are all sinners, so you will find encouragment not judgement. Look here to find one. http://www.pcanet.org/directory.asp