Church bully

[Chococat]

There is one lady in my Christian Fellowship who is currently bullying me. You see a few weeks ago when I was in a bad place and really hurting I said I hated God out loud at the Tuesday Luncheon Club. I have since repented and even recommitted my life to Him but she still won't let it go and takes every opportunity to remind me what a bad Christian I am. She is not even a pastor or any kind of church leader!

I was going to stop going as I don't want to be leaving church depressed and even in tears because of her cruelty. However my friends there have persuaded me to keep going but I am scared of going on Sunday for fear she will be there and will start on me again especially as the last time a few days ago she walked off in a huff and I left in floods of tears.

It's a crying shame when a church, a place where hurting people should be shown Christ's love and compassion ends up being a place where such people are wounded all over again.

Yes a lot of the people there are still kind to me and want me to keep going even after my sinful behaviour that time but I suspect there are a few that are on this woman's side

Has anyone else ever experienced bullying at church?

 

[keith99]

For what its worth:

Upon the recommendation of another poster I've been reading "Jesus was a Liberal". It just happened part of what I read last night was where the story of Job was addressed. The author pointed out many interesting things, but 2 stuck. First is that what is taught is almost always chapters 1,2 and then it jumps to somewhere in the 40s. The second is at the end God is PLEASED with Job because Job was willing to say what he really felt. God was NOT PLEASED with Jobs friends who mouthed platitudes and said what they thought they should say.

Even ignoring the above it sounds like she is not willing to forgive a single outburst. Not very good for her for as you forgive so you will be forgiven.

 

[grandvizier1006]

Hey, I've seen both of you on other threads!

to Chococats: I'm incredibly sorry about your bullying experience. I had plenty of emotional outbursts in my day, but for me church was so boring that I never had them there. Nevertheless, I still don't fit in well with those sorts of groups, but I'm hoping to change that.

I do remember one time an old man that was a Sunday school teacher didn't understand my twin brother (he and I had/have some mental issues but they manifested themselves differently) and accused him of not being disciplined by his parents. My brother was naturally offended (although to be fair he HAD been a bit rambunctious and disrespectful), but he still held a grudge even though the old man very quickly realized he had spoken rashly and apologized shortly afterward.

Unfortunately, this is the traditional response to why any kid acts up, and it makes me feel sorry for the parents. If I was a parent I'd just say, "My kid has issues with this, nobody's perfect!"

In the case of this woman, all you can pray that she'll see where she was wrong. If she persists, just find time to sit down with this woman and be honest about what happened. Say that you messed up, explain your thoughts and feelings at the time, and how you "snapped out of it". Remind her that anger at God is universal, and you just happened to have done it out loud instead of in private. If this lady's so pious then she'll know from her Bible-reading that sinning in private and in public are the same thing to God. Also, point out how God has very obviously forgiven you, and how you've recovered since this incident (assuming that you have).

I know it's tough to see the humanity inside of people that are just plain discriminatory, but it's there--they're just hiding it sometimes. And don't hold a grudge, obviously. Just remember that even if nothing works, God loves you

To Keith: Hey, thanks for that advice you gave me earlier. I might have already applied it, though. A while back I sort of made a list of what I wanted other people to do to help me. Most of it couldn't be applied to online people, though. The only thing that remains is to present said document to some people, which I haven't actually done since I'm not quite sure how to go about doing it. But I'll find a way

And if you liked what was said about Job, then you'd like this video on Youtube I found called "The Book of Job Explained". It's by some guy called InspiringPhilosophy (and for all I know he might be lurking around here!) I can't give a link though since I'm new.

It gives a unique perspective on the Book of Job and a message to be gained from it. It's not the usual sort of message, and I think it's probably not the ONLY lesson to be gained from it (as in the usual stuff the book answers about why God allows suffering and so forth still applies), but it really contextualizes things.

Also, I'm curious: What's an atheist doing on a CHRISTIAN forum site? I'm new here, and so I'm kind of wondering where all of the non-Christians are coming from.

 

[Chococat]

Anyway praise God this lady came and apologised to me this week so things are fine now

 

[grandvizier1006]

Yay!

 

[ToBeBlessed]

Anyway praise God this lady came and apologised to me this week so things are fine now

How awesome! I'm so happy for you.
http://www.christianforums.com//www.pinterest.com/pin/create/extension/

 

[com7fy8]

Very good Thank You, God

God does things better than we expect

I had someone who seemed to be singling me out to make me over to be more loose and relaxed . . . maybe so he could control me, really. It seemed he could be abusive. Possibly, he was trying to take the place of God, and so he was broken down enough to do things badly.

And I could get quite angry and paranoid at him, while I was by myself. But I prayed and trusted God to make me real and strong in love enough so he could not get the better of me and so I would care about him and have compassion on him and pray with real hope for him. And I was corrected and got stronger; then I could go and be encouraging to him and always kind, and show that how he treated me wrong was not going to decide how I am and what I do.

After a while he said he had been abusive and he sounded a little sobbing. I told him that God knew his heart and that, if he had not meant to hurt anyone, then God could keep his wrong things from hurting anyone.

But he's not perfect; so I watch out, with him. He still may need more correction and healing and maturing . . . like I do, of course But I listen to whatever he says, and I can benefit from things he says.

I was treated, I would say, harshly, once, about a thing of my past. I got bent out of shape about that, but then I got to thinking, why is that past thing such a big deal to people who hear about it? And then in prayer I learned more about how my past wrongs were not only no-no's but betraying of trust, and not being a real loving person and friend for people I hurt. So, I benefited from being treated the wrong way, in a way, I would say

And wrong treatment can be an opportunity for me to be tested to see how strong and real I am becoming in love and forgiveness. And while anyone is the wrong way with me, I can be God's good example to help that person >

"nor as being lords over those entrusted to you, but being examples to the flock." (1 Peter 5:3)

And there is hope for any wrong person, I consider >

"Brethren, if a man is overtaken in any trespass, you who are spiritual restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness, considering yourself lest you also be tempted." (Galatians 6:1)

So, yes you can help any person to be restored ! ! !

It is better to be on love's offense, than to be a suffering victim on the defense.

"And who is he who will harm you if you become followers of what is good?" (1 Peter 3:13)

So - - even though this worked out, keep seeking our Father to correct you and make you stronger so wrong people can't get the better of you.

 

[parsley]

It's a crying shame when a church, a place where hurting people should be shown Christ's love and compassion ends up being a place where such people are wounded all over again.

You said it.

Don't feel obligated to keep going there for your friends' sake -- they weren't the ones who went through the pain, so might not realize how bad it felt. There are other churches, other ways of connecting with God and people.

If she persists, just find time to sit down with this woman and be honest about what happened. Say that you messed up, explain your thoughts and feelings at the time, and how you "snapped out of it".

That's a good idea. It's not my normal response, but I've found that when I don't vocalize my intents, other people make things up and tell others what they think my intents are.
Sad but inevitable.

What you said was not unusual, and most people take it as a one-time burst of frustration. Look at the prophet Jonah, who ran the other direction when God gave him a prophecy to deliver. The storms came and the people on the boat wanted to know who was making their deity angry... and Jonah didn't want to admit it.

Jonah 1:15

So they picked up Jonah, threw him into the sea, and the sea stopped its raging.

Embarrassing.

I'd guess that over time people will forget. Do what you can to distract them from the past and present to them a fresh new thing to think about.

It seems in every social setting there is a bully, or someone who makes sure people see they're better than everyone else. If we can separate that from the rest of the good things going on with other people, it will be easier to enjoy the group.

 

[4KidsMOM]

Oh yes hun. I am sorry that your hurting. It hurts when other christians hurt other christians. Because you are being attacked only by a member of the church I would go to the pastor and explain the situation. May be you guys can go and talk to this member about this. If she still doesn't stop then go with another member or two other people you trust to share your problem. IF she still doesn't stop committee it to God and just pray about. Don't let this one person ruin you church experience and stop you from being a blessing to other. All in all don't leave unless you really feel you are in danger. God bless you sister I wish you the best.

 

[LovebirdsFlying]

To answer the questions that were raised, we do allow atheists on this site, if they want to post here. Some areas of the site are reserved for Christians only, but this is not one of them.

To the OP, I'm glad things got resolved. You were definitely owed an apology.

 

[parsley]

Also keep in mind that the entire human spectrum is invited into churches, and people settle in who have serious emotional-behaviora problems, addictions they're working on, histories of abuse, experience with cults, you name it. One bully can stir up a storm, but try not to let it. She might have a lot of issues to resolve, herself. See if you can get others to help you stand firm when she pesters.