Church Bloopers

[wfcamb]

1) Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
2) The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
4) Evening massage - 6 p.m.
5) The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
6) The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
7) Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 to 8:30 p.m. Please use the back door.
8) Ushers will eat latecomers.
9) The third verse of Blessed Assurance will be sung without musical accomplishment.
10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
11) The Rev. Merriwether spoke briefly, much to the delight of the audience.
12) The pastor will preach his farewell message, after which the choir will sing, "Break Forth Into Joy."
13) During the absence of our pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
14) Next Sunday Mrs. Vinson will be soloist for the morning service. The pastor will then speak on "It's a Terrible Experience."
15) Due to the Rector's illness, Wednesday's healing services will be discontinued until further notice.

~Author Unknown~

 

[dustt10]

Ha! That first one was too funny.

 

[monkeystink]

loved 7

 

[equal-minded]

ugghh i'm a scout, but i don't cripple children! leave those kids alone!

 

[chosen_boss]

Those are pretty amusing.

 

[chris714ndud3]

read them all before, but still funny

 

[garydench]

16) Tryouts for the choir start wednesday - they need all the help they can get!

 

[ChrisLockhart]

There was another I will never forget reading, which was about a church starting up a group for Young Mothers, and advised that "Anybody wishing to become a young mother is urged to see the Pastor in his office."

 

[Im_A]

is this experience i had considered a church blooper?

back in highschool, i attending this one very small church. we all knew each other fairly well and everything. one day, i went on my knees to pray during the time of prayer, and at the time i used to wear a dog chain on my wallet. well i sat back down, and the church had small metal chairs. in the midst of the silence of prayer, my chain went, "CLANK CLANK CLANK!" everyone looked at me and smiled and and i just sat there and smiled and then everyone went back to praying.

 

[Jesus.is.my.homeboy]

number 7 is great. it amuses me very much.

 

[just_dance]

10) For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

That was all very funny

 

[bubblegirl23]

My favs:
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.

 

[Shinji Ikari]

lol..

 

[Writing4Jesus]

LOL! Chris that is hilarious!

 

[faith renewal]

these crack me up every time!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[LegacyOfLove]

Loved the jokes, several of them were ones I had never heard before! Thanks for sharing!

 

[Tenorvoice]

the lady that types up our Church Bullitens make a mistake in them every time... some of them are really funnie but some times I think that she does it on purpose.

one of them was supposed to say "...hear the birds singing", and what it said was "...hear the birds sining"... I thought it was funnie specially since everone sang it that way

 

[bubblegirl23]

There's nothing wrong with spicing up the church.... remember Sister Act? Remember the priest transposing terms? "Hey there!"

 

[newlite]

hahaha

 

[blessedbyhimmom]

There was another I will never forget reading, which was about a church starting up a group for Young Mothers, and advised that "Anybody wishing to become a young mother is urged to see the Pastor in his office."

Oh my, those are too funny!