Hi GravGrav
I don't think you've really given enough information about yourself to really give a personalised answer. But there are a few foundational things that I can explain to you... they are really basic, and there are heaps and heaps of implications about behaviour, etc that follow from them.
I am confused as to what a Christian is.
Paul, in the book of Romans gives an excellent foundational statement of what a Christian is:
Romans 10
9That if you confess with your mouth, "Jesus is Lord," and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved. 10For it is with your heart that you believe and are justified, and it is with your mouth that you confess and are saved.
That is pivotal to being a follower of Christ - a Christian. Consider carefully the implications of
really believing this would have on the life of someone.
I have trouble with this statement. This is because following Christ is a matter of God's
grace. It is not something that you can force yourself to do any more than you can force yourself to believe that the sky is green. These are extremely complex and controversial topics - but suffice to say, you need to recognise the hopeless state that all mankind is in without Christ - including you, and then turn to Him in repentance. The first words Christ ministry on earth is "Repent".
I don't want you to feel as though I am being judgemental. All of us are sinners - its just that Christians have accepted God's offer of Forgiveness - through God's grace.
How does Christ fit into the picture? A perfectly just God has passed a judgement of death for us sinners. This sentence can only be paid by Christ's atoning sacrifice on the cross as a substitute for
us-
if we repent and believe.
Romans 5
Peace and Joy
6You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. 7Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.
9Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God's wrath through him! 10For if, when we were God's enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life! 11Not only is this so, but we also rejoice in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.
Does this make sense so far?
God seems to tell me that I am wrong to believe in Jesus.
Under the assumption that Christianity is true, then this simply cannot happen. It could be either that you don't really want to believe, or there is a spiritual battle occurring. In regard to the latter:
1 John 4
Test the Spirits
1Dear friends, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. 2This is how you can recognize the Spirit of God: Every spirit that acknowledges that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God, 3but every spirit that does not acknowledge Jesus is not from God.
A Godly spirit will
never lead you away from Christ, whereas one not from God will always lead you away.
You know, in spite of your confusion, I think that you should pray that God will reveal himself to you:
Mark 9
24Immediately the boy's father exclaimed, "I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief!"
If you really mean this, He will answer in his own timing. In the meantime, feel free to PM me anytime, or keep asking questions here.
With love for a fellow sinner:
gnine