Christian with bipolar needs advice.

[Splayd]

Hey guys,

I'm not sure if any of you have experiences like me. I actually feel fine most of the time and can be very productive. Mostly - things go along alright for a while and then my head starts get busier and busier over time. I just keep thinking about anything and everything. Sometimes it gets very productive and I've written some great songs or started on writing a book or whatever but eventually it all gets too cluttered and I break down. Normally I do something crazy just before I bust. I call them "Spontaneous acts of stupidity" One time I went without food or sleep for days, got drunk and drove 5 hours away to the city where I proceeded to gamble away thousands of dollars. Once my credit cards were exhausted I just wandered the streets for a couple of days, ashamed and with such incredible remorse that it was all I could do to not jump in front of a train until I eventually came to my senses and went back home. Things like that have a devestating effect on the family as you can imagine, but only seem to come around once every 2 to 3 years at the most. Since then I've been medicated and nothing that extreme has happened again... BUT I still worry that it might.

Anyway - here's where I need the advice: God's used me so very much in the past. I've been so incredibly blessed to be able to share with so many people and bring them into the Kingdom. I've run many Youth Groups and spoken at churches all over the state. The thing is that for all the good that God does through me, I also tend to leave a mini trail of destruction whenever I have a major episode.
ie: People tend to look up to me and then all of a sudden one day I'm doing something stupid like that and when they find out it leaves them confused, questioning my faith and everything I've shared with them.

All in all - it leaves me scared to jump back into ministry. Is it better that I stay on the sidelines to avoid potential grief later or do I just embrace the gifts God's given me and remain faithful in His service - trusting that God's got it all under control now?

 

[Alive again]

Hey guys,

I'm not sure if any of you have experiences like me. I actually feel fine most of the time and can be very productive. Mostly - things go along alright for a while and then my head starts get busier and busier over time. I just keep thinking about anything and everything. Sometimes it gets very productive and I've written some great songs or started on writing a book or whatever but eventually it all gets too cluttered and I break down. Normally I do something crazy just before I bust. I call them "Spontaneous acts of stupidity" One time I went without food or sleep for days, got drunk and drove 5 hours away to the city where I proceeded to gamble away thousands of dollars. Once my credit cards were exhausted I just wandered the streets for a couple of days, ashamed and with such incredible remorse that it was all I could do to not jump in front of a train until I eventually came to my senses and went back home. Things like that have a devestating effect on the family as you can imagine, but only seem to come around once every 2 to 3 years at the most. Since then I've been medicated and nothing that extreme has happened again... BUT I still worry that it might.

Anyway - here's where I need the advice: God's used me so very much in the past. I've been so incredibly blessed to be able to share with so many people and bring them into the Kingdom. I've run many Youth Groups and spoken at churches all over the state. The thing is that for all the good that God does through me, I also tend to leave a mini trail of destruction whenever I have a major episode.
ie: People tend to look up to me and then all of a sudden one day I'm doing something stupid like that and when they find out it leaves them confused, questioning my faith and everything I've shared with them.

All in all - it leaves me scared to jump back into ministry. Is it better that I stay on the sidelines to avoid potential grief later or do I just embrace the gifts God's given me and remain faithful in His service - trusting that God's got it all under control now?

Question--I am assuming then that "they" did not know of your bipolar???? I am active in ministry myself, but our church is one where I can speak openly of my illness an duse ministry as an opportunity to educate others about mental health issues-how I battle my illness and the thoughts that are part of it is a great lesson for battling temptation-my past breakddowns are a teaching ground for forgiveness that God uses to break down walls and allow others to be real about their failures as well. Therefore if I were to have another breakdown (and yes I also fear this will happen) then the ground work is laid with enough people who know me well and my story that there is no question about my faith, my choices may be wrong in the midst of my illness, but they know theyare related to illness and are forgiveable even though the consequences do no go away.

I do not tell everyone my entire story or even my diagnosis, but it does come up and I don't hide it.

Blessings, but remeber do all in prayer, ther is no safer place than the midst of God's will fo ryour life. But stay on your meds and actively controlling your illness.

 

[Splayd]

Thanks Alive again,
It's awesome that God is using your situation for His glory. What a wonderful God we serve!

In the past - noone knew about my bipolar. Actually I didn't even know that's what it was. I'm sure you can appreciate the guilt and uncertainty I felt before I knew that it was medical and controllable (for the most part). I was only diagnosed about 2 years ago and I haven't been actively involved in ministry in that time. At first I was embarrassed by the diagnosis and kept it a secret for about a year. My absence from ministry during that time (without explaination) was itself an unsettling thing for the church. Eventually I shared with the congregation during a service and now I'm quite open about it if anyone asks. I don't exactly run around advertising it, but at the same time I'm no longer ashamed of it. It's just part of who I am and frankly it's not all bad.

You're right though - now that the church is aware, they'll likely be more understanding. In fact I know they already are - they keep inviting me to get involved again. I just fear stuffing up again. I guess it comes down to trusting God. Just as it was never me doing the wonderful things in the past - I need to trust Him now. He knows all things so if He's calling me back into the front lines - I need to let go and follow Him, knowing that He's got it all under control whatever happens.

 

[wonderwaleye]

Dear Splayd


I think Alive again covered the FAITH ISSUE very well.



But what doesn't sit well is that these manic actions keep coming back. To me this indicates the meds your taking is not controlling the bipolar.



If the meds are right you should not have symptoms or know your taking your meds.



This is very serious because the more manic attacks you have in your lifetime the easier it becomes for your brain to slip into manic.



If you have someone you trust watching over you and they see the first signs of manic it should be set up where you see a doctor immediately.



It sounds like to me you have had it long enough that you also know the signs and will seek treatment ASAP!!!


Should you find that when these attacks come they are uncontrollable then someone should have it already set up to have you committed.



THIS WAY YOU DON'T RISK INJURY TO OTHERS AND STILL WILL BE ABLE TO REMEMBER:




XEven though you can't see Him, GOD is there!O
( click on the X and drag to the O ) ( then feel who is around you ) steven

 

[Splayd]

Thanks wonderwaleye,

Truth is - all of those big manic attacks were before I was diagnosed. I was 14 when a doctor first suggested I might be "Manic Depressive" but that was soon dismissed by my parents, who couldn't cope with the idea of a son with mental problems. It was nearly 20 years later that I was actually diagnosed with Bipolar and put on meds. It took about a year to get the meds right. For a long time they made my day to day living worse (though never to the extremes). I've really only been settled with my meds for the last 12 months and am only now feeling the pull back to ministry. I suppose my concerns stem from the fact that it's not unusual for me to go 12 months feeling fine, so the threat of another attack is still disconcerting. I have shared the tells with my family and friends though and they know that if I start going without sleep etc... they need to confront me on it. I suppose there's little more I can do now that the safety net's in place, the meds are working and I'm getting better at reading myself. It's probably just time to surrender to God and trust in Him... and make sure I'm covered in prayer in all I do for the Kingdom. Might be time for some baby steps first up.

 

[Alive again]

Thanks wonderwaleye,

Truth is - all of those big manic attacks were before I was diagnosed. I was 14 when a doctor first suggested I might be "Manic Depressive" but that was soon dismissed by my parents, who couldn't cope with the idea of a son with mental problems. It was nearly 20 years later that I was actually diagnosed with Bipolar and put on meds. It took about a year to get the meds right. For a long time they made my day to day living worse (though never to the extremes). I've really only been settled with my meds for the last 12 months and am only now feeling the pull back to ministry. I suppose my concerns stem from the fact that it's not unusual for me to go 12 months feeling fine, so the threat of another attack is still disconcerting. I have shared the tells with my family and friends though and they know that if I start going without sleep etc... they need to confront me on it. I suppose there's little more I can do now that the safety net's in place, the meds are working and I'm getting better at reading myself. It's probably just time to surrender to God and trust in Him... and make sure I'm covered in prayer in all I do for the Kingdom. Might be time for some baby steps first up.

Go slow in getting involved again. I know that i no longer handle stress like I used to due to this illness ( I used to be an ICU nurse, I know I cannot do that again because the stress levels would not be healthy for me and could worsen my illness) I am glad to hear you have famliy and friends to help watch, but also become as aware of your own triggers as possible and step away from a situation when needed to avoid the damage we can leave in our wake in relationships. Come back when calmer and in control to explain. I am like you. I do not hesitate to share if approp, but do not advertise it either. God bless and be careful as you step back out into ministry, do not be afraid to step back if needed..

 

[Debi1967]

All in all - it leaves me scared to jump back into ministry. Is it better that I stay on the sidelines to avoid potential grief later or do I just embrace the gifts God's given me and remain faithful in His service - trusting that God's got it all under control now?

I think you answered your own question above, when you said "baby steps".

Take it slowly at first and pace yourself as to how far you can go without bringing out the problems of before. Remember that even though we are medicated, we still have the potential to have what are called "BreakThrough" episodes.

So, for you now it is all a matter of seeing how far you can push yourself safely, without this happening and still be effective in the work that you wish to do for the Lord.

Remember, too, that the Lord does not give us gifts, for us to either abuse them or to forget them either.... We must use them always in balance. Balance is the Key to everything that will enrich us and others around us. For the Bi-Polar, sometimes this balance is hard to strike, but it always must be strived for.

Prayer is essential too, because the Lord, can help you in this endeavor. We know as Bi-Polars that we need to take our meds to regulate the workings of our brain, because it is a malfunction of the brain's chemicals that makes us this way, therefore by taking our meds we are then helping ourselves to rectify the problem....

BUT.... What happens after that? Often what happens is that we must then relearn how to live as well. We are so used to living with one mindset that when all of the sudden our brain is righted with the meds, we have a hard time adjusting to the correction made. Believe it or not this is perfectly normal, and why some type of counseling is usually called for.

I personally recommend Christian counseling to go along with it, although some others find that conventional counseling is preferrable. Either way it is there to help you through the adjustment period, because it is a huge adjustment to think differently than you ever have before.

So essentially what I am saying, in my experience, it is not just taking meds, it is a whole new way of living that you must become accustomed to.

There are certain habits and coping mechanisms that we develop, in order to deal with being an active Bi-Polar, once those things are either dampened, or taken away then we have to develop new habits and coping mechanisms to deal with what is going on all around us because the old will no longer fit.

And quite truthfully this is good thing it means that we are progressing or moving forward instead of backward. It means that we wish to make clear what once was very unclear. It means that we are looking for those trigger mechanisms, so that we can avoid them so that we can be more productive at the things we do wish to accomplish. Otherwise we will stagnate.

Medication is only one part of the treatment process, the next part of it is to then distinguish what is and what is not appropriate behaviour to engage in anymore and then to avoid that behaviour.

Self Destructive behaviour is not productive, and in the end hurts more than just us, it ends up hurting all those around us too, that have to experience it with us. Now you may say "but what if I just avoid everyone while I am engaging in it?" To you, then I would say..... It still has an effect on all those around you, because if these are people that are accustomed to seeing you, then your disappearance from them during this time so as not to effect them has worried them and therefore you have had a negative effect.

I used to think that running away was the answer too, until I realized just how many people I had hurt with all of my running. And anyone when forced into a corner so to speak, will want to run, it is those of us that do not use this as an excuse and that remain strong, relying on God to see us through that have the best advantage of all.....

I hope that all or some of what I have said has helped Splayed because you are filled with the Lord, this is evident in your posts .....

Lovingly In Christ
Your Sister
Debi

 

[Mskedi]

Thanks Alive again,
It's awesome that God is using your situation for His glory. What a wonderful God we serve!

In the past - noone knew about my bipolar. Actually I didn't even know that's what it was. I'm sure you can appreciate the guilt and uncertainty I felt before I knew that it was medical and controllable (for the most part). I was only diagnosed about 2 years ago and I haven't been actively involved in ministry in that time. At first I was embarrassed by the diagnosis and kept it a secret for about a year. My absence from ministry during that time (without explaination) was itself an unsettling thing for the church. Eventually I shared with the congregation during a service and now I'm quite open about it if anyone asks. I don't exactly run around advertising it, but at the same time I'm no longer ashamed of it. It's just part of who I am and frankly it's not all bad.

You're right though - now that the church is aware, they'll likely be more understanding. In fact I know they already are - they keep inviting me to get involved again. I just fear stuffing up again. I guess it comes down to trusting God. Just as it was never me doing the wonderful things in the past - I need to trust Him now. He knows all things so if He's calling me back into the front lines - I need to let go and follow Him, knowing that He's got it all under control whatever happens.

It sounds like you've answered your own question. Be honest, do your best to be consistent with the meds to avoid your bad episodes, and be prayerful. Let people know the possibilities associated with bipolar so that they can help you or at least not be shocked when and if there's ever a problem.

It's not something you control. I have a bad case of anemia that no amount of iron pills can help, so when I go camping or to higher altitudes -- or heck, when it's a hot day -- I make sure the people around me know what to do when I pass out. It 1) keeps them from freaking out and 2) ensures that I'll be safe. Your situation is essentially the same.

 

[Splayd]

Thanks everyone. There's some beautiful wisdom in these posts.

As much as I've become accustomed to an all-or-nothing approach over the years, I know now it's time for moderation and I can see that it needs to be that way with this issue too. I'm sure that with God's guidance I will find the balance He has for me. I need to give Him my all and nothing less - but I also need to be sensitive to His prompting and my own limitations.

 

[jgarden]

I had many of the same symptoms - racing thoughts, manic episodes. Being diagnosed gives the reassurance that you are not alone and there is light at the end of the tunnel.

One thing I did was to give my wife all the credit cards and control of the finances to guard against spending.

Another strategy is to be aware of your limitations and inform others when you feel manic. If they are already knowledgable of your symptoms, the signs should be obvious.

I have a penticostal doctor who gets frustrated to no end when Christians stop taking their medication because prayer should solve all their problems. I'm all for prayer but people don't sit on a railway track and pray that the train will miss them.

Sometimes it takes a long time to get the proper medications and in the right doses. I believe that maintaining a set schedule is a key factor.

 

[mamaof2]

Everyone goes through seasons. Seasons where you can really minister, and seasons where you need to be ministered to. REST. When that resting period is over, you'll know. You'll start reaching out more and needing the receiving less.

 

[PookySmiley]

All I can do is echo what everyone else has said. I will add that a good, Godly therapist can make all the difference. I suffer from anxiety and in the past was devastated by depression and delusions. My therapist, a Minister from the Center for Pastoral Counselling, recommended by a lay leader at my church, made all the difference. They ask only what you can pay and provide guidance and support. Most important!! Let me repeat MOST IMPORTANT is that you find a counselor that you connect with emotionally, mentally and spiritually. You may not ever find "medication free" healing, but you'll find healing and support. I can't emphasize enough the importance of therapy with someone with whom you connect. Gary, my therapist. did wonders for me. I contacted a church member who had seen him, (I am always careful about who I contact) and his comment was "he saved my life". May God bless you and see you through everything.

God has used my illness as a springboard for others to seek help and I hope He uses you for the best you can do as well. Sometimes we can't see His use for our troubles until we're on the other side of them. He may be using you and your willingness to share your trials to help others. He will be with you as He is with me.