Christian only. At the end of my tether

[Alex McPhee]

Hiya

my name is Alex

I was married previously not by a minister but because I spent a night with her in my culture that’s married.

so that was 4-5 years ago now and I can safely say she’s been showered by the Lord while I have been shunned. The closest people to me are doctors right now I mistakenly assumed that the people I knew for years would have known me better but it is what it is


My heart says this is it. I’ve tried I’ve failed and I’ll never be a father or a husband.

if that’s the Lords will I will accept it but I don’t know. I would love to minister. I have family who suck the life out of you blaming everyone except themselves for how life has turned out. Jesus I accept I have free will and I alone am responsible for my circumstances. But Jesus I faithfully say I cannot do what the father wants. When I’m alone I run myself down. I don’t know what I need anymore than a stranger does

my life is ruined it seems. I refuse to turn to drink or drugs. I refuse to blame anyone except myself.

I don’t know what to ask for. I want to know love, not hate. I’ll try to write more when I post. I’m just thoroughly defeated today

 

[Albion]

Christian Advice would probably say to put the "my culture" behind you, then marry someone, have children, and function according to the (Christian) faith and culture within which you are currently living.

 

[Alex McPhee]

Christian Advice would probably say to put the "my culture" behind you, then marry someone, have children, and function according to the (Christian) faith and culture within which you are currently living.

Hello

that’s my plan however it doesn’t seem to be the Lords

I’ve been single since the break up as I believe I should be

Around October time last year. A woman did come in to my life I truly believed she was from God but it didn’t work out. Now any sensible person would re evaluate themselves and see what the problem was

she wanted fun I wanted a testimony

not in a bad way I mean she was nice and all but anyway I was wrong. So I’m second guessing myself a lot now

it’s hard for me to repeat the same thing twice but I’ll have to. I have to pray that what you said comes true for me. All I want is when I step on the pulpit to look over and see the gift from God and say hallelujah Jesus. I know I don’t seem like it but I will do anything for Jesus even be alone the rest of my life. If I can just accept what he says I will do it

sorry for how I sound. I’m truly and utterly exhausted today. I’m not even sure what to do next in life. I just want to be a Christian husband who can help the lord


I’m typing as much as I can when I can. THank you all for being so patient

 

[Albion]

that’s my plan however it doesn’t seem to be the Lords

I’ve been single since the break up as I believe I should be

Hi. Why should you be? It sounds like this is your decision, not something that can't be changed, and certainly not the Lord's doing.

But I am only going by the hints I find in your posts; the complete facts may present a different picture.

Around October time last year. A woman did come in to my life I truly believed she was from God but it didn’t work out. Now any sensible person would re evaluate themselves and see what the problem was

she wanted fun I wanted a testimony

not in a bad way I mean she was nice and all but anyway I was wrong. So I’m second guessing myself a lot now

It may be difficult to avoid second-guessing yourself, but a single failed relationship--and the very first one since your previous situation ended--doesn't add up to "I’ll never be a father or a husband."

We on this forum receive messages from quite a few people who say that they are failures at romance, etc. and they've despaired. But very few of them say that they had one setback so now there's no hope. I'm hoping you'll stop thinking that way since it's most likely untrue.

it’s hard for me to repeat the same thing twice but I’ll have to.

That's right. Nothing worth having is likely to fall into your lap without you being active in seeking it.

I know I don’t seem like it but I will do anything for Jesus even be alone the rest of my life. If I can just accept what he says I will do it

Why would you think that Jesus wants you to be alone for life?

I’m truly and utterly exhausted today. I’m not even sure what to do next in life. I just want to be a Christian husband who can help the lord

Certainly. Sometimes we have to step back from our disappointments and confusion, then rest, pray, and approach the problems without impatience or a sense of certain failure.

 

[Maria Billingsley]

Hiya

my name is Alex

I was married previously not by a minister but because I spent a night with her in my culture that’s married.

so that was 4-5 years ago now and I can safely say she’s been showered by the Lord while I have been shunned. The closest people to me are doctors right now I mistakenly assumed that the people I knew for years would have known me better but it is what it is


My heart says this is it. I’ve tried I’ve failed and I’ll never be a father or a husband.

if that’s the Lords will I will accept it but I don’t know. I would love to minister. I have family who suck the life out of you blaming everyone except themselves for how life has turned out. Jesus I accept I have free will and I alone am responsible for my circumstances. But Jesus I faithfully say I cannot do what the father wants. When I’m alone I run myself down. I don’t know what I need anymore than a stranger does

my life is ruined it seems. I refuse to turn to drink or drugs. I refuse to blame anyone except myself.

I don’t know what to ask for. I want to know love, not hate. I’ll try to write more when I post. I’m just thoroughly defeated today

Welcome to CF. Walk with His Holy Spirit daily and He will lead you to peace. Do not doubt that " He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world".
Blessings

 

[Tolworth John]

night with her in my culture that’s married.

so that was 4-5 years ago now and I can safely say she’s been showered by the Lord while I have been shunned. The closest people to me are doctors right now I mistakenly assumed that the people I knew for years would have known me better but it is what it is

Jesus forgives us our sins if we repent of them.

P.ease talk to your minister and to your doctor.

Your life is not ruined in God sight because of a mistake, you come across as depressed, so please see your doctor.

 

[dqhall]

Hello

that’s my plan however it doesn’t seem to be the Lords

I’ve been single since the break up as I believe I should be

Around October time last year. A woman did come in to my life I truly believed she was from God but it didn’t work out. Now any sensible person would re evaluate themselves and see what the problem was

she wanted fun I wanted a testimony

not in a bad way I mean she was nice and all but anyway I was wrong. So I’m second guessing myself a lot now

it’s hard for me to repeat the same thing twice but I’ll have to. I have to pray that what you said comes true for me. All I want is when I step on the pulpit to look over and see the gift from God and say hallelujah Jesus. I know I don’t seem like it but I will do anything for Jesus even be alone the rest of my life. If I can just accept what he says I will do it

sorry for how I sound. I’m truly and utterly exhausted today. I’m not even sure what to do next in life. I just want to be a Christian husband who can help the lord


I’m typing as much as I can when I can. THank you all for being so patient

Paul warned, “Flee from fornication.” 1 Corinthians 6:18
Fornication is premarital sex of a type prostitutes and their customers engaged in.

Having sex with a woman is not the same as marrying her. Some people can have sex with each other without forming a lifelong commitment.

Marriage requires planning, a marriage license and a wedding or civil service. Married couples live together and have a legal commitment to care for each other. Most married couples produced offspring.

 

[AWorkInProgress]

my life is ruined it seems. I refuse to turn to drink or drugs. I refuse to blame anyone except myself.

I don’t know what to ask for. I want to know love, not hate. I’ll try to write more when I post. I’m just thoroughly defeated today

"I want to know love.."

Hello Alex, I won't pretend to know even remotely what you are going thru right now. Out of your post, I can recommend this to be a starting point.

This is my advice from my experiences.

After I became saved, all I could think about was meeting that special someone. Lord took me to task and inquired of me what did His Word say about becoming a husband and a father. Thru my studies I learned I was definitely not a leader, and how could I love my wife when I didn't even love myself.

I recommend taking your fears and worries about a wife and fatherhood and laying them at the feet of our Lord. Let him deal with that burden for you, while He works on you. Please note that this is a process because it's in our nature to take control of the situation. You might have to hand it over a number of times.

When we are saved, we are reconciled with God thru the atoning work of Jesus. We are grafted into his family tree as an adopted son or daughter. As such God is the source of all love, sometimes we just need to get into his presence and just let ourselves feel that love. The moon is a dead and barren place, yet when the sun shines on it. It reflects that beauty onto the Earth, even in the darkness of night.

Take time out and just walk with your Lord, let him love on you, and show you how to live. When the time is right, he can bless you with the woman he has set apart for you. If that is His Will.

Do not be desperate and allow your loneliness and anxieties to rule how you find someone. You are worth more than finding any girl that won't last. Take your time and find the woman is Godly(not perfect) and loves you for who you are. You got to let God love you, and learn to love yourself. So you can be who God made you be. In doing so there is a woman out there who wants that person in their life.

 

[Alex McPhee]

Hi. Why should you be? It sounds like this is your decision, not something that can't be changed, and certainly not the Lord's doing.

But I am only going by the hints I find in your posts; the complete facts may present a different picture.


It may be difficult to avoid second-guessing yourself, but a single failed relationship--and the very first one since your previous situation ended--doesn't add up to "I’ll never be a father or a husband."

We on this forum receive messages from quite a few people who say that they are failures at romance, etc. and they've despaired. But very few of them say that they had one setback so now there's no hope. I'm hoping you'll stop thinking that way since it's most likely untrue.


That's right. Nothing worth having is likely to fall into your lap without you being active in seeking it.


Why would you think that Jesus wants you to be alone for life?


Certainly. Sometimes we have to step back from our disappointments and confusion, then rest, pray, and approach the problems without impatience or a sense of certain failure.

Just getting ready to go to church just now so forgive the late reply

I’ll explain the best I can with that. To my understanding, men want to be the apple in their wives eye, so I feel like I’d prefer if it did happen for my wife to know that I loved her instead of “touring” around but look I’m 26, I’m only a learner I can be taught as to be honest I can’t be right all the time that’s why I like my fellowship because I have an older brother who believes what he says to be gospel and cannot take advice or help because he’s always right.

and in that sense I thought I will put my hand up, I thought because I did all I could and I didn’t want her, she kept messaging calling and visiting that I let her in that’s what made me believe, Okay god I surrender if this is from you I surrender. It wasn’t from him.

I wish I could answer more concretely but if jesus wants me to be alone. Say the missionary work he has for me involves a lot of suffering to spread his word then maybe she’ll suffer so much that jesus thinks I’ll be okay on my own I don’t know it’s just a feeling



and I truly agree. Nothing good is going to come easy but by the blood of Christ it’s more than worth it


Sorry I was in church.
Godbless

 

[Alex McPhee]

"I want to know love.."

Hello Alex, I won't pretend to know even remotely what you are going thru right now. Out of your post, I can recommend this to be a starting point.

This is my advice from my experiences.

After I became saved, all I could think about was meeting that special someone. Lord took me to task and inquired of me what did His Word say about becoming a husband and a father. Thru my studies I learned I was definitely not a leader, and how could I love my wife when I didn't even love myself.

I recommend taking your fears and worries about a wife and fatherhood and laying them at the feet of our Lord. Let him deal with that burden for you, while He works on you. Please note that this is a process because it's in our nature to take control of the situation. You might have to hand it over a number of times.

When we are saved, we are reconciled with God thru the atoning work of Jesus. We are grafted into his family tree as an adopted son or daughter. As such God is the source of all love, sometimes we just need to get into his presence and just let ourselves feel that love. The moon is a dead and barren place, yet when the sun shines on it. It reflects that beauty onto the Earth, even in the darkness of night.

Take time out and just walk with your Lord, let him love on you, and show you how to live. When the time is right, he can bless you with the woman he has set apart for you. If that is His Will.

Do not be desperate and allow your loneliness and anxieties to rule how you find someone. You are worth more than finding any girl that won't last. Take your time and find the woman is Godly(not perfect) and loves you for who you are. You got to let God love you, and learn to love yourself. So you can be who God made you be. In doing so there is a woman out there who wants that person in their life.

Truly I thank you. Right now I’m going to re read all of the replies. Pray and ask the Lord to help again. I must admit I feel low but all the love I’m being shown I cannot say it’s not helping. Just I’ve came home my mother is in a mess it might be later but I’ll give a more detailed reply when I can. I’d like to thank you all for being holy and blessed people. To be an example and to show a young brother that the words he’s hearing and the pain he’s feeling is maybe only temporary. God bless. Talk soon


Alex

 

[eleos1954]

Hiya

my name is Alex

I was married previously not by a minister but because I spent a night with her in my culture that’s married.

so that was 4-5 years ago now and I can safely say she’s been showered by the Lord while I have been shunned. The closest people to me are doctors right now I mistakenly assumed that the people I knew for years would have known me better but it is what it is


My heart says this is it. I’ve tried I’ve failed and I’ll never be a father or a husband.

if that’s the Lords will I will accept it but I don’t know. I would love to minister. I have family who suck the life out of you blaming everyone except themselves for how life has turned out. Jesus I accept I have free will and I alone am responsible for my circumstances. But Jesus I faithfully say I cannot do what the father wants. When I’m alone I run myself down. I don’t know what I need anymore than a stranger does

my life is ruined it seems. I refuse to turn to drink or drugs. I refuse to blame anyone except myself.

I don’t know what to ask for. I want to know love, not hate. I’ll try to write more when I post. I’m just thoroughly defeated today

confess all to the Lord and recommit to Him. Start from that day forward. We can't change the past .... but we can begin a new future in Jesus and Jesus doesn't hold our past against us .... the door is always open to new life and if we walk with Him, He will help us live it.

Dwelling on the past serves nothing good.

Start a new life! with Jesus at the center of it.

 

[disciple Clint]

Hiya

my name is Alex

I was married previously not by a minister but because I spent a night with her in my culture that’s married.

so that was 4-5 years ago now and I can safely say she’s been showered by the Lord while I have been shunned. The closest people to me are doctors right now I mistakenly assumed that the people I knew for years would have known me better but it is what it is


My heart says this is it. I’ve tried I’ve failed and I’ll never be a father or a husband.

if that’s the Lords will I will accept it but I don’t know. I would love to minister. I have family who suck the life out of you blaming everyone except themselves for how life has turned out. Jesus I accept I have free will and I alone am responsible for my circumstances. But Jesus I faithfully say I cannot do what the father wants. When I’m alone I run myself down. I don’t know what I need anymore than a stranger does

my life is ruined it seems. I refuse to turn to drink or drugs. I refuse to blame anyone except myself.

I don’t know what to ask for. I want to know love, not hate. I’ll try to write more when I post. I’m just thoroughly defeated today

sounds like you need to have a serious sit down with your pastor, get some input from a source that can see things in a different perspective

 

[GirdYourLoins]

Your profile says UK as location and its not recognised here that you are married if you spend the night with someone. I do believe that it is right to take that approach as a Christian though, but if she has moved on a maybe married you are free to move on.
I have seen a lot of people over the years say they are waiting for the person they think God has told them they will marry or will give them. All have been false. I believe that the normal is for God to give us free will to choose our partner. I've seen men not marry at all as they thought God was going to bring someone into their lives. I've seen others leave it late and then marry someone totally unsuitable just to be with someone.
First of all repent of your sin, thats a given for any Christian and you probably already have. Then forgive yourself. To many Christians live under the yoke of unforgiveness of themselves. Let go of it and take hold of Gods forgiveness instead. Life your life in freedom not your own self made prison.

 

[Alex McPhee]

Your profile says UK as location and its not recognised here that you are married if you spend the night with someone. I do believe that it is right to take that approach as a Christian though, but if she has moved on a maybe married you are free to move on.
I have seen a lot of people over the years say they are waiting for the person they think God has told them they will marry or will give them. All have been false. I believe that the normal is for God to give us free will to choose our partner. I've seen men not marry at all as they thought God was going to bring someone into their lives. I've seen others leave it late and then marry someone totally unsuitable just to be with someone.
First of all repent of your sin, thats a given for any Christian and you probably already have. Then forgive yourself. To many Christians live under the yoke of unforgiveness of themselves. Let go of it and take hold of Gods forgiveness instead. Life your life in freedom not your own self made prison.

Hi, I appreciate you.

since my last update the Lord seemingly placed her back in to my life, and the ex has re married again ? At this point I pray she finds peace but she’s had so many husbands and children to different men I truly feel sorry for her.

I’ve honestly never been so bad than what I am lately. I hid from you all as I was suffering suicidal thoughts and I don’t want to do that. I know growing up. Anyone who was ill mentally could possibly leave a bad mark on kids or that so I tend to hide and stay on my own when I feel low which is obviously making it worse.

brothers and sisters. I’d give my all of the Father said or even hinted that the person I thought he sent (call her by her name, Paige)
Was who he had in his heart for me watching Jesus on that cross I’d love it. I don’t know just now is that truly the truth or am I just so lonely I’d do as you said and take someone just to alleviate the loneliness.
Right now I’m battling the suicide. I don’t know how to explain it other than. Rather than be a worse sinner, I sometimes feel like this may be the best “me” so if I go to God now I may be allowed in whereas if I continue living and I become cold. Disillusioned. And an even worse sinner then I would rather sleep tonight and go to God than have a life of sin and Father to say he never knew me

guys I don’t think it is being honest. But I’d I could ask you as brothers and sisters to pray for Paige to open up to God to see what life can be and let her free will decide then I Thank you all

God bless and love in Christ, your brother

Alex

 

[aiki]

Hiya

my name is Alex

I was married previously not by a minister but because I spent a night with her in my culture that’s married.

It doesn't matter what your culture has established in this regard but what God's view is. It isn't sexual relations that unites a man to a woman as husband and wife. It is the formal giving of a woman by her father or close relatives to a man to be his wife. This is what the Bible indicates fundamentally distinguishes a marriage from, say, a one-night stand with a hooker.

My heart says this is it. I’ve tried I’ve failed and I’ll never be a father or a husband.

if that’s the Lords will I will accept it but I don’t know. I would love to minister.

Okay. 1 John 1:9. There are men in Scripture who sinned - and sinned mightily - who went on to be great servants of God. David and Paul are prime examples. Really, it is only sinners God has to work with and make "vessels sanctified and meet for His use." You are no exception to this reality. Take Paul's advice:

Philippians 3:12-14
12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Press on, brother. Press on.

But Jesus I faithfully say I cannot do what the father wants. When I’m alone I run myself down. I don’t know what I need anymore than a stranger does

my life is ruined it seems. I refuse to turn to drink or drugs. I refuse to blame anyone except myself.

I don’t know what to ask for. I want to know love, not hate. I’ll try to write more when I post. I’m just thoroughly defeated today

Confident Before God.

Tried That. Didn't Work. Got Anything Else?

The Principle Of Conformity To Focus.

 

[disciple Clint]

It doesn't matter what your culture has established in this regard but what God's view is. It isn't sexual relations that unites a man to a woman as husband and wife. It is the formal giving of a woman by her father or close relatives to a man to be his wife. This is what the Bible indicates fundamentally distinguishes a marriage from, say, a one-night stand with a hooker.



Okay. 1 John 1:9. There are men in Scripture who sinned - and sinned mightily - who went on to be great servants of God. David and Paul are prime examples. Really, it is only sinners God has to work with and make "vessels sanctified and meet for His use." You are no exception to this reality. Take Paul's advice:

Philippians 3:12-14
12 Not that I have already obtained it or have already become perfect, but I press on so that I may lay hold of that for which also I was laid hold of by Christ Jesus.
13 Brethren, I do not regard myself as having laid hold of it yet; but one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead,
14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Press on, brother. Press on.



Confident Before God.

Tried That. Didn't Work. Got Anything Else?

The Principle Of Conformity To Focus.

It isn't sexual relations that unites a man to a woman as husband and wife.

What was it again that Jesus said to the woman at the well?

 

[aiki]

What was it again that Jesus said to the woman at the well?

???

 

[disciple Clint]

???

Being with a man who isn’t her husband is self-explanatory but what’s wrong with her having had five husbands?
It would be okay if she was a five-time widow but the context and her reaction make this unlikely. Chances are, she had been divorced a number of times and/or been with men who weren’t her husband. ανδρας (andras), the original Greek word translated “husbands” in this passage more commonly means “men,” so John 4:18 could very well have read, “for you have had five men, and he whom you now have is not your husband...”
SAMARITAN WOMAN - Commentary On The Samaritan Woman By The Well