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Christian Jokes

Discussion in 'Clean/Christian Jokes' started by jester, Dec 18, 2001.

  1. Beloved One

    Beloved One New Member

    8
    +0
    ok since no one has said these I will,

    Q: where does the Bible talk about baseball?

    A: in the big inning!!

    Q: what time was adam made

    A: just before eve
     
  2. MizDoulos

    MizDoulos <font color=6c2dc7><b>Justified by grace through f

    +3
    Non-Denom
    Married
    A little Sunday School humor . . .

    A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments
    with her five and six year olds.

    After explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"

    Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
     
  3. Blackwing

    Blackwing Music Man With Black Wings(duh...)<img src="http:/

    +7
    Non-Denom
    Ooh I like that one LOL :D :D :D !!!!
     
  4. bgoh

    bgoh Groovy Moderator

    145
    +0
    How many worship leader does it take to change a lightbulb?
    We worship leaders don't change lightbulb, :cool: we change the key of the song. :eek:
     
  5. ReformedHeathen

    ReformedHeathen New Member

    2
    +0
    a bit naughty, please be advised.

    [sorry, this forums are (1) Christian (2) Family-oriented (3) your post breaks our forum rules - hence we have removed your joke - we apologise, and have a good day! :) Administrator]
     
  6. 777

    777 On Fire

    5
    +0
    These are great, Where did you get all of these?
     
  7. MizDoulos

    MizDoulos <font color=6c2dc7><b>Justified by grace through f

    +3
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Welcome to the forum, 777!

    I don't know about the rest, but most of my jokes are e-mailed or added in a letter from one friend to another. Too much time on our hands! (hehe)
     
  8. Nails&ThoRns

    Nails&ThoRns Member

    189
    +0
    this isnt origonal or christian, but its clean:

    so theres two muffins sittin in a oven. one turns to the other and says, "its startin to get a little hot in here". the other one turns and screams "OH MY GOD ITS A TALKING MUFFIN!!!"

    :D :D i like that one :D :D
     
  9. Kristen

    Kristen Blah Blah

    +28
    Christian
    The Pope

    The Pope arrives at JFK and he's met at a baggage claim by a driver
    in a bad suit and a clip-on tie, holding a hand-lettered sign that says,
    "Pope."
    After getting all the Pope's luggage loaded in the limo -- and His
    Holiness doesn't travel light -- the driver notices that the Pope is
    still standing on the curb.
    "Hey, Mr. Pope," says the driver in accented English, "why have you
    not seated yourself in the excellent limo?"
    "Well, to tell you the truth," says the Pope, "they never let me drive
    at the Vatican, and I'd really like to drive."
    "That is very much against the rules!" protested the driver, wishing
    he'd never left Calcutta.
    "There might be something extra in it for you," said the Pope.
    Reluctantly, the driver got in the back as the Pope got in behind the
    wheel. The driver quickly regretted his decision when, after clearing
    the airport, the Pope accelerated the limo to 105 mph.
    "Please be driving not so rapidly, Mr. Pope," pleaded the worried
    driver, but the Pope kept the pedal to the metal. Then they heard the
    siren.
    "Oh, my Gods, now I am surely losing my license," moaned the driver.
    The Pope pulled over and rolled down the window as the patrolman
    approached, but the cop took one look at him, went back to his
    motorcycle, and got on the radio. "I need to talk to the Chief," he said
    to the dispatch.
    When the Chief got on the radio, the cop told him that he'd stopped a
    limo going a hundred and five.
    "So bust him," said the Chief.
    "I think the guy's a big shot," said the cop.
    "All the more reason."
    "No, I mean really a big shot," said the cop.
    "What'd ya got there, the Mayor?"
    "Bigger."
    "Governor."
    "Bigger."
    "Well," said the Chief, "who is it?"
    "I don't know," said the cop. "But he's got the Pope driving for him."
     
  10. Kristen

    Kristen Blah Blah

    +28
    Christian
    A man was hiking through a forest and was becoming very tired. Then he stumbled upon a farm that had plenty of horses. He asked the farmer if he could borrow one."Well son,"the farmer said," I can only lend you one cause all the others are working. But it is a special horse. If you want to make it go say "Praise the Lord", and if you want it to stop say "Amen". Now the man climbed on and shouted "Praise the Lord", the horse ambled along it picked up speed after a time and didn't stop. By this time the man could not remember what to say to make it stop. He saw a cliff right in front of him. Then he started to pray of course at the end of he said "Amen". The horse stopped right at the adge of the cliff. The man breathed a sigh of relief and shouted "Praise the Lord".....
     
  11. Erwin

    Erwin Well-Known Member

    +1,725
    LOL! That is a good one! :)
     
  12. MizDoulos

    MizDoulos <font color=6c2dc7><b>Justified by grace through f

    +3
    Non-Denom
    Married
    This is not a joke, but I thought it was funny.

    When we attended our former church, there was a sign outside the door of the nursery that read:

    BEHOLD, I TELL YOU A MYSTERY: WE SHALL NOT ALL SLEEP, BUT WE SHALL ALL BE CHANGED ---

    (Taken from 1 Corinthians 15:51)
     
  13. girl4god

    girl4god New Member

    33
    +0
    Hey this is from my brother, it's a little long :

    One day two guys , Joe and Gary are sitting in a restaurant and Joe says, ' You know, I know every single person in the world.'

    Gary says,'You do not! If you do, prove it.'

    So through the rest of the night, every time a person came in, they would say,"Hey Joe, how's it going,' and chat with Joe for a while.

    ' Big deal,' said Gary,'So you know every one who comes here. That doesn't prove anything.'

    So, Joe said," Alright, pick any one in the world, and I'll prove that I know them." Gary thinks a minute, and goes-

    " Alright, prove you know the Pope." Joe takes him up, and they fly to Italy, to the Vatican.

    Joe says to Gary-"I'm going to go inside, and in a few minutes, I'm going to bring the Pope out onto the balcony in front with me, so that way you'll know I do know him. You should wait here. " So Joe goes inside the Vatican and a few minutes later comes out on the balcony with the Pope. As soon as Gary sees that, he passes out cold.

    Joe sees, and rushes down to help his friend.He goes,"Did you faint when you saw me with the Pope? "

    And Gary goes, "No, I fainted when a man came up next to me and said," Hey, who's that guy on the balcony with Joe."
     
  14. MizDoulos

    MizDoulos <font color=6c2dc7><b>Justified by grace through f

    +3
    Non-Denom
    Married
    Ha! . . ."who's that guy on the balcony next to Joe"

    That's funny, girl4god! Good one.
     
  15. Martin

    Martin Senior Veteran

    +12
    Christian
    Married
    For any one who knows anything about English football.....

    What's the difference between Derby County and the Satr of David?


    The Star of David has six points.
     
  16. jayebrownlee

    jayebrownlee Senior Veteran

    +11
    Protestant
    Married
    How many presbyterians does it take to change a lightbulb?

    CHANGE?!?
     
  17. JagSayon

    JagSayon Member

    371
    +2
    Non-Denom
    God, Moses and Jesus were having a game of golf. Moses teed off first and landed a few metres away from the hole. Jesus was up next. He gave a beautiful swing and the ball soared into the air and plonked itself squarely just next to the hole. Then it was God's turn. But God hit it into a water hazard. Then a frog appeared, grabbed the ball and was promptly picked up by an eagle which dropped the frog next to the hole and the frog spat the ball into the hole for a hole-in-one.

    Moses to Jesus: "I hate playing golf with your Dad"

    Jag
     
  18. J4Jesus

    J4Jesus MY HEART BELONGS TO JESUS

    +2,060
    Word of Faith
    Thats funny ( But he did also!)
     
  19. J4Jesus

    J4Jesus MY HEART BELONGS TO JESUS

    +2,060
    Word of Faith
    Thats funny ( But so did he. He was right there with her !) ;)
     
  20. TheMainException

    TheMainException Senior Veteran

    +89
    Christian
    Single
    US-Libertarian
    These are all so great!
     
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