Christian Bigotry

[StevieBlunder]

Hello, I'm new here and I been really hateful towards myself lately. My grandmother is the most horrid bigot person I've ever met, everything she says is either outright judgmental or has a hidden judgmental meaning behind it. EVERYTHING she says is with the attitude that only what she says is right. It's either you should do this or you're not doing good here, other people aren't doing right here and you should agree with me or else I'll hate you. It is very rare that she'll ever say anything that doesn't have some sort of connotation behind it. My mother has been beating herself up for a week and sometimes crying because she said one thing that reminded her of the hundreds of things my Grandmother says every day that's how bad it is.
You can see why I really hate myself right now because I noticed that I've done this to, mostly on the internet, like maybe right now for instance. I really, really don't want to be like my grandmother as everybody that knows her pretty much thinks she is better off dead.
The point is I hate myself like crazy and wish I was dead if I say things with grandmother connotations behind them and I don't want to do this but it is hard sometimes to know if what you are saying is actually judgmental or whatnot. It's also hard to not want to share good news or great life lessons with others as a Christian because they helped me so much, but if I ever do this people will hate me and think I'm judging them, for example my brother who now wishes I was dead because I've done this. How can I figure out how to not ever say things like this? I'm going to read the Bible to look for answers here but I thought I'd ask here as well.
Thanks.

 

[StevieBlunder]

I found an article on this that tells you 10 words not to say
you should read it. You are responsible for your success and happiness. You need to think realistically and have a good, right, and spiritual mindset. It is bad and wrong to not try and have better morals.

 

[Stormy]

Sometimes its not what you say but how you say it. Before trying. to make others understand your point, be sure you place yourself in their shoes. Understanding must begin with you. Than you can reach out to others. And. don't be so hard on yourself. Everyone makes mistakes.. Learn from them, and move on.

 

[ananda]

I think that the most important thing to keep in mind in regard to this subject is this: every individual out there has their own likes, dislikes, wants, needs; they each have their own insecurities, strengths, failings, and preferences. When we come to understand this, we can then begin to understand how each individual can come to wildly different conclusions, decisions, and preferences compared to everyone else.

Most people, under sane conditions, will always choose things based on all of these individual traits, and they will always be the best choice for that individual, considering all of those traits. Their choices will often differ from our own, because we have our own individual traits to think about. We cannot judge others properly, without fully understanding all of their individual traits, desires, etc.

Understanding this and being empathetic to such differences will take someone a long way towards wisdom.

 

[SuperCloud]

Hello, I'm new here and I been really hateful towards myself lately. My grandmother is the most horrid bigot person I've ever met, everything she says is either outright judgmental or has a hidden judgmental meaning behind it. EVERYTHING she says is with the attitude that only what she says is right. It's either you should do this or you're not doing good here, other people aren't doing right here and you should agree with me or else I'll hate you. It is very rare that she'll ever say anything that doesn't have some sort of connotation behind it. My mother has been beating herself up for a week and sometimes crying because she said one thing that reminded her of the hundreds of things my Grandmother says every day that's how bad it is.
You can see why I really hate myself right now because I noticed that I've done this to, mostly on the internet, like maybe right now for instance. I really, really don't want to be like my grandmother as everybody that knows her pretty much thinks she is better off dead.
The point is I hate myself like crazy and wish I was dead if I say things with grandmother connotations behind them and I don't want to do this but it is hard sometimes to know if what you are saying is actually judgmental or whatnot. It's also hard to not want to share good news or great life lessons with others as a Christian because they helped me so much, but if I ever do this people will hate me and think I'm judging them, for example my brother who now wishes I was dead because I've done this. How can I figure out how to not ever say things like this? I'm going to read the Bible to look for answers here but I thought I'd ask here as well.
Thanks.

Have no idea what you're talking about because you're not clear. Although, have you noticed the irony yet that you were articulating your negative judgments about your grandmother?

Are there extremely judgmental Christians? Yes. Are there some very wicked ones? Of course.

In my experience most Christians are more or less the same as most Muslims, atheists, agnostics and so on. At least inside the United States, I think how you identify politically, with political parties or political philosophies, tells a lot more about you.

But everyone has to make judgments about individuals, institutions, philosophies, economic systems, and even if you should trust buying x from person y.

I think it best by Christ's warning one tries to temper their judgments about individuals.

But has a Democrats or non-religious liberal ever not judged George W. Bush, Scot Walker, Sarah Palin or basically anyone that does not subscribe to their value system and world view?

I'm not a conservative but I'm saying everyone judges others. How many times do you hear male and female feminist discourage a young woman from being romantic with some low paid hetero black man? All the time. Yet they have the never to fix the jibs under their noses and pontificate to other people in Evangelical holier-than-thou style about how no one should care who dates, loves, or has sex with who, when it comes to their lesbian and gay male issues.

You're not going to escape peoples judgements on this earth. The more perfect you are the less negative judgments you'll receive. However, that's a Catch 22 because the more you approach perfection the more others will negatively judge you out of their envy of you.

Look at Floyd Mayweather. Plenty of people have been talking smack about him even after his last win. And while I like Floyd I liked his opponent more and was routing for his opponent. But you ought to credit Floyd for being a greater boxer.

 

[NewEnglandGirl]

You are 27 years old. If your grandmother is such a bad influence then you need to get away from that influence and get on your own and develop your own life and character apart from that toxic environment. It's obviously toxic to you because of how it is affecting you. Hating yourself and wishing yourself dead are because of another person are very adolescent things that very young person would do. You need to become independent and grow and own your life.

 

[TillICollapse]

I have many family members like you described: always correct, never wrong, never at fault, everything is always everyone else's fault never their own. Their denial is so strong they will even make up facts and lies on the spot and seemingly believe them, so as to avoid any sort of responsibility ... it's always your fault, you are to blame, you are broken, you need to change and adjust, etc. And yes, their bigotry and hatred is always justified, rationalized, etc. It can be maddening.

In a word: boundaries. You probably should learn boundaries. Both for yourself, and how to recognize and respect the boundaries of others. In my opinion, this will help you both learn how to deal with your grandmother and influences like here ... while also learning how NOT to be like her with others.

If you are the type of person who basically grew up in an environment being the scapegoat, the go-to-to-blame, the one who was always wrong and never right, always needing to change and adjust for the "correct" person ... learning boundaries can be new and challenging, because you essentially know life and relationships from the perspective of being violated against your will all the time. Having your emotions, mind, heart, spirit ... all violated, judged, condemned, etc. So learning boundaries can actually almost seem unloving ... because for such a person, boundaries means you no longer lend yourself over to being the scapegoat and object of hatred ... possibly what in your mind equals "love". But boundaries are not only loving, they are arguably necessary for love, because it's how we respect and value each other and our differences.

 

[BobCubb]

You sound like an Atheist Troll

 

[Aryeh Jay]

You sound like an Atheist Troll

That sounds like something a one post troll would say…

 

[BobCubb]

You sound like the Atheist trolls in the other forums.

 

[Meowzltov]

Being an "I'm right and you are wrong" sort of person is a personality flaw that you will likely work on for a long long time. We all of us have something we struggle with. And I wouldn't call it "Christian bigotry" as it has nothing to do with whether one is a Christian, or even whether one is religious or not.