Chinese Wedding HELP!!!!

[TK288]

My fiance and I are planning on getting marry next year. With Chinese parents, they are all into finding a good days and doing all these superstitious stuff. However, my fiance and I don't believe in those stuff, but our parents are very traditional in those things. As a Christian, I don't believe in it, so do I just tell them not to do it? If I don't let them do it, they will be mad and feel like we don't care or respect their opinions. I'm reminded of what Paul said in the Bible that we are to live with peace with others just as long as our faith is not in danger. Our parents are not going to make us worship Buddha or stuff like that. I need help and ideas. TIA

 

[Tangnefedd]

Go along with them to a certain extent, you are strong in your faith, so you can cut them some slack. You don't believe in the superstitious stuff, that is fine, but if they do and it doesn't inconvenience you too much, it will make them happy. Better happy in-laws than sad ones imo!

 

[jenptcfan]

Even if you don't believe in the superstitious stuff, it's still tradition. If you go along with it in the interest of keeping up a cultural tradition, I don't feel anything is wrong with that. Ask them for a list of days they think would be nice for a wedding. That way you can still let them feel like they're having a part of it, but you can choose a day that works for you and your fiancee.

Best of luck in your new marriage!

 

[TK288]

thanks for all the advice....keep them coming!!!!

 

[karla]

As long it doesn't make you or your fiance uncomfortable, then there may be some things that you can include. Talk with your parents and explain your position. Most importantly, remember that it is YOUR wedding day and that at the end of it all you and your fiance need to be happen with it. If you won't be happy by including these things, then don't include them. Your parents may be disappointed or hurt, but it is something that will pass.

 

[E-beth]

As long as it doesn't compromise your faith, tradition is cool. I mean, we plan our weddings considering the time (hands on the clock are supposed to be going up), the date (some won't marry on the 13th, or on a day in which someone in the family died, etc) Rain on your wedding day is supposed to mean good luck/bad luck depending on who you talk to. Even the borrowed/blue/old/new thing is about "luck". These little superstitions are rooted through even a devout Christian's wedding, but they do not do them because they neccessarily believe in them, but because it is wedding tradition.

 

[koppee1]

Hmmm...it depends. I'm also chinese, but fortunately, my parents aren't that traditional anymore. My mom's a christian and my dad's a catholic. In my marriage, my in-laws weren't included because the monk the asked told them i wasn't the right person for their daughter. My parents accepted my wife to be and when she got fed up and moved out, we found her an apartment to stay in until we got married. We eventually apologized with my in-laws and everything's ok now and they have also in turn, accepted me.

My brother had a similar run in with his in-laws with regards to the church and the type of wedding. My brother was firm and told his wife to be (then) that it's either they have a christian wedding in a christian church or there will be no wedding at all. He told her he rather follow God and give her up than the other way around.

Anyways, it would all depend on what these traditions are. If you think God wouldn't want you to do it, then you probably shouldn't. God first, everything second, right?

 

[brokenbananas]

Tia,

I pretty much agree with the rest, but I would like to add some stuff. I am first generation of American born Chinese. My parents are traditional Chinese and totally non-Christian. I think because from when I was very young I was a "rebel", my parents didn't expect anything from me with regards to this. I didn't even marry an Asian.

It was really important to my parents that the traditions and superstitions be there. I think that as long as you are not worshipping/bowing down to Buddha or anything like that, the other stuff you can take it as decorations...etc. Though it may mean something to your parents, you don't have to view it as such. My mom has me hanging these "good luck" signs around our house every Chinese New Year's. It doesn't mean anything to me and totally is out of our decor...but, that's ok. It makes her happy and keeps peace. I feel that is more important.

But, always defer to what you believe God wants you to do. Pray.

 

[nicodemus]

It was with a different tradition, but basically the same thing you were going through. I married and Indian woman (who is Christian, but her parents aren't.) They tried to incorporate a lot of Indian stuff into our wedding. Some we allowed, some we didn't. Anything we felt was contradictory to Christianity, we said no to, anything else that was just some cultural thing, we pretty much went along with eventhough we didn't want a lot of it. Compromise on the unimportant stuff, don't compromise your faith.

 

[mgutie2002]

I am sorry, but I was really selfish when it came to my day. I always knew how I wanted it and what would be said in my wedding. I don't know much about your culture and that could make a big differnece in the advise I am giving. But I say make it your day.

 

[nicodemus]

We were lucky in the wedding sense. The Orthodox wedding is pretty set in stone. There isn't really any adjustments that can be made to it. We did be flexible on clothing, reception music, food, etc. The service though, we didn't bend at all on. Even if we'd wanted to, the priest wouldn't have let us