Children should not speak unless spoken to

[SnapCount]

The thing is that IMO children ARE inferior to adults. I don't mean that they have less value but they do not have the same rights, nor do they deserve the same attention in every setting. There are priviledges to being an adult that childern do not have yet and it bothers me to no end that many children are not taught this.

Before anyone flames me, let me add that I love my children with all of my heart, and do not intend to disrespect any child. But children are not little adults, they are unlearned, uneducated little people who need guidence, direction and discipline. Treating kids otherwise is IMO unwise and unhealthy.

Snapfish

"How would you like it if your boss told you that?

Would it make you feel embarrassed?

Why would children be any different?"

Told me what, to stop talking inappropirately? Yes, I would be embarassed because I was behaving in a socially unacceptable manner. I would rather my parents had taught me proper manners as a child.
BTW, I have a tendancy to speak out of turn, it is embarassing:o

I mean what if your boss tells u that you can't speak unless you're spoken to.

 

[TCat]

As my boss and I are adults and her authority over me is limited to my desire to remain employed by her I would have a problem with it, I could quit if I desired.

Whereas my children are not adults and my authority over them is assured until they are legal adults and our relationship differs by our famial conection meaning they cannot leave at will the situation differs greatly and is not an equal comparison.

And, I have told my children that in certain situations they are not to speak unless spoken to.

 

[Hadassah]

There are situations where children should be "seen and not heard" or "should not speak unless spoken to"... I am ok with that just as long as you don't take it to dangerous extremes.

Example: Church services, Military services, funerals... adult conversation in public settings or robbery situations ...

It's OK to ask a question, but be polite and WAIT until "mommy" or "daddy" say "ok, what is it?".

Nothing is more annoying than "mommy" said 100 million times while "mommy" is trying to do important business, or be helped at the doctor, or listen in church to something important.

A child that is 3-5yrs old is capable to sit through a church service/adult bible study quite well if given something to do (a paper and pen/crayons/pencil) and told to draw or write what the sermon is about.


My thing that was always being corrected was that I would say "but Momma/Daddy!" after I was told to wait. We were told "You know, one day there'll be a robbery in progress or a hostage situation and you'll say that and the person with the gun will not be as understanding as we are.."

I have been in testy situations before due to where we were stationed, and having learned when is and isn't a good time to ask questions, or make conversation has been a great benefit.

The other great thing though is that our parents talked with us AS adults, and if we had questions or didn't understand what was being discussed, we were allowed to ask all relevant questions until we did understand. As a 10-12 yr old I could hold conversations with adults 4X's my age rather well on several subjects, and that was prior to us homeschooling... it just had to do with how we were raised and "when is an acceptable time to talk".

My DH doesn't understand why when we're out I will talk only in hushed tones in English (I think it is rude to speak in a foreign language in a country you live in where others overhear, not to mention it could be a security concern), or why in situations I'd sooner listen to the conversation and find the right interval to be included rather than just diving in while "the other adults are talking"... Sometimes your opinion isn't asked, and it's rude to just dive in, and other times people wait because you are polite and seem earnest to be included that you find yourself in very interesting conversations.

On the other hand, there are extremes, and one of my uncles learned rather recently how ill his preconceived ideas about " children should be seen and not heard " and "speak unless spoken to" were. . . He didn't want us even IN the room when "the adults are talking" when we were little. . . and nothing was more annoying. Lots of times we (cousin and I) would just sit next to our moms and never make a peep. We both were eldest children, and the only children in our congregations for the longest, so being the only children in adult settings was normal to us.

Here in Germany the mentality is similar. You can be included if you will act in a polite manner. Some areas take it to the extreme of "seen and not heard" and other places like here (south-west --- lots like where my mom and dad grew up in the US -- "back home") are more liberal with that understanding.
Doctors and other people in authority positions engage children in conversation and it's wonderful to behold when the kids want to "do it myself" when it comes to giving their copay and signing in at a doctor's office, or put their money in their bank account...
But you can tell when a parent has been working with their kids, and which kids have been left to their own devices... and the later is so not pretty... I have to leave when it gets out of control (ear piercing screaming and temper tantrums because "mommy" didn't respond on the first/second "mommy?" and tap-tap...) or I'll end up saying something.

 

[TCat]