Children should not speak unless spoken to

[JulySheMustFly]

How do you as a parent feel about this phrase?

 

[lucypevensie]

It's pretty ridiculous. The saying has been around for ages but I don't know of any parent who actually thinks that way, but I suppose there probably are some, especially in other cultures. The rule was made to help curb some childrens' impulsive outbursts, I'm sure. And rather than teach the child how to behave and how to speak properly they just made up this rule. Well, it can help temporarily, but it ultimately is destructive. How is a child supposed to learn to speak respectfully, to approach someone with a personal problem, to share an idea, etc. if he is not allowed to speak of his own volition? Speaking is something we all need to learn and there's no time like childhood to start learning.

 

[Stan53]

There are tines, especially if your child is a "motor mouth", one may find oneself saying "Speak when your spoken to only".
It's sort of like that other one "Children should be seen but not heard."

 

[MyaShane]

How do you as a parent feel about this phrase?

Then you've never met my 3yo. She's rarely not chattering away! In order to follow that "rule" would mean to break her spirit and attempt to change her personality IMO and there isn't a reason in the world why I'd want to do that.

 

[lin1235]

I will probably punch any adult that says that to my kid! Respectfully, of course.

I know quite a few adults who would do well to live by that rule.

 

[gracepaints]

This a great idea if your goal is to raise children who will become adults that are emotional stunted and unable to express themselves.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

So, did anyone have this kind of mentality before they had children only to find that it is just not feasible or healthy?

I think it is simply disrespectful. I don't understand how we can treat children so poorly when we would never think of telling an adult to not speak unless spoken to. Just seems to violate some of the basis of Christ's teachings.

 

[Sign Of The Fish Burger]

I cannot even begin to tell you how much I disagree with that statement.

 

[heart of peace]

I disagree with that statement as well because I know the assumption that lies behind it. However, I think it is wise to teach one's child control over their tongue. I have suffered innumerable trials because I could not shut my mouth when I should have and other times when I should have spoken up and I did not. If I had been taught that there is a time to speak up and a time to be silent and how to discern those times, I would still have a relationship with my brother (we were very very close growing up), his fiance and his child (now children, I fear I may never meet the new baby he's having this year).

 

[homeschoolmama]

lin1235, I'd like to see what a "respectful punch" looks like!

I think there are times when a child shouldn't "speak out of turn" like during Sunday School class for example.

But if you mean day to day things, then I have to disagree with this statement. My kids would forever be in trouble over this so called rule! And there are times when say, I'm helping one of my kids with math or another subject, when the other just starts chattering to me about anything.. then I have to ask, please unless it's important like a question about what subject you're working on, then please let me help your sister.

I hope I'm making some sense here.

 

[CRAZY_CAT_WOMAN]

I think it would do way more harm than good.

If I had been taught that there is a time to speak up and a time to be silent and how to discern those times,

I also agree with this that children should be taught there's are bad time to bring things up that might hurt people.

 

[Surrender2Win]

My husband was raised this way...it has not been very beneficial for our relationship as adults. Gracepaints hit the nail on the head.

 

[TCat]

I do think it is important to teach our kids that there is a time to speak and a time for silence in public.

I very much dislike trying to talk to a client in my medical office only to have "junior" chattering away and interupting in a loud obnoxious manner which interupts the business the parents and I are discussing.

Granted it may a good time for a parent to hush a toddler and explain that they need to be patient or wait their turn to speak but when the kid is 6+ and will not stop talking it is aggravating.

I can't tell you how often our receptionist ends up playing babysitter to loud undisciplined kids in our lobby so that the Dr. and client and do business in the exam room.

Yes, in this case kids should not speak untell spoken to.

 

[CelticRose]

There is a time & a place for all things. Children need to learn how to hold their tongues rather than blabbering incessantly ~ & I am not talking about little ones who are learning to speak & know no better, but children old enough to understand waiting their turn & that's not appropiate just now. Too many children seem to feel their rights & their needs come before everybody else's & that is just not so. Listening & learning teaches different things about the art of conversation from actually talking but both need to be learnt if a child is to become an effective communicator.

 

[Surrender2Win]

I agree that teaching our children how to hold their tongues is a good thing...teaching them to wait their turns to speak or allow adults to talk during appointments and such is definitely a time where I would teach my children they need to be respectful & patient and wait for the other adult and me to finish discussing what we need to discuss...but I don't ever want my kids to get the idea that they are "not to speak unless spoken too", as if they are less important then anyone else. I believe there can be extremes...there are some people who expect this at all times from their children, even in their own homes.

 

[GolfingMom]

I do think it is important to teach our kids that there is a time to speak and a time for silence in public.

I very much dislike trying to talk to a client in my medical office only to have "junior" chattering away and interupting in a loud obnoxious manner which interupts the business the parents and I are discussing.

Granted it may a good time for a parent to hush a toddler and explain that they need to be patient or wait their turn to speak but when the kid is 6+ and will not stop talking it is aggravating.

I can't tell you how often our receptionist ends up playing babysitter to loud undisciplined kids in our lobby so that the Dr. and client and do business in the exam room.

Yes, in this case kids should not speak untell spoken to.

There is a time & a place for all things. Children need to learn how to hold their tongues rather than blabbering incessantly ~ & I am not talking about little ones who are learning to speak & know no better, but children old enough to understand waiting their turn & that's not appropiate just now. Too many children seem to feel their rights & their needs come before everybody else's & that is just not so. Listening & learning teaches different things about the art of conversation from actually talking but both need to be learnt if a child is to become an effective communicator.

 

[SnapCount]

How would you like it if your boss told you that?

Would it make you feel embarrassed?

Why would children be any different?

 

[heart of peace]

There is a time & a place for all things. Children need to learn how to hold their tongues rather than blabbering incessantly ~ & I am not talking about little ones who are learning to speak & know no better, but children old enough to understand waiting their turn & that's not appropiate just now. Too many children seem to feel their rights & their needs come before everybody else's & that is just not so. Listening & learning teaches different things about the art of conversation from actually talking but both need to be learnt if a child is to become an effective communicator.

CelticRose, yes, exactly what I was alluding to in my earlier post. Communication is a skill that can be refined and the earlier one is taught how to communicate effectively in life, the better she will be in life.

However, the original statement presented comes from a culture where it was not about teaching children effective communication but it was reflective of the general theme that children were inferior to adults and so were not worthy of speaking out of turn. That is why I said I disagree with that statement.

 

[TCat]

The thing is that IMO children ARE inferior to adults. I don't mean that they have less value but they do not have the same rights, nor do they deserve the same attention in every setting. There are priviledges to being an adult that childern do not have yet and it bothers me to no end that many children are not taught this.

Before anyone flames me, let me add that I love my children with all of my heart, and do not intend to disrespect any child. But children are not little adults, they are unlearned, uneducated little people who need guidence, direction and discipline. Treating kids otherwise is IMO unwise and unhealthy.

Snapfish

"How would you like it if your boss told you that?

Would it make you feel embarrassed?

Why would children be any different?"

Told me what, to stop talking inappropirately? Yes, I would be embarassed because I was behaving in a socially unacceptable manner. I would rather my parents had taught me proper manners as a child.
BTW, I have a tendancy to speak out of turn, it is embarassing:o

 

[Birbitt]

I don't as a rule particularly care for that rule However there are times where my boys are expected to be quiet, however I don't ever tell my children don't talk unless someone talks to you.