Children Getting Too Personal

Londongirl · Jan 24, 2004

I've been concerned about my son moving to the high school because I've been hearing horrible things that are already happening with the middle school kids. My niece (that's very close to me) has told me things she's done & her friends have even confided in me. But it is so bad that these girls that are doing far worse than I would even thought of, are apparently not the worst girls. They consider themselves the good girls. Or at the least better than a lot of others. I know boys are a little worse than they used to be also but girls are the ones after the boys now. I mean, I've even heard a lot of role reversal between them compared to what they both used to do about 20 years ago. What's up? I don't know what to do?

msjones21 · Jan 24, 2004

Why don't you look into homeschooling instead of moving your son into high school? A) The transition from junior high to senior high may be overwhelming for him and B) High school is far worse these days.

Londongirl · Jan 24, 2004

I've wondered if I could handle it. I tried to get him to let me home school him out of the christian school when he was like in 1st or 2nd grade but he didn't want to. I moved him out of the christian school for a couple of reasons. The tuition went up every year & they (students & staff) were getting as bad as the public school. Actually, a lot of the ones I see in the public school now are ones that went to school with him. I think that school is actually going under. But he is not in any activities that would keep him in contact with his friends. I don't know. It is definitely something to think about. I just figured that the curriculum is so much more advanced in high school that it would very difficult to homeschool.

Londongirl · Jan 24, 2004

I've wondered if I could handle it. I tried to get him to let me home school him out of the christian school when he was like in 1st or 2nd grade but he didn't want to. I moved him out of the christian school for a couple of reasons. The tuition went up every year & they (students & staff) were getting as bad as the public school. Actually, a lot of the ones I see in the public school now are ones that went to school with him. I think that school is actually going under. But he is not in any activities that would keep him in contact with his friends. I don't know. It is definitely something to think about. I just figured that the curriculum is so much more advanced in high school that it would very difficult to homeschool.

msjones21 · Jan 24, 2004

I just figured that the curriculum is so much more advanced in high school that it would very difficult to homeschool.

You can go through a correspondence program which at that point your only responsibility is making sure your son does the work. I used the Abeka video program. My mother didn't have to physically teach me anything. It really works too. It's from the Christian perspective, it was challenging yet fun, and I was able to work at my own pace. I also didn't have to face some of the unrealistic and pernicious social challenges the public schools impose on young people. Ultimately the choice is yours. If you prayerfully decide that homeschooling is the way to go your son may resist at first. You may want to offer a choice of curriculums for him to choose from. You may also want to look into local homeschool peer groups. I had alot of fun in mine. We were all close in age and we would go on field trips and study together. Plus I went to church so I was never socially deprived.

Mac6yver · Jan 24, 2004

One of the most valuable things that people learn in Highschool is not just their math, english, art, etc... Rather their ability to deal with people who may have a very different world view then theirs. It is learning to get along with others and respecting individual beliefs. When people enter the work force they certainly will have to deal with that on a dailey basis, in most instances at least.

Make sure that you have an open line of communication with your son, and just try to point him in the direction you fell is best. Over all though I would say that Highschool was a very beneficial experience for me.

faerieevaH · Jan 24, 2004

Londongirl, you have a good point when you say that children in Highschool are doing things now they didn't do 20 years ago. And you have every right to be concerned. Still, homeschooling as you say can be very challenging. And perhaps your son would like to go on to university later... Many universities see homeschooling as a disadvantage in admission.

Of course the spiritual well being of your son is most important, but you can not shelter him from life. Instead I think it is best to arm him for life by teaching him the good moral values you believe in yourself. I had the most wonderful relationship with my mother all through highschool. Some of the girls in my school smoked (and some of them even smoked different things then cigarettes) a lot of them were sexually active. It didn't touch me.
I stayed true to my own believes. Some of them were challenged and made stronger by the confrontation.

Considder this risk however: you homeschool your son and keep him away from all the temptations there are. But then... at a certain moment he is grown. He has to go to work. Has to find a job. And then he will face all these temptations, without you daily beside him to guide his path.
Talk your son through his days in school. Pray with him. But don't isolate him from the world he will have to face. He may be even someone who brings light into the lives of others.

pgp_protector · Jan 24, 2004

Im reading this shaking.

I have a 4 year old that will soon be starting school, and I wold lie, it scares the mess out of me when I hear what they are teaching in our schools now. I know she will need prayer EVERY day while she is in school.

datan · Jan 24, 2004

well, I'd say that you can't mother your son forever.
sooner or later he's going to have to learn how to deal with girls.

if not now, maybe college.

msjones21 · Jan 24, 2004

One of the most valuable things that people learn in Highschool is not just their math, english, art, etc... Rather their ability to deal with people who may have a very different world view then theirs. It is learning to get along with others and respecting individual beliefs. When people enter the work force they certainly will have to deal with that on a dailey basis, in most instances at least.

I'm sorry but I fail to see how comparing cell phones and sex advice qualifies as "beneficial" socialization.

Mac6yver · Jan 24, 2004

msjones21 said:
I'm sorry but I fail to see how comparing cell phones and sex advice qualifies as "beneficial" socialization.

Well, if that is all there was to it you might have a point. you have however left out many other things and have chosen to focus on the negative.

msjones21 · Jan 24, 2004

Well, if that is all there was to it you might have a point. you have however left out many other things and have chosen to focus on the negative.

The OP's son has already been exposed to a diverse crowd. I was homeschooled just through my high school years. I am now 23 years old and the co-owner of a successful business. Being homeschooled did not make me deprived, sheltered, or ill-prepared for the "real world". Not to mention the bulk of high school socialization revolves around raunchy sex talk, cell phones, cars, and whose taking who to prom.

Mac6yver · Jan 24, 2004

msjones21 said:
The OP's son has already been exposed to a diverse crowd. I was homeschooled just through my high school years. I am now 23 years old and the co-owner of a successful business. Being homeschooled did not make me deprived, sheltered, or ill-prepared for the "real world". Not to mention the bulk of high school socialization revolves around raunchy sex talk, cell phones, cars, and whose taking who to prom.

Did you attend college?

Besides, I find it odd that you claim to be such an authority on high school when you have said you never attended one class.

msjones21 · Jan 24, 2004

Did you attend college?

No, but my job requires me to be in the public eye alot. I have been involved in business deals with all sorts of people. I relate well to my peers as well as my elders and superiors. Here again, going to college doesn't necessarily prepare a person for the "real world" aside from giving a person a better handle on the career they choose to pursue.

Besides, I find it odd that you claim to be such an authority on high school when you have said you never attended one class.

Please do not direct personal attacks at my knowledge of what goes on in the schools. I work with young people. They confide things to me that would make your toes curl. The things young people see, hear, an have to deal with on a daily basis are repulsive. They are destructive, not beneficial.

SqueezetheShaman · Jan 24, 2004

msjones21 said:
The OP's son has already been exposed to a diverse crowd. I was homeschooled just through my high school years. I am now 23 years old and the co-owner of a successful business. Being homeschooled did not make me deprived, sheltered, or ill-prepared for the "real world". Not to mention the bulk of high school socialization revolves around raunchy sex talk, cell phones, cars, and whose taking who to prom.

No offense, but of course you may only think you are well socialized. My sister has many problems, she grew up with my father and step mother while I was raised by my mother. She thinks she is well socialized and healthy emotionally but I see many problems she doesn't want to. She went to a private school and grew up out in the country and was unable to socialize much more than the normal kids due to her living so far away from them. She doesn't get along with people her own age. She doesn't understand them. Success in a career doesn't mean squat.

Mac6yver · Jan 24, 2004

msjones21 said:
No, but my job requires me to be in the public eye alot. I have been involved in business deals with all sorts of people. I relate well to my peers as well as my elders and superiors. Here again, going to college doesn't necessarily prepare a person for the "real world" aside from giving a person a better handle on the career they choose to pursue.

My point is that you might have found college life very hard to adjust to if you had gone. Especially if you found yourself in a dorm, a thousand miles away from home, with hundreds of kids who have serious differences in their views. It is quite possible you would become a sort of "Shut In". I have seen that persoanlly with a guy who was homeschooled.

Please do not direct personal attacks at my knowledge of what goes on in the schools. I work with young people. They confide things to me that would make your toes curl. The things young people see, hear, an have to deal with on a daily basis are repulsive. They are destructive, not beneficial.

All i am saying is that i think I have a better understanding of what happens in high school then you do, considering I have been there.

SqueezetheShaman · Jan 24, 2004

Back to topic.....can you afford a private school? I am going to be sending my son to a local prep school when he reaches of age, 5th grade. I want him to be around children who are taking their studies and life more seriously than the average student (or well...yes I agree it is more likely the parent doing that, but that means a lot) he goes to one of the best elementary schools in the area and they still have many problems with bad behavior, I have seen one child taken away in handcuffs and heard of another, and these are 1st and 3rd graders this happened to. It really is disturbing, you have reason to. But even if my son had to attend public school, I would trust his decisions and behavior. So far.

praying · Jan 24, 2004

msjones21 said:
I'm sorry but I fail to see how comparing cell phones and sex advice qualifies as "beneficial" socialization.

That is not the only socialization that goes on, although there is plenty of that. My twins just graduated last year, they did fine. He could have done better, lots but he is off to college tomorrow so I will say a prayer. She has been gone since September.

If you homeschool just make sure they have a good balance of social outlets. When I was in college you could tell right away the kids who were not allowed to do anything, they had no idea how to handle the freedom.

It is a fine line between too much parenting and letting them grow and expand on their own.

msjones21 · Jan 24, 2004

No offense, but of course you may only think you are well socialized.

I believe my ability to mingle well with others and get along with my peers and elders proves that. I don't have to think anything. The wonderful relationships with people I've met are a perfect testimony.

My sister has many problems, she grew up with my father and step mother while I was raised by my mother. She thinks she is well socialized and healthy emotionally but I see many problems she doesn't want to. She went to a private school and grew up out in the country and was unable to socialize much more than the normal kids due to her living so far away from them. She doesn't get along with people her own age. She doesn't understand them.

Maybe that's just the way your sister is. Perhaps she's introverted, not a product of her environment.

Success in a career doesn't mean squat

Maybe if you're in IT or some other isolated profession. I'm in marketing and sales which means my social skills must be impecable in order to succeed. So sorry that your little attempt to discredit my stance failed.

My point is that you might have found college life very hard to adjust to if you had gone.

I doubt it very seriously. If I can become successful in the field of marketing and sales I doubt I'd have any trouble adjusting to college life. In fact, I plan on taking classes this coming Fall semester to get my degree in graphic design.

Especially if you found yourself in a dorm, a thousand miles away from home, with hundreds of kids who have serious differences in their views. It is quite possible you would become a sort of "Shut In". I have seen that persoanlly with a guy who was homeschooled.

So in other words, one must be a graduate of public education, go to college thousands of miles away, and live in a dormitory in order to be well-prepared for the "real world"?

All i am saying is that i think I have a better understanding of what happens in high school then you do, considering I have been there.

Then your opinion of public education is highly biased. Not to mention public schools are 50 times worse now than they were when we were of high school age. You also fail to realize I went to church with people who were in public school and I dated a guy who was in public school. You think that just because I didn't personally go to public school that I am clueless? Junior high was horrific. I can't even imagine what high school would have been like.

draper · Jan 24, 2004

Ya know what? You can't hide your kid forever. Homeschool him now and he'll be 'shielded' til he is 17 or 18, then he'll go into college (or the workplace) and be completely blown away because I can guarantee you high school is a small, small glimpse of the real world.

Life is secular. Christians may not like that (personally I do) but that's the way it is. Teach you kid that he is a Christian, these are his beliefs, this is why, and this is how to practice them. Send him to high school and hope he doesn't do drugs or get anyone pregnant.

If ya don't now, I can assure you he will be COMPLETELY blown away by the real world once he leaves homeschooling. ya can't hide and duck forever.

And what have you been hearing about high school?

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