checking out someone

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Do you even read my posts at all before you respond? I said his IQ is probably in the genius range... I am not sure how a social group for the mentally challenged would benefit him. This is a social disability, not a mental one.

As for him, he knows I am concerned and I told him I was going to check her out a bit. He didn't object because he knows I check the men out in my life and that I am doing it for all the right reasons. We have a good relationship at the moment and I was just pointing out that by me stuffing books in his face, I would probably damage it.

And yes, he needs to make his own mistakes but I wouldn't be a loving sister if I knew he was walking into a building about to be blown up without at least warning him. The relationship stuff is his to work out. I just want to do due-diligence to help him verify that she isn't a big con job. I don't think that is meddling or over-stepping my boundaries, especially since he knows that I am doing this and didn't ask me not to.

To be honest, I think SHE knows I am checking her out because I think he told her I was. I actually feel more reassured because she appears to be okay with it. Maybe she is just "odd" like him.

I regret that you have chosen hostility toward me again.

Yes, I read every word that you and Everyone else posts here . It doesn't matter what Ones I.Q. is , for many are like your Brother in Society where they know a lot about most subjects yet don't do too good in social circles . Some of these include Sevants and I have a friend who is like this --- he is quite astute and can converse on virtually any subject brought up...but has somewhat of a deficiency when it comes to social etiquette , common sense behavior , knowing when to remain silent , et al.... Your Brother would benefit from a special Social Group because he would find compatibility, understanding, love, acceptance, and be able to practice improving his social skills and relationship dynamics from being overseen by a trained Psychologist . Its not a put-down to him...but is a venue that would be beneficial . But again, it will require HIS approval of such venues to attend. Other than that, the typical CHristian Group Settings of local SIngles Ministries , events, church interaction , etc.... are ways which he can get some experience providing his work schedule allows.

Again, I understand your love and concern for your Brother. Walking into a building that blows up so he looses his life, is vastly different from running across a possible ulterior-motived female Charleton that he perhaps is entertaining becoming closer to ; I trust that he will be able to take some of that high I.Q. in his mind and transfer it to his heart , intuition, etc.... then he will be a Person with the best of both worlds when it comes to fairly analyzing a potential Dating Partner . Going thru a couple of spills can help a Person tremendously and typically the worst that happens is a bruised male ego , feeling taken advantage of , and a final awareness that the book doesn't always match the Cover . Just be there if and when he takes a spill...........I have to do the same with my younger Sister who is trying to find a decent Guy to spend time with and is weeding thru all the sexually illicit Sharks . Yes, shes made some mistakes with men in the past...but she is well up to speed now and is making good, sound., rational, decisions....and...in a far shorter amount of time than ever before. To that, I applaud.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Once again, you are assuming that everyone is born with common sense that can be exercised if they just try a little harder. This is NOT true. Some people have to be taught the stuff that seem to come relatively easily for the major of us. Falling flat on his face will be worthless without some there to explain why it happened. On the flip side, he learned to read at age of 4 with no one teaching him. I am guessing the majority of us who do have common sense probably required a teacher to actually learn the skill of reading and wouldn't have just figured it out if given a pile of books. God just wired some people differently. I suspect it was to teach us how to show compassion.

If he is a dedicated Christ Follower, then hes also got the H.S. to help and guide him , so, that will help too. I do believe that your Brother does have a degree of common sense and it can be developed to a larger degree thru learned experiences of both good and bad --- it can be enhanced if he enthusiastically pursues good Christian books and tapes on relationships also. It largely depends on him , his willingness to improve , his pride .

 

[blackribbon]

If he is a dedicated Christ Follower, then hes also got the H.S. to help and guide him , so, that will help too. I do believe that your Brother does have a degree of common sense and it can be developed to a larger degree thru learned experiences of both good and bad --- it can be enhanced if he enthusiastically pursues good Christian books and tapes on relationships also. It largely depends on him , his willingness to improve , his pride .

It isn't hostility, it is frustration. You make many assumptions in your responses that are inappropriate and make suggestions based on those assumptions that add to my (other people's) frustrations. My only question ever was "if anyone had any suggestion on how to look up a person who doesn't show up the way normal people do". You keep assuming I am asking for relationship advice. Skim back. I never have once asked for relationship advice for him and yet every post you offer some that is completely inappropriate to him and this situation. (You, in fact, did say he should hang out with mentally [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] people to learn better social skills....there is so much wrong with that concept that it doesn't even deserve an answer.)

I don't remember ever saying whether or not he was a Christian or the status of his walk with Christ. Another assumption on your part. And since it is irrelevant to the conversation, you will still have to wonder.

And again, you make assumptions about his possession of common sense that are totally incorrect. I know him. There is a reason why I let him live with me for over 20 years as an adult and that was so I could catch and guide him when his "logic" was not so common. He still does things that totally baffle me but as long as they don't do any significant harm to anyone else, then they are his to deal with. Honestly, Mom and I are happy each week when he doesn't quit his very good job because he won't get anything like it anywhere else. Our advice is simply, get the new job before you quit this one. (Can I say he actually does like the job but decides that he is going to move to another city thinking it will be like a constant vacation and not just more "real life"...only without a paycheck or insurance.)

Sadly, I expect his heart to be broken. I can't do anything about that. My concern is that he doesn't fly across the country to be robbed or injured or left stranded in a strange city by someone who pretended to be a woman who is interested in him or turns out to have angry husband whom she was trying to make jealous. Or that it isn't a sham to rob his home when he is away. Broken hearts are hard enough to live with but to have to come back and tell his concerned friends that he was a complete fool after all is the stuff that suicides are made of. Please understand THIS is my concern. And yes, this is like walking into a building with a bomb potential.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

It isn't hostility, it is frustration. You make many assumptions in your responses that are inappropriate and make suggestions based on those assumptions that add to my (other people's) frustrations. My only question ever was "if anyone had any suggestion on how to look up a person who doesn't show up the way normal people do". You keep assuming I am asking for relationship advice. Skim back. I never have once asked for relationship advice for him and yet every post you offer some that is completely inappropriate to him and this situation. (You, in fact, did say he should hang out with mentally [bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse][bless and do not curse] people to learn better social skills....there is so much wrong with that concept that it doesn't even deserve an answer.)

I don't remember ever saying whether or not he was a Christian or the status of his walk with Christ. Another assumption on your part. And since it is irrelevant to the conversation, you will still have to wonder.

And again, you make assumptions about his possession of common sense that are totally incorrect. I know him. There is a reason why I let him live with me for over 20 years as an adult and that was so I could catch and guide him when his "logic" was not so common. He still does things that totally baffle me but as long as they don't do any significant harm to anyone else, then they are his to deal with. Honestly, Mom and I are happy each week when he doesn't quit his very good job because he won't get anything like it anywhere else. Our advice is simply, get the new job before you quit this one. (Can I say he actually does like the job but decides that he is going to move to another city thinking it will be like a constant vacation and not just more "real life"...only without a paycheck or insurance.)

Sadly, I expect his heart to be broken. I can't do anything about that. My concern is that he doesn't fly across the country to be robbed or injured or left stranded in a strange city by someone who pretended to be a woman who is interested in him or turns out to have angry husband whom she was trying to make jealous. Or that it isn't a sham to rob his home when he is away. Broken hearts are hard enough to live with but to have to come back and tell his concerned friends that he was a complete fool after all is the stuff that suicides are made of. Please understand THIS is my concern. And yes, this is like walking into a building with a bomb potential.

Oftentimes, you completely miss the mark where I am concerned and what I say. You and Michelle both seem to take things in a very big sensitive way which doesn't reflect at all what I mean. I do realize that a lot of communication is missing when two people aren't face to face...but I see this occurring between us very often. Its like if I venture just a tad off the main topic and still stay within a general framework, you complain. If I offer well thought out advice in a spirit of trying to help , you seem to find it resentful . If I offer some information that is extraneous in nature, you assume that THIS is the exact way it is and , the way if is all the time. More often that not, when you do reply to me, it is with sarcasm or condensending attitude. Are you overly sensitive by temperament or have you decided to have it in for me cause you got rubbed up the wrong way in a past dialogue we've shared ? Even other people have told you that your spirit isn't right in the way you answer me sometimes.

Would you prefer I don't answer any of your posts ? If so, I will respect that. If you don't mind me responding, then please try not to get so wound up and hyper-sensitive including stating things about me that are a misconception ; instead....to get better clarification on anything I say...just ask me to elaborate so you understand more fully before jumping to conclusions . I don't come here to be a pain to anyone , and I like to help wherever I can with cogent advice, information from a biblical perspective, and a vast level of experience ive had in my life particularly concerning the topic of relationships . I am very well read and can and have offered advice to many people online who have greatly appreciated it. I get compliments on my profile page from people that say ive really helped them and ive used my same way of communicating that I have with you and Michelle. As for me suggesting your Brother seek special Groups for companionship , entertainment , and commaraderie .... you put the dagger in it by suggesting I should 'bless and not curse' ---------- whats up with that kind of talk ?! Im here to help you, him, and anyone else on CHristian FOrums. Please understand this and we can get along if you are willing to both : 1. Cut me some slack in not totally understanding me or my motives 2. Try not to enter into a state of hyper-sensitivity regarding topics that you post on.

Lastly, yes...I assumed he is a Christian because you are. How the heck do you conclude theres something aweful about that assumption ?

I think it was time we had this update . Lets try to get along as we share in the benefits of CF . Thanks, David.

 

[blackribbon]

I am just tired and it is showing. I will try to refrain from asking questions when I am completely stressed out ... but finding this information out did raise my stress level significantly. His visit to meet her corresponds to when I will be taking my big licensing exam and I don't know that I can fly back home to help him out during this time frame. That did put me in panic mode.

Can you stop and make sure (at least on Michelle & my posts) that you actually are answering the question that we are asking since that obviously frustrates both of us? Maybe we both will be more open to listening to you and less likely to go "what the heck? When you go off topic and offer advice that isn't related, it feels very condescending to me. Quite often you are telling me things I already know. Based on how Michelle responds, I think she feels "talked down to" also.

You did suggest that he look for a social group at one of the local areas hospitals for "mentally challenged people" by definition that is people with low IQ. I did find that suggestion inappropriate based on the information I have given. But that is neither here nor there. He actually seems to socialize in his own unique social group pretty well. He just is naive about women and what constitutes a "relationship".

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I am just tired and it is showing. I will try to refrain from asking questions when I am completely stressed out ... but finding this information out did raise my stress level significantly. His visit to meet her corresponds to when I will be taking my big licensing exam and I don't know that I can fly back home to help him out during this time frame. That did put me in panic mode.

Can you stop and make sure (at least on Michelle & my posts) that you actually are answering the question that we are asking since that obviously frustrates both of us? Maybe we both will be more open to listening to you and less likely to go "what the heck? When you go off topic and offer advice that isn't related, it feels very condescending to me. Quite often you are telling me things I already know. Based on how Michelle responds, I think she feels "talked down to" also.

You did suggest that he look for a social group at one of the local areas hospitals for "mentally challenged people" by definition that is people with low IQ. I did find that suggestion inappropriate based on the information I have given. But that is neither here nor there. He actually seems to socialize in his own unique social group pretty well. He just is naive about women and what constitutes a "relationship".

If I share something that's on my heart in relation to a post or if not specifically related to the post, then its because I think the Poster or other Readers will benefit by it. Further, I have no idea what you and Michelle already know ... so instead of taking offense to the fact you already know the information im deseminating , just take it as a refresher and not get rattled about it. Im sure you get told things daily that you already knew . I do all the time but theres no need to get antagonistic about it. Oftentimes, people simply want to help , encourage, of solidify a point ... and it should be graciously received .

And, its seldom that I don't answer questions that are specifically asked in an OP . ANd if it gets elaborated on, well that the purpose of a Forum....to share ideas, insight, give opinions, and offer advice whether its helpful or not.

A 'mentally challenged' person can take on several forms from low IQ , a level of retardation , low capacity to process information, attention deficit, or difficulty with social interactions -------- I don't look upon the term as being derogatory but a very large category which many fall into . You've already admitted to his condition of Asbergers and there are many other things that can contribute to being challenged mentally or behaviorily when in public . If I could have chosen a less dramatic-sounding term then I would have at this point , but I meant no offense to your Brother or anyone else who struggles with a mental issue or processing.

 

[dayhiker]

I suppose that I've read every interaction between David, black and Michelle.
It really appears to me that you guys love in two different worlds and so when you communicate David don't get that Michelle and black is saying and vise versa. Do all the posts your not any closer to connecting with each other. Its been an amazing things to watch over the past few months.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I suppose that I've read every interaction between David, black and Michelle.
It really appears to me that you guys love in two different worlds and so when you communicate David don't get that Michelle and black is saying and vise versa. Do all the posts your not any closer to connecting with each other. Its been an amazing things to watch over the past few months.

I don't think its too amazing that there are differences in people and when it comes to expressing thoughts in an environment where you cant see face to face ---- even if both Parties are Christ Followers . Christians have much in common with one another but not everything , and I think the Lord is okay with that.

 

[Niels]

Have you expressed your concerns to him?

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Have you expressed your concerns to him?

I do that all the time , daily.

 

[dayhiker]

I know there are differences between people and I've no doubt that God likes variety. All His creation if different, God doesn't seem to ever set up a production line!

I've been on the web chatting for over 25 yrs now. So I've seen a lot of things happen in chat rooms and message boards. But the way you have missed being being able to communicate to Michelle and black in a way that makes them feel heard amazes me.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Well as they say Presentation is everything. Oh wait that's Attitude is everything. Well it's both really.

For me, it's not WHAT is being said, it is HOW it is being said and most of the time I find a certain person's posts condescending and arrogant, but that's just me. Feel free to be yourself because the Lord knows you are not open to change much. And who am I in your life? nobody! Carry on.

 

[blackribbon]

"Mentally challenged" has very specific definition and it doesn't encompass psycho/social issues. It is IQ related. So I guess I misunderstood your expanded (and less than accurate) definition of the word.

I have nothing against the "mentally challenged" and actually love to work with them and have for most my life (starting in elementary school). However to suggest that someone with a social disorder go to a group for people with a mental deficiency is inappropriate. No different than it would be to send a person with an eating disorder (a psychological issue) to a meeting for diabetics (a metabolic issue). Yes, they both have conditions that ultimately effect their stomachs but after that, the similarities stop existing and could actually be a harmful situation.

And to Miles: Yes, I called him and talked to him first. We talked and he knows my concerns. I am letting him be for now but I have been watching their interactions on social media. I am starting to believe that she might be "for real".

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

I know there are differences between people and I've no doubt that God likes variety. All His creation if different, God doesn't seem to ever set up a production line!

I've been on the web chatting for over 25 yrs now. So I've seen a lot of things happen in chat rooms and message boards. But the way you have missed being being able to communicate to Michelle and black in a way that makes them feel heard amazes me.

Youre entitled to your subjective opinion. Further, none of us can always communicate perfectly what the other person needs to hear all the time -- what I personally tend to do in my discussions in CF is give attention to the matter at hand and provide additional information so perhaps the Reader can gleem additional benefit from it. Based on my background, I come from a Formal Debate standpoint as most of my Friends are of an analytical /intellectual/information-dissecting Persona where facts and statistics rule quite a bit.

Ive seen you and I disagreeing on matters in the past, particularly in the moral area, so im afraid that your opinion may carry some retribution in what you just posted here. That's ok. I stand on Gods Word and am unashamed for proclaiming it on any issue.

 

[dayhiker]

David .. no retribution. Just what I've observed. As always we do what we want went people comment on our life.
I agree that we have differences in our view of things be they Bible or otherwise. I also am unashamed of the Word of God and stand by it.

 

[dayhiker]

black ... that is good news about that lady. Hope and pray it works out that way.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

David .. no retribution. Just what I've observed. As always we do what we want went people comment on our life.
I agree that we have differences in our view of things be they Bible or otherwise. I also am unashamed of the Word of God and stand by it.

And live by it ?

 

[dayhiker]

Definitely.

 

[TheyCallMeDavid]

Definitely.

Do I have you confused with Someone else that frequents this Room , who believes that casual sex isn't that bad and who currently has 5 g/f's ..... or am I mistaken about that ? IF so, then please disregard. Thanks.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

First off David, it is no secret around here that dayhiker and some others have a different view than some others around here. No need to call him out on his Christianity because of it. As you have said in the past, that is something for pm's if you have an issue. And his belief is between him and God, and I think God is perfectly capable of telling him he is wrong, and changing his view if that is God's plan for his life. We don't know God's plan. And none of us are perfect. Trying to pretend like we are, helps no one.

Can I ask you a question David? Can you ever just admit you might be wrong? I believe you have a sincere heart, or at least I want to believe that, but when you say things like "I stand on Gods Word and am unashamed for proclaiming it on any issue" do you think that the rest of us don't just because we might disagree with you? I know you're going to say we are disagreeing with God's word but you are not the authority for our lives. It's fun to discuss things, it's not fun to be constantly beraded for not agreeing with every single thing one person believes even if that person claims all they are doing is believing the bible. Once again, I am trying to help you. You sometimes come across like you have no love, and without love, you are nothing but a clanging symbol that no one wants to hear.

dayhiker was trying to tell you that he also could see how you presented your view could be misinterpreted by blackribbon and myself and he's RIGHT! I also tried to tell you the same thing. It's not what you say, it's HOW you say it (or write it in this case).