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CHEATING
- Thread starter tonya
- Start date
IslandBreeze
Caribbean Queen
In any book I've read about cheating, the cheating is NOT about sex. It's all about how a man feels about himself emotionally, spiritually and physically. When his wife mistreats him, he'll find someone who treats him like a king.
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This is the biggest load of fish poop in the modern world....what happened to personal responsibility??? I think some men are just like that and it has nothing to do with how their women "treat" them....My husband agrees...I spent nearly twenty years working with sailors , all of them male....of those I would say that a very small percentage actually "cheated" on their wives while away at sea, and in foriegn ports. Most of them were faithful husbands. Men are supposed to be grown ups. As long as women treat them like babies, women won't be respected by them...Cammie said:
My humble two cents...
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WELL I HAVE KNOWN MEN WHO HAD WONDERFUL WIVES..PHYSICAL RELATIONS ANY TIME, CLEAN HOUSE, CLEAN CLOTHES, AND SUPPER COOKED..OFTEN SERVED TI THEM. SO IN RESPONSE TO CAMMIE..THESE MEN WERE BEING TREATED LIKE A KING...THEY STILL STRAYED..IN RESPONSE TO YOU..MAYBE YOU ARE RIGHT MAYBE THERE WIVES BABY THEM AND ARE TOO GOOD TO THEM AND NEED TO PRACTICE TOUGH LOVE..Suzannah said:
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Ain't no mama's boys at my house, that's for certain!!! LOL!tonya said:
My husband says the same thing: a woman who bends over backwards, and does everything "right" and fawns and babies her man, will have his footprints all over her back...
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None of us can know enough about this situation to guess what happened. All we can do is read 12 point font on the computer screen.
I recommended marriage counseling in the other thread. I just want her to know that what happened isn't a default reflection on her. It'll probably be a few years before she can believe that though.
I recommended marriage counseling in the other thread. I just want her to know that what happened isn't a default reflection on her. It'll probably be a few years before she can believe that though.
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TRUE...MAYBE I NEED TO PRACTICE TOUGH LOVE..MY FRIEND TOLD ME TO READ THE BOOK LOVE MUST BE TOUGH,,WRITTEN BY A CHRISTIAN MAN....SHE SAYS HE KNOWS HE HAS IT GOOD AND TAKES ME FOR GRANTED, THANKS SUZANNAHSuzannah said:
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THANKS FOR YOUR INPUT...IT IS NICE FROM A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE..HE TOLD ME IT WAS NOT MY FAULT...IT IS HIS PERSONAL DEMON AND A WEAKNESS THAT HE NEEDS STRENGTH OVER...HE IS NO LONGER IN CHURCH..DOES THAT GIVE ANY HEADS UP?Mr.Cheese said:
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Good for you sweetness....as Mr. Cheese already suggested, I also recommend pastoral counseling if that's an option for you...but nowhere, noway, nohow do I think that this is any reflection on you, as Mr. Cheese put it...some men will cheat (or otherwise abuse) no matter who they are with....for some men, it is simply another abusive behaviour and they will do it to anyone.tonya said:
You need to find out if that is the case here....counseling will be good for you spiritually and emotionally. I hope and pray for you that you will find peace and healing in the Lord.
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tonya said:
I normally don't reply to "sexist" questions.... so let me rephrase my response if you don't mind.
A Real God-fearing spouse will NOT cheat no matter what the circumstance! They will take it to the cross!
A worldly spouse will cheat because of personal issues. It has nothing to do with "what's at home". So no, wo/men, are not "just like that".
IMO, a cheating spouse is a temptation-weak, immoral, savage animal.
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Tangnefedd
A Liberal Christian
I think men cheat for a variety of reasons, usually selfish sexual ones. Some men say they can't help themselves, which of course they can. The man who says, 'my wife doesn't understand me', needs his butt kicking and hard. What he means is, he needs some other woman to massage his over large ego and other bits!!!!!!!!
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stonehands
Regular Member
I couldn't comprehend the pain and hardships a spouse goes through when they have been cheated on. My heart really hurts for you. I know that it would hurt me so badly if my wife were to stray on me. I would imagine it is going to be an extremely difficult struggle and put great strain on your relationship with your husband, and words probably couldn't express how hard it will be, and exactly what you are going through. Counselling is a must, in my opinion. I'm sure you are somewhat blaming yourself for what has happened, or even just searching to find what could have caused him to stray. It had to have been committed in his mind first, followed by seeking a situation to see if it were a possibility. He apparently let himself fall into a situation where he was tempted, and acted on this temptation. It probably was no fault of your own, but his weakness in allowing himself to even be in a situation where the possibility was there. You two need to talk this out with a counselor to keep things from turning into Huge fights that will indefinitely tear you two apart. My prayers will be with you.
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SirKenin
Contributor
- Jun 26, 2003
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100% right in some cases. Some men cheat for exactly that reason... it depends on how his wife is treating him. If she abandons him, hurts his feelings, withholds sex, talks down to him and won't give him positive attention, then he will go where he can get it after a while.Cammie said:
Actually, in the Bible it instructs us not to hold out on our spouse in order to prevent this very thing from happening. (so that we might not be tempted)
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merryheart
bookworm nerdgirl
- Mar 1, 2004
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Some people tell themselves they are cheating because of some thing that their spouse did or didn't do, but the bottom line is personal responsibility for your own actions - and NO responsibility for another's.
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- Oct 23, 2003
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What could make a man cheat?
Don't have sex.
Don't respect him.
Don't be intimate with him (along the lines of sex, but you can tell if someone is lacking intimacy in sex)
A woman?
Lack of security at home.
A husband who doesn't build his wife up
Lack of intimacy
Lack of communication
Anyone who thinks they are too Godly not to have it happen...well, I hope you're right.
Don't have sex.
Don't respect him.
Don't be intimate with him (along the lines of sex, but you can tell if someone is lacking intimacy in sex)
A woman?
Lack of security at home.
A husband who doesn't build his wife up
Lack of intimacy
Lack of communication
Anyone who thinks they are too Godly not to have it happen...well, I hope you're right.
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Just out of reaction, I would remind the readers that cheating is not unique activity reserved to men; however, the line of discussion seems to be in line with those I have known that have acknowledged adultery in their marriages. Let's not diminish adultery to some lesser word such as cheating.
In Him.............Coop
In Him.............Coop
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HeatherJay
Kisser of Boo-Boos
- Sep 1, 2003
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In some cases, a man (or woman) may cheat because their needs aren't being met at home, but I think that's a dangerous line to walk. As other's have said, there's a little thing called personal responsibility. We all have choices in every situation. And we all have free will to make whatever choice we wish. This could be paralleled with physical abuse cases in which you hear men say, "Well, if she'd have acted right, I wouldn't have hit her." I hear people saying, "Well, if you'd have treated him right, he wouldn't have slept with another woman." It's wrong to place blame on the victim of adultery.
The point being cheating is NEVER an acceptable option to choose, no matter what's going on at home. Even if a wife was frigid and cold, nagging and hateful 100% of the time, it still doesn't excuse her husband from cheating. There are always other options...counseling, seperation, and as a last resort, divorce (which, in my mind is a better alternative than cheating on your spouse, since cheating could result in divorce, anyway).
Tonya, don't let anyone make you feel like you're to blame. Your husband made a choice...and it was the wrong one. He needs to take responsibility for that choice. It sounds like the two of you are trying to work things out? If so, I think that's wonderful. It's hard, but your marriage CAN be healed. Hugs for you.
Love, Heather
The point being cheating is NEVER an acceptable option to choose, no matter what's going on at home. Even if a wife was frigid and cold, nagging and hateful 100% of the time, it still doesn't excuse her husband from cheating. There are always other options...counseling, seperation, and as a last resort, divorce (which, in my mind is a better alternative than cheating on your spouse, since cheating could result in divorce, anyway).
Tonya, don't let anyone make you feel like you're to blame. Your husband made a choice...and it was the wrong one. He needs to take responsibility for that choice. It sounds like the two of you are trying to work things out? If so, I think that's wonderful. It's hard, but your marriage CAN be healed. Hugs for you.
Love, Heather
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- Oct 23, 2003
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I'm sorry, in one sentence you talk about personal responsibility, why not apply personal responsibility to this? If a wife is frigid and cold, naggin and hateful, she has a personal responsibility to change. A wife has choices in this area as well.
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