Charitable giving to friends

Gnarwhal

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A couple days ago my supervisor let me know I'd be getting a Christmas bonus, then today everyone found out that the network approved a 1.5% inflation bonus so the total ended up being more than I originally thought. After they taxed it, it ended up being about half of a normal paycheck. It was very generous of my employer indeed!

Today my best friend told me they needed to come up with X dollars for a car repair by tomorrow, and asked me to pray that God would provide. Well, it just so happens that the X amount they need is also the amount I was originally told I would get for my Christmas bonus. So it's not lost on me that perhaps God's testing my generosity, especially in the advent season. My instinct is to not give it, not just because my family is living paycheck to paycheck as it is and this bonus would help pay down some debt, but also I struggle with my friend. He's been my best friend for 15 years and I love him to death (he's like the brother I've never had) but I've always really struggled with his lack of work ethic. He's married with kids but he's never really held down a job as long as I've known him. I've tried to plant ideas in his head for reasonable jobs he could get with only a high school diploma but he makes excuses. Instead his wife works as an apartment manager to discount their rent and earn some income and he does some kind of part-time job working with disabled people but I'm not sure how much it impacts their finances.

I already gave him some money about a month or two ago when he had to take time off work to take care of his father-in-law after the latter had heart surgery. Now he's said this, and coming from an evangelical background I've always been wary when most Christians say "please pray that God will provide XYZ" they're really saying "please give me XYZ."

Anyway, I'm leaning toward giving him what he needs if my wife is okay with it, but I wonder whether it would actually be objectively a good for him? He worked with Youth With a Mission for several years and relied on financial sponsors to support him that whole time. I feel like he never really moved on from that mindset of other people floating you financially, and I'm worried I'll just feed into that. On the other hand, this money isn't mine, it's God's, and I don't wanna be disobedient with it.

What would you do?
 

Michie

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A couple days ago my supervisor let me know I'd be getting a Christmas bonus, then today everyone found out that the network approved a 1.5% inflation bonus so the total ended up being more than I originally thought. After they taxed it, it ended up being about half of a normal paycheck. It was very generous of my employer indeed!

Today my best friend told me they needed to come up with X dollars for a car repair by tomorrow, and asked me to pray that God would provide. Well, it just so happens that the X amount they need is also the amount I was originally told I would get for my Christmas bonus. So it's not lost on me that perhaps God's testing my generosity, especially in the advent season. My instinct is to not give it, not just because my family is living paycheck to paycheck as it is and this bonus would help pay down some debt, but also I struggle with my friend. He's been my best friend for 15 years and I love him to death (he's like the brother I've never had) but I've always really struggled with his lack of work ethic. He's married with kids but he's never really held down a job as long as I've known him. I've tried to plant ideas in his head for reasonable jobs he could get with only a high school diploma but he makes excuses. Instead his wife works as an apartment manager to discount their rent and earn some income and he does some kind of part-time job working with disabled people but I'm not sure how much it impacts their finances.

I already gave him some money about a month or two ago when he had to take time off work to take care of his father-in-law after the latter had heart surgery. Now he's said this, and coming from an evangelical background I've always been wary when most Christians say "please pray that God will provide XYZ" they're really saying "please give me XYZ."

Anyway, I'm leaning toward giving him what he needs if my wife is okay with it, but I wonder whether it would actually be objectively a good for him? He worked with Youth With a Mission for several years and relied on financial sponsors to support him that whole time. I feel like he never really moved on from that mindset of other people floating you financially, and I'm worried I'll just feed into that. On the other hand, this money isn't mine, it's God's, and I don't wanna be disobedient with it.

What would you do?
I would point him towards assistance with a loan or whatever but it seems he has been enabled in his slack behavior. You keep the money. You have a baby coming. Your family comes first. If you could afford it, it would be up to you as far as what you wanted to do. But you can’t. God is not testing you. He is trying to help you and your family. The attitude that God toys with us in this fashion has never set well with me. Keep. The. Money. Your friend needs to explore his options.
 
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Gnarwhal

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I would point him towards assistance with a loan or whatever but it seems he has been enabled in his slack behavior. You keep the money. You have a baby coming. Your family comes first. If you could afford it, it would be up to you as far as what you wanted to do. But you can’t. God is not testing you. He is trying to help you and your family. The attitude that God toys with us in this fashion has never set well with me. Keep. The. Money. Your friend needs to explore his options.

Thanks Michie, I appreciate that insight.
 
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pdudgeon

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A couple days ago my supervisor let me know I'd be getting a Christmas bonus, then today everyone found out that the network approved a 1.5% inflation bonus so the total ended up being more than I originally thought. After they taxed it, it ended up being about half of a normal paycheck. It was very generous of my employer indeed!

Today my best friend told me they needed to come up with X dollars for a car repair by tomorrow, and asked me to pray that God would provide. Well, it just so happens that the X amount they need is also the amount I was originally told I would get for my Christmas bonus. So it's not lost on me that perhaps God's testing my generosity, especially in the advent season. My instinct is to not give it, not just because my family is living paycheck to paycheck as it is and this bonus would help pay down some debt, but also I struggle with my friend. He's been my best friend for 15 years and I love him to death (he's like the brother I've never had) but I've always really struggled with his lack of work ethic. He's married with kids but he's never really held down a job as long as I've known him. I've tried to plant ideas in his head for reasonable jobs he could get with only a high school diploma but he makes excuses. Instead his wife works as an apartment manager to discount their rent and earn some income and he does some kind of part-time job working with disabled people but I'm not sure how much it impacts their finances.

I already gave him some money about a month or two ago when he had to take time off work to take care of his father-in-law after the latter had heart surgery. Now he's said this, and coming from an evangelical background I've always been wary when most Christians say "please pray that God will provide XYZ" they're really saying "please give me XYZ."

Anyway, I'm leaning toward giving him what he needs if my wife is okay with it, but I wonder whether it would actually be objectively a good for him? He worked with Youth With a Mission for several years and relied on financial sponsors to support him that whole time. I feel like he never really moved on from that mindset of other people floating you financially, and I'm worried I'll just feed into that. On the other hand, this money isn't mine, it's God's, and I don't wanna be disobedient with it.

What would you do?
Three things come to mind:
1. Does he have a charge card?
2. Could he get a quick loan from his bank, or payday loan?
3. What jewelry does he have that he could pawn?
As a friend, you could also help him find financing to meet his temporary need.
 
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Gnarwhal

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I would point him towards assistance with a loan or whatever but it seems he has been enabled in his slack behavior. You keep the money. You have a baby coming. Your family comes first. If you could afford it, it would be up to you as far as what you wanted to do. But you can’t. God is not testing you. He is trying to help you and your family. The attitude that God toys with us in this fashion has never set well with me. Keep. The. Money. Your friend needs to explore his options.

I would pray for my friend, and keep.the.money for my family.

Family is our first ministry.

:evergreen:

Three things come to mind:
1. Does he have a charge card?
2. Could he get a quick loan from his bank, or payday loan?
3. What jewelry does he have that he could pawn?
As a friend, you could also help him find financing to meet his temporary need.

Not a bad idea to suggest some kind of loan or financing. Not sure what their credit situation is like but I'll pass the thought along.
 
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