Changed my mind...

[ZiSunka]

Don't know. Like you have one soulmate, but he dies, then you get another? Hmm. This concept could get complicated.

 

[Bedwyr]

Man, can I identify with that!

I've been thinking exactly the same thing for several years. I think it might be true that our mutual disobedience can keep us apart from the ones God has match us with.

For me, it was a matter of being afraid that I wasn't lovable. I had a perfectionistic father growing up, and I often have a hard time believing that I can do anything good or be anything worthwhile. I thought no one could ever understand that, at least no decent, healthy man, so I avoided the guy that I believed God had selected for me. I didn't want to be rejected.

After speaking to his sister, turns out he grew up in the same kind of household and had the same kind of struggles, and even believed that no one could love him because of his flaws. We might have been great for each other because we would have understood each other's hurts and weaknesses and been able to give each other loving support.

I know I ran from him, and it seems like he ran from me as well. I do have something to look forward to in heaven, though, apart from the obvious joy of being with God for eternity and reuniting with loved ones.

See, that's exactly why I don't think there is that "ONE"(tm) out there. It isn't at all out of the question that there could be many "Ones" all good matches for you and all within the will of God. One of the things I constantly seem Him engaging in is redemption, even milder versions where we can get back on track and continue the great work of the Kingdom. Even in matters of love, romance, and soulmates I strongly doubt that screwing up screws you up for life.

If you want to know what I really think of the concept of "there shalt be one soulmate for each person on the earth", I refer you to Snow White. Both are fantasy. It can certainly happen by God's command, but I really don't think it's the norm.

Bedwyr

 

[ZiSunka]

If you want to know what I really think of the concept of "there shalt be one soulmate for each person on the earth", I refer you to Snow White. Both are fantasy. It can certainly happen by God's command, but I really don't think it's the norm.

Bedwyr

That's what I have always thought, Bedwyr. I'm just exploring other possibilities. I'm open to either way. I'm also completely open to never getting married at all.

I'm just singing the blues a bit because I broke off an engagement and it's finally hitting home that it's all over. So, of course, I have to go back over all my past relationships and reanalyze them because that's what people do when they break off a serious relationship, right? You have to analyze your whole life to death.

 

[the_man]

I think the soul mate theory is potentially dangerous for a few reasons. For one I think it puts too much responsibility thru expectations that may not be real on the person one wants to get married to.

Another is the situation that a few of you have presented and I have been thru. We meet someone, they are outstanding, we think they are the person for us, but it turns out they aren't (mine was her marrying someone else). Does that mean it is the end of the road for us? Our "soulmates" married someone else? They "messed" up? We have no hope? I don't think so. It would be unfair to the people you meet in our future that we compare them to our 'soulmate', they will never measure up. This is not good.

Yet another is the danger of the soulmate theory is the danger of making it a bigger deal than it really is IN the grand scheme of things. The only concept of marriage in Heaven is the one between Christ and His bride (the Church). We will be like the Angels. The marriage relationship on earth does not exist after this life on earth. Which makes me think that the soulmate theory makes marriage on this earth, more than it is supposed to be in the grand scheme of things. Don't get me wrong, who you get married to is important, but to think my marrying a compatible woman of God Cindy over a compatible woman of God Malorie would disrupt God's will for mankind, is stretching it. Like Bedwyr implied, both can be within the will of God.

Another, and I'll end with this one. What if the person that makes you love and serve God more abundantly, who encourages and sharpens you in your ministry and walk with the Lord, happens to be of the same sex as you; not dissimilar to a David-Jonathan relationship. What do we say in a situation like this. Your soulmate is the same sex as you, so, you will not get married ever, heh, I don't think so. But then one can say to me that, well, we can have more than one soulmate. That, however, would seem to go against the concept of soulmate and it's starting to sound like the alternative theory.

I step down from the box full of soap

 

[Bedwyr]

I think the soul mate theory is potentially dangerous for a few reasons. For one I think it puts too much responsibility thru expectations that may not be real on the person one wants to get married to.

Another is the situation that a few of you have presented and I have been thru. We meet someone, they are outstanding, we think they are the person for us, but it turns out they aren't (mine was her marrying someone else). Does that mean it is the end of the road for us? Our "soulmates" married someone else? They "messed" up? We have no hope? I don't think so. It would be unfair to the people you meet in our future that we compare them to our 'soulmate', they will never measure up. This is not good.

Yet another is the danger of the soulmate theory is the danger of making it a bigger deal than it really is IN the grand scheme of things. The only concept of marriage in Heaven is the one between Christ and His bride (the Church). We will be like the Angels. The marriage relationship on earth does not exist after this life on earth. Which makes me think that the soulmate theory makes marriage on this earth, more than it is supposed to be in the grand scheme of things. Don't get me wrong, who you get married to is important, but to think my marrying a compatible woman of God Cindy over a compatible woman of God Malorie would disrupt God's will for mankind, is stretching it. Like Bedwyr implied, both can be within the will of God.

Another, and I'll end with this one. What if the person that makes you love and serve God more abundantly, who encourages and sharpens you in your ministry and walk with the Lord, happens to be of the same sex as you; not dissimilar to a David-Jonathan relationship. What do we say in a situation like this. Your soulmate is the same sex as you, so, you will not get married ever, heh, I don't think so. But then one can say to me that, well, we can have more than one soulmate. That, however, would seem to go against the concept of soulmate and it's starting to sound like the alternative theory.

I step down from the box full of soap

You Da Man! No, really! Your name it's... well... ahem. Anyhow.

That's exactly what I was trying to get across and for some reason my virtual mouth doesn't seem to be working today.

Bedwyr

 

[hotknikkels]

Good questions.

When I think about the word "soulmate" I think of someone who matches your soul, like two socks make a pair. Your soulmate is the one who completes you, in a sense, making you more open to the love of God, more able to serve Him, and more likely to have a prosperous ministry, as well as demonstrating all those illustrations of how marriage is like our relationship with God.

What I DON'T mean is that that single person is able to somehow make you whole emotionally, spiritually, or financially.

A soul-match (for lack of a better word) is not about selfishness or getting your needs met or having good sex. I've heard a lot of celebraties say they had found their soulmate, when what they really meant was they enjoyed sex with that person.

So, soulmate, in my mind, is a person with whom one and one makes more than two.

I also think that the "soulmate" thing is the same as what you said!

But I would like to post about what I posted about regarding marriage before. I think I posted this before the crash, so I thought I would repeat it!

I would like to explain a little of what I understand happens in marriage. You see that marriage is like a magnifying glass. So, if you are insecure, disloyal, easy to anger, bad at money management etc before marriage - you will be more insecure, more disloyal, easier to anger, worse at money management etc after marriage. The flip site to this is that if you are loving, kind, compassionate, slow to anger, merciful and good at money management - then after marriage these things will improve. I believe that we must start to improve in any area of our life and be heading in the right direction before we consider marriage!

Now, marriage is meant to complete an individual and it fulfills God's earlist plan for human beings. God said that it was not good for man to be alone and that we need a helper. The helper to a man is his wife, and vice versa! Therefore a wife does complete the man, and the man completes the wife. But that is not where you find your value, and that is the mistake that many people make. You find your value only in God. Only God can make you secure!

Hope that helps!

 

[wvmtnkid]

Another is the situation that a few of you have presented and I have been thru. We meet someone, they are outstanding, we think they are the person for us, but it turns out they aren't (mine was her marrying someone else). Does that mean it is the end of the road for us? Our "soulmates" married someone else? They "messed" up? We have no hope? I don't think so. It would be unfair to the people you meet in our future that we compare them to our 'soulmate', they will never measure up. This is not good.

This is the one I have struggled with the most. If I have missed out on the person who supposedly was my "soulmate" than what happens to me? Am I doomed to never find another? This is were I think this idea of soulmate is not such a good one. The Man is right, I constantly compare men in my life now to the person who I thought was my soulmate, which I know is unfair. And which can keep me from getting to know some very nice guys. But once you have found what you are looking for and you feel it was been taken away from you, maybe somewhat unfairly, how do you than "switch gears" and find someone else? I'm tellin' ya, some days, I wonder if dating and marriage is all it is cracked up to be. Sometimes it just seems so hard.

 

[hotknikkels]

Will God let you miss out?

 

[wvmtnkid]

Hmmm....I suppose if it is God's plan for me to be married, I will be. But that doesn't take away the feeling that somewhere along the line, something went wrong and for whatever reason, I have missed out on something. Maybe it is because the right person hasn't come along as of yet. Maybe it had nothing to do with God's plan. I don't know. But the feeling is still there. Or maybe better put, the questions are still there.

 

[hotknikkels]

Can you trust God?

 

[wvmtnkid]

Well, if I can't trust God, than who can I trust?

 

[Quiet Storm]

Hmmmmm.....well I believe that God can send you a certain person. I think some kind of evidence that supports this is when.....somebody was looking for a wife for Isaac and the way he found out that it was Rebekkah (was that Isaac or Ishmael? It was one of the I's. LOL). But I really don't know about the soul mates bit. I do and don't at the same time. I do because I kind of believe it, but I don't fully because there's nowhere in the Bible that indicates that specifically. Technically, I believe that any two believers can become married and as long as the Lord is put first, it will prosper wonderfully. So this is kind of an open ball park to me. I'm stumped.

 

[Bedwyr]

Hmmmmm.....well I believe that God can send you a certain person. I think some kind of evidence that supports this is when.....somebody was looking for a wife for Isaac and the way he found out that it was Rebekkah (was that Isaac or Ishmael? It was one of the I's. LOL). But I really don't know about the soul mates bit. I do and don't at the same time. I do because I kind of believe it, but I don't fully because there's nowhere in the Bible that indicates that specifically. Technically, I believe that any two believers can become married and as long as the Lord is put first, it will prosper wonderfully. So this is kind of an open ball park to me. I'm stumped.

I think one of the problems we're having with this is that it involves the idea of God's will and we're trying to define exactly how it works. This gets into a philosophical question and an old logical problem about how free will works and whether it can work in the context of God's will. Anytime I get into conversations like this with non-christian friends, things always degenerate into an argument about how a Divine sovereign will can co-exist with our ability to make unhindered choices.

Personally, I accept the idea of God's will in theory and wait patiently to find out *exactly* how it works when the time (death) comes. In the mean time, I make choices and act as if free choice is the practical reality with Divine Will as a backdrop to those choices.

So, yeah, it does kind of come round full circle to the arguments over Calvinism, determinism, causality (way over-discussed in Matrix), etc. even for this fairly minor issue of soulmates.

Bedwyr

 

[hotknikkels]

I see what you are saying, and yes, even as Christian we still have free choice.

But I believe that we can make make good choices on our own, but seeking God for guidance can lead us to make better choices. Praying over issues, aksing others, seeking advice and stuff like that really helps!

 

[JOHNSOES]

Hi
I would like to comment and say,there is scriptural proof regarding this topic
(Soul Mate).
I think the believe of B'shert (meant to be) exist but not in the context of "Soul Mate",but I would rather say God give you "a" Mate.
The fact of the matter is ,if your "Soul Mate" would die ,you would marry again and again and again,who would be your soul mate then??
If you use B'shert (meant to be)in the context of "a" Mate,it would create far less problems.
This is the fact of the matter and I think the scriptural proof for it is very simple and it is found in the "Our Father".
Study the prayer of the Lord and you will come to a place that say "Let Thy Will be done on earth as it is in HEAVEN".
To keep it simple and it does not need interpretation,Let His WILL be done on earth as it it is in Heaven,and that includes the person that you will marry.
That person for you is allready decided in heaven ,the problem comes how do you find that person on the earth.
Lets keep it simple again,when you marry you give that person a token in the form of a ring.That ring speaks of Love (eternity),because it does not have a beginning nor does it have a end,so marriage starts in heaven first(let Thy will be done on earth as it IS in heaven.)Hate had a beginning but not Love.
Here is some scripturual refernce for Love>>
Ephesians 5:"25": Husbands, Love your wives, even as Christ also Loved the church, and gave himself for it;
"32": This is a great MYSTERY: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.">>.end quote.
Now comes the problem,there is many types of Love,but the one we as Chrsitians seek is Gods Love,for instance if a guy insults your wife you will shoot Him(Phileo,Human Love),but Gods Love will pray for that guy (Agapo Love,Gods Love).So when seeking a mate,one should have the Love of God in their haerts(which is the Spirit) and the characters must obviously match.
The only thing that had no beginning is God and God is Love,it goes beyond the grave.So the click between your MATE and you must be love.
But sometimes you may mis that person,but if you have no teeth what do you do,eat with the falls teeth,in the resurrection you will get your own teeth back.Or how did Jesus put it >>Matthew 19"8":"He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so." >>end quote.
(How can something that never had a beginning have an end??)
"In the beginning it was not so,what God put together let no man put asunder".
Unfortinatley one rule goes for all,if God brings two people together "Let no man put asunder"if you choose the wrong mate,same rule apply,otherwise God must write two rules,then there will be chaos.
God will still bless you even if you are in His Permissive Will,and the only reason He will do it is to honour His Perfect Will.
Lets say childbearing by sex was not in His perfect Will,but He still blessed it,threw it came David etc...
His perfect Will was the way Jesus came "a Virgin shall conceive and have a child"..etc ...etc...etc..
Regards
Emmanuel

 

[sOuLifieD]

I am positive that soulmates exist. Soulmate defined as someone who the Lord chose to be your husband or wife since before the beginning of time, the one who is His best suited for you, and the one who God has been preparing for you since day 1. Someone about whom God has said "This is my best for your life right now." -- I don't think most of us would disagree that God DOES have a best plan for our lives. Why would that exclude marriage?
And for the person who's husband/wife dies and then gets remarried, obviously they are the acception and not the rule. And God, who is all-knowing, already knows the things that will happen in our lives and the decisions we'll make-- for a woman who marries twice after being widowed, obviously God knew that would happen, and He prepared 2 husbands for her. But for the man who marries once and never remarries as it is not in God's will -- obviously God knew it would happen that way. It doesn't mean we don't have free will, it just means that God already knows the storyline of our lives. He works everything together for the good of us who love Him.

I had a discussion with my youth pastor a few weeks ago about this topic. He doesn't believe in soulmates, I do. So I asked him this...and this works for anyone who is in ministry or feels called to have some part in ministry....
I asked him, do you believe you are called to be a youth pastor? He said yes, of course. So I asked him, "Do you believe it is God's will, God's best choice, for you to be a youth pastor? Do you believe that nothing else you did would compare to God's will & purpose?" -- again he agreed. So I said...why is it different with soulmates? Why would God have a best choice, a will, a purpose for you to be in a certain ministry, but give you free reign in deciding who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, with no guidance and no best? Just blindly choosing who you think is best?
I know that I have NO idea what is best for my life. It's been proven over and over that without God's will and guidance, I am utterly screwed, because He is the only way I can live life and still function. I definitely could never choose someone to spend the rest of my life with, without the Lord saying "This is the one I have chosen. This is my best for you."

If God has a plan for you to marry, He already has someone in mind. He won't abandon you to yourself and your own decisions, because He knows how fruitless that is. If you believe that God has a plan for your life at all, He indeed has a plan for one of the most important decisions in life you'll ever make -- who you marry.

 

[Ruhama]

I agree with what Soulified said.

I think there are people we are compatible with, and among those is one God grooms for you and you for that person. Then at the right time He brings you together. I've seen several instances with friends, where God was very pointed about telling someone "hey you, you are supposed to be together. I will not tell you what you are to do but I really want you two to be married." And sometimes He's not so vocal about it, but you suddenly look back a half decade and realize what He's been up to and you marry.

I'm thinking about the millions of people who don't really know who they're marrying enough to make a good decision, like those with arranged marriages for example, and I'd say that even then, God can make a good marriage come of it because it isn't a prerequisite to a happy life that you marry the Perfect Soulmate (tm). Sometimes marriage is a domestic arrangement and nothing more, and you seek your soulfood among your friends. I imagine that being not the easiest, and not the best, arrangement but I sure think it's doable. And all the better if you're willing to put work into it. I've heard it said that a great marriage is like 25% about compatibility and 75% about putting effort into making it work.

Marrying your best friend, your soulmate, is generally God's best intention for you* but He will still do His best to make an OK or bad decision that humans make into a great thing if we let Him. I think He can turn your not-so-compatible partner into a soulmate even, sometimes.

But given more freedom of choice, I really think it's best to trust God to bring the right person to you. Before I was married I always was told not to go looking because the person would land in my lap all of a sudden. And I can't really say I've seen it any other way, so I offer that.

*I say "generally" because I'm thinking about Hosea's wife.

 

[Tenorvoice]

Do we have a "soul mate" or not? that is the question...

Well I for one belive that we do have A soul mate.
The first question anyone needs to ask themselves if they are thinking that there is no one out there for them is: Have you ever thought about getting married?? If so then God the Father has not blessed you with the Spiritual gift of singleness. yes it is a real gift.

aslo God is not playing a game of sacred "hide and seek" with us. He is never late and never early in His timing He is ALWAYS on time. If we wiat for God's choise for us we WILL NOT miss it!

Do not let anything (even a good thing) deture us from God's path for our path for in His time He will send us the 1 that we NEED. It is harder for us to get out of the will of God than most think (if you want it). If you don't all you have to do is step out.


last:
What could be worse than being unmarried?????...............being married to the wrong person!

 

[Buskanaka]

personally I don't believe in soulmates, I think it's a belief used by the world to somehow justify divorcing someone, same kind of thing as 'finding true love'. It's like a cop out for people to not be serious about a lifelong committment and working hard to make a marriage work, all you have to do is say: oh they're not my soulmate, it's not true love...
If there is such a thing as a soulmate, I don't think everyone in the world finds them... however I think God can use whatever decisions we make for the best.

If we wiat for God's choise for us we WILL NOT miss it!

just an addition, we need to act as well though and not wait for God to throw everything in our lap. I'm sure everyone knows the story about the drowning guy who prays and God sends 3 different people to rescue him and he turns them all away because he was waiting for God to save him. What if you turn away your actual soulmate because you were waiting for God to shove them in your face somehow?

 

[Tenorvoice]

I was not saying to wait and do nothing I was emplying that when that person comes along in our lives and they are the one that God has planned for us and we are in the center of His will THEN we will not miss it!

peace