Challenging and confronting teens

[heymikey80]

I've worked nearly ten years with my present church's youth ministry, and I'm in a fairly strong authority position with the kids there.

I'm wondering how to cross tougher subjects with kids -- subjects which may not commend them, and subjects where they may well already feel embarrassment at their own behavior. But I also get the feeling they are sometimes harder on themselves (without fixing the problem) than I would be. I'm also quite certain they'll have problems that I still have with myself, too.

Does anyone have pointers on how to bring up points tenderly, carefully, so we can work them through, together?

 

[Trelawrence]

Hey Mikey,

I humbly think that in situations such as the one you describe, most of the prep work would have had to have occurred before... in other words, I think that with youth, one must have worked to have the type of relationship that gives one the "juice" to confront the transgressing youth effectively.

I call it tough love... with different youth, it can be different type of approach, but I think the goal is to ensure that they understand that God (and I) love them anyway. The longer I have worked with youth, the less I try to conceal my disappointment, and i think that it actually helps when they know their action can distress me without making me turn my back on them.

As I hinted earlier, I believe approach and timing are key; I still have to control my urge for immediacy when it come to things like this.

Great question...

 

[MHMarks]

I think that it is a pretty much student-by-student basis, but I agree with Tre's post. I'm only 20 which gives me an advantage because i was a teen less than a year ago and i'm still young enough to relate to jr high and high school students.

Personally, I always thought it was the most real when a leader asked me how I was and I trusted them enough to tell them, then we would talk about whatever was going on and if something came up that needed rebuking, they'd do so. I guess what I'm trying to say is use scripture?
I'd also say that sometimes my leaders weren't 'tender' with me. aka they called me out like 'hey i saw you doing this whats going on?' and i could tell they were upset- that always made me think

 

[we are called]

I'm a straight on kind of guy. when I broach sensitive subjects with the kids in my group, I get everyone settled (usually over dinner), bring it up "hey, I want to talk about ___". I usually have a small script or outline of the points I want to get across. The kids know they don't have to talk, they know they can talk freely and that no one is wrong.

These are important times for kids, and they need a place to talk safely without fear or reprecussion.

 

[Fishyygirl]

I dont work with youth ministry, but I have many adolescents in my family I talk to. All I can say is that the more private time you spend with them, the more they open up. It doesnt matter if they are male or female, many are insecure about one thing or another, so it takes a long time for them to open up to you.

 

[bliz]

Check out Search Institute. You need to know where your kids are and their tests for "assets" are quite enlightening. The harsh reality is that most kids lose assets in their teen years, when they should be gaining more.
http://www.search-institute.org/

 

[bliz]

double post