Challenge for this week

[blackribbon]

Time to move forward (while we continue to pray for his family).

Christianity is about loving people ... loving people where they are at and not waiting until they become lovable or easy to be around.

Can we each make a concerted effort to look for the less than loveable people around us and reach out to one in a tangible way this week?....just one, because these people often are the ones who tax our energy and patience the most. Dan posted some pictures of him pre-injury and he was a good-looking young man who appeared to love life. I am sure the man that we talked to was very different. Who knows what physical injuries he had but I suspect they weren't pretty. He also talked about brain injury which based on what I could assess from talking to him, this was not in the form of intelligence so I suspect from the anger issues he talked about, it probably was over the parts of his brain that allowed him to control his emotions. In real-life, I suspect that he was all over the place emotionally....and frustrated further by the impaired communication related to his new deafness.

My challenge is to be kind and maybe even reach out to one person in your life who is more difficult to be around. This can be a stranger but may actually be more effective if it is someone who is already in your life. Find a way to meet them where they are and just love them "as is"...complete with all their flaws and defects (and this may include "sinful" behavior). This isn't about "fixing" them or "healing" them but rather showing the kind of love that God has for us....just loving them as they are at this moment. Show them that God can love them by showing them that they are worthy of love. And praying for them on a continual basis.

And while you are showing your love, let your heart open up to learning to love someone who isn't so easy to love. We are command to love our enemies and those not easy to love. So this is an exercise to improve our Christian walk and I believe that we will be just as blessed by our "prickly people" as we are hopefully able to bless them.

Remember that sometimes the cause of peoples "prickles" is extreme hurt and depression. It isn't all evil or that they aren't capable of love. Often they have had a life lesson(s) that makes them believe that they aren't worthy of being loved or are unlovable to the core.

Lets honor Dan by finding the other "Dan"s in the world and love on them until they actually start to believe that God might actually be able to love them too.

 

[dayhiker]

I love that way of honoring Dan, black. Thanks for the thought.

 

[bobross]

Very good post, blackribbon. I have to admit that I am guilty of trying to avoid people who probably need my love/friendship more than anything simply because I don't want them to bring me down. I know that is not the right thing to do, and I thank you for reminding us of this fact and challenging us to become better people. You are right, Christianity is about love. If we are to become more Christ-like, we have to love and care for ALL people, not just the ones who bring us up and are easy to be around.

I already have somebody in mind that I know could really use a friend right now. I have been praying for this man for many years now, but have not made an effort to be in his life because he does nothing but hurt the ones who love him most. I know he needs to know that somebody out there cares about and loves him despite his addiction (he's an alcoholic), and I really want to be that person.

As dayhiker said, that is a wonderful way of honoring Dan. There is nothing we can do about what happened to him except pray for his family, but I think everyone here in this particular area of the forum did an amazing job of showing him love and understanding when he needed it most. I hope we can carry that over to our personal lives and make a cognizant effort to love the way God wants us to love.

Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. - Galatians 6:2

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Fabulous idea! I did that this week. I called my step daughter. Her boyfriend just died of a heart attack. She is a drama queen living off others. She is almost 37 years old and has no job, a DUI to take care of in another state, no money and she lives with friends that she says she takes care of. I hate talking to her because she rambles on and talks in circles saying the same things over and over. Her big question to me was "WHY won't God answer me? Can you tell me why?" I told her sometimes we are asking the wrong questions and sometimes there is no answer that will suffice. I told her that if God DID answer her and tell her that her boyfriend had to die because of X,Y and Z it would not change anything and she would not be saying "OH OK I understand" NO! So hopefully that helped her. She is very taxing to talk to and that's just on the phone! But at this point it's all I can do because she really can't be helped. She plays the victim very well, but she doesn't have to. She cries about her life, but SHE is the one making the choices. For example, her step dad sent her 100 bucks because she was crying about needing new tennis shoes. So he sends her the money but instead of buying shoes, she gives it to the people she's staying with. I understand why she would feel the need to do that, but at the same time she is planning to lie to her step dad and send him fake pics of tennis shoes because he keeps asking her if she got new shoes. I think it was wrong of her to use the money for something it was not intended for and I think she should work on getting a job for herself, but according to her she is taking care of all these people and doesn't have time for a job. And those people give her money here and there but it's not much.

 

[sedonarose]

I love that way of honoring Dan, black. Thanks for the thought.

I do, too. Very thoughtful. Thank you.

 

[blackribbon]

God has shown me who I am to befriend. My first reaction when she suddenly showed up again was "no way!...she requires too much time and isn't making any effort on her side"... then a mutual friend made a comment that really convicted me that she was there for me to meet my own challenge.

This is not going to be an easy challenge because we can't expect anything back...this is about giving and loving unconditionally. However, how about we keep this thread open to vent our frustrations and remember to pray for each other as we struggle to love the less lovable.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Sounds like a great idea to me

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

OK well continuing on, my lovely step daughter just called me. She sounded upbeat and she said she wanted me to know she was OK. I wonder if she even remembers talking to me the other day, because she said "well I haven't talked to you in awhile so"
UGH! her silly forced accent is so annoying. She purposely talks with a slang and then acts like she doesn't know how to talk regular. She was saying the word "try" but it was with a slang and then she says how do you say it try? like over pronouncing how it is normally said.
I feel for her because I know she, like me too, never feels like she fits in anywhere. But in her case she tries to and it's not natural and people notice. She said everyone there hates her (not true) because she doesn't dress like them and she's too "west coast" and when I'm listening to her she totally sounds like a hick, no offense to hicks, she just wasn't born one, ya know?
So bottom line, I paid my penance today. I sat on the phone and just listened and talked when I had to. She really wears me out "bless her heart". I love her I just wonder what will happen with her.

 

[blackribbon]

Good job, Michelle.

My person to love is a young woman I know because she became a widow a month before me (she was only 24). She has a lot of issues ... some within her control and some not. The hardest part is to listen to her complain about her physical ailments that all stem from her unwillingness to do basic health maintenance...her diabetes in particular. God finally laid it on me that she might not actually know what she should and shouldn't be eating so I PMed her about this. She admitted that no one has ever talked to her about how to eat properly. It kind of melted my heart since she said she was interested in learning. The kind of changes she needs to make include several habits that will not be easy to break so I am praying for her.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

That's great blackribbon. Oh to hear clearly from God, that is what I need.

Today I guess my special person is my son. Ugh! 16....still hasn't found a job and everything is my fault. His dog sleeps with me a lot because on the weekends my son is usually gone and then when he sleeps with my son, he is not happy. He (the dog) has torn up the bottom of his door trying to get out and he said he was shaking the last two times he had him in his room, but of course it is MY fault somehow. Today he stayed home from school because this morning he said he could not stop throwing up. He did the same thing yesterday but he went to school yesterday. It's amazing to me this sickness only comes in the morning. I don't think he's faking per se, but the quarter ends this week! Of course he thinks all I care about are his grades. That I care more about them than I do about his health. He said if he had his way he would be out of school right now. My last kid and my hardest kid, and silly me thought my hardest kids were behind me. And if I'm too harsh on him, he goes into depression mode so I pick my battles and I feel like a failure. And my friend says "well you just have to start taking away stuff like his car" well if I take away his car he can't get a job and he won't even try without a car. I know my kid and I know that wouldn't work, but she makes me feel like I'm not being a good parent.

 

[bobross]

Great stories here I got together with the gentleman I was referencing before (Dale) and it went really well. We had a bible study at the coffee shop and talked for quite a long time. I'm hoping to meet with him on a weekly basis now.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Great stories here I got together with the gentleman I was referencing before (Dale) and it went really well. We had a bible study at the coffee shop and talked for quite a long time. I'm hoping to meet with him on a weekly basis now.

That is great to hear bobross! Hey BTW are you an artist? I ask because of your username. Bob Ross was an awesome artist that used to have a TV show and he would paint fabulous paintings in 30 minutes.

 

[CajunQueen]

This is a great thread. I love reading these posts. Good reminder to reach out to those we wouldn't normally be drawn to. I'll have to find some way to do that. Thank you blackribbon.

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

I just typed this whole long post and when I hit submit it made me log in again!!! Ugh! So anyway...................earlier when I was on FB my stepdaughter messaged me

Her: Well... been trying to check in with all the family, papa is sick, uncle curt and nana are doing well.... how are you?

Me: I'm good. We just talked the other day, remember?

Her: things change day by day, i took a hard knock..... mom says worry is a sin but im human........i wish there was more i can do for everyone.....ultimately it is up to God , i know but my heart is still weary
i worry and cant help it
3 days of staying up till 5am to get past the bad dreams
i do get sleep tho....i just want to feel normal (what ever that is)
my car is now taking a crap, trying to pay tim's bill....

Me: one day at a time and one moment at a time sometimes is all you can do honey

Her: i know... i just dont understand, and i know what Fathers says.... im trying to wrap my head around it....and if i have to fake eating one more time..... I hate fried food.....2 night is meat loaf Arrrrrrgh, wont be having that.......i guess im gonna hafta be a midnight stalker like grandpa lol

Me: I LOVE meatloaf. You will never be able to understand. The sooner you realize that the sooner your brain can rest from trying to figure it all out. You need to take care of yourself and not think you have to take care of everyone else unless it's because you need money

Her: money would be good but i have none and thats fine..... i cant wait for spring so i can put up a tent and just live by the lake. nothing like fire logs.... God has the answers i know..... do they make sense? NO......can i be the best i can be? I try.......is it easy, NO........ I know this.... He my Lord knows His purpose and plan but it hurts
I have seen so much depair in the last week, not just on my part
and its been too cold to go go out and cry
im watching mom die at this moment...... the battle ax she is...... sigh.......shaking my head.......... its alot and i know i can handle it, but im just getting tired, mentally

Then she thanked me for a giraffe video I posted cuz she loves giraffes and I said your welcome and that was it.

This is SO taxing on me! What really gets me angry is that she doesn't think she needs to work to support her own self? The other day she told me she got her DD214 out. She got an OTH and she's gonna go down and see if she can get benefits. I do not understand the mentality that you don't have to work to support yourself, let alone she has children that don't live with her. Grrrr.

Of course I would never say anything about that right now while she is grieving but I don't get it and it makes me mad! Must be nice to not have to work and have someone buy your cigs (she smokes) and food and gas and whatever else. But it doesn't make it right. She wouldn't listen to me anyway. She is 36 years old soon to be 37! why should she not have to work? She also has a DUI in CA so she probably has a warrant out for her arrest since she isn't doing anything about trying to take care of that.
And I'm kind of still reeling from the other day when she said that it was easier for me because I had time with her dad instead of her BF that had a heart attack and she never got to say goodbye. She has only been seeing him for about 6 months. I have no doubt she loved and cared about him, but please don't compare my 25 year marriage and having to sit by your spouses bedside for almost a YEAR to your relationship.

 

[bobross]

That is great to hear bobross! Hey BTW are you an artist? I ask because of your username. Bob Ross was an awesome artist that used to have a TV show and he would paint fabulous paintings in 30 minutes.

Yes my name is inspired by none other than Mr. Bob Ross. I loved watching his show when it was on the air. He was great. I am indeed an artist although not a great one

 

[dayhiker]

Some people just don't get it, Michelle.

 

[blackribbon]

((hugs)) Michelle...you have discussed this before and I agree that she probably has some personality disorder that doesn't let her see how she contributes to her problems. You have got to stop wondering when she is going to get better...she isn't most likely. It is like turning up the volume on the stereo expecting that at some point the deaf man is going to hear it...he can't. He is deaf. She just can't. You job is just to listen and care...and then let it go.

 

[CajunQueen]

I am praying for you Michelle. That's rough.

 

[blackribbon]

My new friend has so many health complaints that are all related to her unwillingness or lack of education toward managing her diabetes. I find myself having to stop and "relove" her because it feels like I am talking to a brick wall at times. She contacted me about a problem last night and I suggested that she go to the ER because it could have turned into a breathing problem very fast. Turns out that her blood sugars were excessively high because she didn't bother to push the botton on her insulin pump before eating a very "bad" meal. When she told me about the ER visit, she didn't even mention the hyperglycemia diagnosis. I found out about that from her facebook post. I really think she doesn't get how all her body systems are tied to keeping the diabetes under control.

My prayer is that I always keep a patient teaching attitude so that she continues to talk to me about this. If she doesn't, her body will literally fall apart before she is 40...and go in a very slow painful way. We are talking about wounds that won't heal, limbs being amputated, blindness, renal failure, and cardiac complications. Her husband died with both his legs amputated, renal failure, and a heart attack at age 32 related to his uncontrolled diabetes and she must not understand how they were all tied together. Sigh

 

[memoriesbymichelle]

Wow that's rough blackribbon.

I think this week it is my very own son that needs my attention but it's so hard to know what to do.

He had a car accident last night. No one was hurt Praise the Lord. This morning he threw up in the morning and now is threatening me thru text that he will not be at school when I go pick him up to take him to the dentist. He always misses enough days to make me worry that he will miss too many. They can only have 9 absences per semester. Then of course everything is my fault. It' my fault somehow that he doesn't have a car, or a job. He said he just would rather die. I know he doesn't mean it but it's SO hard to hear. He doesn't look at me when I'm talking to him. I try to be firm but he rebels and since I work 2 jobs I can't make sure he's in school or looking for a job. I swear he makes my life 10 times harder than it needs to be and I cannot yet figure out what the solution is.