Celibacy

[ukok]

I know that this is a rather personal question and if you would prefer not to respond to this then that is just fine with me, but i wonder if anyone would be prepared to discuss how you felt the 'call' to celibacy , whether it happened naturally, whether you struggle with remaining celibate or whether it is for you, a gift from God...etc.

Personally, this has been a very rewarding period in my life. God has revealed so much to me that i may otherwise not have seen.

 

[ej]

Okay, so I promised to stay out of this one but I changed my mind.

I am celibate but I think about sex all the time.
Every day, without fail.
Often a lot more than once a day.

When I see my boyfriend, I have to litally rip myself away from him; superglue my clothes on; padlock my chastity belt, and chain myself to a different bed than him, in a different room.

My biggest ambition is to have a husband, 4 children and 2 dogs.
I think this is my body telling me how fertile I am.

 

[ukok]

emma, i'm glad you replied and i'm proud of your honesty. It must be very difficult for you to want to be with your boyfriend completely and to have such longing to be married and make babies of your own~ and at the same time to have to fight against your bodily desires.


Do you feel that there are benefits to your remaining chaste?...i mean, obviously you are pleasing the Lord...but do you feel that your spiritual life has developed as a result of your obedience?

 

[ej]

emma, i'm glad you replied and i'm proud of your honesty. It must be very difficult for you to want to be with your boyfriend completely and to have such longing to be married and make babies of your own~ and at the same time to have to fight against your bodily desires.

Thanks - though I'm feeling a bit embarrased now...

Do you feel that there are benefits to your remaining chaste?...

I had a look in the dictionary, because I couldn't remember whether chastity applied to sexual thoughts as well. Now I've looked up abstinence and chastity, I can't tell you the difference.

Are there benefits...?
Well I have more time to study, and I'm not at risk of pregnancy...

Joking aside... No.
There are no spiritual benefits.
I have tried really (really really) hard to just ignore my sexuality and I can't.
I think I was put on this earth to reproduce.

Saying that, I was reading Malcolm Muggeridge's book about Mother Theresa (from way back, 1970s I think) and I felt an urge to go and do some mission work.
But I've always wanted to do mission work, and I'll probably go with my husband / family. I don't think a Sisterhood life would suit me, nor would I suit it.

i mean, obviously you are pleasing the Lord...but do you feel that your spiritual life has developed as a result of your obedience?

Am I pleasing to the Lord?
I don't know.
I honestly think I was put here to have children, and I often wonder whether spending 5 years at medical school and then another 4 years working 100 hours per week is a waste of my reproductive life.

There have been a lot of things which have developed my spiritual life. fasting, prayer, fellowship, repentance, forgiveness, learning from mistakes, I could go on all day.

But celibacy? It just doesn't cut it for me.

I had a book (which I gave to someone so I don't know the author's name) called celibacy, which was an autobiographical account of a (male) lay preacher. It was written passionately, but although I empathised, I knew it would not be for me.

 

[ukok]

Perhaps your being celibate is giving you the necessary 'space' that you need to work through the various aspects of your relationship with both God and the boyfriend,without the complication of being sexually bound ~ relationships are notoriously hard to figure as soon as we give ourselves sexually, aren't they?

 

[ej]

You know - you're probably spot-on

I think I'm approaching the stage where I'd make a good wife and mother.
Any younger, and I'd have made some regretful mistakes, I'm sure.

 

[ukok]

I suppose sometimes the time when we think we are ready for something isn't necessarily when God thinks we are ready, i think that is what can hurt the most...if it's any consolation ( and it probably isn't), i think it's best to wait until you know that there is not the slightest doubt about the person that you intend to live out your life with and when you both feel the same, maybe then it's the right time...i may have two children, but there is also a lot of unhappiness in my past, mainly caused by my desire to do what i wanted and what i thought was best for me.

What i mean to say is that i would hate to see you make similar mistakes because you have such strong feelings for a family. I don't mean that to sound condescending.

 

[Photini]

i may have two children, but there is also a lot of unhappiness in my past, mainly caused by my desire to do what i wanted and what i thought was best for me.

Sounds so very familiar...

I've chosen to remain celibate....and have asked God to bless this desire of mine to remain so until I die, if it be His will. I first felt this calling after I went to my first Liturgy, and especially when I began to read through the lives of the Saints (namely Saint Mary of Egypt). My little struggles have been with thoughts...which I am learning gradually how to turn away, and with attacks in my sleep, which I found when you wake up...these "attacks" dissipate quickly by making the sign of the Cross.

The bigger struggle is with a need for companionship. I get very lonely sometimes. But it usually doesn't last too long. I need to learn more patience in those times, instead of being tempted into being depressed.

 

[Rosa Mystica]

Very interesting thread, Ukok.

I sometimes wonder if God is calling me to this. In my case, it has nothing to do w/ joining the religious life, but rather the pursuit of the single life as a vocation. I guess I'm going to have to listen very closely to God on this matter for the next few years.

PS: Photini, that is an AMAZING post.

 

[Orthodox Andrew]

First off. To those of you who have chosen a life of celibacy, I admire you greatly!

Now here's my question? If one chooses to be celibate it shows me that they do not live for this world, but they live for the world to come. So why not join a Monastery or a Convent?

 

[ukok]

Andreas, if i could enter a convent with my children i would seriously consider it....but alas...i haven't yet heard of convents with a creche facility!

I'm unsure of whether this is a permanent calling for myself. I have been celibate for the longest period throughout my adult life and despite the 'thoughts' that run through my mind almost daily ( and often against my will), i am drawing closer to the Lord, more so than ever before. Perhaps fear plays it's part, i do not want to relinquish the faith that i have nurtured, the depth of the love that i have for my Lord. But then perhap's it is my vocation and i only realised it after having two children?

 

[ej]

Seek, and ye shall find

 

[ukok]

ask and the door shall be opened to you.

 

[Photini]

First off. To those of you who have chosen a life of celibacy, I admire you greatly!

Now here's my question? If one chooses to be celibate it shows me that they do not live for this world, but they live for the world to come. So why not join a Monastery or a Convent?

Like ukok....For now, I have two children to raise. After they are grown, that may be what I will do. But until then, I will take it one day at a time.

 

[Eleana]

Yes, I believe I am called to celibracy.

 

[Debi1967]

You know this very subject came up the other day between a friend and I. My response this was that at this time I could not because I still had the responsibility of raising my daughter and I would never want to leave her during these years, but later I think that entering a convent would not be that bad of an idea for me. I feel more that I am married to the Lord at this point than anything else.

And being that my marriage seems not to be, then it also seems more then fitting for this feeling of mine to be pursued further. Besides men nowadays just don't seem to have that old fashioned and biblical outlook to them anymore. (men are not to be insulted here I have high standards)

In Christ
Debi

 

[marciadietrich]

Just to put in a good word for the men, I'm certain there are single faithful Catholic men of all ages out there, just they get overlooked for various reasons. I'm thinking of someone in particular who is a bit older that I know. Have also heard the laments of guys online looking for a faithful Catholic wife. Seems often Christian women don't find Christian men exciting enough (I think I fell in this when I was young), or the men being more laid back and respectful get pushed aside by more aggressive men who are agnostic or atheist.

Not to deter anyone from a vocation, just speaking up for the guys.

Marcia

 

[Debi1967]

Just to put in a good word for the men, I'm certain there are single faithful Catholic men of all ages out there, just they get overlooked for various reasons. I'm thinking of someone in particular who is a bit older that I know. Have also heard the laments of guys online looking for a faithful Catholic wife. Seems often Christian women don't find Christian men exciting enough (I think I fell in this when I was young), or the men being more laid back and respectful get pushed aside by more aggressive men who are agnostic or atheist.

Not to deter anyone from a vocation, just speaking up for the guys.

Marcia

well just in case where is he now lol

 

[ukok]

Just to put in a good word for the men, I'm certain there are single faithful Catholic men of all ages out there, just they get overlooked for various reasons. I'm thinking of someone in particular who is a bit older that I know. Have also heard the laments of guys online looking for a faithful Catholic wife. Seems often Christian women don't find Christian men exciting enough (I think I fell in this when I was young), or the men being more laid back and respectful get pushed aside by more aggressive men who are agnostic or atheist.

Not to deter anyone from a vocation, just speaking up for the guys.

Marcia

You have a point there....
when i did not live a very Christian lifestyle i was easily led by the all too fleeting 'pleasures' of the flesh, i never had a relationship that wasn't like a rollercoaster ride....now i can't think of anything i would detest more...people change, i have changed, during the last four years i have savoured every moment of peace. were i to be involved again, i would rejoice at being involved with a peaceful, committed Catholic. I don't doubt that there are wonderful single Catholic men in the world, this is not a bash the man thread, i admire and respect men...mostly.

And, just out of interest...anyone know the percentage of nun's that are also physical mothers? I had never even thought of this as a possibility for myself, because i consider my responsibility as the mother of my children as lasting until my death...i didn't ever think it was possible. Though i have heard of women who have become nun's after suffering the loss of children...God Forbid that i should ever find myself in such a position.

 

[ukok]

well just in case where is he now lol