Catholic Joke

[LilyLamb]

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had open heart
bypass surgery. He awakened from the surgery to find
himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked him questions regarding
how he was going to pay for services. He was asked if he
had health insurance. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No
health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No
money in the bank." The nun asked, "Do you have a relative
who could help you?" He said, "I only have a spinster
sister, who is a nun."

The nun got a little perturbed and announced loudly. "Nuns
are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God," The patient
replies, "That's right! Send the bill to my brother-in-law."

 

[LilyLamb]

Ummm, am I the only one that likes this one???

 

[Catchup]

I think it was real cute.

We all need to laugh more.

Thanks!

LOVE

 

[Miss Shelby]

I thought it was funny, too. :}

Michelle

 

[AngelAmidala]

I just saw it now!

And it's cute!

 

[Wolseley]

A priest and a nun are on vacation, hiking in the Rockies, when they are overtaken by a sudden blizzard.

After hours of wading through hip-deep snow, with zero visibility and screaming winds, they are both exhaused and on the verge of giving up---when suddenly, they see a small cabin among the trees.

Staggering into the cabin, they find it deserted, but there is a stove with a good supply of firewood, and one bed with a sleeping bag rolled up on it and a stack of blankets nearby on the floor.

The priest gets the fire going, and they decide to settle down for the night. Being a gentleman, he decides to let the nun have the bed, and he will sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag.

However, just as he's drifting off to sleep, the nun asks, "Father?"

"Yes, Sister?"

"I hate to bother you, but I'm very cold....could you possibly get me another blanket?"

"All right." The priest gets up, spreads the blanket over the nun, and gets back into his sleeping bag.

Not long aftyer, though, the nun says, "Father?"

"Yes, Sister?" the priest asks.

"I'm sorry, but I just got so chilled out there that I can't warm up. Could I trouble you for another blanket?"

Once again, the priest gets up, puts another blanket overthe nun, and goes back to his sleeping bag.

He is almost asleep when the nun says, "Father?"

"What, Sister?"

"I hate to be a pest, but I still can't get warm."

The priest rolls over on one elbow and says, "Sister, it's obvious that the fire is not keeping you warm enough, and the blankets aren't working, either. We are totally lost, and nobody knows where we are.....we don't even know where we are. Nobody is going to see us way out here, and nobody has to know about this.....but for the remainder of our time here, how would you like to pretend that we're married? Would that bother you?"

The nun says, "Oh, no, Father, that wouldn't bother me at all!"

"Good," the priest says, and rolling back over, he says, "Get up and get your own damn blanket."

 

[VOW]

Two nuns in full habit walk into a liquor store. After much whispering in the corner, one nun walks up to the counter and says, "I'd like a six-pack of beer."

The clerk raises one eyebrow and says, "Come on now, Sister. What do YOU possibly want with BEER?"

The nun returns to her companion, and there is more whispering. She comes back to the counter, and says, "Um...um...Mother Superior needs the beer. She uses it to set her hair."

The clerk sells the six-pack to the nun. As the two of them walk out the door, the clerk calls after them, "Would Mother Superior like some pretzels to use as curlers?"


Peace be with you,
~VOW

 

[ZooMom]

 

[Wolseley]

A cabdriver picks up a nun one night, and as they drive along towards their destination, the nun notices that the cabbie keeps staring at her in the rear-view mirror.

Finally she says, "My son, why do keep looking at me?"

Sheepishly, the cabbie says, "I have a question I'd like to ask you, Sister, but I'm sort of embarrassed to ask it."

"My child," the nun says, "When you're as old as I am, and you have been a nun for as long as I have, there is nothing that you haven't heard. What is your question?"

"Well," the cabbie says, "I've always sort of had this fantasy about what it would be like to kiss a nun."

"That's easy enough," the nun answers, "But first, I have to tell you that you must be a devout Catholic, and you must also be single."

"That's no problem, Sister!" the cabbie says excitedly. "I'm Catholic, and I'm single, too!"

"Fine," the nun says. "Pull into the next alley."

They do, and the nun fulfills his fantasy with a long, deep, lingering kiss. They get back in the cab and continue on, but after a few blocks, the cabbie starts to cry.

"My son," the nun says, "What on earth is wrong? Why are you crying?"

"I have a confession to make," the cabbie says tearfully. "I lied to you, Sister. I'm not Catholic at all; I'm a Baptist and I'm married."

"That's okay," the nun says. "My name's Kevin and a I'm on my way to a Halloween party."

 

[Avila]

 

[LilyLamb]