Carry the feed bucket........

[NitrousInfected]

I recently got saved and I am looking intently for my place in God's ministry, and I am seeking a closer relationship with God, My wife has all but rejected my search for God. She refuses to go to church with me, and has no desire to listen to me talk about the Lord. She says she is saved and that she has a good relationship with God and doesnt require church for this relationship. She has been baptist most of her life, so was I for that matter. even though I was raised baptist, I have found that I feel at home more in the penecostal church rather than the baptist church. But she has no desire to become penecostal. She has said that she knows she is supposed to follow me regardless, but she cant do that due to the fact that " I dont have my legs under me yet" I told her to come help me find my legs. but she still refuses. I am just curious if any other Christians have had similar problems?
All I know to do is through

 

[pegatha]

There are many, many possible reasons why your wife may be avoiding church. It could be that she's comfortable with a more worldly life or because she's clinging to some particular sin. She may have had a really negative experience in a spiritually abusive church somewhere in her past. She could be reluctant to switch to a new denomination, for any number of reasons (doctrine, family tradition, worship styles). Maybe she even got some kind of satisfaction out of being the Christian in the family, maybe a feeling of spiritual superiority that you've taken away from her by becoming one yourself. It's even possible your wife isn't really saved at all. It's easy to imagine all kinds of possible scenarios, but what does your wife say? Has she given you any clues at all?

 

[NitrousInfected]

she basically steers clear of any sort of conversation about the subject. I think maybe satan is using her to get at me. Please dont misunderstand, she stood beside me through drug abuse, and unfaithfulness on my part and I love her dearly, and in no way would I even consider a divorce, I am just afraid that she maybe considering it. I love her and want her share in my learning and faith building experiences.
Just curious if maybe others went through something like this after being saved?

 

[pegatha]

I was only a teen-ager when I got saved, so if course I wasn't married yet, but I went through something similar with my mom. She was a Christian, but sort of a lukewarm one. I guess she thought I'd go overboard and embarass her somehow if I got too enthusiastic about being a Christian. I read The Late Great Planet Earth just after I got saved, and I thought the Second Coming was the most joyful, exciting thing I could imagine, but she thought it was morbid and negative. ("Why do you dwell on that? Religion is supposed to make you happy!") She also refused to allow me to burn my Ouija board. ("If you don't enjoy it any more, why not let someone else have it to enjoy?") Yeah, it's not unusual for "Christian" family to get upset when you start to take your own walk seriously. It's sad and it's frustrating, but it happens.

 

[bliz]

she basically steers clear of any sort of conversation about the subject. I think maybe satan is using her to get at me. Please dont misunderstand, she stood beside me through drug abuse, and unfaithfulness on my part and I love her dearly, and in no way would I even consider a divorce, I am just afraid that she maybe considering it. I love her and want her share in my learning and faith building experiences.
Just curious if maybe others went through something like this after being saved?

Satan's resources are limited. He cannot be in all places at all times so he has to carefully deploy his associates... I don't doubt for a second that Satan could be involved here, but it doesn't sound like he needs to be. Your wife, it seems to me, has been hurt by a church or people in a church sometimes ago. As long as she has an unhealed wound, she is going to have a hard time going to church or supporting you in your decision to go.

I encourage you to make this primarily a matter of prayer. Enlist some friends to pray for her and do everything you can to be a considerate and lolving husband - an example of Christ to her.

 

[bkg]

I've read a lot about being, what I term as, a quiet leader.

Don't force the subject with her, I guess is what I'm saying. Lead her "silently" by your love, your actions, your words. If she feels like you are pushing it down her throat, she will back away.

And... consider finding a church that you BOTH are comfortable with. If she's not comfortable with the pentacostal church, LEAD her to a baptist (or other) church that you both can worship in....

 

[isaiah5213]

just my 2 pennies here;

it could be that she is intimidated by the numerous changes you are making... i took my live in by storm, to take myself off the alcohol, then i started studying the Bible and going to church, & then eventually i demanded changes in our relationship also.. that was too much for him.. i am proud to say i made the decision for us to be together no longer--not because he disliked my changes, but because he literally went nuts. he tried to hire people to deprogram me. no joke. now, i laugh about it. but then, i was so angry at him...

anyway, pentecostal, to most baptists, is a very intimidating way to celebrate God. and many pentecostals are in it for the emotion. baptists are taught that commiting to God is yes, the emotion, w/Jesus coming into your heart, but that is it. while pentecostals see that losing control of their bodies is a sign of the Holy Spirit in them, baptists are taught that losing control of their bodies is a sign of an evil spirit in them.

also, it is important to pentecostals--the speaking in tongues, the restricted dress, the healing during services... baptists are taught that "speaking in tongues" is different languages; many women are intimidated at the restriction of no make up, no cutting of hair, no pants, & no jewelry. & many people are turned off by the fake healings publicized so much in the media, and by ministers wishing to increase their followers' faiths.

so right now?? your wife may not be seeing you as being spiritual, as much as religious.. and she may not be seeing you be as much...repenting, but be thinking that you are being fanatical. DO NOT GET ME WRONG. I AM NOT SAYING THAT YOU ARE IN THIS FOR THE WRONG REASONS, AND THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING SPIRITUAL, NOR AM I SAYING THAT YOU ARE NOT BEING CLOSE TO GOD. look at is from her point of view: she is seeing you get sober, & she sees you as "getting religion"--which many people do in their desperation against grabbing their drink. from the comments you have stated she says, it seems she thinks this is a phase.

if this is not a phase, then as the years go by, she will get more comfortable, and she will realize it, and let you lead her spiritually.

are you of the same vein many pentecostals are? that if you are following other religions, you are diminishing your chances of being a real, true, sold out Christian? if you are, then you are on a hard road. because she was not raised that way. she can't get to heaven on your coattails, and while you are the leader in the house, her relationship w/God is a highly personal and private thing.

your best bet is to pray that she grow in her relationship w/God, and that both of you see the truth in spite of yourselves as in the best way to get God to the center of your marriage.

if you feel like the pentecostal way is not the only way to get heaven, then another poster suggested you two check out other churches--and that is great advice.. there are numerous churches that are active and animated in their services w/mounds of joy and excitement, but w/out the speaking in tongues, the limited dress and jewelry wear, the public display of healing in their services....

again, just my 2 cents worth...

 

[NitrousInfected]

even though it is a "penecostal" church, it isnt like that, there are no limitations on make up or cutting hair or anything, most people there are in jeans, But yes penecostal is somewhat intimidating at first, but I cannot go to a baptist church, I have tried them and prefer the celebration type service of my church to the business meeting type service that I found at baptist churches, Please dont misunderstand me, I have nothing against baptist, or any denomination, I just prefer my church. My wife has also refused to go to the baptist churches with me. My wife also knows that I detest religion. I am going to just keep studying my bible and following my heart towards God and hopefully the preacher was right. If you keep carryin the feed bucket eventually they will follow. My wife means the world to me, but I refuse to let her inhibit my building a relationship with God. But I made a promise to her and God the day that I married her and I fully intend to stand by that promise and love her regardless of what happens. I would like to thank everyone that has posted so far though, your opinions have been helpful

 

[NitrousInfected]

Well I did not push the issue, but I did push for a talk about it, just so I would know what she was thinking, and even though she didnt want to talk about it, and we nearly broke into some "intense fellowship" and thought for a minute she was gonna lay hands on me swift and hard, but we did talk about it for awhile and she just doesnt feel the need to be in church everytime the doors open. And I have decided that the only way I can handle this is to love her more and pray for God to put a fire in her heart for him and his work. But Thank You to everyone that offered ideas they were helpful, if for no other reason they made me think in ways I hadnt before. Thank You

 

[bliz]

Which matters more to you - that your wife come with you to the Pentecostal church or that your wife renew her fellowship with God?

If the denomination is a stumbling block for her, get rid of it!

You will find churches in many denominatins and non-denominational churches where celebration type services are held. (In my community one of the most celebratory churches going is at the Episcopal church! Who knew?) It could be that she does not wish to attend any church... but if her objection is the denomination, are you really going to let that stand in the way?

 

[BarbaraJean]

Nitrous, you are on the right track. Don't push her. Keep drawing closer to the Lord and she will see that this path has put your firmly on your feet.

If your church is like ours, there are other activities that you can invite her to go to with you that do not carry the "threat" of religion that she fears. Something like a dinner, Christmas program, football party, cell group, etc.

 

[poohmom]

I know for myself that when my husband rededicated his life to Christ it was really hard for me to go from being submissive to an ungodly husband to a godly one. When he would be lead by the Holy Spirit in an area he was ready for things to change immediately and would bluntly tell me so. However, before his rededication if I would note something that needed to change I was being a nag and other explitives. So, my heels would dig in when he would mention certain changes that needed to be made. Just follow the advice from the others to continue to show her the love of Christ and pray for her. The Holy Spirit will do the changing. It will be easier for her to change when she sees your consistency. By the way all is well in my marriage! Praise the name of Jesus! It's not perfect, because we are human. But we have come a long way from where we were before.

 

[NitrousInfected]

no no her issue is that she feels that she doesnt need to go to church everytime the doors are open. She said that she preferred the baptist service but that wasnt what was keeping her from going with me. She just doesnt feel the need to be there, she is a passive christian and doesnt feel the need to get closer to God or take an active part in trying to bring people to the jesus. I am praying for her to want to serve God passionately. But no the denomination isnt the problem.

 

[Mr.Cheese]

Is there a past event that has caused her...disenchantment with church?

 

[NitrousInfected]

yeah but she wears that isnt the reason, she just doesnt feel the need to be there, so I guess I just have to pray through

 

[BarbaraJean]

Hang in there, my friend. The Holy Spirit is dealing with her. Love her unconditionally and you'll see her come around.

 

[NitrousInfected]

Oh I am, thank you for all your help. I dont care if she never goes to church with me, My promise to her and God that I would love her unconditionally is as strong today as it was when i made it 4 years ago. Actually it is stronger now, before I got saved on Oct 3rd I was about ready to ask for a divorce, but by the grace of God he has shown me that I love her more than I ever thought possible. Lord I would like to take a moment to Praise you for all the gifts in my life including the blood of your son, my wife, my kids, and the gifts that I have not yet received.

God has been very good to me!!!!

 

[Flipper]

Exactly what Bliz said.

 

[E_Powers]

give it time because in the next few months there is going to be an out pouring of the holy spirit that hasn't been seen before. and you will see many people say "i never thought that denomination name here could be like that" and like a sleeping giant gods church will awaken and many miracles will be performed